the stupid things people say to pregnant women.... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 11:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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UGH! Why is it that people feel like they can just forget all common etiquette when talking with a pregnant mama? I mean, seriously. Anyway, I've been compiling a list of the most idiotic things people have said to me this pregnancy, because I've had it. Feel free to join me.

A woman at church on Sunday said, word for word, "Wow! You're getting BIG! You really *exploded* in the last few weeks!" Uh, gee, thanks for finding the most flattering way to say that. And REALLY?! You think I didn't notice? It was all I could do to not say, "Thanks! You too!"

A few other peeves...

When I tell people we're having another boy (which we're thrilled about, btw), I'm astounded at how many have said, "Oh, I bet you were wishing for a girl." wtf?!

"I was always too happy to be having a baby to feel sick."--OK, this is one of the most toxic, disgusting things I've ever heard. I feel *sick* because I'm growing a *brain* in my STOMACH, NOT because I don't like my baby. Moron.

In regards to morning sickness: "Have you tried crackers?" What? Crackers? I've just been shoveling down fistfuls of egg salad, and I can't figure out why it's not helping?! Of *course* I've tried crackers.

Erin, Catholic mama to three sweet boys: Ambrose (11/06),  Peter (3/08), and Joseph (9/10) and a sweet girl, Charlotte (7/12/12).

Joyfully expecting #5 April 2014!
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#2 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 12:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by tolovemercy View Post
When I tell people we're having another boy (which we're thrilled about, btw), I'm astounded at how many have said, "Oh, I bet you were wishing for a girl." wtf?!
This one happens to me CONSTANTLY but in reverse!! I have 3 dd's from my previous marriage and my DP has 1 dd. We haven't found out the sex of this baby but my heart tells me it's a girl. And I'm THRILLED at the possibility of a girl! But WHY do people feel the need to say "I bet you're hoping it's a boy!" especially in front of my girls!!! NO! I'M NOT! I'm in love with this baby - boy or girl - and guess what folks....WE DON'T GET TO CHOOSE THE SEX OF OUR BABIES! Drives. Me. Insane.

Other then that the other two that get to me are...

"When are you getting married?"....and that's your business how????

"What last name are you giving the baby?" His/her FATHER'S! Am I suppose to give it my ex-dh's last name (still mine for now)?! That would be so lovely.

But nothing - NOTHING - brings out the stupid comments more then twin babies (I'm sure moms of higher order multiples would argue that though ). After my twin dd's were born it was like it was raining stupid people. LOL!!!

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#3 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 12:14 PM
 
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"Was it planned?"

Err no, it's purely accidental that I managed for the last 4 years of marriage to have sex and avoid getting pregnant - at the age of 29 I've still not grasped contraception.... Of course it was planned!

"Wow, you're really big. It doesn't suit you"

Nice. Just nice...

"Make sure you get that epidural!"

Yup, let's think positive.

"A homebirth? Isn't that dangerous? What if something goes wrong?!?"

Oh, we'll just light up some more incense and hope for the best...

I wish people could just say "oh you look great" and leave it at that. I can't remember ever telling a pregnant person that they looked huge or anything remotely similar...

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#4 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 12:19 PM
 
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I preface that I work in a senior community, which is full of both wisdom and poor eyesight.
My top three favs this week:
"Boy, you've really PoPpEd! Are you in LAbor?" - Uh, no, I'm standing here running your business and listening to your neighbors complain - does that look like labor? Maybe it does.

"You're having twins, right? or triplets?"

"Are you headed to the hospital now?"

These re from 3 seperate people, all in the last 4 days.
I've got 6-8 weeks to go people. You all know when I'm due. Chances are if I'm still standing here listening to you tell me that the pool is too cold at 86 degrees, or that you'd like the maintenance crew to find a way to keep the lizards from pooping on the sidewalk, I'm not in labor.
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#5 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 02:16 PM
 
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Other than the normal "OMG you are huge!" and "Your due when? You have a long way to go!" I haven't had to many comments. I am not a big public person so I avoid it as much as possible but my cousin did say to me the other day, "Wow, you face is getting fat!" What a b****! I can't wait until she gets pregnant. I am going to be just as rude as she has been to me. She also has said to me, "Are you going to watch your weight better because you got so big with DS?" Humm... yeah, I really didn't like carrying around an extra 75lbs after DS was born, duh! Why are people so stupid??

A wife to A, unschoolen mom to C (7), T (3) & little A (9 months).
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#6 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 02:24 PM
 
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I work in a very large office setting. My co-workers know I am single,so the question that blows my mind is:

"Who's the father?"

Another fave is when I'm tired or not feeling very well"

"It only gets worse!"

WTF?????
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#7 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 03:16 PM
 
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I work in an ER, and almost every room I go in comments on my expanding belly. Doesn't bother me.. but the same questions over & over get old. I want to wear a shirt to work that says:
"due march 8th, it's a BOY, yes, i have one other child, a three year old girl".

I got a really funny one last night. An older lady asked when baby was coming, she said "oh, so soon". I replied that yes, it has gone by fast & I was a little nervous to be the mother of two. She then replied with "were you nervous when you made that baby?" haha.

a second, and very disturbing one last night. I walked into a room, and the patient said to her boyfriend/husband, "look baby, she's preggo". then looked at me & said "he has a fetish w/pregnant women".
WHAT? okay. weird.
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#8 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 03:22 PM
 
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Not in your DDC, but I think y'all need to wear the teeshirt that says, "We're hoping for a pony."
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#9 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 03:27 PM
 
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I need a t shirt that says, "IF YOU DIDN'T PUT IT THERE, THEN DON'T TOUCH MY BELLY!"
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#10 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 06:09 PM
 
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I still prefer "You're so big!" to "You don't look big enough to be carrying twins!" That one just makes me feel like something's wrong with me.

I guess most of my complaints about stupid comments are multiples-specific. "You'll have your hands full!" "Better you than me!" "Well, don't fool yourself - the next few years are going to be awful."

Mama to twins Wren and Robin, 3/3/08.
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#11 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 06:14 PM
 
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I still prefer "You're so big!" to "You don't look big enough to be carrying twins!" That one just makes me feel like something's wrong with me.

I guess most of my complaints about stupid comments are multiples-specific. "You'll have your hands full!" "Better you than me!" "Well, don't fool yourself - the next few years are going to be awful."
That's just the beginning of the fun "twin comments" you have to look forward to. I had someone ask me if my girls were identical. When I said they were she said "But you don't have them dressed alike!" Uhh....ok.

I too got the comment that I was huge which was countered with not looking big enough to be carrying twins. What's that about? Make up your mind!

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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#12 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 07:01 PM
 
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I'm teeeeny and rail-thin, so it doesn't bother me when people say I look huge, I really like that. I realize they mean the baby and not me.

The thing that DOES bother me is when people think they are doctors and keep trying to tell me that something is wrong with me or that my dates are off.

For example, the last time I went to the library, an older woman there lit up and said "awww, when are you due?" I said "three more months" and her face just fell. She stared at me with her mouth open and then looked at me like something was REALLY wrong and said "you look...kinda big...for six months." This is usually followed by the person asking what's wrong with me (they NEVER assume it might be twins) and we get into a negative discussion.

Seriously, people! I just look big because I'm so tiny! I do look like I'm about to give birth any second, though.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
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#13 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 07:14 PM
 
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I get a lot of people being dumb about us having a second girl- they mostly try to cover it up but I can see they expect me to be disappointed, so I try to head them off by saying how excited we BOTH are (which is true, I hate that no one believes me that my DH wants girls).

But I try to surround myself with people who are birth/pregnancy-smart to minimize the stupidity Yesterday I met up with a friend/fellow volunteer who is a doula, and she said "wow, you look so cute, pregnancy really suits you!" and I joked that she should teach a class on how to talk to pregnant women!

The first time around I got a lot more stupid comments about birth, especially once people knew I was having a homebirth. This time around that's happening a lot less, because everyone who knows me knows I had a really amazing homebirth, so they know better than to be all doom and gloom about it.
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#14 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 08:44 PM
 
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I haven't really gotten any but, since it IS number 5, I have gotten the standard "and now you're DONE right?" inquiries. Actually we aren't, thanks...

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#15 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 08:56 PM
 
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I need a t shirt that says, "IF YOU DIDN'T PUT IT THERE, THEN DON'T TOUCH MY BELLY!"

::
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#16 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 10:03 PM
 
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I feel *sick* because I'm growing a *brain* in my STOMACH, NOT because I don't like my baby. Moron.
:

I've been getting the "you must be ready to POP any minute, eh?" all the time.

#1 I loathe the word "pop."

#2 It's none of a strangers business when my husband and I will be welcoming our child into the world.

#3 I am showing HUGE because I have a teeny frame.... there's nothing wrong with me.

.................

Quote:
a second, and very disturbing one last night. I walked into a room, and the patient said to her boyfriend/husband, "look baby, she's preggo". then looked at me & said "he has a fetish w/pregnant women".
You have GOT to be kidding me!

You should have said: "Well, you're in luck! I'm a sadist with a fetish for un-lubricated cathaders."
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#17 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 10:22 PM
 
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This is my favorite " You certainly aren't getting near as fat as you did with your first one"
I also get this when I say its a ds after 3 dd's " oh your husband must be SO happy"
& since this is #4 for us I also get "so are you getting your tubes tied or is he getting fixed?" "I hope this is your last" "how are you going to afford all them kids"& "your not going to turn into the Duggars are you?". I actually had an aunt call me on the phone to tell me that I needed to get my husband "fixed" before I had the baby because I wouldn't want to risk it.

wife to an amazing man and mom to my 5 amazing children sd (16), sd (13), d (5), son (2), & caboose d born 11/15/09 and two goats but they don't have anything for that
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#18 of 55 Old 01-10-2008, 11:47 PM
 
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An older woman, a mom of a friend of mine, at our church said to me a couple months back- " You're the picture of health!" Very sweet by the way, she gets brownie points in my book!


I told another "friend" and she looks me over and says"huh, wonder why she said that?"

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
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#19 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 01:17 AM
 
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An older woman, a mom of a friend of mine, at our church said to me a couple months back- " You're the picture of health!" Very sweet by the way, she gets brownie points in my book!


I told another "friend" and she looks me over and says"huh, wonder why she said that?"
Ouch. What a lovely way to take away the glow of a compliment! (almost seems like it might have been calculated to be mean rather than thoughtless?)

me, wife to dh, the movie geek (7/01), mama to ds1, budding Star Wars geek (10/05), dd, budding princess of the dirt (03/08) and ds2, budding extrovert. watch out! (8/10).
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#20 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 01:11 PM
 
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We have a very close friend visiting and while I love her dearly I was annoyed all night by her comments until we sat down and really started chatting. First off she commented on how much my DD looks like my DW's aunt. Now, there are some similarities between them but it really irritates me when people tell me how much my DD looks like someone else because it seems to me that people are saying 'oh your daughter is so much a part of your DW's family and while she does resemble them somewhat she also looks very much like herself and she's my kid, not my SIL's kid!

Then she was going on and on about how pregnancy must be wonderful and how I must be enjoying it. Well, sure there are things that are very cool but a lot of them are quite overshadowed by the 7 months of puking and feeling really sick along with this major change in my identity.

And then she asked if I was going to breastfeed my child or if my wife was going to nurse her. Um, okay... yeah, it's nice to know that I have a bit more flexibility to run errands and the like but I really am looking forward to nursing this little one because it was really hard not to be able to nurse our first one.

And of course we always get 'what are you going to do if you end up with a boy?' geez, I guess we'll raise him and love him like all parents do you idiots!
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#21 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 01:20 PM
 
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I was still getting the "You're pregnant!?!?!?! You must have JUST found out!" comments until about 2 weeks or so ago...now I get the "How far along are you? 7 months? Wow, is there something wrong with the baby?"

:

No, the baby is just fine, thank you. I look small because of the baby's position, and because I'm losing all the baby weight I retained from my daughter. Yes, I'm perfectly healthy, I'm just not gaining weight, yes it's okay, because I was 30 lbs overweight to start with, I'm eating normally, not dieting. And no, I don't need to check with my doctor to make sure it's safe if I sneeze unexpectedly!!! :
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#22 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 01:51 PM
 
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Ouch. What a lovely way to take away the glow of a compliment! (almost seems like it might have been calculated to be mean rather than thoughtless?)
Yeah, but this person has told another friend before that she feels intimidated whenever we talk about nutrition, all the business enterprising things we are doing, etc.....so she clearly has some issues. I have long felt there was some jealousy there.

And I wasn't down to my old weight when I got pregnant this time around, but only a few sizes off, and I feel like I am carrying everything really well and I do look healthy. I certainly have a better diet than my previous pregnancies....so maybe there is jealousy there too? Who knows.

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
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#23 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 01:56 PM
 
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I was still getting the "You're pregnant!?!?!?! You must have JUST found out!" comments until about 2 weeks or so ago...now I get the "How far along are you? 7 months? Wow, is there something wrong with the baby?"

:

No, the baby is just fine, thank you. I look small because of the baby's position, and because I'm losing all the baby weight I retained from my daughter. Yes, I'm perfectly healthy, I'm just not gaining weight, yes it's okay, because I was 30 lbs overweight to start with, I'm eating normally, not dieting. And no, I don't need to check with my doctor to make sure it's safe if I sneeze unexpectedly!!! :
I actually, mid Dec. , had a woman at Old Navy ask me if I still wanted a shirt she checked the price on(no tag) because it was "maternity"



But her veiw was straight on-of me, so when she really got a look she realized. But I carry way high.
It's so weird, this time around, I feel so healthy and I don't get the "you look so big" comments, but man getting a good word even from friends is hard to find. Well, a have had a few from those I consider real friends

Is it really that hard to acknowledge a pregnant lady looks as though she is taking care of herself?? Are people so used to this idea of pregnant= big and akward?

Due with number 5 in August. We do all that crunchy stuff.
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#24 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 02:00 PM
 
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You should have said: "Well, you're in luck! I'm a sadist with a fetish for un-lubricated cathaders."
laughup: That is awesome!


I have gotten ZERO comments from strangers. At first, I was kinda confused, but then I realized that I in live in Minnesota, where people would rather have root canals than be nosy

I did get a good one from a coworker the other day: we were going out to get lunch and just before he got in the car he gave me a strange look and said, "You're not going to suddenly go into labor while we're out, are you?" I replied, "I have at least 2 months to go, I think we'll be safe".

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#25 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 03:09 PM
 
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[/QUOTE]
You should have said: "Well, you're in luck! I'm a sadist with a fetish for un-lubricated cathaders."[/QUOTE]

that's great!
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#26 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 03:39 PM
 
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still prefer "You're so big!" to "You don't look big enough to be carrying twins!" That one just makes me feel like something's wrong with me.

...I get that except not the twins part (since I'm not having twins)..but I do get "you don't look big enough to be that far along. Or, you're not very big for being that far along. Or "is the baby growing well, you don't look any bigger than the last time I saw you" I hate, hate, hate that. Totally makes me feel like something is wrong.

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#27 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 03:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It seems to me like people really *want* you to be big and awkward when you're pregnant. I've had at least 3 people tell me recently that I'm "so big", when, in fact, I've not gained very much weight at all and am measuring a few weeks behind. I think it has alot to do with them not realizing how soon I'm actually due, too. They did the same thing when I was pregnant with DS1, whilst I was constantly having to ward off unnecessary tests/ ultrasounds because I was so small (I measured 33 weeks when I delivered at 40wks). I got alot of, "wow! you're huge! when are you due?" and when I said "any day", they decided I didn't look big enough to have a baby. Yet another reason people need to just shut their mouths.

Erin, Catholic mama to three sweet boys: Ambrose (11/06),  Peter (3/08), and Joseph (9/10) and a sweet girl, Charlotte (7/12/12).

Joyfully expecting #5 April 2014!
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#28 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 03:58 PM
 
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"Have you considered adoption/abortion?"

Yes, I am serious about this...I am assuming I am being asked this because I'm single and not wealthy...but still.

Ally
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#29 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 04:20 PM
 
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"Have you considered adoption/abortion?"

Yes, I am serious about this...I am assuming I am being asked this because I'm single and not wealthy...but still.

Ally
You should smack them.

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#30 of 55 Old 01-11-2008, 05:35 PM
 
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My sister has no clue what is appropriate to say to pregnant people at all. She was talking about how one of her coworkers was "ripe for the picking" and that soon I would be too. I'm sorry but someone doesn't just come up and pluck the baby out, it's called a vagina and you push the baby out of it!! Besides I think that the whole picking thing is just plain creepy and have visions of some sort of baby snatcher when I think about it.

I also get the "you're too small comments" but I don't even care I'm happy I'm small because when I've got my coat on no one can even tell I'm pregnant so I avoid all of the stupid comments from strangers.
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