one of the reasons I haven't looked for a professioin outside of academia, besides loving what I do (teaching and researching), and finding it fulfilling, is that dh adn I both agree that its best for our son if I'm home 4 months out of the year (summer and January), and able to work only 20 hours per week at my office the rest of the year (and grade/write/think at home when I have time, otherwise) . That my being an academic allows us to parent in the way we want to. Any comparably paying job in a related field would be a 9-5 (at least) and year-round.
I understand why some of you are questioning my willingness to compromise, and I agree that I shouldn't ask dh to take a job he would hate, but I think I might have been unclear in my original post, because I was upset - we both agreed that we needed/wanted to move from our last place, and because I'm the one with the degree and the better paying job, we knew I would be the one to get the job that would move us. I had 6 offers off of 11 applications, we chose the place that suited us best as far as the position for me, cost of living, proximity to family, school system for ds when he gets old enough, and opportunities for dh.
The reason I am worried about taking a summer job is that doing so will limit the amount of time I am able to do the essential work of being a professor: preppign classes, resarching, and writing. I've got 3 years now to get tenure, and without it the money situation is much worse.
I'm feeling a little defensive right now, to be honest, like I just got a bit ganged up on for being honest about my fears about money and dh's inability to help me with those fears right now. Jster's response especially hurt (and I know you didn't intend it to) because I am not one of those academics who inflate her own importance, or the importance of what I do. I got the PhD and all of the student loans that go with it, and I love my schedule and students and the chance to read and write, but I'm well aware thath I'm not saving the world. But to chose to leave academia would be a very big deal, and I'd want to think about it much more before doing so.
I really do agree that it is important to look at my own role in this - especially in my attitude towards money, and that I can only change myself, my attitudes, and my expectations, and that it IS a bad idea to ask dh to apply for a job he would hate.
Kathy - I think you're right, we need to take a few months to assess. That's where we are at right now - wev'e agreed that he'll work the job he will love, and then when he is laid off in November (its a seasonal position only) we'll see how much unemployment is, and whether or not we think he should apply for full-time, year-round (perhaps not even in his field) positions that pay more. And we've also agreed that if full-time, year-round jobs come open during the summer, and he thinks he might like them, he will apply. But he won't apply for the two I found over the weekend that I know he would hate. And I won't ask any more.
Carmel and Shayinme thanks for your posts
Kalamazoomom - I appreciate your perspective, and that's where we are right now: I work full time, dh has been unemployed seasonally adn watching our son, and now will work full time for the next 7 months. we'll be able to cover our day to day needs (including paying off our debts), but will stress about unexpected expenses, and I am very worried about our long-term outlook.
keep the advice and thoughts coming, even when I don't fully agree, I appreciate the varied perspectives. and it helps to think about how dh is feeling right now, too.
I should say (gosh this is a long post), dh and I had a good night last night, we just didn't talk about it, and had fun playing with ds. it felt nice, and I could finally eat for the first time in a few days.