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#1 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 01:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm asking b/c with ds we told my mom, aunt, brother cousin (etc) almost immediatly; and I just found out last night and don't want to tell anyone yet......


It might sound weird, but I want to keep it between dp and I for a few more weeks before my entire life becomes about ppl asking me how Im feeling.



anyone else here? Im curious who people have told.....
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#2 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 02:16 PM
 
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I have only told my best friend, since I obviously need someone to bond with over it in a female sort of way otherwise we're going to tell people when we go home to Missouri in July, so we'll be around 12 weeks.
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#3 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 02:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have only told my best friend, since I obviously need someone to bond with over it in a female sort of way otherwise we're going to tell people when we go home to Missouri in July, so we'll be around 12 weeks.
is that different than with your other two children? Did you wait till 12 weeks with them as well, or is this for a different reason (ie, want to do it in person in July, etc)?

I'm just curious because I told my mom immediatly with ds and i know that when I tell her she'll probably ask why I didn't tell her sooner ~ so, just wondering if anyone else changed up with each pregnancy.
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#4 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 03:08 PM
 
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I'm so glad you started this thread.

My original plan was to tell dd and "the entire internet" right away but keep it under wraps offline until the 12 week mark. I'm at quite a risk of miscarriage and also fairly emotionally sensitive because of non-pregnancy related issues so I'd just as soon avoid negative remarks as long as possible.

The problem was that dd's bf was in the house when I tested, and although I love him dearly and consider him family, I want to have some time where JUST she knows and then maybe have him be the first person I tell at the 12 week mark.

I've also needed that female bonding pretty badly. I've been staying off of Mothering dot com for awhile because I was very close to my 1000th post and I wanted to either (a) save post #1000 to announce my bfp or (b) for pete's sake, stop hanging around parenting forums and dwelling in the past if I was going to stop TTC since my only child is a grown woman.

I've racked up over 30 long-winded, chatty posts here since I found out and I've been just as bad on the small board I moderate and another baby board. I usually work nights but had to do a day shift yesterday and there was no way I was going to tell dd on the IM.

I did tell her that I "had something important to tell you but it's not the right moment" in case she google-stalks me and finds out on her own. She's the skeptical one who thinks it's okay, even necessary, for me to try one last futile time, but she thinks that I'm too old to get pregnant. I don't think words are going to do it for her; I ned to buy another test to show her.

So now I'm thinking about waiting until Monday, when is due, so that a double-line test will be easier for her to read.

As far as other family, all we really have is my mother, who is 72 years old and fairly fragile. She may or may not be coming out for a visit this month (she and I live on separate coasts of North America) which will be WAY to early to tell her, so I'm paranoid about telling anybody local until after she goes home again for fear of having someone come up to us while she's here and start in with the "How are you feeling? Are you SURE you're only a month along? You're big as a house! Do you think you're carrying septuplets?"

I don't think there's anything weird about wanting to keep your sweet secret just between you and dp at all. In fact, as the mother of an adult daughter, that's one of my favourite memories of pregnancy.

My breakdown is that Phoebe only lived to ten weeks gestation and only me and her father knew about her.

Phoenix's father knew but I didn't really tell anyone else. If people asked, I was honest, but I rented an apartment at 8 months while wearing a heavy sweater and an oversized raincoat and the property manager didn't ask so I didn't tell.

I told dd's father right away and didn't tell anybody else until my wedding when she was 5 months along.

My mother went in for some very serious cancer surgery and it annoyed me that I kept having intrusive thoughts about a late period, so I bought an HPT to get my mind off it. I was on the phone with her while I was waiting for the results, so I sent dd into the bathroom to tell me if the little spot had turned pink (positive result) or stayed white (negative result). When she came out and said it was pink, I practically called her a liar, put down the phone, and checked for myself and she was right. It was so fun having just us three generations of girls knowing for a few hours before we had to tell exy.

I had a possible chemical pg last December and I showed both kids the pee stick. ds saw the line and dd didn't.
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#5 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 05:45 PM
 
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I'm fairly open about who I tell. I'm chair of my local NCT and I am taking things easy for a while- not running mother and toddler groups singlehandedly, things like that- and the people I need to enable me to do that have a right to know why I'm asking, imo. Most people know about my miscarriage in February, most of those people know they were twins and most of THOSE people know I struggled with bad hormonal depression afterwards and am at high risk of going through it again. So- yeah. I told a couple of carefully-selected people and told them not to tell anyone So far, it's working like a charm- lots of people are asking how I'm feeling, but nobody's asking why. I think the whole universe knows I'm trying though, I was pretty open about project green tea.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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#6 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 06:14 PM
 
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Thanks for starting this discussion. I just found out I was pregnant yesterday (10DPO) and I just did another test today and it's still BFP. Yay! But . . . this is my first pregnancy and I am SO afraid that it won't stick. Only people on this board and my DH know.
We just started TTCing in April, and I told a few close friends (who have recently had children) because I wanted to bounce thoughts and ideas off them. I decided not to tell any family because I didn't want the "are you pregnant yet?" question all of the time.
If this sticks: , I don't plan on telling anyone else until after the first trimester. I might change my mind along the way, especially in regards to friends, because they will definitely wonder why I am not drinking.
One reason that this will be easy is because none of my family or in-laws live near us. I think the closest person is 400 miles away!

As you can see, I can't even bear to change my signature yet. I want this to stick so badly, but I am preparing myself for the worse. This is my nature--anyone else have a tendency of doing this?

librarian mommy (34) to DD (2/08), expecting a BOY in early spring 2011
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#7 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 06:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jaxinsmom View Post
is that different than with your other two children? Did you wait till 12 weeks with them as well, or is this for a different reason (ie, want to do it in person in July, etc)?

I'm just curious because I told my mom immediatly with ds and i know that when I tell her she'll probably ask why I didn't tell her sooner ~ so, just wondering if anyone else changed up with each pregnancy.
It's a bit different this time, I am a bit estranged from my mom, so I don't really talk to her unless she's visiting (we keep up friendly-ness for the kids, otherwise I doubt I would have much to do with her) and my dad and I are close but there is still akwardness leftover from him not being very active in my childhood (NAVY, truck-driver, worked 4hours away only came home on weekends). Also I am really enjoying the knowledge that no one else knows, it feels really special.
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#8 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 08:21 PM
 
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I've told my parents, my SIL (partner's brother's wife), my best friend and her family know, and my friends and local online community know

Not many left to tell - SO needs to tell his parents when he finally believes me LOL. They will only talk about it being a grandson so am not even looking forward to that!

And I think I'll tell my brothers' families in August, that's when it's the next birthday we get together for. They'll be thrilled, there is already 5 birthdays in February, now 6 of the 18 will be that month LOL Very efficient!
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#9 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 10:52 PM
 
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I have told everyone
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#10 of 29 Old 06-02-2007, 11:21 PM
 
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I told my mom and the woman I'm closest to at school, thinking that she deserved to know that the plans we were making for next schoolyear she might be doing solo after January. But her response was "Oh, no," followed by a wincing, "So I guess you want this kept under wraps, huh?" So my judgment may not have been the best there in telling...
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#11 of 29 Old 06-03-2007, 12:20 AM
 
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We have told most of our immediate family except dh's grandma. I wouldn't feel comfortable with her knowing if we lost the pregnancy because she has a bad case of verbal diarrhea.

We have also told a few selected friends. We keep stretching our definition of "a few selected" though because as luck would have it a bunch of our friends got their own BFPs this week so every time someone tells us, we reciprocate by telling them we are pregnant as well. It's so crazy!

I think we will tell the rest of our friends and family in mid-July unless I feel comfortable letting it spread before then. Right now I don't have enough symptoms to feel ready to tell everyone but if I find myself feeling obviously pregnant I may be OK with spreading the news.

mommy to ds 11/05, dd1 01/08, and dd2 01/10!
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#12 of 29 Old 06-03-2007, 05:39 AM
 
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I have told my mom and my sis. My kids will find out today. A friend also knows. We were at a birthday party last night. I hadn't said a word to her, I was on the other side of the room and then she came and asked me what was going on, she had watched me the whole evening, I said nothing much I am just pretty tired lately. She said no no there is more. You are pregnant! I couldn't believe it! I am also a HORIBLE liar and I admitted it. I hope that she can keep it a secret for a while We want other family to find out before our friends.
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#13 of 29 Old 06-03-2007, 02:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I want this to stick so badly, but I am preparing myself for the worse. This is my nature--anyone else have a tendency of doing this?
I do think that is natural, especially if you've had a difficult time conceiving ~ we haven't, we only started trying this month. I didn't have any complications with my last pregnancy, so I guess I have no reason to be 'preparing myself for the worst'. However, with ds I did do this. I never really felt comfortable or really pregnant until I passed 28 weeks and felt that If I had the baby for some reason, he/she could be born as a viable fetus. That was a big one, and after that I really stopped worrying.

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#14 of 29 Old 06-03-2007, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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They will only talk about it being a grandson so am not even looking forward to that!
LOL!!! My last pregnancy my IL's (and dp, and my mom....) were ALL convienced ds was going to be a girl. All I heard my entire pregnancy was 'she' this and 'she' that...drove me nuts b/c I *knew* I was having a boy ~ I had 3 very distinct dreams of him and felt very sure I was having a boy. So, I understand this frustration!

Side note ~ we're in Canada right now, but dp may be appling to Melbourne next year to do his PhD...
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#15 of 29 Old 06-03-2007, 02:33 PM
 
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How did it go with the kids, Sharun? dd said she already knew from the "way you were behaving" but I don't see how she could have since I wasn't even at home to behave any differently! We had a wonderful silly day yesterday, picked out fabric for the pounch slings and wraps, picked up a pair of yoga pants and a tunic top for that interim period when my regular clothes don't fit and I'm not ready for maternity clothes yet, and I've come to the conclusion that I really love the 18 year age diference between these two.


Big dd is sort of like a do-it-yourself sister or best friend.

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#16 of 29 Old 06-03-2007, 02:58 PM
 
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noordinaryspider it went fine, they weren't suprised. My daughter said, I hope it isn't a girl. She even asked what her brothers name was going to be My son was a little embarrased I think but now he is ok, mom you need something, mom let me clean up the table and I will do the dishes.
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#17 of 29 Old 06-03-2007, 07:17 PM
 
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LOL!!! My last pregnancy my IL's (and dp, and my mom....) were ALL convienced ds was going to be a girl. All I heard my entire pregnancy was 'she' this and 'she' that...drove me nuts b/c I *knew* I was having a boy ~ I had 3 very distinct dreams of him and felt very sure I was having a boy. So, I understand this frustration!

Side note ~ we're in Canada right now, but dp may be appling to Melbourne next year to do his PhD...

Yeah, they desperately want a boy and was so rude about it when my lovely niece was born last year that I could SPIT. They have three lovely healthy granddaughters, I could handle the comments if they'd even acknowledge how lucky they are to have the girls they do!

So much so, as I sat cuddling DN, FIL commented how lovely I'd look there holding a grandson, about the 5th grandson comment in relation to DN that day. She is perfect as she is, she isn't the wrong sex! I responded that I'd drown a boy if I had one, a comment I continue to feel bad about in case I do have a boy!!! Because they'll be taking that comment as my accurate feelings on the subject rather than in response to their ongoing commentary about grandsons. Argh! Have hit a period of them really giving me the irrits, I really need to go back to my zen place about them and their ways now LOL Water off a ducks back ...

How ace you may be coming to Melbourne, it's lovely here
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#18 of 29 Old 06-03-2007, 09:44 PM
 
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We aren't telling anybody for a while. I told right away with my others but this time it's different.

Kiley
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#19 of 29 Old 06-03-2007, 10:45 PM
 
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We've only told my sister and her husband. I really want to tell our moms but DH wants me to go to a doctor and get tested there before we tell them. I think he still doesn't fully believe it. You know, 'cause the four BFPs weren't enough proof. : Psssh. But I'm thinking about doing that tomorrow just so I can show him once and for all. And then I will call our mothers! And swear them to secrecy.
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#20 of 29 Old 06-04-2007, 12:29 PM
 
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I have told everyone, too. We thought about waiting but we had plans to have dinner with my parents one evening and I knew when I didn't have wine with dinner that they would guess what was up!
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#21 of 29 Old 06-04-2007, 01:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So much so, as I sat cuddling DN, FIL commented how lovely I'd look there holding a grandson, about the 5th grandson comment in relation to DN that day.



That's so sad. Ds was the first grandchild for everyone, and the majority wanted me to be having a girl, but fell completly in love with him when he was born (really, what's not to love! )


I'm not sure how i'd handle that, maybe just reply (each time they make a boy vs. girl comment) that you and dp are simply praying for a healthy child, and anything else is icing on the cake.
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#22 of 29 Old 06-04-2007, 04:13 PM
 
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I told my parents, because I tested + on my mom's birthday. And I told the Internet, and two of my best friends. Oh, and DH told my MIL. I haven't told siblings, local friends, or anyone at work (!) yet.

And we haven't told DD (3 years 3 months), but I swear, she KNOWS ANYWAY. She's spooky like that.

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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#23 of 29 Old 06-04-2007, 04:24 PM
 
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So much so, as I sat cuddling DN, FIL commented how lovely I'd look there holding a grandson, about the 5th grandson comment in relation to DN that day.
That is disgusting. It's like they took a look at you holding a child and said that the only thing ruining the picture was that the child was all wrong. It is horrible to think that, but completely unforgivable to say it out loud in front of that child or any of the other granddaughters.
I know my pregnancy hormones are making me crazy, but I'm tearing up thinking about it. My grandpa was so proud of his three granddaughters. If he ever in a million years wished for a grandson, none of us ever once heard anything of it. And that's how it should be.

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I'm not sure how i'd handle that, maybe just reply (each time they make a boy vs. girl comment) that you and dp are simply praying for a healthy child, and anything else is icing on the cake.
:
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#24 of 29 Old 06-04-2007, 05:53 PM
 
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I'm being soooo good this time and waiting to tell my parents! I've seen them several times since we found out and I've kept my mouth shut!

I've told 3 friends IRL and a bunch of online friends - I'm waiting to tell one specific (local) message board because I don't want anyone letting it slip to my kids just yet. I'm only 4.5 weeks pg and feel it's just a bit too early to tell everyone! We'll tell our kids on Saturday when we stop for breakfast on our way to visit dh's family (8 hour drive - our vacation!) and then dh's family when we arrive (via a Boyds Bear pregnant bear given as a gift to dh's grandmother, who collects bears), and then my family at my mom's retirement party on the 23rd! This is child #5 for us, so I figure I should tell my parents (who already think we're nuts) when they're surrounded by friends and family and at least need to act nice about it!
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#25 of 29 Old 06-04-2007, 11:10 PM
 
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Yeah, my mom is coming for a visit and she's going to figure it out real fast when I won't share a bottle of wine with her. I'm trying to think of some ploy to throw her off the trail. She's going to KILL me when she finds out. She's great, but she knows how busy I am with the kids I've got, an the timing isn't great, and I'm old, and the lists of why we should have been more careful goes on and on. She'll be fine with it, eventually, but I'd rather put off telling her a couple of months.

Kiley
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#26 of 29 Old 06-05-2007, 01:11 AM
 
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I decided I'm going to try to keep it hush hush until around July, but plan on telling family on Father's Day. I have told a few very close friends, too.

Annoyingly, I find that people keep confronting me about it and putting me on the spot. When someone notices I'm not drinking coffee or margaritas, they ask "why? are you pregnant?." These days I have a bad case of baby brain and really lack the ability to think quick to throw them off the trail. Instead I just end up fumbling and stammering..."uh, uh, uh...no." Then I feel terrible about the lie and wonder if I'm karmically doomed becuase I just denied the thing I want most...
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#27 of 29 Old 06-05-2007, 07:50 AM
 
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Yeah, the not-drinking-alcohol is the big tip-off for me too. I don't want to sound like a lush, but I do enjoy a nice Belgian ale!

My DH and I are real beer-lovers, meaning we go to beer festivals and the like. The fact that I have been turning down some great beer definitely puts up warning signals. The best excuses I have been able to come up with (and I don't know if my friends believe me, especially the women) are that my allergies are acting up so I can't mix alcohol with my medication OR I am trying to lose some weight and I have decided to cut alcohol temporarily.

Do you think they believe me?

librarian mommy (34) to DD (2/08), expecting a BOY in early spring 2011
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#28 of 29 Old 06-05-2007, 09:09 AM
 
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We just saw some old friends who were visiting and I'm SURE they noticed me not having any wine or beer. I almost told them, but it would have meant telling a whole bunch of people I don't know that well. Last time I got pregnant, we went out for dinner and I didn't order a beer and the guy said, "Hey, no beer? Are you pregnant??" I was like 4 weeks.

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#29 of 29 Old 06-05-2007, 11:23 AM
 
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I had the best time last night. First I called my mother in law and told her the news and she started to cry. She said "My little boy is going to be a father!" It was awesome. Then later dh and I had dinner with my mom. When we got into her van, I gave her some documents she needed with my test results from the doctor on top. She looked at it for a moment and then started to scream. She was sooo excited. She couldn't stop smiling all through dinner. It was so fun.
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