We love to co-sleep - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 02:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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But.....now with the new baby coming we have decided to move our two children down on a air mattress next to our bed......and they don't like it very well. Let me explain.

We have a king size bed and with all four of us in there it gets pretty cramped at night. I being pregnant of course always feel like I'm about to fall our of bed and my husband on the other end feels the same meanwhile our two sweet angels (2 and 3) sleep pretty soundly loving every second of sleeping between their two favorite people on earth. And I can't blame them, I LOVE having them sleep with us except now it's SO tight. So like I said, we decided to move them onto a matress next to our bed. The first two nights, they both went to sleep pretty well with me half laying on the mattress singing to them, only to wake up a few hours later when my will power was not very strong and beg to come back in the bed.

My daughter who is three ended spending both nights in her new little bed but just the waking up to deal with crying has totally worn me out. Tonight will be the third night and I am facing it alone because my husband works nights.

My ideal would be to have them both sleep in their little bed and I and the new baby in the big bed with DH. I don't want to do this after the baby gets here because then I don't want them to feel like they are being kicked out thanks to the new baby-so that's why I am doing this now.

I'm just wondering how long it's going to take until they both sleep soundly through the night, if I'm doing the best thing, if I'm crazy?

I'm not sure exactly what this whole post is about I guess I needed to let someone know what I have been up to without having them chew my head off because ..."your children have been sleeping with you this whole time?"....ya...I don't know very many people like myself.

Thanks for reading!
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#2 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 08:11 AM
 
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hang in there mama! if they're like my dd it'll take a few days, but be totally worth it. with my dd it helped to pick a few phrases to repeat gently and lovingly, but also firmly and confidently. like, "you're safe... i'm here... we're all going to sleep tonight in our comfy beds..." things like that, combined with back rubs or other soothing gestures for a little while, depending on what's needed. also, what helped us was getting into bed with dd vs. having her get into bed with us during those times where she really needed (needs) someone next to her (or when we can't resist). w/ an air mattress and you being pregnant, maybe lying on the floor next to her would be more practical, or easier for you to get up when it's time for you to get back into bed. w/ our dd she's welcome to hang out in our bed in the morning or most any time during the day, but during sleeping times we'll get into her bed so she won't be confused about when it's ok and when it's not. if there was any wiggle room she'd be right in with us, and there's not enough space for us all.
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#3 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 11:01 AM
 
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Well, I'm not sure how old your children are but my ds is 25 mos. We have a full size bed so you can imagine how cramped it was for all of us to be sleeping in the same bed. What I did was to take his crib which he hardly ever used and make it into a day bed and push it flush with our bed. Then I made a huge massive deal about him having his own bed now with his own covers . He still prefers to be in our bed and will try to migrate over to our bed but I gently put him back in his.

I was thinking along the same lines as you--that I didn't want my son to feel kicked out when the baby came because the baby would be in bed with us. It takes about a week or so to get them entirely comfortable with the idea of sleeping in their own bed. I think what Zenma was saying is on target: just keep reassuring them that you're right there. Also, is there any way at all to get the air mattresses to be on the same level as your bed? That would make your bed like a super duper king size bed!

LoL . . . at this point, I don't know if I could have my babies in another room. When I am awake in the middle of the night (dealing with pregnancy insomnia) I love to hear my son breathing/snoring.

Anyway . . . all of that was to say that you're not alone and it gets easier.

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Nirvana is . . . the living happiness of a soul which is conscious of itself and conscious of having found its own abode in the heart of the Eternal. --Gandhi
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#4 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 11:15 AM
 
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I feel your pain. Our 2 1/2 and 4 year old are in our bed and my dh and I nearly fall out every night while the boys sleep like little kings. We put them down in their own beds but they wake up and come in ours within a few hours. Because there will not be enough room for the new little man we bought a crib and plan to sidecar it to the bed like this. I figure at the very least I will have a nice crib to sleep in while the kids and dh have the bed.

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#5 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 01:03 PM
 
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We added one of our twin beds to our bed so that DH wouldn't feel like he had no room. Now we have plenty of room! Try adding that. In our old house, I had to move the dressers to the other room so that we could add the beds together.

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#6 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 02:39 PM
 
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I don't know too many other people IRL who have their children sleep with them either. My dd is 3.5 years old and we really love having her in bed with us. We have a queen, but I know there is no possible way this baby and dd can fit in this bed. Like you mentioned, dh and I feel like we are falling out of bed all night...dh has it way worse than me though.

We have not started transitioning dd to anything...yet. But I have a feeling it will have to happen after this baby is born.

My only advice is to keep following your intuition and what you heart tells you to do. I really believe that mamas know best for their kids. You are definitely not crazy! You sound like a wonderful mother. I don't think there are any right or wrong answers here, just a mama who loves her kids dearly and wants this transition to go as smooth as possible.

Let us know how things are going, as I will probably be doing the same thing in a few weeks.

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#7 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 02:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much for your words of support and comfort!

Last night went better than I had hoped for, both kids slept in their new bed the whole night, with my son climbing in bed with me right before I got up this morning. I think they were really tired from the day because they both did not wake up once during the night! oh...but I did.. Of course I was up to pee but also to just wonder why they weren't in my bed! I miss them so much, I just love co-sleeping! But I know I will appreciate this so much when the baby comes. Besides, in my quest to organize my house right now I keep thinking about adding some structure to our lives. I think my kids will really like having a bedtime. Just knowing when certian things are going to happen during the day verses flying from the seat of our pants will be good for them and even easier for me to take care of them with the new one. So I see this major step as a great stepping stool.

I really like the suggestion of telling them over and over that I am here and that they are safe and fine, that I love them,ect. I am hoping that tonight goes well also, but I am preparing myself for them to just have their moments where they hate it. And yes I do think it's important to let them lay in your bed with us but at bedtime making the distinction(spell?) between our bed and theirs.


You have no idea how much I appreciate all of you here. To have people to talk to that understand when I say...." I miss them in my bed because I love to co-sleep"....means the world to me!:
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#8 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 04:14 PM
 
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Do what works for your family! That's the only way to go!! IMO! We did the separate beds for about 6 months, but then DH went sea duty and had to leave for about 3 weeks. So of course, right before he had to leave they sensed that something wasn't right and with me being close to the end, they just wanted to sleep with me again. So that's why we moved the bed into our room. They are fine for now. We will see what works once baby gets here and DH is here again. We may have a permanent arrangement until he goes shore duty. We just have to take it one situation at a time and do what works for us.

You are doing great! Don't let those that don't understand the benefits get you down! You know what's best for your children. And other people know what's best for their own children only.

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#9 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 04:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southernmommie View Post
Do what works for your family! That's the only way to go!! IMO! We did the separate beds for about 6 months, but then DH went sea duty and had to leave for about 3 weeks. So of course, right before he had to leave they sensed that something wasn't right and with me being close to the end, they just wanted to sleep with me again. So that's why we moved the bed into our room. They are fine for now. We will see what works once baby gets here and DH is here again. We may have a permanent arrangement until he goes shore duty. We just have to take it one situation at a time and do what works for us.

You are doing great! Don't let those that don't understand the benefits get you down! You know what's best for your children. And other people know what's best for their own children only.
Thanks southernmommie, especially the end part.....you said it!
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#10 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 04:56 PM
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Our DD is 3 1/2. Sometimes she sleeps on a "Special Bed" that is right next to our bed on the floor. She knows that if she falls asleep on our bed then when DH comes to bed we will move her to her own room, so she prefers to sleep on the special bed if she wants to be there the whole night. We found that calling it the special bed made a big difference. 3 yr. olds like "special".
She goes back and forth between the beds, and often ends up cuddling in our bed in the morning. But if she comes in in the middle of the night, she's not allowed into the big bed, only her special bed. This arrangement gives her the flexibility to choose where she wants to sleep, but also gives us our space which I think is important.

I'm not sure if that helps. I'm rambling!
Good luck.
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#11 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 06:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh I think I will start useing that term..."special"......because my daughter is all into that also...very important to use words that they like....everything seems a lot easier that way.

I too think that space is important, I am fingding that today I seem to be much more patient with them both and I think maybe because I had a phisical break during the night? I don't know...I just know my day seems to be going better than normal and I have to assume it has something to do with last night. Hopefully anyways.

Thank you to all of you that have responded and shared your bedtime arrangements, it's all so encouraging for me.

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#12 of 15 Old 12-17-2007, 10:48 PM
 
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I just wanted to add the ages of my kiddos. My son is 5 and started Kindergarten and my daughter just turned 2. So that with DH out right now has A LOT to do with our arrangement. My kids were both high-needs babies from birth! Maybe this one won't be, but I wouldn't know what to with it if it was a content baby! LOL.

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#13 of 15 Old 12-18-2007, 10:51 AM
 
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We still co-sleep with ds (3) and dd (6). That being said, we have a king size bed pushed up next to a bunk bed. The king is only boxspring and mattress, so it is level with the lower bunk. And all the cracks are sealed in various ways. So, it's kind of like a room of beds. Usually dd sleeps on the top bunk, and ds sleeps with us in the king, but then I migrate over into the bottom bunk in the night. I have no idea what we will do when the baby is born. And thank goodness for these forums, because I know NO ONE in real life who does anything like this. With dd getting older, I'm getting more raised eyebrows. But dd was 5 before we could even get her to sleep in her own bed pushed up next to ours, so I'm assuming we have quite a few more years of this ahead. Thanks for posting this. Though, I'm not sure if my post really helps!

Tara
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#14 of 15 Old 12-18-2007, 02:22 PM
 
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I started transitioning my DD into her own room when she was about 18 mos, because I was done with cosleeping. (I know, I know, call the Crunchy Police. ) We've got a queen sized bed, and between... DH's apparent inability to sleep in a "straight" position (somehow he always ends up diagonal), DD's apparent inability to sleep without thrashing violently a few times every, oh, minute, and a 50 lbs. dog who doesn't care how often or how visciously I kick him off my feet--he's sleeping right THERE, dude... there is just not enough room.

Anyway, now, about a year after we began the transition, DH is still sleeping diagonally, the damn dog is still sleeping wherever my feet are, but DD is starting the night out, with no complaints whatsoever, in her own bed. I lay down with her till she falls asleep (or until I wake up aftr having fallen asleep with her ).

Sometimes she makes it through the night in her own bed, and I love those nights. But most times, she wakes up in the earlier than early morning hours and pitty-pats into our room and up onto the bed with us. She falls back asleep almost instantly and it barely even wakes me up, most nights, so I certainly don't mind that, either.

However, once this baby is born, there's no way we're going to be able to do this. I've thought about trying to get DD to stay in her bed all night, but really, I'm not comfortable with that. I don't want to "forbid" her from snuggling in with the rest of the family (I mean, even the dog ends up in our bed! : ) So, we've decided to sidecar a crib, for either DD or the baby, depending on how it works out. So no one is excluded from the family bed if they want to be there.

However I am secretly hoping that this baby is one of those rare children who can't stand sleeping right up against someone else and wants to sleep in a crib or bassinet : :

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#15 of 15 Old 12-18-2007, 04:29 PM
 
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Hmm...we've got a queen sized bed on the floor (with box springs) and an unused crib in our room. We also have an arm's reach cosleeper in the closet.
The bed currently holds (barely) Husband, 2yo, Me and Fetus,and anywhere from 1-3 dogs. I believe we have access to a bed frame, so we could put the bed back up (since the 2yo is not at risk of falling/rolling out and the baby won't be either for a while). Once the new baby is big enough to roll or scoot off the bed, he/she will sleep in the crib for naps or whenever he/she is sleeping without a parent in the bed. Any suggestions, because I'm seriously considering sending my daughter and husband to sleep on the living room futon when the baby comes.
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