I know this is very soon to be asking.... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 44 Old 01-22-2008, 10:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
Sorry, I'm a bit emotional and angry right now and this has been upsetting me for weeks.
I'm so sorry mama, I hope something can be worked out.

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#32 of 44 Old 01-22-2008, 10:59 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I would love to wait 3 to 4 yrs, but I will be 33 in March, Dh 35 in May.... so I know if I can talk him into just one more he will want to start tryin a year from now or sooner (well depending on when AF returns). I'll take what I can get, but the weather has to be nicer so we can get outside and play. Were all about to go out of our minds being cooped up in the house for a long period of time :

Susan, Mommy to McKenna 9/05 & Maleah 12/07, &................ due in July
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#33 of 44 Old 01-22-2008, 11:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
To make a long story short, dh does not want more kids. Period. He's talking V.

I am from a huge family and want 10+ kids. I was a bit in pain and hormonal for awhile and thought maybe this would be the last one, but I know now I still want a big Amish family.

Unfortunately, dh does not and even though we agreed on more before we had kids together, I guess I'm getting the short end of the stick because what I want doesn't matter.

Sorry, I'm a bit emotional and angry right now and this has been upsetting me for weeks.
Aww I'm sorry. My DH is talking V too, I'm not into that. But not sure if I want more kids or not, I'd be SO upset if I were you. How many do you have now?

Mama to (DS 7) and (DD 5), wife to DH

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#34 of 44 Old 01-22-2008, 12:24 PM
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Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
To make a long story short, dh does not want more kids. Period. He's talking V.

I am from a huge family and want 10+ kids. I was a bit in pain and hormonal for awhile and thought maybe this would be the last one, but I know now I still want a big Amish family.

Unfortunately, dh does not and even though we agreed on more before we had kids together, I guess I'm getting the short end of the stick because what I want doesn't matter.

Sorry, I'm a bit emotional and angry right now and this has been upsetting me for weeks.
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#35 of 44 Old 01-22-2008, 12:46 PM
 
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Not done.
DP isn't done either, which really surprised me (never wanted kids in the first place, and then just one, and then *Just* two, and now...)
I'd say, we may end up with 4, but we'll see what life brings.
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#36 of 44 Old 01-23-2008, 06:29 AM
 
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Not sure-which means most likely in about 4 years I'll catch baby fever.

However I am about to turn 35. and DP is 36 with PCOS and tons of other health issues. She would have to go through fertility treatments to get pregnant, and she has mentioned wanting a biological child-we talked in the past about IVF, and having me be her sugorate. However, I don't know if I ever want to go through labor again, and recovery from a c-section has been hard-I can't imagine it with a toddler or young child and a new baby-so I am not against adopting another one. I don't think I want Reyes to be an only child.

Before having another child I want to be more stable economically-we pretty much live paycheck to paycheck-and I want a nest egg, plus a decent college fund for Reyes before I'll even consider it.

Karen, mother to a wonderful active three year old.
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#37 of 44 Old 01-24-2008, 04:07 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
To make a long story short, dh does not want more kids. Period. He's talking V.

I am from a huge family and want 10+ kids. I was a bit in pain and hormonal for awhile and thought maybe this would be the last one, but I know now I still want a big Amish family.

Unfortunately, dh does not and even though we agreed on more before we had kids together, I guess I'm getting the short end of the stick because what I want doesn't matter.

Sorry, I'm a bit emotional and angry right now and this has been upsetting me for weeks.

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#38 of 44 Old 01-28-2008, 10:20 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Belleweather View Post
Uh... we'll have another whenever Aubrey is ready?

We're absolutely in for trying for another, but I think we're going to wait a few years... I need to get my feet under me career-wise, and DH needs to go back to school because I don't want to be the primary wage earner next time I'm pregnant.

It's funny, I had to talk DH into agreeing to 3 kids when we were talking about famikly size before we were married. Now he's the one who is feeling like he might not be done after three after all! We've agreed to reevaluate after the third baby is 1, but I think a lot will depend on how hard it is to TTC that babe, since i'll be 35-ish by that point. We shall see.

LOL. Didn't we agree on TTC in about 19 months or something?

We'd love more but a big fat "ME TOO" on the waiting a few years plan. I'm ready to be skinny again. It's been awhile since I didn't have "pregnancy weight" on me. I'd love to feel all bouncy & in shape again. I'm 5 weeks PP & still have 25 extra lbs clinging to me like ugly barnacles.

And- I don't want to tandem nurse! Ever again!! I feel so bad saying that as my 26 mo still loveslovesloves the boob. And I wish I didn't find tandeming so incredibly annoying. My toddler loves the boob SO much that I don't think I could even wean him anytime soon without traumatizing him. So I suffer through it & smile so he doesn't know how much I don't enjoy it.

I'm 33 & the women in my family don't seem to begin menopause until they reach 50 so I think we have plenty of years for baby-makin' .

We use a diaphragm without spermicide which is said to be 80something percent effective. Let's hope we're covered until we're ready again...

I sat here hoping to get caught up a bit with our ddc that I've been absent from for weeks now (!) , but, it took me a freaking hour just to get the above written due to all the interruptions. I don't know how y'all do it. I gotta go grab a shower & make dinner now. Hopefully.

North Idaho rural living  mama to: 23 yo DD, 16 yo DS, 8 yo DS, 6 yo DS, 4 yr old DS, 2 yo DD, and 1 yo DS. And someone new coming this Christmas!
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#39 of 44 Old 01-29-2008, 06:58 PM
 
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I am so not done. I thought I would only ever want two kids and this birth was so amazing I can't imagine not having many, many more. That being said dh said he only wants 2 and I still want time with each kid and not have to rip my first ds off too much. As it is he has watched more Blue's Clues since dd has been born than he ever watched in his whole life.
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#40 of 44 Old 01-29-2008, 07:57 PM
 
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I've always wanted 5 kids. DH wants 4. Won't do it so close together again though (20 months). Whew! That pregnancy was hard! Post partum with a toddler and newborn is surprisingly easier than I expected but I still feel pretty worn out emotionally and physically. I need a little reboost before I get pg again.

I'm not done having kids. I love my babies and love each stage as it comes. (I might feel differently when they're teenagers!)

Christy-SAHM to my elf princess(4/06) and my little man (12/07). Married to the love of my life and expecting our pumpkin baby boy 10/09! :
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#41 of 44 Old 01-29-2008, 10:22 PM
 
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i've been feeling really bad about myself for deciding that now i want to stop at 2. previously i though 3-4. i've just been so very stressed out, perhaps it's the medical problems (fast-breathing baby determined to be aspirating when swallowing, now i have to pump every 3 hs night/day and bottle feed her, it's not even helping either and might have to have a feeding tube

i adore children and actually do think i'm a good AP parent, but my personality flaws aren't well-suited to babies (read: babies are emotional, irrational). i used to think the tough few years would just 'be worth it' but now i'm not so sure. plus we want to homeschool, have a small budget and house and car.

also, DD#1 is taking baby SO hard. she's wetting her pants, not sleeping well and is obsessed with hitting her (not just normal hitting, constantly talking about it).

i feel like a bad mama, but also relieved to have decided and realized that's just me, flaws and all.
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#42 of 44 Old 01-30-2008, 01:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kittywitty View Post
To make a long story short, dh does not want more kids. Period. He's talking V.

I am from a huge family and want 10+ kids. I was a bit in pain and hormonal for awhile and thought maybe this would be the last one, but I know now I still want a big Amish family.

Unfortunately, dh does not and even though we agreed on more before we had kids together, I guess I'm getting the short end of the stick because what I want doesn't matter.

Sorry, I'm a bit emotional and angry right now and this has been upsetting me for weeks.
IFYP, as this is pretty much where we are, too. I don't *think* he would seriously consider surgery right now (and I think I've got him scared that, were he to go to that length without us being in agreement--or at least me not vehemently opposed to it--that it would render pointless the reason for doing so in the first place, LOL!), but he keeps saying he's definitely done. I feel betrayed in some ways, because we also discussed this before we got married, and I *thought* we were in agreement about all forms of contraception--ie, we both agreed that it did not fit in our lives. But apparently, he didn't mean allllllll contraception?? Or maybe because I caved to his "logic" when we first got married and used bc for about a year, maybe he thought my mind was changed? I dunno...it hurts, but I also am reminding myself that he does have the right to change his opinion about things, even the big issues that affect others.

It's just that he's got me so off-balance, because he'll look me straight in the eye and tell me he's finished, four is his limit, not budging, but then the other night we were reading the bible and he stumbled across some silly sounding obscure name, and he laughed as he mispronounced it and then said, "Hey, if we have another boy, let's name him that!"

And I KNOW how ridiculous it is that my heart leaped at that off-hand comment and interpreted it as "there's hope for changing his mind" rather than just the silly, meaningless statement it was, but color me ridiculous, because that's exactly how my mind works.

I just cannot wrap my head or my heart around the thought that I might never do this again...even the hard moments. It makes me feel so frantic when I hold Bethany, when I see how fast (oh, my dear God, how fast!) she is growing and changing--I feel the need to capture it, memorize it, hold onto it, and I forget to just be in the moment and enjoy her.

I do have saner moments, in which I realize 1) chances are, he'll change his mind in a couple years, when he's feeling more at ease about things, and 2) even if he doesn't change his mind, it's not ultimately up to him, anyway--God may have a different plan for our lives--possibly one that neither of us can imagine right now.

boy does he have me right where he wants me though. : It's positively brilliant--i don't know if he's actually thought it out, but it's absolutely genius. I dare not complain, or show weakness, or ask for help (from him or anyone else) because the moment I do, I hear, "if you are having this much trouble dealing with the kids we already have, how can you even think about wanting more?" Or some variant thereof. I get impatient with the kids and raise my voice, or happen to mention that I had a rough day, or sleep in because I've been up a lot during the night....all those will be met with the same response--why in heck would I even consider more kids if I can't "handle" the stress of the ones we have now?

Funny thing is, he thinks that he's being understanding and supportive when he says such things. Seriously....I blew up at him awhile back, told him off for adding to my stress by saying such hateful things when I needed comfort and understanding and reassurance instead of being made to feel even worse about my mothering, etc.....

And he was truly stunned that I was upset at him! He thought that he was acknowledging how tough I have it already, and in light of that he was merely pointing out that another child would be even more challenging. Or so he said. Who knows? meh

I've got to let go of my feelings about this, because honestly, it's a moot point right now.....I have a baby (and three other amazing kids!) and I need to just concentrate on enjoying them now, living in the moment with them now, and not worrying about something that may or may not happen in some future setting.

And I REALLY need to continue to bite back the flippant response I'm soooooo tempted to give him whenever he's being an ass about it, anyway! So far, I've been good, but I'm really worried that it might just spill out before I can stop it one of these days: "That's fine, dear. I understand how you feel, and I support you totally. No one is asking you to father more children. In fact, I've been thinking that I need to be more careful in selecting the father of my next child, anyway!"

Sarah, Queen of Hearts, raising a Full House with Michael, King of my Heart!
DS (2/02), DD (3/04), DS (1/06), DD (12/07), and DS (3/10)
~~*~~Not your typical Pastor's Wife!~~*~~
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#43 of 44 Old 01-30-2008, 03:34 PM
 
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Shebear, I could have written your post word for word. Baby has very bad colic (suspected allergies), and I'm afraid to ask for help or for a break because I know what he's thinking. And I get that he's allowed to not want more kids, and I wouldn't force him, but I already compromised about it once, and now my feelings don't count. So I lose.

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#44 of 44 Old 01-31-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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We've planned to have several but now when someone asks him dh says in this dumb voice "I dunno, we'll see.." I'm too annoyed to bother asking him what the hell that's supposed to mean.

Heather, ds Dante (12.28.07) and due in April.
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