The Love Dare anyone? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 15 Old 03-06-2010, 02:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ever since I saw the movie "Fireproof" I have been curious about The Love Dare by Stephen and Alex Kendrick (the book featured in the movie). My marriage is fine, but I like the idea of having a reminder everyday to do something special for my spouse. Well, I finally picked it up and am getting ready to try it out, but I don't want to do it by myself! Anyone interested in doing the dare with me? I'd love to hear how everyone progresses through the book!
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#2 of 15 Old 03-24-2010, 12:01 AM
 
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I don't have the book yet, but I would be interested in trying it out and sharing experiences. Have you started the dare yet?

Someone once posted the main thought of the dares on another website, but it's just one word like "Patience" and then one sentence on the activity to do. I could try that out with you if that works?

How long have you been married for? I've been married for 7 1/2 years, but would like to focus on being more kind and loving.

belly.gifMama to a Little Scientist (09/08) and our Ray of Sunshine (05/11).
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#3 of 15 Old 03-24-2010, 12:19 AM
 
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I have this, its been sitting on my desk for 5 months now. Haven't picked it up, but this could be a great thing since we have a newbie coming along soon. I would be up for this. DH has it too, we both bought a copy of it while he was away at BCT. We've been married 7 years and can always use an excuse to work a little harder to nourish our marriage.

Loving mom to 2energy.gif ,1jammin.gif , & 1dog2.gif . Surrodaughter 4/09
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#4 of 15 Old 03-24-2010, 01:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yay! I'm so glad you are interested! I still haven't started the book- I think it will really help to have other people involved to talk to about it.
I have been married 8 years now and we just had our first child last year. Up until now it has been easy to focus on our marriage, but with so much time and energy going into this little one it is easy to put our marriage on the back burner.
Is everyone up for starting the book by the end of the week?
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#5 of 15 Old 03-24-2010, 01:53 AM
 
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Sounds good to me!

Loving mom to 2energy.gif ,1jammin.gif , & 1dog2.gif . Surrodaughter 4/09
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#6 of 15 Old 03-26-2010, 01:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Okay- let's get started! Since I don't know how often everyone will be checking in, I'll just post the first 3 dares and whenever you complete one or all of them post about your experience here.

Day 1: Patience- say nothing negative
Day 2: Kindness- do one unexpected gesture of kindness
Day 3: Selflessness: Buy your spouse something that says "I was thinking of you."
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#7 of 15 Old 03-26-2010, 05:28 PM
 
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Great, I'm in! Thank you for posting the dares so others can join in as well.

belly.gifMama to a Little Scientist (09/08) and our Ray of Sunshine (05/11).
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#8 of 15 Old 03-29-2010, 03:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow. This is turning out to be harder than I expected. I really thought the first dare would be a piece of cake. All it did was make me realize how many little comments I make that, while not out right mean, are not really all that nice either. Mostly, they are all made jokingly (like making fun of DH's taste in music) but I really didn't feel like I could move on from the first dare. So today I am going to try to combine day one and two so I don't fall too far behind. I have already made "muddy buddies" for DH. It's one of his favorite treats and I figure that will count as doing something unexpected and nice. Now, I just have to keep my mouth shut for the rest of the day!

How is it going for everyone else?
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#9 of 15 Old 03-29-2010, 09:53 PM
 
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I'm failing miserably at Day 1. I do great and then randomly will screw it up over silly little things.

But I was able to do an unexpected act of kindness and it totally changed the temp for us in regards to our moods. He ended up surprising me later that night with a much wanted purse lol! Today i took him out to lunch, hope it counts since he pays the bills lol!

Loving mom to 2energy.gif ,1jammin.gif , & 1dog2.gif . Surrodaughter 4/09
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#10 of 15 Old 03-30-2010, 02:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here are the next 3 dares for anyone who is ready to move on (I'm on day 3 today):
Day 4-Thoughtful- call your spouse to see how he/she is doing and if there is anything you can do for him/her.
Day 5-Not Rude- ask your spouse to name 3 things about you that irritate him/her about you. Do not get defensive!
Day 6- Not irritable- react with love, not irritation. Make a list of things that cause you stress (often the cause of irritability) and wrong motivations (lust, greed, pride, bitterness, selfishness) that you need to release from your life.



I think to complete Day 3's dare I'm going to copy AKA Mommy's idea and buy my DH dinner tonight. He works late tonight, so I think I'll pick up his favorite take-out and join him for dinner at work.

How's everyone else doing on their dares?
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#11 of 15 Old 03-31-2010, 11:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I finally made it through a day with out making a negative remark! Whew! That was harder than I thought and obviously something I will have to keep working on.
Today's dare (#4) was easy but I am getting nervous about tomorrow's dare. DH doesn't know I'm doing the Love Dare so I'm not sure how I will bring up the question or how I will handle his answers. Has anyone else done this already? Any suggestions? I am anxious to hear how it's going for everyone else!
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#12 of 15 Old 04-02-2010, 04:24 PM
 
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I bought the book so I could follow along better...and it's challenging so far! I also didn't realize how many negative comments I make and need to work on that. I just finished reading "A Complaint Free World" which was also an eye opener.

Day 2 on kindness also really resonated with me. DH is one of the kindest people I know, and I often don't treat him as well as I could. This point struck a chord with me: "your enjoyment in marriage is still linked to the daily level of kindness expressed." Sometimes I get lost in the routine of daily life and forget to focus on the qualities that build a strong foundation for marriage.

Day 3 - I bought DH a GQ magazine because he was talking about how he wanted to be "more fashionable" and dressier for work. He was surprised and seemed to like it. I don't often buy DH little gifts, but it seemed to brighten his day after a hard day at work.

Day 4 - This one was easy for me too because I call DH everyday at work, although I don't usually asks if he needs anything unless I'm going shopping. So this was a great reminder to ask if he needs anything, especially since he usually asks me this everyday before he comes home from work!

belly.gifMama to a Little Scientist (09/08) and our Ray of Sunshine (05/11).
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#13 of 15 Old 04-06-2010, 05:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry I haven't been on to post for a while! Here are the next few dares:

Day 7: Believe the Best- on 2 separate sheets of paper write down all of your spouses good qualities on one and bad qualities on the other. Thank your spouse for one of the good qualities he/she has.
Day 8: Not Jealous- burn yesterday's "bad" list and congratulate your spouse on a recent success of theirs.
Day 9: Good Impressions- greet your spouse with a smile and enthusiasm.
Day 10: Unconditional- do something out of the ordinary for your spouse.
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#14 of 15 Old 04-06-2010, 05:49 PM
 
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I'm severely slacking. Going to start committing a 20 min window in the evening when the girls go to bed to do better at reading the day and thinking about how i'll follow through the next day. Starting tonight!

Loving mom to 2energy.gif ,1jammin.gif , & 1dog2.gif . Surrodaughter 4/09
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#15 of 15 Old 04-07-2010, 01:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been finding it hard to stay on track too. I admit I avoided day 5 for a while. I still haven't been successful at getting DH to answer me. I also have probably only had one or two days that I haven't made a negative remark (day one) so that's something I am really trying to work on.

The lists of days 6 and 7 were really helpful. The lists for day 7 were pretty easy as was thanking my spouse for one of his qualities. I picked the fact that he's a hard worker because as soon as he got home from work today he started shoveling our driveway (we got 7 inches of snow!) and then he did the dishes! I was really appreciative!

I am sure I will be working on my day 6 lists for a while. I have a lot of "junk" to let go- namely pride and selfishness, but I also tend to be bitter about certain things (like people letting me down). I think this book will really help me be a better person if I keep working at it.

Anyone have any good ideas for day 10? Most of the ideas in the book aren't really out of the ordinary for me, except washing the car, but we're in for snow all week, so that's pointless.

I'm interested to see how everyone else is doing!
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