intimacy...maybe tmi - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 3 Old 04-01-2008, 12:54 PM - Thread Starter
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ok so to the moms who have btdt how do you find time for intimacy with your dh?

Mine has a very strong libido and has since we met. Now I have never really been one to start things and this makes my dh very upset. It makes him feel as if I am not attracted to him and now he feels like I am using ds as an excuse. He is probably right, but he wants to dtd every day!!! I am too tired and it is not that I am not attracted to him b/c I am I just don't know how to make the first move. I think about things that we could do and then I never do them...I guess that is something I have to work on myself and stop being shy with my dh. I also feel like although he may respect all I am going through I don't know that he understands, or can feel what it is like. I know I have some work to do but I also feel like he does too. Like not to put so much pressure on me and make me feel bad for spending so much time with ds. And there has got to be other ways to be intimate other than sex...right?

give me some ideas....please.

I am thinking that we both need to sign a pact that I will work harder to show dh that i think he is amazing and attractive and that he will not put some much pressure on me and we will find other ways to be intimate and reconnect.

Allyn birthmom to S 3/12/03, placed in open adoption 4/06, married to W 6/22/07, mama to H 2/5/08, mama to M 8/26/12.
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#2 of 3 Old 04-01-2008, 08:00 PM
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this is a hard one....i think your pact idea is great.

the thing that i found about initiating is to just do it. even if you are silly and it feels uncomfortable just laugh at yourself. it's funny and once you start you KNOW your dh isn't going to turn you down (kind of a safety net!).

also, he doesn't know what it's like to be you with your hormones. remind him that until you start ovulating again your body isn't really in "make baby" mode. that doesn't mean you can't do it but that it's just not one of your drives right now.

eh. who needs a signature?
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#3 of 3 Old 04-02-2008, 05:57 AM
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We've had to talk about this a lot, especially this time round- I felt so self-conscious about him having seen my body going through every single bodily function simultaneously, and assumed he wouldn't want me any more. I was wrong
At the moment we're both too exhausted for sex, but it does help that we're making an effort to show affection physically- a hug, a squeeze, a hand on the arm while we talk. I miss the closeness that an active sex life brings us far more than I miss the act, y'know?
Also, the love and devotion he shows Skye and River so obviously and physically is actually love for me as well, in a way, because they're part of me just like they're part of him.

Helen mum to five and mistress of mess and mayhem, making merry and mischief til the sun goes down.
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