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#31 of 44 Old 09-02-2011, 07:39 AM
 
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Not an attempt to highjack...just some information.

 

Cannabis and Pregnancy

Common Treatments for Hyperemesis Gravidarum

Use of Marijuana During Pregnancy

Women and Cannabis

Women and Cannabis google books

Dr. Melanie Dreher, reefer reseacher

Cannabis and Children

Is Marijuana a Valuable Treatment for Autism?

Cannabis Reduces Infant Mortality

Mother Explains Why She Gives Pot to her 9 Year Old Autistic Son


Cannabis Legality

The NORML State Guide to Marijuana Laws


Drug War Facts

Drug Policy Alliance


Clinical Studies and Medical Marijuana

International Association for Cannabinoid Medicines

How Cannabis Works on the Brain

Medical Marijuana News and Information

Women's Alliance for Medical Marijuana

ProCon, non-profit public charity

American Medical Marijuana Association

Marijuana Policy Project

Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies

American Civil Liberties Union

Canadian Links

Why Prohibition

Cannabis Culture Magazine

 

Copied from the Cannabis Mamas tribe. Thank you, mamas.


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#32 of 44 Old 09-02-2011, 08:55 AM
 
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Some of us are not interested in having someone tout the drug cannabis here. You all have your own forum for that.

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#33 of 44 Old 09-02-2011, 09:07 AM
 
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In terms of who gets final say, I think until an agreement has been reached on something the default position should be to do nothing. So that means not drinking or whatever the problem is until an agreement has been reached that finds a way to make both partners happy. If its about circumcision, nothing happens until both partners are happy.

 

That doesn't mean we keep doing what we were doing beforehand until everyone is happy, it means we stop everything and negotiate from scratch.

 

I absolutely expect my husband to not do things that make me unhappy, not just at home but wherever he is because I expect him to make my happiness a priority.

 

I have very strict standards around alcohol use, I would leave if my husband came home drunk without prior agreement. Its not something I'm willing to deal with in my marriage and I really am willing to leave over it. Everyone has their things that they can or can not tolerate and everyone has the right to be safe in their home and marriage and not have their partner doing things that actively upset them. Everyone is different, but you have a right to not want your partner using illegal drugs anywhere near you or your children. I would leave immediately if my husband ever though about using cannabis. I don't know if there is a cultural difference here but its really not something I think is okay at all. I mean, at all.

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#34 of 44 Old 09-02-2011, 09:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post

Averysmama , I'm not interested in having you tout the miracle drug cannabis here. You all have your own forum for that.
 

 

I'm not sure who "you all" is (is that said in, like, a "you people" kind of tone??) but no, "we" do not have a forum. We have one thread in "tribes". I haven't been there in a number of years, because as I stated before, I'm no longer a smoker. Do I still get to be in the "you all"/"you people" club if I don't smoke anymore? :( I do hope so.

 

I wasn't posting to "tout the miracle drug cannabis" - I simply made an argument on behalf of the OPs huband for seeing the situation with a bit more clarity. I maintain, that the only reason everyone was all "oh my god, he has to stop NOW" - is because the "thing" in question is the oft misrepresented and very misunderstood, cannabis. The reason for my including information about cannabis, some of which are actually Mothering.com articles, in a subsequent post...was to try and support my assertion that marijuana is a legit medical substance that is not dangerous...thereby lending more credibility to the argument that her husband should not be required by his wife to instantly cease his chosen (and previously supported) lifestyle because she doesn't like it anymore, but "just can't help herself, teehee" in avoiding consumption of the substance. 

 

I understand that many people who would jump on the "he has to immediately stop" bandwagon, are saying that because they are largely uneducated about marijuana...hence, my inclusion of cannabis information. I wasn't trying to "infect" you "good type" people who realize the inherent danger in the herb marijuana with knowledge that counters your dis/misinformed opinions. My apologies to anyone who felt threatened or offended at the material...but again, if you were SO offended....doesn't the fact that some of the articles are Mothering articles make you question if this site doesn't have a shady underbelly, I mean, it IS reefer you know...they may as well be endorsing heroin to kids! WHAT NEXT!? loveeyes.gif


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#35 of 44 Old 09-02-2011, 09:45 AM
 
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Not all Mothering articles are okay in my opinion. There was that one lady who refused to believe in her HiV positive status and wouldn't take AZT while pregnant....... she's dead now and so is her child.
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#36 of 44 Old 09-02-2011, 10:10 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Roxswood View Post

In terms of who gets final say, I think until an agreement has been reached on something the default position should be to do nothing. So that means not drinking or whatever the problem is until an agreement has been reached that finds a way to make both partners happy. If its about circumcision, nothing happens until both partners are happy.

 

That doesn't mean we keep doing what we were doing beforehand until everyone is happy, it means we stop everything and negotiate from scratch.

 

I absolutely expect my husband to not do things that make me unhappy, not just at home but wherever he is because I expect him to make my happiness a priority.

 

I have very strict standards around alcohol use, I would leave if my husband came home drunk without prior agreement. Its not something I'm willing to deal with in my marriage and I really am willing to leave over it. Everyone has their things that they can or can not tolerate and everyone has the right to be safe in their home and marriage and not have their partner doing things that actively upset them. Everyone is different, but you have a right to not want your partner using illegal drugs anywhere near you or your children. I would leave immediately if my husband ever though about using cannabis. I don't know if there is a cultural difference here but its really not something I think is okay at all. I mean, at all.


clap.gif I don't think the "It was okay before, so it's okay now." argument is a fair one. People learn, grow, change... lifestyle choices are not set in stone. Discussing and negotiating changes is important. 


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#37 of 44 Old 09-02-2011, 10:50 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mummoth View Post

 


clap.gif I don't think the "It was okay before, so it's okay now." argument is a fair one. People learn, grow, change... lifestyle choices are not set in stone. Discussing and negotiating changes is important. 


You are making a lot of sense. Discussion and respectful negotiation are very important in every healthy marriage and I may have taken a very hardline stance regarding the OPs situation that doesn't reflect the nature of my relationship with my DH because I was defensive at the tone toward cannabis. I apologize for that.

 

I still believe that the OP should keep in mind that she is asking her husband to make a lifestyle choice that still works for him because it doesn't work for her...but I also believe that, like you said, "People learn, grow and change and lifestyle choices are not set in stone". That's true and not only valid, but necessary for positive growth and human development. Good call.

 


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#38 of 44 Old 09-02-2011, 10:58 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post

Not all Mothering articles are okay in my opinion. There was that one lady who refused to believe in her HiV positive status and wouldn't take AZT while pregnant....... she's dead now and so is her child.


Well, that is a fragment of a anecdotal argument, I'm not sure what to make of it...but please believe me when I say, that you do NOT want to get me started on HIV/AIDS, AZT and all of the nonsense and misinformation surrounding that issue.  Trust me, we don't see eye to eye on the issue and you will most likely just walk away with an even lower view of me than you already have.

 

Anyway, I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on this one. I'm sorry again if I offended. I respect your right to disagree with cannabis use.


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#39 of 44 Old 09-03-2011, 09:51 AM
 
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I would expect my DH to be on board with me 100%. Smoke it elsewhere if you have to smoke it until you were not tempted anymore.


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#40 of 44 Old 09-06-2011, 07:27 AM
 
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This really isn't about MJ at all.  I can't see why we need to argue about whether it is good for you or not (or whatever, I didn't read the articles).  It is about the OP and her DH, and the support they offer or don't offer each other in their marriage.

 

If my dh said he needed me to give something up for his own health and happiness, I would consider it and we would have a respectful discussion.  I feel that my marriage deserves that kind of support and kindness.  Marriage requires a lot of giving on both sides. 

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#41 of 44 Old 09-06-2011, 09:39 AM
 
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Bears repeating,
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by june'smom View Post

This really isn't about MJ at all.  I can't see why we need to argue about whether it is good for you or not (or whatever, I didn't read the articles).  It is about the OP and her DH, and the support they offer or don't offer each other in their marriage.

 

If my dh said he needed me to give something up for his own health and happiness, I would consider it and we would have a respectful discussion.  I feel that my marriage deserves that kind of support and kindness.  Marriage requires a lot of giving on both sides. 



 


Someone moved my effing cheese.
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#42 of 44 Old 09-08-2011, 11:30 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by june'smom View Post

This really isn't about MJ at all.  I can't see why we need to argue about whether it is good for you or not (or whatever, I didn't read the articles).  It is about the OP and her DH, and the support they offer or don't offer each other in their marriage.

 

If my dh said he needed me to give something up for his own health and happiness, I would consider it and we would have a respectful discussion.  I feel that my marriage deserves that kind of support and kindness.  Marriage requires a lot of giving on both sides. 



I agree with this. But I do believe its a negotiation, not that the person who wants to get rid of X vice or habit or whatever always wins. Part of being comfortable in my home is being able to occasionally bring home some potato chips. I don't think potato chips are any kind of ideal food, and I don't think ideally we should eat emotionally. But I am who I am and they are one of my coping habits when things are really stressed, and I don't want a house where the rule is "be perfect or else." If that makes sense? Over time we have eliminated things from our home together, but it's always been a process and with room for each of our points of view.

 

However, with this particular vice there is the problem of the smoke, which is somewhat unique.  So I think it would be entirely fair to negotiate that the smoking spouse should do it out in the garage or away from the house.

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#43 of 44 Old 10-20-2011, 07:13 AM
 
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Sorry had to pull this one back up.  We have had these situations in our house so many times.  DH hates... LOATHES alcohol.  I do keep a few beers around but because I know how he feels I do not drink excessively EVER!  I will have one or two and I'll tell him so he's aware and not caught of guard.  He does not get upset with me but has told me how much it bothers him and why.  MJ reminds me of my dad taking his morning dump every morning before work and toking up.  If DH wants to smoke, he knows there will be NO play that night.  I don't need to be thinking of my dad.

 

As far as telling each other you can't or I will ( insert threat)  completely unfair!  You're not their parent. 

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#44 of 44 Old 10-25-2011, 03:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I see your point.  DF and I have resolved this issue, but I do see how it is different for every situation. 

 

(DF knows that if *I* smoke, there is NO play that night.  I turn into a hermit in my hoodie and read books in the corner of the couch all night after MJ.  Super lame.)


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