Join Date: Jan 2009
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My question is "where did Alfie go wrong exactly in his exchange with his 3 year old?" (bottom of p 110-top of p 111).
Should he have waited until the child was ready to answer him about who was taking the shirt off?
Or should he have taken the shirt off and started up the stairs and then turned around immediately when the child started to cry? It is already too late at this point perhaps to save the next hour.
I wish Alfie had explained how this scenario "should/could" have gone in a UP way.
I like that he puts the "authoritative" style in it's place. It gets a lot of coverage and is thrown around a lot even on MDC. It is still about control.
And finally, I can't wait to hear a child referred to as having a "behavior problem" again so I can say the child has a "legitimate conflict situation" (p 110) that needs addressing .
i think kohn doesn't explain how it should have went as each situation could run its course differently. its reassuring though that he basically says when you realize that you're heading down the wrong road its ok to stop and turn around- and that you are realizing this and taking action is being UP.
i have to agree was well with seeing a lot of authoritarian mind set around here that isn't ,generally, intended that way. i try to present another view in those situations-who knows maybe some else will be like aha....i hope people will do that for me as well. i know sometimes i fall into that same trap can i come on here going why is my 2 yr old doing this?! some p are like crack down, take it way etc but some give me that aha/ duh (smacking head) moment too. anyways....
Then I wonder can I overcome all that to parent the way I want to parent and not the way I repeatedly find myself parenting???
I've also begun reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves
I peeked ahead and saw the list he gives and am thinking I will have to post it somewhere.