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-   February 2008 (http://www.mothering.com/forum/415-february-2008/)
-   -   how much help are you getting? are you still exhausted? (http://www.mothering.com/forum/415-february-2008/873010-how-much-help-you-getting-you-still-exhausted.html)

spu 03-29-2008 08:57 PM

I wish I could say I'm getting more help, but it's been pretty non-existent... It doesn't help that 3 out of 4 of my kids have had colds since even before #4 was born, but I'd still love to just take a little nap. ugh. or have some help putting the clothes from the wash to the dryer... or empty the dishwasher... it's hard to do when everyone needs something (or is screaming)...

Is everyone else still wiped out?

lincap 03-29-2008 11:52 PM

nak

I am tired. I am upset a lot. I am either with DS1 or DS2.. I never have a break. Dishes never finished, laundry always in limbo, floors not swept... etc etc etc.

DH does take DS1 out for a walk just about every evening, but during that 30min-1 hour, I am usually nursing and try to shower. My day is non-stop. DS1 is up at 7am and DS2 isn't usually asleep until 1130pm. Lately just so i can sit and "rest" DS and I watch PBS Sprout in the afternoon.
I snap at DS1 way too much... I am too tired.. DH is really no help, he just can't watch both of them and he has computer stuff he always has to do.

ugh I wish DH would help more. My life has changed so much... and he keeps his steady.

Dea 03-30-2008 12:26 AM

I've started Reglan to help me produce some milk and one of th side effects is sleepiness.... Some days I am okay, others I am a walking zombie. (like today!)

steph117 03-30-2008 01:18 AM

Hats off to those of you with more than one child. I have no idea how people deal with babies AND older children at the same time! How do you not just burst into flames?

My mom's been visiting a few days a week, hanging with Mia & letting me nap, & helping with dinner...she's a godsend to us.

Nikki Christina 03-30-2008 04:16 AM

things are good here.. Mia is a super easy baby.. shes happy & healthy & sleeping good at night

it was spring break for my older daughter this week.. so i got a break from the early morning rush

dh worked a 70 hour week though.. it was the end of this fiscal year at work.. so he worked lots of overtime.. plus he's normally on 7 in the morning til 3 afternoon..but this month he's been on 2nd & this week he worked some 3 afternoons till 3 am & worked today also..
so we havent even seen him but 40 minutes each day..

so we didnt get to do anything fun on dd's spring break.. the only time we left the house was to go to the Y (i work there in the nursery)

so its been a long , borning week.. but nothing to complain about

as far as tiredness.. its been a million times easier since she's gotten here.. the last month of my pregnancy was the hard part

flapjack 03-30-2008 05:43 AM

Yeah- ultimately, this time round has been easier because Ive had to fit him into a routine. The bus leaves for school at 8.22 whether we're on it or not, and if I miss it then I have to go and explain why the boys are late again, and housework gets done when we feel like it. I have a lot of help though.
DH is dying on his feet though, burning the candle at both ends. He fell asleep in bed with me last night when he'd planned to go and do some more work, and slept for 9 hours for the first time in months. It's normally 4 or 5 hours a night...

Jezzy 03-30-2008 06:50 AM

I am still pretty tired too. It would be a lot nicer if my little sweetie wasn't such a bat. I can't seem to get her to sleep before 11:30 sometimes 12:30!

Can someone please tell me what nak means??? I keep seeing that all over the place here too.. tia

nolonger 03-30-2008 07:08 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jezzy View Post

Can someone please tell me what nak means??? I keep seeing that all over the place here too.. tia
nursing at keyboard.

i'm a lot more exhausted than i was when Terran was two weeks old.

Justmee 03-30-2008 07:56 AM

Seems to go up and down here. Sometimes the older girls are easy joys and he sleeps for 3 hours straight, sometimes he fusses all day long and the big three are fighting like WW3 has broken out. I am supposed to be back at work (data entry, I do it at home) starting today. Idon't *really* have to get it done until tomorrow. I wanted to get the house done today, but of course N. was home sick and A.T. has had a fussy day and then we finally got home after the dr. and the psycologist from the pre-k called saying I have to sign this form and since we have no fax machine I was off again. :sigh:

gingerbane 03-30-2008 07:56 AM

I'm really tired a lot and I have a lot of help (in the morning anyway). I just don't know how people do it w/o help or with more than one child. Before I had Juliet I wanted five kids. Now, while I don't want her to be an only child, I just can't see having another one. I'm too exhausted!

nausicaamom 03-30-2008 10:23 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by noordinaryspider View Post
i'm a lot more exhausted than i was when Terran was two weeks old.
This is me too - I thgink because I don't have that huge feel-good hormone dump helping me out anymore.

One of my girlfriends is still buying groceries for us every-other week, but other than that we are pretty much on our own but it's not too bad. I think the hardest to cope with has been getting Michael's needs met since he slips into the "any attention is good attention" thing way too easily and if it's not that then he starts melting down at the smallest provocation. It's been particulaury hard the past few days since Alex had one of those 24 hour growth spurts and I'm beyond exhausted - so hard to scrape together the empathy for Michael since I know he's having a hard time and not doing it on purpose. We went out to get his hair cut yesterday and it was a series of meltdowns - I was that woman in the toy store who bought her child a toy just so he would stop melting down and we could get out of the store. Got a few looks for it, but since Michael's issues aren't written over his head in flashing neon, it's nothing I can do about it.

AlwaysByMySide 03-30-2008 03:49 PM

I don't get a whole lot of help, but I am also blessed with some very easygoing children.

Taylor potty trained last week in about two days. I was expecting it to take much longer. Blake is awake a lot more now, which makes things tricky, because he likes sitting STRAIGHT UP when he is awake.

The worst part is going up and down stairs, carrying a baby, and having 42 other things that need to be carried as well. Next time I move, I'm getting a one story house!

I'm not tired necessarily, though I DO love it when I can squeeze a nap in with the baby! (Which has happened all of twice since he's been born...)

sarahn4639 03-30-2008 05:24 PM

I haven't had any help other than my husband. My mom brought a couple meals in the first week but they are over an hour away so she couldn't do it every day or anything. I'm actually doing pretty well. My husband is a big help. I would go crazy without him I'm sure. He is working 65ish hours a week now and will be until next November so even with him helping I'm mostly on my own.

Today at church we were talking (I'm in a women's group/class for Sunday School) about a lady that had surgery and how we should take her some meals the next couple weeks. The leader lady was saying how we always remember the young moms but we need to work more to support older women/all women as well. Well I am the only "young" woman in there and it took every thing I had not to yell "But NONE of you did anything for me!!! Not a single meal, thanks!" I was really irritated and honestly I'm pretty hurt and couldn't have said anythign because I would have started crying. There was a woman in church that had a baby (her first) a month before me and they provided her with meals for like 3 or 4 weeks atleast several times a week if not every night. Yeah, thinking about it, I am really hurt, she doesn't even come to our group.

But I'm doing good on the tired front becaue I nap with DD and DS a couple times a week and DS is a really good sleeper. DD still wakes up more than he does and she's 2!

SweetyPotato 03-31-2008 02:14 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahn4639 View Post
Today at church we were talking (I'm in a women's group/class for Sunday School) about a lady that had surgery and how we should take her some meals the next couple weeks. The leader lady was saying how we always remember the young moms but we need to work more to support older women/all women as well. Well I am the only "young" woman in there and it took every thing I had not to yell "But NONE of you did anything for me!!! Not a single meal, thanks!" I was really irritated and honestly I'm pretty hurt and couldn't have said anythign because I would have started crying. There was a woman in church that had a baby (her first) a month before me and they provided her with meals for like 3 or 4 weeks atleast several times a week if not every night. Yeah, thinking about it, I am really hurt, she doesn't even come to our group.
: Aw, hugs. That would have really bothered me too and I wouldn't have been able to say anything either- I'd have ended up just sitting there with tears welling up in my eyes and trying hard not to cry. I try not to be jealous about things in general, but that's still a tough one...

isra1986 03-31-2008 03:33 PM

I am staying home, just me and the baby. She keeps me busy, I cannot seem to get my housework caught up, which is bothering my husband, but oh well, baby comes first. And he doesn't understand why I am so tired. I only sleep at night, don't nap during the day, but I do not sleep good at night. I am up every 2 hours for about 45 mins to 1 hours feeding her. And everytime she makes a noise I wake up. And if she does sleep longer than 2 hours, I wake up because I am scared she stopped breathing!

nolonger 03-31-2008 04:21 PM

My three adult-sized young people combined are more help and less extra work than exy ever was, but it's not as cut and dried what their roles should be. I try to appreciate what's offered and not impose too much, since Terran isn't THEIR baby and ds1 didn't even want me to TTC (because he thought I was too old and childbirth is so dangerous that I would surely DIE) but I still get angry that they don't automatically know that certain things, like mopping floors and bringing in wood from outside, are so much easier to do without a baby in a sling.

I also have communication issues about waking ds1 up for school: he's a sound sleeper and I totally relate to how he likes to take his time waking up and I LOVE our special times together when I'd spend a good hour making coffee and breakfast and gently bringing him to consciousness but I resent feeling obligated to do so now that Terran is awake more and my first "wake Christopher up" alarm always seems to go off the minute I finally get him settled down to sleep.

Working with baby is still going fantastically and Terran is a fabulous ambassador for AP; he mostly sleeps in the sling at work and nurses and doesn't detract from my ability to do the job at all. When he wakes up, he smiles and is cheerful and friendly.

However, since he doesn't sleep as much as he used to and requires more intellectual stimuli than just lying there nursing and watching and even has some fairly regular fussy periods every day that time's got to come from somewhere and that somewhere is between the hours of 10 PM and 9 AM.

I'm not complaining, though. Two and a half months old and no daycare, bottles, CIO, teevee, disposable dipes, plastic infant seat time etc. is something to be incredibly grateful for, not to complain about.

As for outside-the-immediate-family help, I've been blessed to have absolutely none of that. I didn't like it for the first batch of kids and didn't want it for this one. My house can be as messy as I want it and my freezer is already stocked so I can gnaw on half-frozen kale and summer squash to my heart's content without anyone screaming"YUCKI!" and ramming a Colonel McChicken down my throat.

Oh, and nobody without a genetic link has ever held Terran. dd held him once and ds1 has held him about five times, and other than the first time it's only when it's okay with Terran for only as long as it's okay with Terran.

Life isn't perfect by any means, but it's a lot better than I expected it to be.

cocoschmoco 04-01-2008 01:45 AM

Still exhausted over here! I think I've finally grown used to it, though, to some extent. My MIL was here for a week about 2 weeks ago and was such a freaking help it was hard to see her go, and we *really* don't have much in common (except for a love of my DH and now DS, hee hee). I'm contemplating asking my mom to stay for a few days next week - she and my dad are coming for the weekend, but I asked her to go when she was here right when DS was born (loooong story - she's hard to deal with, but we get along 95% of the time - but just not when DS was first born!), but I'm sort of worried that she'll say no or blow me off.

I'm actually sort of bummed out, bc I worry sooo much that DH is over-exerting himself because he's virtually taking care of me and the baby right now - I've started being more helpful this week, but recovering from a c-section and those first weeks of baby blues took a TON out of me. I feel like I'm being a wimp when I wish *someone* would come help the two of us out - we don't have family nearby at all, and at any rate they are all really busy themselves, and not too many friends who are nearby (DH is finishing grad school, so most everyone has left already, and I moved here about 2 years ago and don't have close friends nearby...). We're thinking of hiring a post-partum doula, but I think I'll see if I can get my mom to come first?

Sigh. I stupidly had no idea how hard it is to take care of a new baby with no close support system before he was born...

mama_nym 04-03-2008 08:09 PM

I'm doing pretty well ... but I haven't gotten a decent night's sleep since before high school, so I think my body is used to it! :

Friends brought me babymoon meals for about 2.5-3 weeks after Alia's birth, which was wonderful! Dh went back to work when Alia was just a few days old, so I've basically been on my own with 5 kids (we homeschool) for 11 hours a day. Alia's birth was so easy (home waterbirth, pain free, glorious!!!) and I felt back to normal starting when she was a couple days old, except for my energy levels, which increased as time went on. I've been back to normal, hectic living since Alia was around a week and a half old.

It amazes me to think that in the 6.5 weeks since she was born, I've led 2 Mother Blessings, helped set up for and ran a silent auction at a family dance party for my nonprofit, and done so many other things that I would have never dreamed possible so soon after giving birth. This time has been absolutely amazing! (I guess it makes up for the 21 weeks of severe morning sickness! :LOL: )

sarahn4639 04-03-2008 10:06 PM

geez amanda! i'm tired just reading about what you've done! i've been wondering about you! come one over to the new board, the link is here. this goes for everyone else that isn't over there yet too! there's also a thread in LWAB.

justmama 04-04-2008 12:59 AM

i'm completely and utterly exhausted still. raising 3 little ones by myself with no help really really is hard. i am exhausted both physically and mentally. I can barely eat, let alone keep up with the laundry and the housekeeping. the kids' dad comes every few days to visit but he's no help. He'd let Grace cry rather than try to fix the problem and that;s nothing new. One more reason he's my ex. Gracie is 3 months old and I've yet to feel like a day with t he kids went well. Someone is always needing me, needing a diaper change, help with the potty, a snack, a drink, a change of clothing, help dressing a doll, etc etc etc. Someone is always crying here and 99% of the time I'd like to join in with them. It's hard. And some days I just want to lock myself in the bathroom for 5 minutes. I rarely get a shower. I haven't had a hot meal since before Grace. Is she thriving? Yes. Are they all still alive? Yes. Do they all love each other? Yes. I guess that's all I can truly ask for right now. But I for one will be extremely happy to make it to the stage where Grace plays with toys so I can have her entertain herself in the bouncy seat for me to shower or make her sister's a meal without her screaming. The sling is my best friend these days.

sarahn4639 04-04-2008 02:18 AM

justmama, i can't even imagine how hard that must be! there was a day with just 2 of them that I caleld dh at work and had him talk me and the 2yo down! you are doing amazing making it through each day. your girls will eventually know how hard you worked fo them and know what a wonderful, hard working, dedicated mother they have. i hope things lighten up soon. is there anyone you can reach out to?

justmama 04-04-2008 09:49 AM

thanks mama. I guess I just needed to vent right along with you guys. i'm not having any fun with this. the only people i have to reach out to right now are here on mdc. there's a few mama's i have become close to and we chat daily and that helps. And my sister is 6 hours away but we speak each morning over coffee on her way to work. i think I just need to get back to work at least part time, but grace is refusing bottles now. all of a sudden she won't take them.


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