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#1 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 02:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I really didn't want to have a baby in a hospital. Ever. Things just haven't worked out well with that. I've tried doing the next best thing. I have a midwife and a birth plan. She's very supportive.

Today I had an appointment but she was out on leave for the week. I had to see one of the doctors in the clinic instead. I hate him. *sighs* Ok so it isn't really hate. But I was turning in my birth plan today and he decided to go over it with me. He was very condescending the whole time. He spent the whole appointment standing over me. He basically told me that "birth plans are nice but nature has a mind of its own and at that point no one is in control, the doctor just has to fix things." I thought I might scream and throw things.

Yes, this is my first child. But it is very ok for me to have ideals of how I want birth to go. When I say I don't want an epidural, don't reassure me that "some" first time moms can handle the pain. And certainly don't make it sound like I'm a weirdo for that. When I say I don't want my child to have the Vit. K shot and I tell you why, don't try and coerce me into it by saying you'll have to "check the pediatrics department's policy" on children who turn down the shot. And don't roll your eyes when I say that I don't think anti-biotics are conducive to starting a healthy immune system, so I don't want the eye gel. What don't you understand about YOU CAN'T DO THINGS TO MY CHILD UNLESS I CONSENT!?!?! And he kept insisting that once I go into active labor, I'm going to want to stay in the bed hooked up to the monitors. Except I'm not. He kept saying that latent labor is when I'll want my birth ball and that I'm not "going to care" about getting in a hot water shower in active labor.

*sighs* I sincerely hope this doctor is not on when I go into labor. Doctors with attitudes like this are the reason that my birth animal is a bear. I'm definitely going to have to roar if they these are the attitudes I'm facing!
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#2 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 03:21 PM
 
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I'm sorry you had to deal with him. Hopefully it will be the last time.

I would suggest you go over your birth plan again with your mw so that it will be familiar to her and you can get suggestions/opinions from a hcp that you trust and who respects you.

Kristy, wife to Josh proud mama to Katie: since 3/08 and Emma since 8/12.

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#3 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 03:28 PM
 
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What a dud. Of course a birth plan is not a description of how it WILL necessarily play out but a statement of your preferences and your strategies for having a birth as close to what you hope for as is possible.

Good for you for standing up to him (maybe not literally, but explaining yourself and not just accepting his "authority") today.

Hope the mw is on the same page as you and I hope you can have some additional support (dh/p? doula? trusted friend?) with you when you're at the hospital.
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#4 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 04:00 PM
 
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#5 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 04:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eiblyn View Post
"birth plans are nice but nature has a mind of its own and at that point no one is in control, the doctor just has to fix things."
OK, self, deep breath...don't say anything that will get yourself banned forever...I'm trying...I'll just leave it at: good for you for NOT screaming & throwing things, I MAY have. Ick...

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#6 of 12 Old 03-07-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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Wow, that's exactly what's wrong with the medical system in this country. I'm so sorry you had to deal with such a............. well fill in the blank, I'm not letting this guy get me in trouble. :

Breeder Mama: = wife to an amazing man + mama to J-Bear (07/02) and E-Train (06/08), nanny to Little Bird (07/10).

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#7 of 12 Old 03-08-2008, 12:03 AM
 
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s mama! Let's hope he is on leave for the week when you go into labor! Is your mw in rotation with the docs or will she for sure be at your birth?

me, wife to dh, the movie geek (7/01), mama to ds1, budding Star Wars geek (10/05), dd, budding princess of the dirt (03/08) and ds2, budding extrovert. watch out! (8/10).
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#8 of 12 Old 03-08-2008, 05:03 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the hugs ladies! Unfortunately, my mw is in rotation. But I am starting to feel much more fierce and ready to take them on *growls* *chuckle*. Thank you for supporting me in feeling he was an ass.
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#9 of 12 Old 03-08-2008, 11:11 AM
 
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This is why I go to a midwife birth center! ARG!

Ok, a little ''birth day'' advice...............

Don't , I mean , Don't stress over it while in labor. That will bring on more pain. You don't want that. Nor do you want to scream for pain relief. (your preference).

Next, labor at home as long as you can. First time mommas take a little longer, so don't be in a rush to get to the hospital. The longer you are there, the more they do to you!

Just hang in there. The bottom line is to have this healthy baby.
It's ok to have your guns loaded with information if they ask.

Print out some stuff and hand it to the labor/del nurses. They are the ones with you most of the labor. The Doc doens't come in until you are ready to push usually.

You might be able to find one that is sympathetic to your wishes.

(((((All the best)))))
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#10 of 12 Old 03-08-2008, 11:16 AM
 
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I second the suggestions to stay home as long as possible and go over everything with the MW in great detail. Having a doula would be a wonderful asset.
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#11 of 12 Old 03-08-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eiblyn View Post
And he kept insisting that once I go into active labor, I'm going to want to stay in the bed hooked up to the monitors. Except I'm not. He kept saying that latent labor is when I'll want my birth ball and that I'm not "going to care" about getting in a hot water shower in active labor.
You know, until he actually ever manages to labour and birth himself, he cannot possibly know what a woman may or may not want to do during labour, whichever phase. I don't care how many births he's attended... just because the women he supervised didn't do certain things (and I wonder how many of those didn't because they felt bullied or coerced?) doesn't mean nobody will.

During active labour the last thing I wanted to do was lie anywhere (and for a start it was way more painful to be lying down), and I definitely knew when I wanted to be in the warm birthing pool.



I hope he's not there when you go into labour. And otherwise make sure there's someone there who knows what you want, and can run interference with the condescending doctor when he starts to try and push for things you don't want or need.




Marieke

Mama to Dashiell (July '05) and Matilda (March '08)
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#12 of 12 Old 03-08-2008, 08:21 PM
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Gotta love docs like that....not!

I hope you get your mw when you are in labor. How many midwives and docs are in the rotation?

Kara, single mom of 4 girls (5, 8, 16 and 19) crochetsmilie.gif
Kids have strokes too! superhero.gif 

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