Queenbean, I am so glad you spoke with your midwife about this. You are so worth the effort, to be a priority in your life, to take care of yourself. Raising the flag to in the MW office is a good way of saying "Hey, I need help here!" You are important enough, and you matter, I hope you get some help. Seems like a good place to start to have the insurance carrier 'liaison' and help in getting a counselling appointment. After 6 tries (honestly, who could blame you for needing a break from trying!!??!?!?) using someone else's help is not a bad idea!
I too have struggled with depression throughout my life and have just started a super low dose of Prozac. I had bad experiences in the past with a couple of meds and was very reluctant for many, many years to try again. However, being a mother to one, and now with another on the way, I felt like it was getting serious enough that I need more help before adding a new 'stressor' to the picture (a newborn, etc.). My midwife said that if you have a history of depression, and are adding a second baby to the picture, you are setting yourself up for MAJOR depression. I seem to be very sensitive to meds, and the psychiatrist I met with LISTENED...she prescribed a course of 2 mg/day/1 week, 5 mg/day/1wk, 7 mg/day/1wk, 10mg/day/1wk. It may go up from there. So far I am still in the 2 mg phase and have felt NO side effects whatsoever. Of course this is a SUPER low dose. But this is a miracle to me, given what I've experienced taking one 37.5 mg of Effexor and no more because it was so unpleasant! I'm just saying all this to give an example that maybe there is a slow, gentle way to introduce meds in the future, if that is an option you want to revisit at some point. I was just reading that you are a good candidate for meds if [insert numerous factors here which include:] you have a family member who was successfully treated by meds, you have had repeated bouts of depression, are feeling suicidal (and other things I can't remember). I can say that I really understand how reluctant you feel to try meds again when you've had bad experiences.
I have also had periods where I've said to myself, "I've had way more stress in my life than this? Why am I getting sick (like a time I got shingles)/or feeling down now?" Flare ups during pregnancy -- your body is different chemically during the second pregnancy than it was during the first. So who knows? So many factors.
It's not uncommon for PPD to 'start' during pregnancy. So please continue to try to get the support and help you need. Perhaps the supplements, a strict dietary regiment (nutritious, whole foods, cut out junk/refined sugars/caffeine/etc), more sleep, and psychotherapy/counselling will provide some improvement. It also strikes me that more social stimulation would be a happy thing. Are there any Moms Groups you could attend? It sucks to be cut off socially. Any moms you can talk to who understand IRL? Keep coming here to vent too, of course!
You mentioned dh being under a lot of stress. Does that stress you out? Does he need some of his own support? I wonder if he might spend some time or energy getting some of what he needs, given his stress.
On a practical level, do you have some ideas for dealing with your toddler's sleep issues? Sorry, I haven't read the nursing aversion thread
but I hope some people have had helpful suggestions in there.
Sorry this is so long! Take care of yourself and keep us posted.