Aaaaaaa! DH just had a "good chat" with the midwife!! RANT!! sorry, guys! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 09-19-2007, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
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DH told me he had a "good chat" with the midwife, but wouldn't say what she said!! He was heading out the door, so couldn't talk, and now I'm biting my nails until he gets home (and then after that until company leaves)!

Let me back up a little. We are VBACing. I am comitted to staying out of the hospital unless there's a REALLY good reason for it. The midwife recommends VBACs go to the hospital, but is ok with the birth center (or home if we had lived closer). So, we haven't completely committed to the birth center because we've never actually been there, and want to see the place first. Now DH is wondering if it is a good idea because the midwife keeps on bringing it up.: So, we chatted a bit today and he decided he needed to talk to the midwife himself. I think this is fantastic because he's doing research! But now I'm nail biting because I want to know how it went!!

I'll update tomorrow!

g.

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#2 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 11:29 AM - Thread Starter
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OK, I'm a grumpy girl this morning: : :

DH talked to the midwife and now wants us to birth at the hospital. He said "well, we're paying her all this $$, we should take her advice" I said, "yes, we're paying her all this $$, we should certainly listen to her advice, but it's still our decision!"

Apparently they're worried because I have an anterior placenta, and if it is overtop of the scar then sometimes that causes worse postpartum hemoraging. From what she explained to me at our last visit the risk is very small, though, and only IF the placenta is over the scar. To know that would be another ultrasound. I really have to find out more about this. It doesn't seem to me to be that large of a risk to warrent birthing at the hospital. I was planning on declining the second ultrasound because I think the risk IF the placenta is over the scar is still neglegable. But now they are pushing to get it done.

Then, to top it all off, he brings up the breech discussion. If ever there was a time to swear online this would be it! Apparently if the baby is breech and we decide to deliver vaginally (I'm not sure she recommends this, but told us she would do it) it would HAVE to be at the hospital. Now, I want to know, what can go so wrong in a breech birth that you need to be closer to a hospital than 20 minutes??!? What specific risk are they thinking of that I would be better off at the hospital for?? The reason for the almost swearing is that we're only 23 weeks!! A little early to be worrying about breech, don'cha think!!?!! 23 weeks! And that was based on the 18 week ultrasound, where the tech TOLD us baby was head down but wrote on the report it was breech! Less than halfway there and already worried about breech!

My last baby was breech. At this point I think it is all scare tactics to get me to agree to be at the hospital. They know the breech thing is an emotional issue for me; I think that's why it's come up now.

Then the argument came up that it doesn't matter where you birth, no doctors/nurses would be involved unless we specifically asked them blah blah blah. Bull$$. Does the mama's psychology not matter at all? If the mama is uncomfortable, scared, whatever, does that not have an impact on the labour/birth? I know it in my bones that the only way to do this safely is out of the hospital, and I need to stick to my guns on this one.

DH asked what would have to happen for me to be comfortable birthing in the hospital. I said that I would have to be sick - something else would hve to go wrong. I just don't feel that anything really dangerous is going on yet.

Now, to her credit, everytime I've talked to the midwife about this she's always respected my wishes. When I say that we are going to have it at the birth center she agrees and drops it. She even said once that she respects a woman knowing where she NEEDS to give birth.

Anyway, I guess this has turned into a long rant, but I had to get it off my chest. I am feeling very strong and determind. But stressed, because I want DH to agree, or at least be comfortable with the way things are going. But I feel so strongly about this that I would do it without him if I had to! No, I really don't think that would happen, but, you know, you have to think of all the what ifs.

One more thing: Apparently I know too much!
Funny, with DD's birth I didn't know enough and ended up with surgery that was probably not necessary. hahaha.

g.

Edited to add:
ps. can anyone tell me how to edit a thread title?? I've never been able to figure that out (yes, in 995 posts, I know), and it just doesn't seem right anymore!. thx. g.

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#3 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 12:35 PM
 
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i'm sorry you feel unsupported in your decision. just stick to your guns and do what you feel is right. also maybe it is a good thing they are bringing up all this stuff so that you can do research on the things you have questions on and know even more. i feel like for me knowing the risks and possibilities is empowering. i think you are totally right that a woman should labor/birth wherever they feel most comfortable. being comfortable will give you the strength and internal reasuarance to get the job done.
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#4 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by kehliouise View Post
i'm sorry you feel unsupported in your decision. just stick to your guns and do what you feel is right. also maybe it is a good thing they are bringing up all this stuff so that you can do research on the things you have questions on and know even more. i feel like for me knowing the risks and possibilities is empowering. i think you are totally right that a woman should labor/birth wherever they feel most comfortable. being comfortable will give you the strength and internal reasuarance to get the job done.
Thank you, kehliouise,
I needed someone to say that.
hormonal pregnant people should not have to deal with this stuff!
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#5 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 01:35 PM
 
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Sorry to hear that you're going through all this stress.

I agree that it may be a good thing that all of this is coming up so early. Now you have plenty of time to research your options and be an informed consumer. Because you are paying that MW all that $$ so you could have more options than just a hospital birth, right?

Do you have a chiro? Not that you need to worry about breech, but a good chiro can do wonders in turning a breech later on. Having one just in case may help to set you and your husband's minds at ease.

It's important to recognise that your husband and midwife are concerned and only want the best for you, but it's more important to acknowledge that as the mother you will know what is best. Being in a hospital if you do not feel comfortable can stall labor and lead more interventions.

So take a deep breath and relax. I hope that your birth is healing, safe and beautiful.
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#6 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 01:50 PM - Thread Starter
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As with last time, I feel completely confident that I can have a completely normal, natural, empowering birth, if only no one gets in my way! This time I am smarter and stronger and willing to stand up for that!


(OK, I just had to post something positive for my 1000th post!)

g.

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#7 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 02:01 PM
 
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My baby is laying sideways in my belly, so I guess that makes me breech too huh?
That argument is just..well, lame. Most babies don't turn until later on, sometimes as late as 37-39 weeks.
I can appreciate, as you do, that your dh has actually took the time to talk to the mw. But considering this is your second(?) child, I think that you really do have more say in what happens. A c-section is a very scary thing to go through, and I would think that your dh would appreciate your desire to not go through that again. This is more than about "just giving birth" its about reclaiming your body and healing from a truama, that probably could have been avoided.
Reminds me of "A Birth Story" on TLC yesterday. There is a reason why we shouldn't watch that crap
I should add, maybe you and the mw should talk to him about what all intervention COULD happen if you give birth in the hospital (btw, does your mw having admitting rights, would she be in charge or under an OB? what rights does she have in the hospital? Find out before you agree to a hospital birth, or make your dh find out. If she doesn't have any rights, you would be at the mercy of the OBs.But you probably know already... )
Hey! Are you in Alberta too? Cool! I've been looking for a mw where I am, but I started too late, and now, its damn near impossible. I'm in a dead zone, in the middle of two big centres, but apparently too far for a mw to drive. God forbid they should have to drive 30 minutes.
( I also noticed that your dd is a May '04 baby too, how ironic!)

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#8 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 02:14 PM
 
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Good for you for knowing what you want!! There are alot of vabc moms over on the vbac forums who have had successful vbacs with an anterior placenta. I dont know if you have posted over there or not I havent looked there for a 4 or 5 days but it might help.

I had my 2nd vbac in a birth center and it was 2 hours away and absolutely wonderful!! excellent birth. I would do it again if we hadnt moved. I really hope your dh comes around. You have the research on your side,remember that!
Angela
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#9 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
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neverdoingitagain- I noticed that we are both in Alberta - funny that! Where are you? You might want to call and talk to the midwives again, mine was full, but made some room for me after I talked to her about our situation. Or maybe you can drive 30 minutes to them.

I refuse to worry about breech (or vertex, as yours is) until 34 weeks. That's when you should start all those things to turn them. I also treat it as a separate issue from the VBAC stuff.

DH is with me on avoiding the c-section - it wasn't very much fun for either of us. But he's also all for avoiding unnecessary risks. I just think the risks seem bigger than they actually are. No one seems to understand why a "healthy mom, healthy baby" isn't completely all birth is about. Everyone still seems scared.

Our midwife has admitting privelages at the hospital. If all goes well, no doctor or nurse would even be seen through the whole time we were there. Even then, there are different levels of care - maybe they will only be consulted, not "in charge". If I had a c-section I would be under the care of the ob, but the baby, assuming all is ok, would be in the midwife's care. Not bad, really, if you don't mind being at a hospital. Hospitals are for sick people. I'll go when I'm convinced that there's reason to go. Not for a normal, healthy, uncomplicated birth. Why does this have to be a big deal? Again, they seem scared, and that worries me.

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#10 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 02:55 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MrsAprilMay View Post
I agree that it may be a good thing that all of this is coming up so early. Now you have plenty of time to research your options and be an informed consumer. Because you are paying that MW all that $$ so you could have more options than just a hospital birth, right?
I would agree here, but if it were me I'd go a bit further. From what you've described with your midwife, I'd start looking for another care provider.
She's made her philosophy of birth clear - I'd be afraid of what she will do the further down the road you go.
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#11 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 03:08 PM
 
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I'm in "Central " Alberta Sorry its an oxymoron to me, I'm from northern Alberta, and let me tell you ,Edmonton/Calgary area? Not central Alberta. Grande Prairie, now thats Central Alberta
Anyway, money is also an issue now, if we had word about whether or not I would be allowed to homebirth(which is why they would have to drive 30 minutes to me)a month ago even, we could have hired a mw.
They have volunteer doulas at the hospital here, so I'm going to talk to my doctor about that. He was ready to ship me off to Calgary if there was a whiff of high risk about me : so now, I have to talk to him about giving birth here. OR...I could "accidently" wait too long and give birth at home . Of course, my dh would "accidently" divorce me if that happened
Back to topic, I know what you mean about the scared thing. Pregnancy and birth can be very scary, especially when its not happening to you. I think its a matter of not being in control of the situation for your dh. I get that. Its frustrating, but I get it. My dh is the same way, but at least he was on board for a homebirth. Damn it, why can't the mw around here take insurance? Seriously?!
Anyhow, you are right, breech is a seperate issue. Even if you weren't VBAC, it would be in a category in itself. That was the reason you were c-sectioned? I know breech can be painful, but so is posterior presentation. They don't section for that. One breech pregnancy doesn't mean the next is going to breech. Thats like taking cough medicine because at one time, you had a cold.
I'm glad to hear that the mw has so much more power in the hospital than I've heard in other places. Still, there is more to being in the hospital than health. It is about comfort, and safety. It is very hard to feel comfortable in a foreign setting like the hospital. Not to mention going back to somewhere that is probably incredibly stressful for you be, due to your past childbirth.
Stick to your guns, though it may be worth your while to have a plan B
: It sucks that you have to fight for this so hard, when it should be so easy. For any of us.
Oh and HAPPY posts!

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#12 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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I just can't believe that they are worrying about breech at such an early stage! Hello!!!! At my 20 week check-up/ultrasound, the tech said the baby was breech but will most likely move by birth and not to worry about it. That's what I needed to hear, I mean, we have enough to worry about, we don't need to worry about unneccessary things right now! Good luck!
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#13 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 05:01 PM - Thread Starter
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I know what you mean about central alberta being an oxymoron! I am west of calgary, about a 30 minute drive (in good weather, with no trafic) to the foothills hospital. The Birth center is very close to that. So, you see, we're already halfway there!

uh oh! gotto go. will finish this later! I'm actually supposed to be working!
g.

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#14 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 06:03 PM - Thread Starter
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To answer your question, yes, my first section was for breech. It's standard policy here. I was told at the time that no midwives would even assist. I didn't start doing things to turn her until 37 weeks because I thought everything would be fine - babies can turn up until delivery, right! Well, only if they're "allowed" to stay in there that long. Oh, the things I know now!

We will certainly still try for a VBAC if this one is breech, but hopefully not at the hospital. I just don't see why that is necessary.

Pampered-mom - I was thinking the same thing - is this a red flag?? Should we jump ship and find a new midwife?? Really, I'm getting mixed messages from her. On the one hand she'll support us in whatever decision we make - I really believe she will - but on the other hand some of her recommendations are more "medical" than I would have expected. I have complete confidence in her abilities, and if something does go wrong she's be the person I'd want there. We'll see what happens, but I'm definitely keeping my eye out for any other red flags. I dunno. Would you switch, based on what I've said so far??

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#15 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 06:28 PM
 
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Did anyone answer about changing your post title? DIdn't see it so here's how it's done. Click to edit, then when the screen changes click the "advanced" button. You should get another page that looks just like the new post page, but with you post in it. Change what you want and click to save changes! Hope that helps!

I am sorry that things aren't going how you wanted them to, hope everything turns out okay. I don't have any advice on VBAC b/c I've never done it, but I am sure the VBAC board will have a lot more knowledgable mamas! I also have no advice for getting DH on board. I had wanted to HB before we knew it was twins, but DH wasn't exactly for it b/c we are an hour from our local community hospital and our ambulance system is sketchy at best, not dependable at all. Now that I know we are having twins I am very happy to just go w/ my OB that delivered my other 2 babies. Our small community hospital is very family friendly, supports rooming in, and my OB is fine w/ no interventions if that's what you want. Not a home birth, but also not something I am afraid of.
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#16 of 18 Old 09-20-2007, 06:33 PM - Thread Starter
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HAHAHA thanks, freethinker! I've been wondering how to do that forever!


Sometimes I feel like VBAC, or maybe just being pregnant makes everyone just that little bit more watchful for things to go wrong. I'm treating this like any other birth. There are lots of other things are more likely to go wrong that have nothing to do with prior surgery. Everyone else seems to think I am fragile.
Hear me roar!
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#17 of 18 Old 09-21-2007, 08:20 AM
 
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I have to second PP, the first thing I thought was maybe this midwife wasn't such a great fit. Maybe a second opinion would help!

I can't believe she'd even ALLOW a discussion, more then a brief "what would happen it", about breech at 20 some weeks. Doesn't everyone else's babies do the insane somersaulting that mine is?

While it's good to know about potential vbac risks, b/c they are somewhat different then an ordinary birth, it's also important to keep those in 'check' so to speak. Besides, placentas move, too.
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#18 of 18 Old 09-21-2007, 10:53 AM - Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by ShannaW View Post
Besides, placentas move, too.
Exactly!! I think the issue was that I didn't want to go for another ultrasound because I don't think the placenta over the scar issue is that big a deal. What I'm worried about most with that is them looking around and finding something ELSE to have us needlessly worry over!

g.

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