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-   December 2007 (http://www.mothering.com/forum/402-december-2007/)
-   -   Oh, the guilt (http://www.mothering.com/forum/402-december-2007/839904-oh-guilt.html)

matey 02-01-2008 02:23 PM

I needed a shower. It had been 2 days. I was smelling so bad. He wasnt going to go to sleep anytime soon, and my weight watchers meeting was quickly approaching.

I put him in the swing; he hates the swing. He started crying, but i jumped in the shower anyway. I showered and in the background could hear him crying. I felt so much guilt.

When I got out of the shower, and opened the bathroom door, he was still making cry-like noises. He looked at me and became silent. Did he feel betrayed, knowing I had been there the whole time?

He sleeps now, in the swing, which he normally hates. I feel the guilt, but am clean, dressed, and feeling surprisingly together at the moment which is rare.

minsca 02-01-2008 02:36 PM

s I feel the same way kind of... Avye wouldn't go to dh, but on mon I went out grocery shopping by myself and left both kids sleeping with dh. Of course as soon as I left they woke up and Avye started crying. DH finally phoned my after 1/2 an hr of her crying. I rushed as much as I could home and found her asleep in her daddy's arms. Since then she has been able to go to her dad without crying. So I felt guilty all the way home from the store but now just thankful that somebody else can comfort her. As well sometimes I really do need my own space or I will go crazy.

crsta33 02-01-2008 04:42 PM

I do whaI can to make sure everyone is comfy and safe, but I'm getting my shower (if I want one). If he's crying, I hurry, but it's a matter of putting my O2 mask on 1st so I can be a better mama.

Don't feel too guilty, babies are *very* forgiving.

Christa

mama2rey 02-01-2008 04:51 PM

This happened to me in the car. Normally DS falls asleep on any car ride. However one time we got in and he started crying after we left. Unfortunately I was unable to pull over, and the car ride was only about 15 minutes. He cried for about 5 minutes and then suddenly stopped. I felt horrible after that.

neverdoingitagain 02-01-2008 04:55 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by expectantmami View Post
This happened to me in the car. Normally DS falls asleep on any car ride. However one time we got in and he started crying after we left. Unfortunately I was unable to pull over, and the car ride was only about 15 minutes. He cried for about 5 minutes and then suddenly stopped. I felt horrible after that.
Same thing happened to me, but it was a 5 minute drive. All I could think was "OMG, I let my baby CIO!"
My dh thought she fell asleep. Nope, she.just.stopped.crying.

Lizzardbits 02-02-2008 12:43 PM

Alex is colicky. fortunately his colicky times are only about 2-3 hours long compared to his older sister (we could time her exactly 5:30pm until 11:30pm-midnight of painful screaming) So when he starts to fuss, we hop in a warm to almost hot bath. he kicks and farts and nurses a bazillion times until he gets to the point were the water or the boobie doesn't comfort him and the it is a screaming jag that lasts 1 to 1 1/2 hours. during that aweful time, all we can do is swaddle him, hold him close until he falls asleep. he'll sleep for 1/2 hour or so, wake up, calmly nurse for the next 1/2 hour and then sleep for 4-5 hours. my guilt comes in during the time where we can do NOTHING to soothe him, and it feels like a modified form of CIO, and I feel like I am damaging him some how. I cry sometimes during his screaming times.

mama2rey 02-02-2008 01:11 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by neverdoingitagain View Post
Same thing happened to me, but it was a 5 minute drive. All I could think was "OMG, I let my baby CIO!"
My dh thought she fell asleep. Nope, she.just.stopped.crying.
I thought the same thing-and when we got there he had this defeated look on his face. I felt horrible!

matey 02-02-2008 03:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lizzardbits View Post
Alex is colicky. fortunately his colicky times are only about 2-3 hours long compared to his older sister (we could time her exactly 5:30pm until 11:30pm-midnight of painful screaming) So when he starts to fuss, we hop in a warm to almost hot bath. he kicks and farts and nurses a bazillion times until he gets to the point were the water or the boobie doesn't comfort him and the it is a screaming jag that lasts 1 to 1 1/2 hours. during that aweful time, all we can do is swaddle him, hold him close until he falls asleep. he'll sleep for 1/2 hour or so, wake up, calmly nurse for the next 1/2 hour and then sleep for 4-5 hours. my guilt comes in during the time where we can do NOTHING to soothe him, and it feels like a modified form of CIO, and I feel like I am damaging him some how. I cry sometimes during his screaming times.

We too have been experiencing some night time colicky behavior. I hate the point where nothing soothes him. It starts between 9 and 10 with crying/screaming. He takes the breast, then screams and refuses, repeat, repeat, he wiggles out of his blanket and i dont know how, I swaddle him tight. i try to unswaddle him, but this Never helps, so I wrap him up tight, and then all the sudden around 12-1 he nurses and passes out. I to cry sometimes during his screaming times. It has only been happening like this over the past couple weeks, but it is really hard.

VickV 02-02-2008 05:47 PM

Believe me, I can empathize.

Olivia has crying jags that are just inconsolable - I hold and comfort her through most of it, but sometimes I just set her down and walk away for a few minutes. I can hold her and she cries, or I can pee and have a cookie and she cries ... and there are *Thin Mints* in the house, for heavens' sake!!

look11 02-02-2008 06:03 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by VickV View Post
Believe me, I can empathize.

Olivia has crying jags that are just inconsolable - I hold and comfort her through most of it, but sometimes I just set her down and walk away for a few minutes. I can hold her and she cries, or I can pee and have a cookie and she cries ... and there are *Thin Mints* in the house, for heavens' sake!!
LOL! That's an awesome way of looking at it. Wish I had thin mints in the house. Sigh. Since I'm trying to avoid cheese, I may as well load up on chocolate.

Now, Fisher has been straining to poop or fart or something for 3 days. At first i thought it was the grilled veggie and cheddar calzone I had for lunch, but could that really cause 3 days of gassiness?? I hate no knowing if the cheese is a problem or not. I'm also avoiding milk and yogurt.

BlueMonday 02-02-2008 08:29 PM

i fret when nikita gets overtired and so can't be calmed after a certain point. last night she got so upset and hysterical at bedtime that she was actually looking at me with fear in her eyes, like her body was totally freaking her out. (btw, i try really hard to always face her calmly so she doesn't react to my stress.) she'll go on like that (even if i try walking away for a few minutes) until so exhausted that she's shuddering and whimpering and i can finally soothe her. i'm almost worried she can't CIO.

matey 02-02-2008 08:52 PM

I try to stay calm too. The other day, while he screamed, i calmly gave him tips about deep breathing and demonstrated for him. it didnt help him, but it did help me to be a little silly.

thin mints!yum!!!!

ivymae 02-03-2008 01:07 AM


zenma 02-03-2008 11:08 AM

i just read this today, and thought it was interesting, esp her take on elimination diets.

VickV 02-03-2008 02:54 PM

That is interesting ... adds to my 'giving my baby Zantac' guilt, but it's still interesting.

mama2rey 02-03-2008 06:10 PM

Has anyone read the "No Cry Sleep Solution?" Someone gave it to me and I am hoping it helps with Reyes and his crying. He also gets overtired and it can be a challenge to get him to sleep.

matey 02-04-2008 08:45 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by zenma View Post
i just read this today, and thought it was interesting, esp her take on elimination diets.

Yes, the part on emlimination diets was interesting. I thought the part on crying was interesting too.


Quote:
Originally Posted by VickV View Post
That is interesting ... adds to my 'giving my baby Zantac' guilt, but it's still interesting.
I dont know about your baby, but with mine, the crying isnt the problem so much as the nights he spends choking and spitting up repeatedly. Watching him wake from a peacful sleep with fountains pouring out and seeing his distress as he eats, painfully spitsup and tries again. Watching him trying to swallow over and over after he eats in an attempt to keep it from rising. The sputtering, gasping, choking etc are my babies normal sleep noises, but when my mother, a mother of four, visited, they sent her in to a panic; she had never heard anything like it.

So, I feel like he is a little more on the "sloshing" side of things. I have a dr. appointment tuesday and they are going to give him meds. Of course I am going to monitor. If things dont get better, I will take him off them. I just dont want you to feel bad mama. I know reflux is over diagnosed, but some babies do really have a problem with it. I dont like the idea of meds, but I have tried all the none med items, short of the giant reflux pillow, but he does sleep propped up.


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