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Old 07-30-2007, 10:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My last birth was a horrible traumatic experience for me. I let myself be a victim of modern medical practices, and ended up another statistic - failed induction followed by c-section.

This time around, I want a VBAC. My DH will not agree to a homebirth, so we compromised on a birthing center.

I just called the 3 birthing centers in the area that offer the options I want, and NONE of them will do VBACs. All of them will do HBAC...but DH won't agree to that.

:

I just know I'm going to be coerced and forced into another highly medicated/intervention-heavy c-section.
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Old 07-30-2007, 10:39 AM
 
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aw, I'm so sorry. It's such a letdown when you feel like there's no way in the world that you can have the birth you want.
But really, keep your hopes up. You can be strong, and you don't have to get suckered into an overly medicated birth. I'd suggest trying a Midwife in a hospital. That's what I did with DS. My labor was 26 hours, and I never got an ounce of pitocin, IV, epi...or any other drugs. She was supportive of me using the tub, being up and walking during labor, etc. All the while we were in a hospital with the average 1/3 C-section rate, and a 95% epidural rate.
I wanted a homebirth when I had DS, and couldn't find anyone to take my insurance who would do it, so I "settled" for my midwife in the hospital, and I don't regret a thing. In fact, although I'd still love to do a homebirth someday, I'm going back to my midwife for this pregnancy because I love her so much.
Anyway, good luck, Mama. Don't give up. You can have a birth you love. Really.

Erin, Catholic mama to three sweet boys: Ambrose (11/06),  Peter (3/08), and Joseph (9/10) and a sweet girl, Charlotte (7/12/12).

Joyfully expecting #5 April 2014!
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Old 07-30-2007, 11:32 AM
 
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My second baby was born at 33 weeks and that birth turned out to be a really good one for me, despite the fact I'd really wanted a birthing-center birth with my midwives. My waters broke but I never went into labor on my own, so they started Pitocin. I labored for a *long* long time without any significant dilation, but they never once mentioned c-section to me. They eventuallly turned off the Pit and tried a Foley bulb so I could get a few hours' sleep. The Foley bulb helped, and I went on to deliver my baby vaginally and was able to nurse him right away.

I attribute the lack of a c-section to having a Family Practice doctor instead of an OB-GYN in charge of the birth. My midwifes (who had delivery privileges at the hospital--but not for a premie birth--and thus knew their way around) insisted on this. They really went to bat for me during the days before and during labor in the hospital.

Maybe you could have your prenatal care with midwives from one of the birthing centers (check them all out to see which one feels best to you) and have them there in the hospital with you for the birth, to go to bat for you the way mine did for me? It probably is important that they are known at the hospital you'll be using, so they have some clout there. I can definitely say from my experience that having the midwives there as our "watchdogs" made what could have been a traumatic experience a very beautiful one instead.

Good luck to you!
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Old 07-30-2007, 03:48 PM
 
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Hugs to you mama! It's really a grieving process to adjust your ideas of the birth you want. But, like the PP's said, don't give up hope. If a midwife isn't an option at the hostpital (it isn't here) look around your area for a doctor with no ego who is supportive of the choices the MOTHER makes (not the choices the ob/gyn makes for her!). Ask here in your tribal area, ask locally at a LLL or other natural-friendly gathering. And don't be afraid to leave a doctor if you are uncomfortable.

Also, try to find a doula that you really like. I think a VBAC can be particularly vulnerable to the bullying of medical terminology and fear mongering. Personally my DH (tho I love him) wouldn't be up to combatting that... he would be too susceptiable to fear himself. So, try and find a doula who can come alongside you and both support you and help your dp protect you. best wishes!

me, wife to dh, the movie geek (7/01), mama to ds1, budding Star Wars geek (10/05), dd, budding princess of the dirt (03/08) and ds2, budding extrovert. watch out! (8/10).
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Old 07-30-2007, 03:48 PM
 
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Why does your dh get to decide how you birth? You're the one with the uterus right? My dh gets to give his input (and luckily we're on the same page) but in the end its my body, my decision. I think he needs to put his trust in you, that you know whats right for your body and the baby you're carrying.

Mother of 3, welcomed a new baby girl July 2011

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Old 07-30-2007, 04:43 PM
 
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Jokerama has a good point. Does it reassure your DH to know that the qualified expert midwives at the birthing centers you called all feel that HBAC is a medically sound option? Maybe if he talked with one of them to alleviate his fears?

You could also compromise on what "home" means, for example if you live "far" from the hospital you could birth in the home of a friend who lives closer by, so that your DH would feel reassured that should something go wrong, the hospital is right around the corner.

Just some ideas!
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Old 07-30-2007, 11:04 PM
 
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having been the partner of a labouring Mom (and I knew SO MUCH) it is still hard to watch someone labour and not know what that person is feeling. It can be very scary to know that you can lose your baby and your partner very quickly.

Is he a reader? If so, give him as much literature as possible especially from medical sources that support what you want. WHO, Dr Sears and anyone else you can find with a good rep who supports homebirth. And talk about your homebirth as a 'provided everything is going well' sort of a thing so that he knows that you are aware that a transfer is a possibility and one that you are open to if you, your husband and your midwife decide it is necessary.

Medical information was really helpful to me. That and knowing that if we needed to a transfer was possible and wouldn't take that long.

We had an awesome homebirth. Our house has good birthing vibes. The previous owner had a HBAC in the same room as we had a home water birth. I am looking forward to adding a 3rd child being born in the same space and I hope you get the birth you want. You've got a lot of time to bring him around to the idea you want.
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Old 07-30-2007, 11:42 PM
 
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This may be bitchy and not the best way to conduct oneself in a marriage, but I make the medical decisions for myself, including when pregnant, and then tell my husband what I've decided. He had no say in the midwife I chose or the hospital where I'll be having the baby. It's your body, and legally you're the one who gets to make decisions about the baby until it's outside of you.

That said, have you considered other options? A lot of hospital-based CNMs will do VBAC. And there are, believe it or not, some supportive OBs, you just have to shop around and be aware that some of them will pull a bait-and-switch (like tell you until 30 weeks that they support VBAC and then make up a reason to schedule a cesarean). But if you know that going in, and know what your legal rights are, it might make it easier.
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Old 07-30-2007, 11:52 PM
 
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My first birth was horrible. What am I saying.. my first pregnancy was horrible. I wouldn't send my cat to the hospital that I used with my first pregnancy. I had pre-term labor and they treated me horribly for coming in. And then when I had my oldest I labored VERY quickly and without apology the same nurse who had been so horrible said "I guess with your next you'll have to camp out at the hospital".

But, I've had hospital births with my other two and will with this one as well and had very good experiences. I learned to assert my own wants, needs, opinions and not take no for an answer without a very good explanation. I also have a dr. who I trust completely. He's been my dr. since I was 13 (I lived 2 hours away from him with my oldest so I didn't see him) and he REALLY listens to me and he ALWAYS makes sure he is there when his patients deliver (I mean with my youngest he ran every red light in the city to make sure he was there, poor guy had gone home for dinner thinking he was ok).

Heather
wife to wonderful dh, SAHM to 3 girls (10, 5, and 3) and one boy (3/12/2008)
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Old 07-31-2007, 12:59 AM
 
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Do you have an iCAN in your area? (http://www.ican-online.org/)

Our local group is GREAT at not only providing the BTDT support women need to help process their traumatic births (whether they ended in C-section or not, honestly) but to help get them the birth they want.

ICAN can't officially recommend doctors or hospitals or brith centers etc, but the members can all share their own experiences. I know many women have been able to find providers/birth locations that have enabled them to have VBACs when they first came to our group thinking they were out of options...

If you don't have a local group, I'm pretty sure there is a national Email loop that might be helpful, as well.

Sometimes it's just a matter of continuing to look even after you think you've looked everywhere.

I live in a fairly large town, but many women here drive an hour north to a smaller town where there is an OB who will do VBAC at the hospital there. Most of these women felt like you do - they had called everyone, tried everything in town...but they didn't think to start calling in the smaller towns.
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Old 07-31-2007, 01:54 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you for the suggestions...

However, after a lot of thought and discussion, I finally identified what really bothers me about my daughter's birth, and it is not the c-section itself...it's the lack of control I had over my body. I was not listened to about ANY aspect of my labor, from whether or not I wanted my water broken to wanting to get up and walk around during transition to the fact that the epidural wasn't working.

Once I identified the real problem (lack of control), it's easy enough to see the solution that puts me in total control and relieves my husband's fears. There's no need for him to worry about a homebirth, and no need for me to be afraid of being forced into a c-section; no need for me to feel panicky about laboring in a hospital; easier to plan for my step-mother/mother/mother-in-law flying to Germany; easier to arrange care for my toddler.

Even though I'll probably be kicked off MDC, this is the right choice for me and my family. I seriously feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and there is so much tension gone from my body, my marriage. It's been a huge relief, even though it appears to be a total reversal from my position of the last 2 years. But, it's really not, because I'm not being forced or coerced into anything; I'm not having to fight to get what I want, I am fully aware of all the risks and statistics. So I AM in control, and will be scheduling a c-section for 40 weeks, with the understanding that if I go into labor before then, I will labor/attempt a VBAC.

A c-section is not any less valid a birth choice than a HBAC. The difference is that it is the mother's choice, knowing all the statistics and fear mongering. I've spent the last 2 years researching why VBACs are so much safer than repeat c-sections, so I do know all the risks. But, this still puts me in control, without having to trust that anyone else has my best interest at heart. Having made this decision, all the fears and uncertainties of the unknown are gone. I have something reliable and concrete to plan and prepare for, as does my husband.
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Old 07-31-2007, 02:11 AM
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Oh it is so hard to protect your rights when you are in labor. I hope you reconsider your position on the c-section. There are so many added health risks to you by doing it a second time and the drugs you get during labor effect the baby quite a bit. It could even undermine nursing. I think you should look into getting a birth doula. They will help guide you making good desicions in labor and right after birth. My doula even assisted someone who opted to have a c-section. It would give you more power and control.

Hugs to ya

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Old 07-31-2007, 03:48 AM
 
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OK, not to be all ICAN this and ICAN that, but one of the things our local group has always strongly believed is that an educated, informed choice is the best outcome. And if you have made an educated, informed choice about what is best for you and your family, then that's what's important.

There are risks with a repeat c/s for both you and baby, but you know that, and if you're at peace with it, that's all that matters.
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Old 07-31-2007, 06:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by JustJamie View Post
A c-section is not any less valid a birth choice than a HBAC. The difference is that it is the mother's choice, knowing all the statistics and fear mongering. I've spent the last 2 years researching why VBACs are so much safer than repeat c-sections, so I do know all the risks. But, this still puts me in control, without having to trust that anyone else has my best interest at heart.
Hear, hear. Good for you, Jamie! ITA with you, educated choice makes all the difference. Have a H&H9M and a wonderful birth.
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Old 08-01-2007, 10:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well new update - I apparently can't get the scheduled c-section I wanted either. :

But, now my DH is willing to meet with a midwife and *discuss* a homebirth, which is a HUGE improvement over the situation a few weeks ago.

A friend also recommended a doctor/hospital to me, the doctor is encouraging her to VBAC even though she has zero interest in doing so, and said that the hospital has things like midwives on staff, birthing balls, birthing tubs, etc. So it's worth investigating.
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Old 08-01-2007, 10:33 AM
 
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Ya know, my DH was a bit resistant to a vbac homebirth, too. He had imagined the midwife to be some sort of 2 headed hippie with no real medical knowledge. Once he met her, he was really reassured and feels good about the decision. He actually said that this feels "right" for us. Your dh may come around after he meets her and gets to ask all the questions he wants. Hopefully. she'll put hois mind at ease.

Best of luck with all of your decision making!

Diana
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Old 08-01-2007, 05:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by JustJamie View Post
Well new update - I apparently can't get the scheduled c-section I wanted either. :

But, now my DH is willing to meet with a midwife and *discuss* a homebirth, which is a HUGE improvement over the situation a few weeks ago.

A friend also recommended a doctor/hospital to me, the doctor is encouraging her to VBAC even though she has zero interest in doing so, and said that the hospital has things like midwives on staff, birthing balls, birthing tubs, etc. So it's worth investigating.
You know what they say - you want to make God laugh, tell her your plans!!

I think it's great that you arrived at a decision you felt good about, and that you felt empowered by that. There's a lot in birth you can't control. So hang on to that empowerment and know that when you can make the decisions, you will, and you deserve to be heard.
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Old 08-02-2007, 05:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You know what they say - you want to make God laugh, tell her your plans!!
Omg, that is sooo true!!!
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Old 08-04-2007, 02:23 PM
 
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((((Hugs mama))))) I would keep working on DH. It IS your body! Mine wasn't to keen on it but we have had successful home births and now are plaing an unassisted.

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