Sex after vaginal birth - Mothering Forums

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Old 04-15-2008, 02:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry if this is TMI!


My first 2 were c/s so sex was just a matter of waiting till my scar was healed enough. Dh and I finally dtd yesterday (4 weeks pp) and OUCH. OUCH. Is it supposed to hurt that much? It almost felt like scar tissue deep inside, if that makes sense. Like going in was okay but at a certain point it just HURT.
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Old 04-15-2008, 04:17 PM
 
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DH and I attempted to DTD about a week ago...

For me, it didn't hurt, but it definitely felt *different*...TMI alert, will I always be that...um...loose?

I do remember being asked at my 6 week pp check after my older daughter was born if I was experiencing pain during sex.
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Old 04-15-2008, 04:21 PM
 
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Not in your DDC but I wonder, do you normally experience any pain and "looseness" for a while after giving birth? I'm giving birth to my first in a few months and I'm just curious.

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Old 04-15-2008, 04:26 PM
 
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You won't always be that loose - things do go back to normal, in time. I have found that the tissues down there remain more flexible and elastic, but that's different from being loose - IMO, it actually makes dtd better than before baby.

Doing kegel exercises can help speed the recovery process. Meanwhile, using lubricant can help make things more comfortable. Also, if you have another baby, it usually takes a lot less time to recover when it's not your first vaginal birth.
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Old 04-15-2008, 06:09 PM
 
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*muses about how she never would have dreamed discussing this online a year ago*

We did it at 4 weeks PP, a few days ago, and we'll definitely be waiting for another few weeks before trying again. It wasn't a disaster but it did hurt, in a kind of weird scarry, grazy way. It reminded me of having the baby just too much... most odd. Plus it started up my post-partum bleeding again, which had stopped... oh, and I fainted later... So yeah, not a great success. Gotta get into some Kegels, too.

Is anyone else just thoroughly sick of pain? I'd hoped all the discomfort and pain of pregnancy would be OVER as soon as I birthed the baby... but then there was my placenta-forceps fiasco, and bleeding nipples from nursing, and the pain of using the bathroom after labour, and now this... I'm getting kinda tired of it! Can't everything just be normal again?! I even find letdown hurts. Hrmph.

If decomposition persists please see your necromancer.

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Old 04-15-2008, 07:35 PM
 
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amen sister about the pain not ending...we WILL NOT BE DTD HERE FOR A LONG LONG TIME!!!! Till someone is unable to make children anymore..Serious.
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Old 04-15-2008, 10:25 PM
 
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I'm nervous. I keep thinking I'm ready... & chicken out! It took a LONG time before I felt up to sex with Dd.
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Old 04-15-2008, 10:33 PM
 
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I'm jealous! Where are your babies? Mine freaks if she gets put down for more than 5 min and, well, I need more time than that!

me, wife to dh, the movie geek (7/01), mama to ds1, budding Star Wars geek (10/05), dd, budding princess of the dirt (03/08) and ds2, budding extrovert. watch out! (8/10).
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Old 04-16-2008, 12:23 AM
 
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Katie, did you have stitches? Because if you got stitched up tight, that can make DTD hurt the first few times. I had a 4th degree tear with my 2nd dd, and I'm cringing just remembering what the first couple of times DTD was like after that. Aiieeee.
But without stitches I don't remember it hurting afterwards. Can't say about this time - still bleeding and nowhere near being in that frame of mind....and I always seem to be holding a baby anyway.
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Old 04-16-2008, 10:54 AM
 
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nak
we dtd last week. hurt a little bit, more just uncomfortable and after for a day i was reminded of the peri pain i'd had--just a hint, but unwelcome! DH was psyched even though it was pretty short and uneventful! He wants more, but I want to wait at least another week.

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Old 04-16-2008, 10:59 AM
 
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I'm not looking forward to it, the pain after DD was born was horrible! The tearing wasn't so bad with my DS's birth, so I don't imagine it will actually hurt as bad, I'm just nervous and that's making it worse.

My midwife told me yesterday:
Lubricate, Inebriate (okay, one glass of wine), and Medicate (tylenol)
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Old 04-16-2008, 11:15 AM
 
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I hear you. While the first time it was all about where I had torn pain wise, this time it's more of that inner, sore pain. Lube does help, but time is the thing that's going to help the most.
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Old 04-16-2008, 12:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ~Katrinka~ View Post
Katie, did you have stitches? Because if you got stitched up tight, that can make DTD hurt the first few times. I had a 4th degree tear with my 2nd dd, and I'm cringing just remembering what the first couple of times DTD was like after that. Aiieeee.
But without stitches I don't remember it hurting afterwards. Can't say about this time - still bleeding and nowhere near being in that frame of mind....and I always seem to be holding a baby anyway.
Yes I did! I had an episiotomy and a 3rd degree tear. The pain felt like it was in my vaginal canal but things down there were a war zone after birth so who knows! (Seriously, when they had me get up after birth and go to the bathroom, I went to wipe, and I was horrified! I was SO swollen down there!)

Quote:
Lubricate, Inebriate (okay, one glass of wine), and Medicate (tylenol)

We did lubricate, I'll have to try a beer and some tylenol, too!
Quote:

I'm jealous! Where are your babies? Mine freaks if she gets put down for more than 5 min and, well, I need more time than that!
Ours, too! Um, it probably didn't take more than 5 minutes, though. I made dh hurry because it hurt so bad! But she fell asleep and we popped her in the swing, she'll usually sleep for a little bit in there before waking up!

Quote:
It wasn't a disaster but it did hurt, in a kind of weird scarry, grazy way. It reminded me of having the baby just too much... most odd. Plus it started up my post-partum bleeding again, which had stopped... oh, and I fainted later... So yeah, not a great success. Gotta get into some Kegels, too.
Oh my! Well I didn't faint and it didn't feel like the birth, but it totally was "scarry, grazy" pain. Ouch

Quote:
For me, it didn't hurt, but it definitely felt *different*...TMI alert, will I always be that...um...loose?
I thought the same thing! I was like "Oh I hope dh isn't freaked out!" Although before I was much too tight (TMI again, but getting...started... has always taken time, lots of lube, and me gritting my teeth ) so I am looking forward to being loosened up some (maybe I'll actually enjoy sex!) but I don't want to be...uh...THAT loose!

Anyway, thanks mamas, I don't feel so freaked out now!
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Old 04-16-2008, 01:58 PM
 
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I am totally 100% uninterested so far. Hope it doesn't last
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Old 04-16-2008, 02:41 PM
 
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Well, I had Ember on January 29th and if it makes you ladies feel any better, I STILL don't have it in me to dtd... I was pretty traumatized by that whole hospital stay and hospital birth... not to mention my self esteem... I feel so ugly, fat and gooey... AND where's the time? AND I remember how my dh didn't like my body while I was pg... that hurt... AND I have a bit of a cystocele, which kind of freaks me out, AND I am STILL bleeding, AND I am so overwhelmed with crappy bfing and my thyroid is out of wack AND AND AND I could go on and on...bleh...
I wonder if I will EVER "be in the mood" again...
Dh will probably leave me.

With my other babies, I was back at in within a couple weeks, and felt fine... this time? I really do wonder.

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Old 04-16-2008, 02:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CherryBomb View Post
I thought the same thing! I was like "Oh I hope dh isn't freaked out!" Although before I was much too tight (TMI again, but getting...started... has always taken time, lots of lube, and me gritting my teeth ) so I am looking forward to being loosened up some (maybe I'll actually enjoy sex!) but I don't want to be...uh...THAT loose!
Yeah that! I was too tight before, now I'm too loose...so I'm doing kegels, but not too many! LOL
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MonP'titBoudain View Post
I'm jealous! Where are your babies? Mine freaks if she gets put down for more than 5 min and, well, I need more time than that!
I'm NAK and I find that disclaimer so funny...I'm nursing everywhere lately. Nursing on the potty...nursing at the washing machine...you name it, we're nursing there!

Anyway....

Our wee one is in the bed snoozing while we're DTD. She usually give us enough time but has interrupted a time or two.

To the OP....we've been DTD since about 2 weeks pp. It was a bit rough going the first time. Not enough lube of my own and I did feel a bit tender high inside but not bad. We just took it super easy. It was way better the second time and is perfectly normal now.

Karen - Mama to Haven (9/00) , Lillie & Faith (MZ - 12/02) and my first homebirthed baby, Willa (3/08)
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:12 PM
 
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Ours, too! Um, it probably didn't take more than 5 minutes, though. I made dh hurry because it hurt so bad! !
I cannot imagine my partner continuing if I was in pain.
It's okay to take as long as you need to recover. This sounds violating to me.

4 kids under 10
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Old 04-16-2008, 04:14 PM
 
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It took a couple months after dd2, but I had stitches high in my vagina after a D&C gone wrong 3 days pp in addition to the sore spots from the birth. It has taken at least 6 weeks after each baby.
We were conservative and never proceeded if I was uncomfortable.

4 kids under 10
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