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#31 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 08:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by poisonedpenny View Post
38+3
Dov'sMom - Like you I'm still at work. Every day gets harder and harder, but I'm here until the end. I'm glad to hear that someone's going to be getting out of work though soon. Congrats! You must be ecstatic.
I'm a lawyer, so my work is entirely sedentary -- I sit at a desk all day typing or reading. My boss reminds me every now and then that if I'm not feeling up to working I can go on leave already -- I tell him it's a lot easier to sit at a desk all day than to run around after a one-year-old!

I probably gave the impression that I'm going to stop working after this baby. I wish I were. I wish I were. I wish I were. But it's not really going to happen. DH has been looking for real work for over a year, and he hasn't found it yet, so he's planning to start law school in the fall. We're both very leery of debt, and I will probably keep working at least until he has a 2L summer job offer, which is another year and a half.
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#32 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 08:35 PM
 
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39+2

Just waiting :-) BabyMac is still so active, I think, he/she will be hanging in there way past thier due date.

Thank you mammas for all of the great info. To those past due, I'm sending happy labor...vibes.

Get well wishes for those who need to feel better!

I'm feeling lazy, hope the nesting kicks in tomorrow :-)

~Amanda&BabyMac
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#33 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 08:47 PM
 
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things i have learned today:

1. i have been deeply affected by carrie's loss. i don't want to write about it, cause it's not my tragedy, but hers and her family's. but it's left me very introspective and terribly depressed, having shed many, many tears throughout the day.

2. i do not want my MIL to come back once she gets better. i know that realistically, this is foolish, as i have no one to watch my kids when i have to go to the hospital, and i should be more caring for their needs. i ought to be counting the minutes until she gets back, just so that i know my kids will be comfortable, cause they would totally FREAK OUT if they weren't left with a grandparent. but this house- my house- feels so much safer without her here. not in any "dangerous" sort of sense of the word "safe," i just need space to sort out all of these pre-labor energies i'm feeling, and i feel so terribly defensive and encumbered by someone living with us who doesn't echo all of our most important sentiments. it's just a personal time these days, and i feel safer inside myself without her here. does that make sense? i haven't mentioned any of this to DH, who is eager to get her back, just so that we don't have to scramble at the last minute with the kids. (personally, i'd rather just UC here at home or even labor alone at the hospital with him watching the kids, if it meant i could be away from MIL. but that would never fly, and at this point, would be a bit selfish.)

3. i am terrified of labor this time. i broke down in tears with my mw on the phone today, talking about how the baby is posterior. she was trying to be encouraging about how i "could get through it," but my last labor was so perfect and fast, and all this time i've been prepping my body for the best possible labor, and i already feel like a failure because the baby is malpositioned. i was counting on things being quick and intense, and i am not at all prepared for a long and intense labor.

4. i just feel sad and scared and want to be alone. or maybe with some other pregnant moms who understand how i'm feeling (but i have no one IRL). but not with my MIL.

thanks for listening

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#34 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 09:52 PM
 
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Oh hardcoremom, I completely understand how you feel.

I have cried deeply over Carrie's loss today. I am so very sad for her and suddenly a little scared for my own baby. It has been a rather blue day here as well.

Ah, the mothers...my mother and MIL both confessed that they just didn't want to be bothered with making the trip out to be with us after the baby is born. My mom says it is no fun coming here. We don't have a tv and she feels obligated to help out around the house. My MIL is on a ski vacation. She says she'll come for an afternoon when the baby is a month or so. She just doesn't like newborns.

At first, I was deeply hurt. But now I am feeling rather relieved. Like you, I need the peace and calm of my home to be in place before this birth happens. I also would rather UC at home if it means keeping the calm and serenity. I need an emotional safety net right now, the warmth of my dh and children, and my few friends who really do care for me.

I wish I could bring you tea. The comfort of another pregnant mom would be very good right now. I know I am days away from holding my baby, but there seems to be a small eternity before me and that moment when I meet our new child. Reading about Carrie's loss, listening to my mom complain, hearing my MIL congratulate herself on her ski turns makes the time feel very long and drawnout.

I think I am headed for a long bath and deep cry tonight. I need to shake all this fear and negativity.

I know this online community can only offer so much, but know that you are in my heart and mind tonight. Be well.

Frugal, food growing mama to my four loves

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#35 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 10:01 PM
 
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im totally in the same place mommas.. ive cried so much today.. for carrie and her baby and for all of the other sad stuff in the world. i guess its just a day for crying. somehow the release helps though. i feel empty but calmer than i have in days. but its hard.. and i too with i could bring you tea and talk about our fears and hopes and babes

im sorry that you are scared about labor. i wish i could say "everything will be fine" but it may not be, we all know that. but i do know that even if it hurts like hell, once that baby is in your arms it will be worth it. every painful second. and i know the feeling of crying on the phone with the midwife.. i feel like ive done it so much this time around..

im trying to stay positive, even in this gloom..its hard, but we need to be, for our babies and families.

 

 

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#36 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 10:07 PM
 
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40+1
I'm also so sorry for Carrie's loss- even though I'm not around here much.
I'm 1 day after EDD, I'm starting to need some support in being patient. Was induced with DS at 41+2. Having intermittent (like 10/day total) crampy contractions. Really having to try hard to be patient.

Emily, WOHM to Joshua (05) River (08) HBAC,  Rylee (09) HBAC and Levi (coming 8/11) planning another HBAC 

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#37 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 10:25 PM
 
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thanks, everyone. really, ruthiegirl and mamafern- thank you.

i wish we could huddle together for real, instead of just online in this virtual "community."

but thank goodness for this place in times like tonight. your words are immense comfort to me.

tonight feels like one of those times i'll look back and realize there was so much more going on than i had perspective for at the time. it feels like i'm having a brush with something much bigger than how i'm feeling where i am right in this moment. i don't know if that makes any sense. i think i understand what you said, ruthiegirl, when you wrote about a "small eternity." tonight feels like one of those moments that the hours may pass by in normal speed, but the moments are filled with precious, precious truths that cannot be counted in time, and can hardly be realized in the seconds they are happening.


i am trying *so hard* to get my baby to turn. it's just getting me discouraged and feeling more helpless and powerless and scared.

i know it's not supposed to be this way. i am supposed to trust (and respect) my baby. i just don't understand why he insists on being posterior when i know it's going to make things to much more difficult on me, and i've been doing everything "right" to assure it didn't happen.

tea, anyone?

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#38 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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mykidletsandme, I hope that as I type you are going through spontaneous labor. If not, I hope that all your cervix needs is a little postglandin and everything will happen easily and quickly (but not too quickly). I had a BPP today and everything was good but my fluid is starting to decline, so I know how the measurements can be really hard emotionally.

HCM,
I can relate on the MIL stuff, for me it's both my MIL and mother. I told them early on in the pregnancy that they couldnt come until a couple weeks after the birth. My mom wanted to come in Dec and I said it was just too close because I needed my space to feel safe. She was not happy and didnt talk to me for a couple weeks. Whatever, I need to do what I need to do to feel safe. You should too. It would not irrevocably damage your kiddos to be watched by close family friends if you have any available.



Everyone,

It's so amazing how a group of women that have never met and are separated by hundreds if not thousands of miles can all be experiencing such similar feelings. Some days I curse the internet because I think it allows people to become more reclusive.. and others, Im so thankful for the folks out there in cyberspace that remind me I'm not alone.

Well, I did have my midwife appt today and Im making slow but sure progress. Im a bit more dilated, she was able to get up to the knuckle in for a membrane strip, and Im definitely more effaced, and my cervix has moved forward. All great signs but the clock is ticking rather fast at this point so tomorrow starts the great "get the baby out before an MD has to" race.

I get to wake up and drink a yummy castor oil shake and see how it goes. Then if that doesn't work, Saturday we will do some more membrane stripping and try the cohoshes.

Pray for me mamas. I really want to have this baby at home. I can't tell you how much I hate hospitals.
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#39 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 10:44 PM
 
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39w1d - Feeling pretty good today. It snowed a little this morning so I took my son out to play in the snow. Within seconds, our dog went under the deck looking for the rabbits and came out head to toe muddy! So...needless to say, our play time was cut short so I could give the dog a bath. Then we got cleaned up to go to the Children's Museum. We spent the whole afternoon there and came home. We brought my nephew home for a little bit and played. Now I'm in "rest" mode and going to bed soon!

Good luck to all the mamas!
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#40 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 10:49 PM
 
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Hugs to everyone.

I've felt more movement from babe this afternoon, so I'm feeling a little bit better about the NST from this morning. I'm still feeling so sad for Carrie, more reflective about pregnancy and birth and just how IMPORTANT our job is. *sigh*

If only I could guarantee that I'd labour spontaneously tonight...even today, when I stopped by my dr's office to check whether I made the induction list, he said it was in my best interest to labour spontaneously....now, I like my dr, but I felt like strangling him. Don't you think that if I knew the secret to going into labour myself, I would have somehow achieved this already? Grrrrr...

Ruthiegirl and HCM, hugs to you while your sort out your personal space in regards to your mothers/mils. I agree that birth is one state that has no room for negativity.

I'll take a cup of tea, if someone's offering...

Bobbi, wife to dh love.gif and mom to dd1 (6-6-04) blahblah.gif, ds (4-1-06) nut.gif, and dd2 (1-18-08) flower.gif. Welcoming our newest ds babyboy.gif (11-24-10)!
 
 
 
 
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#41 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 10:50 PM
 
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We need a big ol' group hug today. There is so much sadness, frustration, and fear amongst us today. I put the kettle on before I sat down to write this, so enjoy the virtual cup I'm making all of you.

I went for the non-stress test today. Dh had the day off because this was the day we were supposed to be induced, so he drove me down (hospital is in a town 45 minutes away) and took dd out for some fun. I brought some knitting along to do while having the test done, because normally as soon as you put the Doppler near my belly the little guy goes crazy moving around. Not so today. What an unnerving thing, trying to listen to your baby's heartbeat, not being able to hear it well, having the monitor beeping warning signs every few minutes because it lost the heartbeat again. Ugh. They had a heck of a time even finding the heartbeat b/c it was so high up in my belly. This little baby is refusing to drop, or perhaps has turned breech suddenly? I don't know. Not a reassuring morning to say the least.

MIL called an hour ago (thankfully dh answered the phone this time), freaking out because we weren't at the hospital. Dh told her the induction was bumped until tomorrow, and she insisted AGAIN on coming there to "support" us. Then she was all offended when dh told her we needed to be alone, just the two of us, and we'd call her after the baby was born and we were ready to have her visit. 7 years of near-absense and ignoring us, and suddenly in the last week she wants to be our best friend/labour support/confidante.

Enjoy your tea, ladies. Try to find some comfort and solace this evening.
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#42 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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I think we all need it tonight.
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#43 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 11:32 PM
 
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i woke up this morning in a very bad mood and just couldn't get myself going. i was complaining about everything, felt sick to my stomach, and just miserable. i got on here though and heard about greatful-bambina's loss and it really put things in perspective. i finally dragged my butt out the door and to the midwife's office, which is two hours away. i was an hour late but she still saw me and didn't rush me or anything. baby's heartbeat was good, but the past several times she has said it was really fast. she didn't say that was bad i was just wondering if it was? i got to meet one of our ddc members in person while i was there, which was great, but didn't get to talk to her as long as i would have liked. just for a minute or two. midwife said i'm two cm dialated, baby is not in pelvis. so i don't know if that means anything or not.

for those with the MIL issues- i also really have them and totally understand. i experienced that with my last pregnancy, but not so much until right after the birth. i didn't mind MIL being around before or during the birth, but immediately afterward i wanted her gone and didn't want her anywhere near me or the baby. she hadn't done anything and was no different than usual, but i just didn't feel safe as you said with her around. she tried to come over and help several days but i eventually made dh tell her to leave because i ended up taking ds and retreating to our bedroom to pretend to sleep. it was miserable. i'm not exactly sure why i felt that way, but the feeling were really intense. i have asked her to come after this birth and watch ds for a few days at our house, but i'm hoping that that wasn't a mistake. i didn't expect those feelings last time, so i may have them again this time. i just really need someone to come and help with ds because dh is going to have to return to work much quicker than we had anticipated and ds is very demanding. i know though that if i have those same feelings as i did last time it is going to be miserable because the living area of our apartment is not very big. MIL and i will be right on top of each other the whole time. i also have a problem excepting help from her because i don't really respect her...if that makes sense.
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#44 of 48 Old 01-17-2008, 11:55 PM
 
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I just don't even have words to discribe how sad and effected I am by carrie's loss.....I will admit it scares me because I know these thing happen. So I have been trying to pray and think as positive as I can about myself and my sweet pea....but at the same time I am just so sad for her. I lost a baby girl at 25 wks 5 1/2 years ago. It is just so hard, I can't imagine going all the way only to lose the baby. It has been a fear of mine, this whole pregnancy is still such a surprise for me. Early on I was sure I was miscarrying due to bleeding the entire first three months. I then starting taking progesterone cream and that cleared up everything and here I am. Although sometimes I feel like I still won't believe it until I see this little one face to face. I utterly hate to admit that. To me this really shows how pregnancy and birth is the most amazing miracle ever.

I too wish we could all be together tonight and drink our rrl tea and cry together........you are all in my thoughts and heart.

So all day yesterday and somewhat less but still there today I have had pretty good contractions. They are not regular at all but are a little painful. It feels like intense pressure pressing the baby down on my cervix for a 10-15 second time period. I have not been very good at all about my water intake or rrl intake and I NEED water and rrl tea. So I made myself drink 3 liters (one of water and two of tea) yesterday and I got pretty good sleep and it seemed to all go away. I have to admit I was dissapointed, I really am wanting to have this baby. But I looked at like more time to finish a few more things, just about done organizing my home and cooking meals for the freezer. So that is where I am at tonight....tired but hopeful for by the end of the weekend it will have happened.

Some good news though......it looks like my baby turned!!! All my pelvic tilts have paid off and sleeping on my left side too.....

I also have been belly binding, with a long peice of material. It really helps my back and it gives me great stomach support. I think it too has helped the baby turn. Now if the baby will stay in this position....we will all be good.

taa taa for now....as I go clean my floors on my hands and knees hopefully for the last time for a while.....

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#45 of 48 Old 01-18-2008, 01:56 AM
 
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I just got off the phone with the midwife. My induction is supposed to be tomorrow morning. She has another induction scheduled for tomorrow morning at the same hospital, but the other one is more urgent than mine. All this time they've been warning me about the dangers of high sugar levels from my gestational diabetes, and now that I've got them it's not so urgent to get the baby out? I'm so freaking frustrated. I just want my little boy out now so that I know that he's safe.
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#46 of 48 Old 01-18-2008, 01:59 AM
 
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so now they're going to delay your induction again?

i'm sorry for all of this. it must be awfully difficult to get yourself focused for the birth of your babe, only to have those plans changed... for a second time.

is there any chance that your mw would go ahead with both inductions?

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#47 of 48 Old 01-18-2008, 02:09 AM
 
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Yes, she will go ahead with both inductions. She'll do the other girl first, and then me, as long as the hospital has room for me. I have to call the hospital tomorrow morning at 6:30 and check to see if they have time and space for me. The other girl has priority over me, though.

I think the hardest thing about today was when dh went into our daughter's bedroom this morning and explained that her brother wasn't coming today. She was devastated. She's just 4, but is SO incredibly excited to be a big sister. She cried. Not a temper tantrum, but a "my heart is broken" cry. Poor thing. I cried this morning, too.
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#48 of 48 Old 01-18-2008, 02:41 AM
 
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mamabear im sorry that you keep getting bumped back..waiting is So hard. your daughter sounds like such a sweet girl and she will be sooo happy when that baby finally comes.

i had a rough day. probably one of my worst this whole pregnancy. im a bit better now.. i talked to my midwife, who is at the hospital with a 36 week mama who just had her water break on her. she is GBS positive, was planning a perfect home birth and is now hooked up on pitocin, but labor is not going anywhere..
another gentle reminder that being overdue isn't so bad.. though at moments it sure feels that way...

she(midwife) is going to come over tomorrow morning to do another stretch&sweep. im feeling like this baby needs to come, and soon. i need to get going home before February comes and goes! if i was at home i wouldn't be feeling this way, i would let nature take its course, but this is going on too long and its too hard on everyone involved. once baby is here im sure the 2 weeks pp will go quickly and then we will be packing up and on our way. ive never missed "home" so much.

my partner just did a bunch of acupressure on me..i made a yummy supper and im knitting yet another pair of longies because somehow knitting makes me feel better (most of the time) oh, that motherwort tincture really takes the edge off too.

ive been having contractions all day for days...
tomorrow would be a good day to have a baby.

 

 

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