Thank you so much for your heartfelt replies. I really needed the support.
My midwife does have a back up OB, but he's not in my insurance plan, and considering I'm already paying close to $7k out of pocket to use a midwife and doula, I definately can't afford to go outside of my HMO to use a doctor; the costs would get unbearable if I had to get a c-section. So, I will have to go to emergency care at my local hospital if I need medical care. I don't even have an OB right now. My last OB left her practice and I haven't bothered to find another one (I'm only a couple months late on my PAP).
I will hire a doula, and will look for someone who will be with me from the start of labor, for as long as I need her. I want as much support as possible with me, I think I may have some abandonment issues...
Sandy, that quote especially hit home to me, it actually made me teer up.
I know I will continue care with my midwife, I just have to read and do as much preperation as possible before the birth.