mamas who've had their babies, and with toddlers too... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 12-13-2007, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How are your toddlers coping with the new baby so far? This is always my biggest fear, just wanted to ask how it is going.

Mama to dd born 7/2005, dd born 12/2007 and dd born 11/2009.
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#2 of 22 Old 12-13-2007, 02:57 PM
 
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it has been 3 weeks and she is starting to deal a little better, but it has been pretty rough honestly.
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#3 of 22 Old 12-13-2007, 02:59 PM
 
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This has been a little bit harder than I thought it would be. Lili is 23 months and she's doing ok..she has her moments where she's "loving" the baby and its more like a suffocation. And like I posted elsewhere she has nights where she is worse than the LO getting up at night.

Also, she's doing some slapping and stuff she wouldn't normally do. It's just a huge adjustment right now.
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#4 of 22 Old 12-13-2007, 03:01 PM
 
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Declan is doing okay. He gets kinda jealous of Papa holding the baby, because he's always been a daddy's boy. Other than that, it's me that's having a hard time to having two kids, especially with one being a typical 2 year old.
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#5 of 22 Old 12-13-2007, 04:04 PM
 
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Sofie loves her little sister. I have to watch her as sometimes her 'loving' can be a little rough. But the adjustment for her was easy. The adjustment for me... not so much. Because DH is in the middle of final exams. I've been getting up with both girls. So last night between Sofies teething and Avye's 3 week growth spurt, I got 3 hrs of sleep. And no sleeping while baby sleeps this time around!
But this too will pass, that is what I have to keep on telling myself.

Pam, momma to Sofie Avye Seth
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#6 of 22 Old 12-13-2007, 05:14 PM
 
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I have 6 so they already had to share me and I think that has helped make it easier. My 2 year old girl has had a hard time though. She seems to be fine now but the first few days she was shooting the baby some scary looks. What I have found works the best is getting them involved in taking care of the baby. Then they aren't left out and they feel some responsibility towards the little one.
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#7 of 22 Old 12-13-2007, 07:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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it's good to hear the honest words. I should be prepared for it being a little tough, I guess. My dd is 2.5. She's just starting to be a little difficult overall, so that's going to be coinciding with another big adjustment in her life, a little sister. Oh well. she'll deal and hopefully she'll be better for it in the end. DH is anticipating coming home to a stressful house though, once the new baby arrives, he talks about that all the time! I hope it's not TOO stressful. we'll see.

Mama to dd born 7/2005, dd born 12/2007 and dd born 11/2009.
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#8 of 22 Old 12-14-2007, 05:13 AM
 
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Oh, it's good to hear about this. DS is 23 mo and just decided to hit the difficult toddler stage a few weeks ago. Thankfully, we've worked towards DS spending more one on one time with with DH and he's really starting to enjoy being a Daddy's Boy. We've got pretty good coverage with my parents and DH's mother here until mid January but I'm sure things will be rough after that when I'm left at home with DD and DS ALL ALONE. I just don't know what to expect.
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#9 of 22 Old 12-14-2007, 09:05 AM
 
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Other than constantly having to tell Ella to "Stop touching/kissing/rocking the baby!" we are doing really good. She just can't keep her hands off her, and wakes her up every time I put her down. She is still fighting her every day toddler fights (eating, clothes, and diaper changes are all against her moral code or something) but they haven't gotten worse .. yet. We are only 5 days in, so there is still time

Ivory, partner to Tom, mama to Ella (12/9/05), Alice (12/8/07), and our newest addition, Rebecca (4/1/10).
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#10 of 22 Old 12-14-2007, 10:57 AM
 
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My son is 3.5 and things have just now come to a head with him ... I think he has come to the conclusion that having a baby in the house sucks, and he'd like to return ours from whence it came, but he's afraid to say that, so he talks incessantly about returning everything else in our house to where it came from (I don't want this toy anymore, can we take it back to the store? I don't want our car anymore. I don't want my bed anymore." Etc.). I flat out asked him if he was trying to tell me he doesn't want Noel around anymore, and he said No, but the tone of his voice told me he was, very, very confused. He's really angry right now and has been acting out -- hitting, kicking, screaming, etc. Twice now he has gone to hit the baby, then thought better of it and hit the bed/couch NEXT to the baby. I know he loves his brother, but I think having a baby in the house is nothing like what he expected and he's getting very jealous of the time I have to spend with Noel, who is fairly high-maintenance. I am just hoping my C-section hurries up and heals, because if I could comfortably sling the baby, I could focus more on Ian. As it is, I'm still too sore .... sigh.
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#11 of 22 Old 12-14-2007, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am just hoping my C-section hurries up and heals, because if I could comfortably sling the baby, I could focus more on Ian. As it is, I'm still too sore .... sigh.
That's my one plan for when dd#1 acts up...put the new baby in my kangaroo korner pouch. I really hope it's the solution I need, because in my mind these days that's what I envision: newborn in pouch, so I can be free to play with dd#1.

Mama to dd born 7/2005, dd born 12/2007 and dd born 11/2009.
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#12 of 22 Old 12-14-2007, 12:44 PM
 
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My Grace (28mos) is absolutely in love with the baby, she says "mamma she yummy" and I raised my eyebrows, like "Excuse me, you're not biting my baby are you?" And she explained "I yub her too" And it was the sweetest thing. I told her she can hold the baby when the baby is awake and not crying (very small windows of time) I don't often set baby down, but if I do, she's quick to tell me if she makes the smallest noise "mamma she crying" or "mamma she needs booby milk." The other day I was in the kitchen and I knew baby was fussing, but I just HAD to get the dishwasher going and my 11 yr old was holding her, baby got a bit fussier than ever before and Grace ran into the kitchen hysterically screaming "She's hurting her mamma." and then runs back into where the baby was and screamed "Stop hurting my baby sister please stop hurting her please Meggy (Meagan)" It was really sweet, and so very sad. I hope she believes me when I tried to convince her that no one was really hurting the baby. I think it's sweet that she's so protective.

I wouldn't trust her alone, though. And my boobs are too sore to wear baby yet, either. Maybe now they're OK. I'll try today.

For me the hardest part has been not picking her (toddler) up all the time, because I really want my body to recover. I tried to start in late pregnancy, by holding hands with her from room to room instead of carrying her and by sitting on the floor with her to communicate at her level instead of scooping her up and sitting her on my hips (or the top of my belly) She doesn't seem to be missing the attention, but I am missing her. Suddenly, every part of her body looks huge in comparison to the baby.
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#13 of 22 Old 12-14-2007, 03:09 PM
 
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Suddenly, every part of her body looks huge in comparison to the baby.
OMG Yes! Anna-Lee has always seemed so small and sweet and all of a sudden she just seems HUGE. I have to keep reminding myself that just because she LOOKS bigger doesn't mean she IS bigger and she's still going through the same things she was before.

As far as adjusting, she LOVES the baby. She's not too rough with her and gets upset when she can't hold her. But...with the unexpected NICU stay her not being allowed to visit (due to being unvaccinated), she spent more time away from mom and dad than she ever has and all while knowing they had the new baby with them. So, she's been confused. She's either pushing us away or clinging to us. And last night she bawled to go to sleep with my mom. I think she just needed time away from the baby, honestly. She's not sure she likes sharing nursing either. But so far her anger gets directed to towards us, not Reese. I think starting tonight I'm going to leave Reese upstairs with my mom before Anna-Lee's bedtime so she gets some one-on-one mama time.
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#14 of 22 Old 12-14-2007, 04:54 PM
 
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OMG Yes! Anna-Lee has always seemed so small and sweet and all of a sudden she just seems HUGE. I have to keep reminding myself that just because she LOOKS bigger doesn't mean she IS bigger and she's still going through the same things she was before.

As far as adjusting, she LOVES the baby. She's not too rough with her and gets upset when she can't hold her. But...with the unexpected NICU stay her not being allowed to visit (due to being unvaccinated), she spent more time away from mom and dad than she ever has and all while knowing they had the new baby with them. So, she's been confused. She's either pushing us away or clinging to us. And last night she bawled to go to sleep with my mom. I think she just needed time away from the baby, honestly. She's not sure she likes sharing nursing either. But so far her anger gets directed to towards us, not Reese. I think starting tonight I'm going to leave Reese upstairs with my mom before Anna-Lee's bedtime so she gets some one-on-one mama time.
Whaaaaaat? My DS is far from up-to-date on his vaxes and they never said a word to us in the NICU, nor even asked about it! How did they find out your DD is unvaxed? And did they show you their policy in writing?
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#15 of 22 Old 12-14-2007, 11:09 PM
 
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OMG Yes! Anna-Lee has always seemed so small and sweet and all of a sudden she just seems HUGE. I have to keep reminding myself that just because she LOOKS bigger doesn't mean she IS bigger and she's still going through the same things she was before.

.

i wrote a note on my fridge to remind myself.
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#16 of 22 Old 12-15-2007, 02:50 AM
 
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It has been tough at our house with my 3 year old - (b-day was Sept 2nd). She is yelling, screaming, is really defient, etc. It has started to get a bit better now that I can pick her up again. The baby is 2 weeks old and just now my stiches are beginning to feel better. I think it just takes time but I can tell she wasn't feeling good about things but just didn't really understand those feelings. We are trying to spend a lot of one on one time with her and involve her in the care of the baby and the rest of the house as much as possible.
It makes me feel better to read that others have had big problems too!

Holly
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#17 of 22 Old 12-15-2007, 04:17 AM
 
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ok, so I have a specifi questions about baby and toddler care. How do you all handle nap time? DS still requires milk, books and a bit of rocking to nap. Plus, he can be very cranky upon waking up sometimes needing up to an hour of one on one time to get out of a funk.

I'm having a hard time envisioning how this all works.
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#18 of 22 Old 12-15-2007, 07:37 PM
 
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Whaaaaaat? My DS is far from up-to-date on his vaxes and they never said a word to us in the NICU, nor even asked about it! How did they find out your DD is unvaxed? And did they show you their policy in writing?
They do a "health screening questionnaire" on all siblings under age 14. When they asked DH if she'd had any recent vaccinations, he offered too much info. He's one of those that gets nervous around doctors and overshares and babbles. : I didn't even think to ask for the policy in writing at the time. It did piss me off, though, because we weren't even in the open NICU nursery. We were in a private room, and at that point still in isolation, so the staff always had on gowns, etc while they were in there!
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#19 of 22 Old 12-15-2007, 10:11 PM
 
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ok, so I have a specifi questions about baby and toddler care. How do you all handle nap time? DS still requires milk, books and a bit of rocking to nap. Plus, he can be very cranky upon waking up sometimes needing up to an hour of one on one time to get out of a funk.

I'm having a hard time envisioning how this all works.
Uhhhh... ask me next week? These last 2 weeks DH has been home o help but next week it will all go to hell. So far, DD2 sleeps all the time, so DD1 gets the appropriate 10 minutes of snuggles to go to sleep.

As for how it's going, um, it's rough. A lot of jealousy combined with freezing temps has made for a cranky toddler, bored 5 year old a baby who get a little too "loved"
DD1 is fascinated by her baby sister but doesn't understand gentle.
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#20 of 22 Old 12-16-2007, 12:21 AM
 
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ok, so I have a specifi questions about baby and toddler care. How do you all handle nap time? DS still requires milk, books and a bit of rocking to nap. Plus, he can be very cranky upon waking up sometimes needing up to an hour of one on one time to get out of a funk.

I'm having a hard time envisioning how this all works.
Sofie still needs cuddle time before her nap and bedtime too. That is where I find the swing comes in handy. Sofie is pretty good at not needing more then 5 min at a time of one on one time, so I'm afraid I don't have any advice with that one. However perhaps if you can wear the new one, you can still have one on one time with your DS? Your hands will be free that way.

Good luck, and it all will work out.

Pam, momma to Sofie Avye Seth
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#21 of 22 Old 12-16-2007, 02:26 AM
 
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I think the time of year is making it extra hard. On the same day Cassius was born it started snowing (nov 26) and so there has NOT been enough outside play, or physical play in general. I've had to send her to my sil and bil's house for the day twice now because I am still sore and just can't give her all she needs.

...plus I'm really grouchy still.

BC Mum of four ('05, '07, '11 and 06/14!)     
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#22 of 22 Old 12-16-2007, 03:47 PM
 
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We're doing a lot of adjusting around here, too ... ODD is 29 months.

As far as how Isabel has reacted to Olivia, I think she's done incredibly well. I haven't seen any jealousy or anger directed at Olivia, and Isabel has been incredibly empathetic when Olivia cries. She wants to be involved with her and doesn't seem at all put off by DH or I holding Olivia or snuggling with Olivia, or even the fact that mommy's been sleeping on the recliner with Olivia since we got out of the hospital, because laying flat in the bed post C/S is just a bit much.

But we are also dealing with the more subtle effects - behavioral regression, some out-of-control type stuff, more tantrums, less responsiveness to requests to clean up or to stop doing something. I had so desperately hoped that delivery would equal a complete end to the lack of patience I had with Isabel while I was pregnant, but sadly, it did not.

I've found that involving her and giving her as much power and control as I can seems to alleviate the worst of the behavior. By that I mean stuff like: "Isabel, can you help mommy for a minute and bring me the Boppy you used with orange kitty?" "Isabel, when this show is over, you will need to turn off the TV" "Do you want to walk out of the pantry on your own, or should I ask daddy to carry you out?" That way she can be involved, or she's gotten a head's up on what's coming or, in the case of the pantry (she's where she shouldn't be), she can control how she leaves - and generally if she has the decision-making power and the opportunity to do something herself (i.e. turning off the TV, bringing me the Boppy, walking out of the pantry) it really seems to defuse the worst of her temper and tendency to fall to the ground sobbing "No!"
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