Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Westchester Co. NY
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Easiest solution to avoid having her at the birth thing is not to tell her when you go into labour. Just call after it's all said and done. We didn't tell our parents when I went into labour, not because we wanted to avoid anyone (they all live abroad though anyway), but mostly because it didn't really seem to serve too much point either. Plus it leaves everyone on tenterhooks waiting for news about when the baby does show up.
If she does find out about when you go into labour, get your hubby to run interference, or better yet, get him to tell her no before it all starts. It's not her choice whether she gets to attend, it's yours and your husband's.
As for dealing with her when the baby is actually here, that might be tough. Confrontation isn't nice, but she does need to be made aware that she can't do certain things, and whether that means that you have to say no and take the baby back after she does try and yank it out of your arms, then so be it. If you think she might show up at the birth regardless of what you want, I can't imagine you'd have much luck keeping her away from her new grandchild for however long. Maybe here too your hubby can sit down with her and have a talk about how her behaviour a) hurt your feelings and b) was inappropriate?
Good luck though, it sounds like a tough situation. But I think you'll feel better if the lines are drawn clearly rather than constantly worrying about trying to avoid her and what she might do when you do have her around.
Mama to Dashiell (July '05) and Matilda (March '08)