***Pregnancy After Loss (PAL) *Weekly Chat wk of 8/6-8/12*** - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-13-2007, 02:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Today the spotting is full-on mucousy bleeding and I'm passing some small clots. I have to say, despite all of my calculations yesterday, I feel far less hopeful today. I've continued with the progesterone, and have been drinking water like crazy. My bed now has a left-side indent, but nothing is helping.

I still have not bled enough to soak a pad in an hour, but my thought is because I'm going to the bathroom every five minutes to wipe away the blood. I think if I wasn't doing that, I would for sure be soaking pads.

The OBs office wants me to continue coming in today to draw blood and have today's values to compare to yesterdays.

However, despite all the efforts, I think it's time to say goodbye.

Amanda, Wife to James and Mom to Bub (11/00), Gracie (5/02), Brystol (7/09), Elleigh (3/11) and Piper (10/11).  angel1.gif  Missing our angels: Bean (12/05@6w) Ainsley (10/06@10w) Zachary (4/07@22w) Sweet Pea (8/07@9w) Twin B (12/08@8w) and Lil Bit (8/10@8w).

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Old 08-13-2007, 03:05 PM
 
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Amanda

Megan, loving her sweet rainbow1284.gif boys, born Aug. 2008 and Feb. 2011, and their sister, born still March 2007 candle.gif
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Old 08-13-2007, 04:43 PM
 
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Oh Amanda, I'm still keeping my fingers crossed for you. Hang in there.

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Old 08-13-2007, 06:34 PM
 
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oh my god I missed so much! : All of my prayers are flying out this window as I type, straight for you guys. I'm not giving up on you until I hear otherwise. Stay strong amanda and juneau.

Katherine, you too.

alisa, yay for passing the dreaded date! I'm closing in on that fast. Luckily I'll *hopefully* get to see a healthy baby in a week, and that will be about a week before I started bleeding with Riley, so I'll have something to grasp on to. Sick as a dog, and just started the sleeping aid (unisom) my doc recommended because i have been getting less than 3 hours of sleep a night I'm so nauseous.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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Old 08-13-2007, 07:11 PM
 
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Amanda. I'm thinking of you. How scary and frustrating, especially after seeing your bean on the U/S yesterday.

Jill, thanks for the prayers -- we need 'em! I'm glad you'll get to see your little one soon.

lawyermom, thanks for the ray of hope. What was your spotting like, if you don't mind my asking? Mine was light pink, then changed to more red -- enough to stain my underwear -- with cramps. Now it's back to light pink, and only when I wipe. The cramps are gone, but darnit, the spotting continues to plague me.

I was feeling well enough to get out in my garden today, but still trying to take it very easy.

Right now I'm waiting for my midwife's call--I've got both my landline phone and cell phone on the desk next to me. I think I'll give her about five more minutes and then try her.
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Old 08-13-2007, 09:21 PM
 
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Oh Amanda....still praying for you...hang on..keep positive, I know it's hard~
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Old 08-13-2007, 11:39 PM
 
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Brief update here. Beta was 1915, not as high as I'd expected but still doubling in 48 hours. MW wants me to wait a week before doing anything else. Another blood draw next Monday. She said, "Make yourself a nice hospitable little place for a little embryo to curl up." Working on it...

Had a sudden sharp pain on the right side just when I was feeling OK. Sat down with an ice pack (dd's suggestion) and it passed in 45 minutes or so. Still spotting, though. Going to take it easy for a few days. Although now I fear an ectopic, especially since that's one of the few things that hasn't already gone wrong for me in TTC/pregnancy so far...
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Old 08-14-2007, 02:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Checking in to say goodbye. I went in for followup bloodwork today at the OB's office, but then DH convinced me to drop in on the perinatologist for a scan. With the quantity and quality of blood I was having, we were sure the baby was already gone. The perinatologist saw me today at 4:30 P.M. and no heartbeat remained. Our baby had already indeed passed.

We talked about a D&C sometime tomorrow, but I passed the baby tonight about 8:00 P.M. in it's fully-intact little sac. DH and I buried the baby under Zachary's rosebush in our front planter area with a little purple ribbon to mark.

Perinatologist wants to begin testing on me for a variety of things, but I am at the end of my emotional rope and need a very lengthy break to regroup and recouperate.

Wishing you all long, happy, healthy, uneventful pregnancies, and wishing I still belonged here among you... :

Amanda, Wife to James and Mom to Bub (11/00), Gracie (5/02), Brystol (7/09), Elleigh (3/11) and Piper (10/11).  angel1.gif  Missing our angels: Bean (12/05@6w) Ainsley (10/06@10w) Zachary (4/07@22w) Sweet Pea (8/07@9w) Twin B (12/08@8w) and Lil Bit (8/10@8w).

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Old 08-14-2007, 06:19 AM
 
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Oh Amanda....words can't describe the sorrow I feel for you and your family right now. I'm sooo sorry. My heart hurts for you and what you must be going through. Take care of yourself, it's ok to cry. You baby is in a beautiful place now and he will always remain with you!

Alisa
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Old 08-14-2007, 10:14 AM
 
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Oh Amanda, I'm so sorry. I am glad your babies are together even though I know with all your heart you wish they were still with you.
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Old 08-14-2007, 12:29 PM
 
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Amanda, I am so sorry for your loss. This has been such a hard road for you. It's just plain unfair that you have to go through this again.

Megan, loving her sweet rainbow1284.gif boys, born Aug. 2008 and Feb. 2011, and their sister, born still March 2007 candle.gif
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Old 08-14-2007, 02:18 PM
 
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Amanda, I'm so very sorry for your loss. My heart aches for you and your family; life is so cruelly unfair sometimes. Wishing you much peace and healing on the road ahead of you.
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Old 08-14-2007, 02:28 PM
 
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Oh amanda, my heart is breaking for you. I know it's next to impossible, but try to find joy in that precious time you spent with your baby, and remember that it won't be alone now. It's got some wonderful siblings to share your love with.

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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Old 08-14-2007, 05:07 PM
 
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Amanda -

Take your time grieving your baby before you think about the next stage. I'm so glad you have a place to mourn - we also have a rosebush for our son. When I water it I think of him.
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Old 08-14-2007, 05:09 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by juneau View Post
:lawyermom, thanks for the ray of hope. What was your spotting like, if you don't mind my asking? Mine was light pink, then changed to more red -- enough to stain my underwear -- with cramps. Now it's back to light pink, and only when I wipe. The cramps are gone, but darnit, the spotting continues to plague me.
I had brown spotting, but that's probably because it's how my periods usually start. It was also enough that I saw it in my underwear.
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Old 08-14-2007, 10:23 PM
 
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Amanda. I am so sorry!

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Old 08-14-2007, 11:52 PM
 
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Oh, Amanda! My heart just breaks for you. No one deserves what you have been through. Take care of yourself, and give your body and spirit whatever time you need . . . . . .
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Old 08-18-2007, 05:00 PM
 
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Hey, all.
I have NOT been reading this thread, or coming on here at all as a matter of fact, for various reasons, mostly because I'm trying not to dwell on the whole M/C thing, but while I'm trying not to dwell, I am also having a hard time getting "into" this pregnancy.

But now I've just come back from my first MW appt, I'm 10 weeks, we were going to hear a heartbeat today. But we didn't. Combine that with some very mild spotting and some random very mild cramping...sigh.

Now, I know it could be too early. But my MW strongly felt we should hear something, I'm very thin, there's not much between the doppler and my uterus. She's actually concerned now, and has recommended an ultrasound, for everyone's peace of mind, and to get a better idea of what we're dealing with. (She's VERY low intervention, so for her to recommend an US is something I took seriously.)

So we'll get that scheduled for next week, and she's planning to swing by in a few days to try again.

grrrr. I really really hate the first trimester.
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Old 08-18-2007, 07:08 PM
 
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oh honey, I'm sorry. : Hang in there and keep us updated. Lots of prayers headed your way!

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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Old 08-18-2007, 08:01 PM
 
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Sarahtar, . Thinking lots of good thoughts for you. Maybe an anterior placenta is making it hard to get a good listen. I'm sorry you have to wait til next week for your u/s, it's got to be hard for you to concentrate on anything else in the meantime.
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Old 08-19-2007, 01:26 AM
 
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Sarahtar- I am keeping you in my thoughts.

And Juneau as well, who had surgery last night for a ruptured ectopic pregnancy.

This is a bad, bad week. I hope that the mamas who have left us are taking care of themselves, and healing both physically and emotionally. We all know the long road they face, again.
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Old 08-19-2007, 10:28 AM
 
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Hugs Sarahtar. With dd2 the midwife couldn't find a hb at 10 weeks. She was fine....it was just too early/

This time, our (different) midwife reccomended I come back at 10 weeks to try to find the hb,but I decided to wait a week and go in at 11.5 weeks to give us a better chance of hearing it.

I really think 10 weeks could just be too early...sometimes you can hear it that early, but not always and it doesn't mean anything is wrong.

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Old 08-19-2007, 11:23 PM
 
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That's what I keep telling myself, and when I was on the phone with my MW to schedule the appt, she was saying that it COULD be too early, etc., but she has a very strong history of hearing heartbeats, and I've had some minorly worrisome symptoms, and we heard DS's heartbeat with barely a try when I was 10 weeks, and I'm worried already, and then she got a little worried...

There's a whole list of reasons to NOT be concerned. I know that in my head. The rest of me's not convinced.

it's probably FINE. But it's SOOOO hard to be in this place again. EVERY pregnancy, I've been here. The "there could be something wrong, or it could be nothing" place. The "we just have to wait to see" place. I hate this place.
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Old 08-20-2007, 05:28 AM
 
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Hang in there~ Sometimes putting our trust in God is the only thing we can do! Wishing you nothing but great news!!! 10 weeks is still early....I was never able to hear a heartbeat until 12 weeks, so hang in there~

Alisa
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