*Pregnant after a loss (PAL) July thread* - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 96 Old 07-20-2007, 05:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Charmie981 View Post
Welcome CrazyDiamond and MommyCakes. I'm sorry you ladies are here in a way, but I can't help but think how wonderful it will be in March when we all get to post our birth announcements!! All the positive and negative emotions we've had in the beginning of our pregnancies will be long gone the first time we look into babe's eyes. I hoping we all get to share those moments with each other!
Thank you so much.
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#62 of 96 Old 07-20-2007, 11:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I can tell you charlotte, taking progesterone is absolutely NOT a placebo effect. I wouldn't have stayed pg with my last one so long, and wouldn't have made it to implantation with the others if I had not taken progesterone. If I don't use it, I don't get pg or I don't stay pregnant. Proven by the numbers.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#63 of 96 Old 07-21-2007, 11:47 AM
 
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Hello everyone. to you all.

I lost my 1st preg. at 7w in Feb. of this year after TTC for nearly 10mos.

With this preg. I keep checking my symptoms. I poke my boobs or bounce a bit to see if they're still sore. In fact last week I woke up at 4am sleeping on my stomach and had to pee. I was being gentle getting out of bed to keep from jarring my boobs since they had been so sore when I realized they didn't hurt at all. I kinda freaked out. I woke up my poor DH who was very groggy and confused as to why I was upset that my boobs were feeling better. I eventually got up and look on-line to see if it could be normal then calmed down enough to get back to sleep. I was very relieved when the soreness came back though.

I've had my 1st u/s and found that I am about 4 wks less pg than the dr.s thought. That freaked me out and made me worry that I was in the process of miscarrying again, but HcG levels checked out fine. Thank God. I've got a 2nd u/s scheduled in 2 wks. I kind of feel like once I see the heartbeat I can calm down. I know that bad things could still happen after that, but honsetly, I'm choosing not to think about it.

Kristy, wife to Josh proud mama to Katie: since 3/08 and Emma since 8/12.

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#64 of 96 Old 07-21-2007, 03:51 PM
 
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to everyone. I can definitely relate to the feelings of consantly poking boobs to see if they are sore, and freaking out if they aren't. I worry if I feel less nauseaus or don't feel sick.

However, I have reached a milestone of sorts. I am 7 weeks 1 day today and I had my m/c at 6 1/2 weeks...so I feel as though I have gotten past that.

I haven't seen any OB or midwife yet...haven't even decided on who I am using. On one had, I would love an early u/s to see the hb...but on the other hand I figure what will happen, will happen...and I woudl rather make it until 10-11 weeks when we can hear the heartbeat on doppler. Not sure what to do. I have a prenatal intake appt. next week, not sure if we will use this midwife yet.

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#65 of 96 Old 07-22-2007, 02:39 PM
 
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Welcome to everyone just finding us here!

I am feeling a bit more secure about this baby as we sis see the heartbeat on the u/s this week - but, I had the littlest, tensiest bit of pink tinged CM last night. Barely anything, but as you all know, any little thing makes me worry. Nothing now, no cramping. I will feel much better after making it through the next few weeks. Past my latest loss (9W). But even in that pregnancy, things wern;t progressing normally at this point. Not at all normally. So, for now, I feel very optimistic. (and alternately super worried!)

Ameliabedelia- I know the feeling of just wanting to get past that milestone of loss. I am hoping to pass it in a few weeks. And while I know I could call and request another u/s this week, I just don't think it will help me to feel better at this point. I am doing absolutely everything I can for this baby, and I will just wait and see where life takes us.

Jillybeans- I second the progesterone thing. The perinatologist told me that there is new research out suggesting a role for pericervical embryotoxins in recurrent early pregnancy loss - and that the treatment for this is vaginal progesterone. Apparently it difficult and expensive to test for, so the standard of care is to put women with recurrent loss on progesterone for the first 16 weeks. Definitely *not* placebo effect, IMHO!!!!
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#66 of 96 Old 07-23-2007, 12:27 AM
 
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I completely understand checking to see if your boobs are sore! Unfortunately, that just isn't a pg sign for me (they weren't sore with my DD either). BUT, and this is huge, I was feeling a little nipple soreness when DD nurses! I mean, I haven't had any soreness since the early weeks and here they're sore again! I couldn't be happier about that. With DD, since she was my first, I wasn't nursing so I have no idea of my nipples would have been sore or not. . .but I think it means something this time.

Also, in terms of gestational age, yesterday was the point I miscarried last time. So I feel a bit better that I've hit that milestone with no bleeding or anything. It puts my mind to ease some, but not totally because I know there's still plenty of time for things to go wrong.

Also, about the progesterone. . .when I m/c last year, my doctor gave me a script for it. But I never filled it and now that I'm looking for it, I can't find it!!!! I'm going to look some more tonight and if I can't find it, I'm going to call in the morning and get a new script. My progesterone has always been a bit low, particularly because I have PCOS and a luteal phase defect. At least I'm past the part where the LPD would have had an effect.

Does anyone know at what point, assuming low progesterone, you have to start supplements to prevent a loss? What I mean is, can I assume that since I haven't taken any yet and I'm 6 weeks along and things are going okay, that I don't need it? Or is there still plenty of time for the low progesterone to rear it's ugly head (making supplements neccessary, even if I don't start them until now)? In the past when I've taken them, it's always been right after O, not this late in the game.

Mama to Boy (2) and Girl (5)
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#67 of 96 Old 07-23-2007, 02:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm glad some of you are reaching milestones by getting past the point of your last m/c! Symptoms are nice too!

Leila, I'd guess you were ok on the progesterone issue, but you will probably have to start supplements if it drops below 15.

I still have 5.5 weeks until I'm at the point where I m/c Riley. Seems like so long...

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#68 of 96 Old 07-23-2007, 02:21 PM
 
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UGH i feel like death. But that means i am preggo!

I wont pass my "loss date" for 6 more weeks
I think after the 13 week mark i will really start to breathe...
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#69 of 96 Old 07-23-2007, 02:55 PM
 
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I definitely have a distinct advantage in that my latest loss was 5w, 4d, so I always feel like once I make to 6 weeks, I'm "home free." However, I've never been a midwife during my pregnancy, so this time I know so much more that I'm worried I'll make myself a nervous wreck. I'm not what you'd call an "alarmist" midwife, but I do think I just know too much to be a relaxed pregnant woman.

I got a call today about my labs, and EVERYTHING came back normal, including the progesterone that was drawn before I started the prometrium. They still want me taking the prometrium, though, which is FINE by me. It makes me feel like I'm doing something .

Now that I know I'm not "high risk," the question is what in the WORLD am I going to do for my birth? I'm the only midwife in this area, and even I'm not licensed. There is one other midwife that does homebirths in my area (unlicensed), but she and I are not the best match. My teaching midwife is licensed and might take me but we'd have a lot of baggage to work through...My apprentice isn't finished and has said that if I want her to, she'll do everything possible to finish by my EDD, but I don't know how I feel about that either...I feel like it might be unethical to push her to get done and then be her first client (though she is a good friend of mine and not "just" my apprentice).

Charlotte, midwife to some awesome women, wife to Jason, and no longer a mama to all boys S reading.gif('01), A nut.gif ('03) S lol.gif ('08) and L love.gif ('10).
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#70 of 96 Old 07-23-2007, 03:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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hard decisions charlotte!

I feel incredibly blessed this time. When pg with my dd there was only ONE midwife within 2.5 hours of me, and she is very very religious. Won't allow waterbirths because God didnt' make us fish, we have to have prayer sessions all the time...it was very hard. We're religious, but this was over the top. No choice though. This time a new midwife just moved to the area, and she is covered by my insurance! (God i love Oregon!) She is exactly what we need.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#71 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 12:55 PM
 
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So I am new to this ddc, and I could be totally overreacting. (I am chock fill o' pregnancy hormones after all.) I've been all over the ttc boards on MDC posting, and have never experienced this, but it seems like when I post here, it halts a thread. Now, mind you, there aren't many active threads right now, but when I post, I feel like so few post after me.

Maybe I'm just spoiled. Maybe the ttc threads I've been on were just very active, but I get the feeling that the three losses in my sig are driving mommies away. Like maybe if they show up after me, my losses will rub off on them... I'm not contageous! Surely, I'm overreacting. (Maybe I should add that to a symptoms list.)

My introduction to this PAL thread:

I'm Amanda. I'm 31, and this is my fifth pregnancy. We have a 6yo son who has lived with us since he was 9 months old, and whose adoption we finalized when he was 2 1/2.

Pregancy #1: Our dd (5yo)was a surprise pregnancy. We had been trying for a couple of months when I had been told I would be unable to get pregnant without surgery, etc. (Found out later that particular OB was a certified quack who had a problem with insurance fraud.) I was already 4 weeks pregnant when he said I couldn't get pregnant. We had just taken in ds, and found out two weeks later that I was 6 weeks pregnant. I had low progesterone with that pregnancy that was handled with vaginal suppositories. At 21 weeks, I found out I have an incompetent cervix. I had a rescue cerclage, and long story short, after bedrest and treatment for PTL, I gave birth at 36w1d. She had no issues or delays, no NICU stay, and came home with us 24 hours later.

Pregnancy #2: Officially another surprise. We had been trying for months with rounds of Clomid and Progesterone due to some secondary infertility, but had not been trying that particular month. We were going to DisneyWorld in January 2006, so my last month to ttc at that moment was Oct/Nov cycle. We did nothing in the Nov/Dec cycle, and I realized that I was pretty late for AF in December. I was nearly 6 weeks when I lost. I had blood drawn on a Friday, and got positive results back on Monday. The day my blood results came back positive, I lost the baby. Loss due to low progesterone and supplementation not occurring on time. Loss in Dec. 2005.

Pregnancy #3: We had been doing another many months of Clomid and Progesterone. I told my dh this would be the absolute last month I would try. I have a tipped uterus and my ovaries seem to be way high and in odd locations, so follicle checks are way painful for me. Anyway, I told him that and then had a discussion with my then OB about it. As it turns out, his nurse had been having me take progesterone at CD14 no matter what -- though I don't O until CD 18 or 19 and had been telling her that. All those many months, I was causing my inability to get pregnant. (Progesterone taken too soon causes CM to block sperm.) I corrected it that month, and conceived Ainsley. I was taking 300 mg oral Prometrium daily, and my levels bottomed out at 8w5d, and I lost her due to low progesterone. (I have Insulin Resistance, and while you normally absorb only about 10% of oral prometrium anyway, my OB later thought I was probably absorbing less because of my other issues.) Loss in Oct. 2006.

Pregnancy #4: We conceived Zachary in that first official cycle after we lost Ainsley. I didn't use Clomid and didn't plan on getting pregnant. In fact, the two previous losses after so much work had been way too heartbreaking, that I really felt like I was done. I realized when I was about 5 days late for AF that I was late, and POAS. Positive. It was Christmas holiday and the OBs office was closed, so I just began taking the Prometrium I had leftover from Ainsley. When I tested that next week, my progesterone levels were at like 36 and were holding steady. At just before 8 weeks, they began dropping rapidly from 36 to 22 to 16 in about four days. I insisted that my OB prescribe vaginal suppositories like I had taken with dd. He did, my levels rose to about 24 and stabilized. I continued with that until I weaned at 14 weeks. I had a preventative cerclage placed with Zachary at 13w4d to handle the incompetent cervix, and began taking progesterone injections at 15 weeks to prevent preterm labor. At 22 weeks, my transvaginal cerclage failed. I had PROM, cord prolapse, and had to be induced for birth at 22w1d. Zachary was born alive and died later.

Pregnancy #5: I had a Transabdominal Cerclage placed about 4 weeks after Zachary was born and died (placed on 05/21). It's a cerclage placed above my cervix to hopefully bypass whatever my cervix will do during pregnancy. My OB suggested waiting three months before ttc after his birth, so this was our first official month to try. I had blood drawn at what I thought was 10 dpo, and results were negative. Two days later, I poas and it was positive. The next morning (Monday), I had another bfp, so I went back for more blood. Also positive with an hCG level of 22. Because we were trying, I had been taking 200 mg Prometrium vaginally from 4 dpo, and have now switched to compounded natural progesterone suppositories twice daily. I'll probably wait until my first OB appointment for a draw to check levels. It's in a couple of weeks, and there's not alot more that I can do at this stage. At least, I don't think there is.

I'm trying not to be obsessive. I'm sure this pregnancy will look alot like my last pregnancy, with biweekly scans and lots of bloodwork, but I truly think all of my issues have been addressed, and I really expect this pregnancy to go full-term or very close to it. In between all of those invasions, I would really like to be as normal as possible and really enjoy evey moment rather than spending them freaking out. So, so glad to be a part of this ddc!

Amanda, Wife to James and Mom to Bub (11/00), Gracie (5/02), Brystol (7/09), Elleigh (3/11) and Piper (10/11).  angel1.gif  Missing our angels: Bean (12/05@6w) Ainsley (10/06@10w) Zachary (4/07@22w) Sweet Pea (8/07@9w) Twin B (12/08@8w) and Lil Bit (8/10@8w).

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#72 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 01:30 PM
 
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Welcome Amanda. Thank you for sharing your story. I am so very sorry for your losses and struggles. Wishing you a very healthy pregnancy and a wonderful new baby in March!
It is so hard to not worry, but we are all here to lean on.
~Brandi

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#73 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 02:40 PM
 
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Welcome, Amanda. Hugs to you for your losses. I pray that you - as well as the rest of us here - have a wonderful 9 months and a baby in our arms.

I won't get past my "loss date" for a while. What makes me paranoid is mine was a missed m/c. My baby had died at around 8 1/2 weeks but the m/c didn't happen until almost 12 weeks. I'm so scared that will happen again. Just when you begin to get comfortable. Ugh.

I have a m/w appt. today at 3:15. I'm hoping all goes well there. I'll update when I can.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#74 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 02:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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amanda: I know you're story, but it still kills me everytime. You are a strong woman. And no worries about the board...it's been really off and on since I joined three weeks ago. It'll pick up soon, once people feel "safe"

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#75 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 03:08 PM
 
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Amanda - thank you for sharing your story. I am so sorry for all of your very difficult losses. I am not afraid to post after you! I am a hit or miss poster based on the day, but I think this DDC is a bit slow still.

Karen - I expect an update from you later and I'm sure all will be fine.

Charlotte - I think being any sort of birth professional can make pregnancy more difficult. Ihave been attending births since baby #2 was 8 mo old and the more I have the more I learn....which isn't always good. I remember all the births I attended while having a m/c and just after. Now that I have started my mw apprenticeship, I have the opportunity to learn about compications and such that I never would have considered before. I'm hoping to stay out of my own head. Good luck in your mw search....sounds difficult.

Nichole, mama to 6 blue-eyed babies, LCCE, doula, apprentice mw
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#76 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 03:23 PM
 
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Hi Everyone -

Amanda, you've been through so much, you must be very strong. It's hard not to feel "marked" in some way after such loss. I know I avoided people IRL for a long time after losing Ethan. I can't believe that women are reluctant to post after you. Things are quiet now - it's summer - I'm sure that's all.

My nausea has been terrible but I'm taking comfort in that
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#77 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 06:30 PM
 
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I just thought I'd lurk on the March DDC for a minute but didn't feel brave enough to post...til I saw this thread. Thanks for starting it, Jill. And a big for everyone who posted already. I am sorry to hear about all of your losses.
I lost my youngest dd, Eleanor, at exactly 19 weeks this past April. She was alive and seemingly okay (though small for gestational age) at a routine u/s at 18w 6d, and gone the next morning when I had a routine appt with my midwife.
So, after 2 months of intense grieving followed by a gradual return to "normal", dh and I started to TTC again. I found out, a day or 2 before I got pregnant with this new baby, that my baby who died had Trisomy 16. I guess it's somewhat of a relief to know she couldn't have lived and there's nothing I could have done to help her. Not like that's such a great feeling either.
Anyway, DH and I went on a nice little vacation together at the end of last month, and apparently we got lucky because I got a BFP 2 Fridays ago -- due around the 22nd of March. And another BFP a few days after that -- because, you know, I had two tests and I thought maybe I dreamed up the first one. Even though I kept the test and look at it 25 times a day. LOL. Right now I feel....uh....I feel... I really don't know. Is "sadhappyguiltyhappyscaredhappy" a word?
I haven't called for an appt yet. I am so freaking scared of the doppler and the u/s now. My midwife tried 2 times in one day to hear Eleanor's heartbeat, and then we had an u/s to confirm. I can't get the picture of her little arms and legs just floating there, perfectly still, out of my head. And the big quiet space where her beating heart should have been.
Ack, I'm bringing myself down here. I'll try to have more postive thoughts, at least from time to time.
Congratulations to all of you on your subsequent pregnancies. Hang in there, we'll get through this.
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#78 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 06:34 PM
 
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Thanks ladies for posting after me. I'm pretty sure I'm just hypersensitive. I think that's one of my most prominent pregnancy symptoms, but when dh calls me on it, I deny it to the death. "I am not hormonal! How dare you say I'm hormonal. Boo hoo hoo!!" I'm sure it is just summer and we're all so early and these boards are slow. Looking forward to getting to know you all over the next several months! (And I'll try to keep the hormones to a minimum.)

As for me being a strong woman, I don't know about that. A glutton for punishment, maybe, but strong? I don't know. I've been strong out of necessity, I guess, but as each of you know, that desire to grow your family is intense and undeniable. Despite our losses and potential complications, last night dh was talking about this baby and the next one. Eeek! I'm just wanting to get going on this one...

So glad to have you all here to vent to. I think it will make our secret pregnancy easier to keep secret. We're not telling for at least the first trimester, and maybe not until much, much longer. The disadvantage we may have is that in my last two pregnancies, I looked 4 months pregnant by 8 weeks. DH has decided he'll just tell people I'm getting really fat. Somehow he thinks that's ok.

I cannot tell you how excited I am to be pregnant. Everything seems so much nicer when you're growing a baby. Food tastes better. DH likes it because I'll go to sporting events with him when I'm pg for the concession stand food. OK, I sense I'm about to go into a mushy-gushy hormonal state, so I'll stop right here. I just really appreciate you all not ignoring me. Boo hoo hoo!

(BTW -- lawyermom, I LOVE your ticker. It's so neat to see just how short those months are!)

Amanda, Wife to James and Mom to Bub (11/00), Gracie (5/02), Brystol (7/09), Elleigh (3/11) and Piper (10/11).  angel1.gif  Missing our angels: Bean (12/05@6w) Ainsley (10/06@10w) Zachary (4/07@22w) Sweet Pea (8/07@9w) Twin B (12/08@8w) and Lil Bit (8/10@8w).

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#79 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 08:29 PM
 
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I just heard the best sound ever! I got to hear the heart and see it flickering away and there was a pole and yolk sac etc. Breathing a bit more now. Now only about 5 more weeks till i ca really breathe
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#80 of 96 Old 07-25-2007, 10:20 PM
 
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Hello to all the new mams!

Yay for heartbeats, ASF! It helped me to breathe a bit easier, seeing that little flutter, but now I am back to the usual worries most days.

I am feeling quite nauseated and my belly is beginning to become uncomfortably "full" when sitting in certain positions . . and the boobies are soooo full and sore . . .all of which I find great comfort in. Until worry returns.

I haven't posted on the rest of the DDC yet. I can't bring myself to post on any other threads - just the PALS thread here and in the PALS board as well. Even these I am visiting sparingly. For now. I think after next week's u/s I will hopefully feel a bit better and begin to allow myself to open up a bit more.

It still feels too early to chat about all of the nicer PG stuff. I hate to bring the other mamas down. Those who can actually really enjoy this time.
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#81 of 96 Old 07-26-2007, 12:54 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Katrinka~ View Post
Is "sadhappyguiltyhappyscaredhappy" a word?
I haven't called for an appt yet. I am so freaking scared of the doppler and the u/s now. My midwife tried 2 times in one day to hear Eleanor's heartbeat, and then we had an u/s to confirm. I can't get the picture of her little arms and legs just floating there, perfectly still, out of my head. And the big quiet space where her beating heart should have been.
I cannot imagine what that must have been like to see your baby that way. I have a friend whose baby died in January at 22w due to a cord accident, and that is the image burned in her mind as well. I hope that you're able to find moments of peace and joy in this pregnancy, realizing that loving it and celebrating it doesn't negate your feelings for Eleanor or that pregnancy.

Amanda, Wife to James and Mom to Bub (11/00), Gracie (5/02), Brystol (7/09), Elleigh (3/11) and Piper (10/11).  angel1.gif  Missing our angels: Bean (12/05@6w) Ainsley (10/06@10w) Zachary (4/07@22w) Sweet Pea (8/07@9w) Twin B (12/08@8w) and Lil Bit (8/10@8w).

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#82 of 96 Old 07-26-2007, 01:42 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Katherine: I could not imagine the pain of losing a baby half way through. It was awful enough to see my little Riley just floating there. I'm so sorry mama.

asf: HOORAY for a hb! I'm so incredibly jealous. Four more days....

andrea: It's so hard sometimes. I too have had two recent losses, the last one only in May, at 11. 5 weeks and it is still so hard to not compare. I can't even begin to go in the other PAL thread...a whole lot of those mamas are due in November, when Riley was due.

I'm really glad that we have each other to get through this bittersweet time with.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#83 of 96 Old 07-26-2007, 10:49 AM
 
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now that I'm pregnant I just don't want to. Anyone else feel this way? Maybe out of fear?
You know, with my first PG, i had not intended to do an u/s at all, then I started bleeding and freaked out, and we decided to get an u/s for reassurance. And it was very reassuring. We saw the little baby, the little tiny heartbeat was detected, the HcG levels were going up, it was VERY reassuring and I was able to relax and not be so stressed out. i think it was a healthy decision.

Second PG, I had decided not to have an u/s no matter what. Then I started bleeding. Heavily. Our midwife mentioned we could have an u/s if we wanted, but that all it would do is make us feel better, it wouldn't provide any actual benefit. I decided I needed to feel better, but the u/s was inconclusive, and all it did was make me MORE stressed out for two or three days until I actually passed the baby.

So this PG, we have been very firm that, no matter what, no tests. Because the fact is - the tests don't change anything. We have come to terms with the fact that there is NOTHING we can do, it is out of our hands. We are placing reliance on God for comfort and peace, regardless of what happens, and trying to turn the worry over to Him.

In the meantime, I'm also running to the bathroom every hour or so to check my undies for blood.

jillybeans - I totally understand your inability to go into the other thread. I have two friends - one close, one not so close - who are BOTH due within a week of when I was due with the one I lost. It's hard not to think about what could have been when I'm with them. The one I'm close to knows about the loss, and she's very kind and doesn't dwell on discussions of her pregnancy when she senses it's bothering me.
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#84 of 96 Old 07-26-2007, 11:05 PM
 
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I can so understand that feeling of not being able to look at folks (even online "looking") due around that time. There are a couple of mamas from my second DDC (due in October) on the other PALS thread . .. and it is hard.

so far, not too hard, and they don't seem to post often.

You know, this whole thing is just hard. And I think whatever makes it easier for each of us is exactly what we should do. For me, early ultrasound to see the HB and earlier serial HCG's worked . . . . i can easily see why one wouldn't choose to do these . . .

I am feeling a little torn, unable to easily take a stand tonight - can you tell?! I think it's the lack of good sleep! See you all tomorrow!
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#85 of 96 Old 07-27-2007, 12:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks guys.

I'm with you greta...after losing three babies out of three pregnancies(thank God dd was a twin) I have no shame about doing multiple u/s in the first trimester. I've seen hbs and had the babes still die, so I just...need it.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#86 of 96 Old 07-27-2007, 12:12 AM
 
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.

I am feeling a little torn, unable to easily take a stand tonight - can you tell?! I think it's the lack of good sleep! See you all tomorrow!
No, I read somewhere when I was pregnant with DS that pregnant women, because of the hormones, tend to have a difficult time making decisions. It was in an actual book, not online somewhere, but I just can't remember where...
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#87 of 96 Old 07-27-2007, 03:05 AM
 
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Wow, lots of activity since I last posted~ So sorry to hear about the losses, it's wonderful to share and come together as women supporting each other!

Just wanted to share my excitement......we had our first U/S today 8w4d and saw my little bean's heartbeat right away!!! Measured perfectly and the tech said this pregnancy is "Golden", a word that will stick with me forever! I feel soooooooooo much better that I decided to get an early US. I was debating it, but now know I made the right decision~

Take care everyone, Hugs to all~
Alisa
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#88 of 96 Old 07-27-2007, 03:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yay alisa! I had an early one this morning, moved up from monday due to some things that reminded me of the last m/c...and everything is perfect so far!
hb 124, baby right on for age, etc. Now to make it to the next milestone... My next u/s is at 10 weeks.

eta: I've been having dreams about guys from my past wanting to get me pregnant. It dawned on me the other day that it's probably because part of me thinks I can't carry dh's children anymore. Damn my body for not keeping them!

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#89 of 96 Old 07-28-2007, 12:21 AM
 
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Thanks for the lovely welcome, Amanda and Jill. Amanda, we lost our babies the same week...and I can't imagine how hard it was for you, either.
BTW, I completely understood when you posted about no one wanting to post after you, like your losses were contagious. I went back to work 4 weeks after I lost my baby, and I was shocked by how people pretended I was never pregnant -- couldn't even manage to say "I'm sorry", just acted like I had been out on vacation or something. They totally avoided talking to me, or asking me how I was, and I kept telling my DH that I felt like I had "dead baby cooties" and no one wanted to catch them. People respond strangely to death in general, and pregnancy and infant losses seem to magnify the strangeness of people's reactions.

Congrats to everyone who saw a happy little beating heart this week. What a wonderful sight.

I am going to the beach for a week. I am up to my eyeballs in packing and my little guy is sick and was throwing up all day. Ack! Hopefully he'll be well enough for us to leave tomorrow morning.

Everyone have a good week growing those little babies!
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#90 of 96 Old 07-28-2007, 03:26 AM
 
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BTW, I completely understood when you posted about no one wanting to post after you, like your losses were contagious. I went back to work 4 weeks after I lost my baby, and I was shocked by how people pretended I was never pregnant -- couldn't even manage to say "I'm sorry", just acted like I had been out on vacation or something. They totally avoided talking to me, or asking me how I was, and I kept telling my DH that I felt like I had "dead baby cooties" and no one wanted to catch them. People respond strangely to death in general, and pregnancy and infant losses seem to magnify the strangeness of people's reactions.
How terrible that must have been.

We've been experiencing that some at church. Everyone around us has suddenly become pregnant and they were all talking to me about their pregnancies or asking my advice without even considering that I'm XX hours and XX minutes since my baby died in my arms. I'm sure they were just trying to move forward and to make me not feel uncomfortable or weird with them, but their trying to not be weird made me feel even more weird. At this point, we've now changed from the Sunday morning church service to the Saturday night church service, and that seems to have helped. People still know us, but we are a little more anonymous, and I feel less like I wear the dead babies banner there. If we weren't involved in leadership, we would just change churches altogether.

Part of the reason that we're hoping to not even share our current good news is so the weirdness doesn't intensify with people voicing their opinions on why they think it may not be a good idea for us to be pregnant again. I just don't feel like explaining my newly enhanced anatomy to everyone who may develop an opinion...

I don't mind talking about it to others who have experienced loss -- I have three dear IRL friends who already know about this pregnancy because we've walked through losses with each other at various stages, and they with me all three times. They don't judge me for this intense desire to grow my family, but have loved me in my losses and have supported me in having myself altered to prevent future ones. It's just that there are so many people out there who have no idea what having a loss is like, and being left with the wanting. They just have all the babies they want and they decide when they're done. These are the people whose judgemental opinions I just could not tolerate right now.

I wonder if you feel this way (or if it's just me), but does it just make you furious to be starting over, when we should be bringing babies home in a few days? I'm having a difficult time just being happy, and not being just livid in a throwing-things-sort-of-way. I've known about this pregnancy for less than a week, and already it been one of the longest weeks of my life.

Amanda, Wife to James and Mom to Bub (11/00), Gracie (5/02), Brystol (7/09), Elleigh (3/11) and Piper (10/11).  angel1.gif  Missing our angels: Bean (12/05@6w) Ainsley (10/06@10w) Zachary (4/07@22w) Sweet Pea (8/07@9w) Twin B (12/08@8w) and Lil Bit (8/10@8w).

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