Protecting the Gift - Ch 1 & 2 discussion - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 43 Old 02-09-2009, 11:18 PM
 
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Hi, I hope it is okay to ask this here... I have not read this book yet but have heard a lot of recommendations for it. I am hesitant to read it. I feel that I am pretty aware of the dangers that my children face and of how to protect them. I am maybe a bit on the overprotective side though I don't think too extreme. Will this book scare me and make me worse? I worry so much already about all the bad stuff out there. I have such an overactive imagination that goes in its own direction - I don't want to have anything more to feed it with...
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#32 of 43 Old 02-10-2009, 01:52 AM
 
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I actually think it might relad you a bit!

It helped me realize that some of the things I'm paranoid about are really uncommon and it helped me be more aware of signs so I don't have to just be worried all the time.

Victim of Birth Rape & Coerced ribboncesarean.gifUnnecesareanribboncesarean.gif What makes people think they can cut up someone else's genitals? nocirc.gif
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#33 of 43 Old 02-10-2009, 01:20 PM
 
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I just ordered this book yesterday. I wish I would have ordered it before, but I think my own past left me hesitant to do so. I can't explain why though.
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#34 of 43 Old 02-10-2009, 08:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Amberoxy View Post
Hi, I hope it is okay to ask this here... I have not read this book yet but have heard a lot of recommendations for it. I am hesitant to read it. I feel that I am pretty aware of the dangers that my children face and of how to protect them. I am maybe a bit on the overprotective side though I don't think too extreme. Will this book scare me and make me worse? I worry so much already about all the bad stuff out there. I have such an overactive imagination that goes in its own direction - I don't want to have anything more to feed it with...
No,I don't *think* it will scare you. It helps evaluate what fears are valid and what are unlikely and how to teach your kids useful things instead of just being afraid.
HTH!

Mama to 2 year old and :: June 14th!
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#35 of 43 Old 02-10-2009, 08:33 PM
 
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Thanks for all the feedback! I have gone ahead and ordered the book. Hopefully I will be able to read it in time to participate in this discussion.
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#36 of 43 Old 02-11-2009, 11:54 PM
 
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My dd has been carpooling to an activity with a dear friend of mine, someone I've known and trusted for years, whose ds's are in the same activity.

Something was off with my friend recently, and I couldn't understand it or quite put my finger on it. I could have ignored or rationalized the signals I was getting, but thinking of my responsibilities as a parent in light of this book discussion, I didn't. I changed the carpool arrangement, despite some awkwardness, and got my dd out of traveling with my friend two weeks ago.

My friend had a car accident this week (first in her life, no one hurt, thank God). She told me she's been on some new meds for an ongoing physical health issue that she now realizes were interfering with her thinking and her ability to drive. She's getting help for that.

Potential catastrophe averted. My kid stayed safe. I protected her from danger :
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#37 of 43 Old 02-12-2009, 02:17 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Aubergine68 View Post
My dd has been carpooling to an activity with a dear friend of mine, someone I've known and trusted for years, whose ds's are in the same activity.

Something was off with my friend recently, and I couldn't understand it or quite put my finger on it. I could have ignored or rationalized the signals I was getting, but thinking of my responsibilities as a parent in light of this book discussion, I didn't. I changed the carpool arrangement, despite some awkwardness, and got my dd out of traveling with my friend two weeks ago.

My friend had a car accident this week (first in her life, no one hurt, thank God). She told me she's been on some new meds for an ongoing physical health issue that she now realizes were interfering with her thinking and her ability to drive. She's getting help for that.

Potential catastrophe averted. My kid stayed safe. I protected her from danger :
: That is AWESOME!! My mom got the book back. Unfortunately, people at work only either glanced at it or didn't bother to read it at all because they were too busy..so unfortunate...no wonder we all have such trouble learning to trust our instincts. So I am going to reread chapters 1 and 2 and then come back to answer the questions.
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#38 of 43 Old 02-12-2009, 05:16 PM
 
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Ok..I reread the first two chapters...

Ch.1
Holly initially felt uncomfortable walking to her car. Why do you think she declined the ride from another mom?

She felt embarassed and that she would be making a big deal out of nothing. She ignored her fear signals by telling herself she was being silly.

DeBecker says that fear took over when Holly and the man got to her car. How did fear help her in this situation?

At that point there was no more reason for excuse making. The man was there and her worst fear had come true, that he wanted to hurt her, and worse, her daughter so her fear helped her fight with all she had to protect her child. Her wild brain took over because she was doing things without even realizing it like honking her horn and gouging his eyes.

On page 16, he offers some startling facts about sexual abuse(when talking about denial). Are these a surprise to you? Do they change anything you had thought about sexual abuse and children?

No, because I knew that sexual abuse happens more often with people kids know then with strangers, however, the strong denial of obvious signals was surprising.

Ch. 2

What are ways that intuition communicates with us? Can you share an example of a time your intuition told you something about protecting your children?

When my soon-to-be-ex husband threatened to kill his child and my mother and me I took it seriously. His family acted as if it were all talk and I should let it go but he had been acting weird before that and I wasn't taking the chance so I got a pfa. Also, about a year ago I was considering taking him back as he hadn't done or said anything violent in 5 years. We agreed he would move back in soon but half the night I couldn't sleep even though nothing scary had happened...I just had a nagging feeling that I couldn't ignore. I told him I wasn't ready yet and we at least need to see a therapist first. His rage over my decision proved my intuition was correct.

On p.29, Jane asks "Your sitter is a good driver, right?" Do you think that anyone would have said, "No, she isn't?" What do you think of the ways she used denial to soothe her feelings about the babysitter's driving?

I think she knew her friend was going to say yes she is because otherwise she wouldn't be letting her drive her kids around, she was denying by asking her friend...she also probably didn't want to offend her friend by questioning her judgment of the sitter so she told herself many excuses, even that she herself speeds at times.

At the bottom of p.39, he asks a very interesting question: which is sillier: waiting a moment for the next elevator, or placing her child and herself into a soundproof steel chamber with someone she is afraid of? Are you able to look at situations like he does?

I am trying to be better at this. I am naturally a shy person who also tries very hard to be polite..so I have to trust my intuition more. My daughter is also extremely polite so I am trying to teach her to honor her intuition at a young age and I am very pleased when she asks about funny feelings and all that.

How do we deal with wanting to be polite to people, while honoring our intuition when we feel uncomfortable?

Oops, I was starting to say that with the last question..sorry...well, I think, as I said, it is hard because I feel so many people are rude and I don't want to live my life distrusting people and teaching my daughter to be like that. I guess it is a matter of your gut...we have to learn to trust it..God gave us these instincts for a reason..and I know later in the book he gives specific things someone will do so I would go by that..like if a man wont accept my firm no then too bad, I am protecting my child.

Off to re-read chapter 3...
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#39 of 43 Old 02-18-2009, 02:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Will this book scare me and make me worse?
It's made me worry less, actually.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#40 of 43 Old 02-19-2009, 08:52 PM
 
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My son got lost in a public place this week, and I feel like the book really helped me feel so much better about it. I wasn't panicked, although of course I was worried and am still thinking about what could have happened. (actually he was with someone else when he got lost, and I only found out about it after the fact!!) He wandered away from his group accidentally, and some security guards found him and the adult he was with immediately reported it and called security and eventually they got back together. He wasn't fazed by it one bit.

I found that I wasn't that scared to death after reading PTG, because the likelihood of a pedophile just *happening* to be in the random location he wandered into, with a plan to kidnap, was just so remote. Just reading about how incredibly unlikely it is for your child to be kidnapped by a stranger, and about how molestors operate, was actually comforting to me.
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#41 of 43 Old 03-19-2009, 12:21 PM
 
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I'm such a latecomer to this thread but I adore this book and have reread it several times as my daughter gets into different stages of life. She's currently almost 8, FYI.

My big fear right now is that my ex husband is remarried (as of last week) and my daughter has a new "uncle" and a new "grandfather" and "cousins", etc. I have always screened (or at least met!) the people in her life and I HAATE that I have no control over this.
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#42 of 43 Old 03-20-2009, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for joining in Chantelle.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#43 of 43 Old 04-10-2009, 09:26 AM
 
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Hi I'm very late joining the discussion... my DH and I recently listened (on tape) to this entire book on a road trip, and I'm so glad I did!!

The story at the beginning of the book, especially the descriptions of how nature took over and prepared her body to act, really stuck with me. My DS is only 2, and a few weeks ago we were at a very busy children's museum and he went around a corner - when I followed a few feet behind, I lost sight of him. For less than a minute, I didn't know where he was. But I remember the feeling of my sight becoming clearer, the bloodflow in my arms & legs, and in those few seconds - my mind was planning out what to do (have a friend stand by the exhibit entrance, have an employee lock the museum doors, etc.) Of course none of that was necessary, because I spotted him a few seconds later, but the intensity of that very short period of time was amazing. My body and mind immediately went into action to protect DS.

Someone mentioned how the book focuses on men... and later he addresses this specifically (I think in the chapter about babysitters).

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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