Becoming the Parent You Want to Be - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 41 Old 03-25-2008, 12:09 AM
 
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I'd love to hear from other people. It's not to late to join, or start posting. You don't have to answer all the questions, heck you don't have to have read the book, you can go back to chapter one or start here, you can comment on others' comments... c'mon people, add your voice!
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#32 of 41 Old 04-06-2008, 01:02 AM
 
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I saw this thread last week and the book looked interesting so I checked it out today. Hope it's okay if I join in.

First of all, I love the idea of thinking about and discussing what kind of parent I want to be. To talk about it with dp and really think about it I think will keep me honest. I like knowing where I want to go.


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i don't have a crystal clear vision, but i do know what's important to me and am hopefully living my life in a way that exhibits those things.
I agree. I hope that by living my life according to my values, it will teach my children the things that I think are important.

Mostly what I've realized is that I see a vision of the mother I want to be to my children and I think I need to slow down and take the time to live life at their speed. Really enjoy every day, even the rainy or snowy or cloudy ones. To live deeply and suck the marrow out of life, as someone once said.
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#33 of 41 Old 04-13-2008, 10:12 PM
 
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*subbing*


NMY actively making my dreams happen :
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#34 of 41 Old 04-30-2008, 04:46 PM
 
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anyone still reading?

finally got around to starting chapter three. got caught up on the "food for thought" questions on p. 18. the one that says, "growing up, were there times i felt bad about myself? how did the people around me contribute to that feeling?"

well, as a child i was pretty shy. being shy was bad enough (i often felt uncomfortable and sometimes crippled in social situations). what was worse though was being berated for being that way. we would come home from some social function and my mother would ask me why i didn't talk, would wonder why i couldn't be more like my sister (the outgoing one), would tell me how i had embarrased her, etc.

reading the question just reminded me how her reaction to me just made an already difficult situation a lot more unpleasant. reading about how children are unique individuals with different personalities and temperaments and how that should be appreciated and respected makes me wish that i had been.

anyway, regarding the whole shyness thing...when it comes to my daughter, anytime someone has referred to her as "shy" or "bashful" for doing something as simple as turning away from a stranger, i later ask them not to refer to her as such. i admit i'm a bit hyper sensitive to this particular issue, but i just think labels are a dangerous thing and can often become self fulfilling prophecies. and shyness, in particular, often has such negative connotation attached to it. i think it's sometimes seen as a character flaw rather than just a personality trait.

so, any other similar experiences? did anyone feel (or were made to feel) bad as children? how have we made our children feel bad? any other thoughts on chapter three (still haven't finished it, so i may have more to add).

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#35 of 41 Old 05-24-2008, 01:52 AM
 
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I've being reading this book a bit here and there to help answer specific parenting questions as I have them, but this thread inspires me to actually make time to read it front to back. And I hope to join in the conversation here and help keep this important thread going.

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anyway, regarding the whole shyness thing...when it comes to my daughter, anytime someone has referred to her as "shy" or "bashful" for doing something as simple as turning away from a stranger, i later ask them not to refer to her as such. i admit i'm a bit hyper sensitive to this particular issue, but i just think labels are a dangerous thing and can often become self fulfilling prophecies. and shyness, in particular, often has such negative connotation attached to it. i think it's sometimes seen as a character flaw rather than just a personality trait.
This comment made me think of what another wise mama on MDC once wrote. There was a thread about a reserved DC, and she wrote that she never says that her DC is shy but rather her DC is feeling shy. Basically making the point that it is ok to feel a certain way, but it isn't who or what you are. I thought that was a gentle way to describe it without creating labels.

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#36 of 41 Old 05-25-2008, 12:31 PM
 
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I've being reading this book a bit here and there to help answer specific parenting questions as I have them, but this thread inspires me to actually make time to read it front to back. And I hope to join in the conversation here and help keep this important thread going.



This comment made me think of what another wise mama on MDC once wrote. There was a thread about a reserved DC, and she wrote that she never says that her DC is shy but rather her DC is feeling shy. Basically making the point that it is ok to feel a certain way, but it isn't who or what you are. I thought that was a gentle way to describe it without creating labels.
i like that. i'm going to use it. it's true that any of us could be feeling a certain way at any time without being that way. i may be feeling sad, but am not a sad person. thanks!

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#37 of 41 Old 05-25-2008, 12:55 PM
 
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subbing- I LOVE this book!

Becky, partner to Teague, SAHM to Keagan (7yo), Jonah (2yo)
 

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#38 of 41 Old 05-30-2008, 11:11 AM
 
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I just started this book- it seems great so far. So much of it is spot on. It is helping me think of parenting in a whole new way actually, I like how it talks about stepping back to see the big picture instead of always being caught up in the minutiae of day-to-day struggles and triumphs. I can't wait to get to the chapters on setting limits and toddler nutrition and bedtime routines.

Book lovin librarian nerd mama to Caleb 6/06 and Aiden 4/09: and 1 angel 11/07. "No one cries alone in my presence."
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#39 of 41 Old 06-11-2008, 08:21 PM
 
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I'm picking this book up from the library this afternoon!

Mom to Lizzy born May 2007 & expecting Baby#2 June/July 2010
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#40 of 41 Old 06-16-2008, 03:29 PM
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This thread just solidified my decision to purchase the book from Amazon. The Amazon reviews made me a little wary.

I look forward to revisiting this thread once my copy arrives, and comparing my thoughts with those already mentioned.

Rebecca, mama to Carter Elliot , 06 November 07, Holden Oliver, 10 November 09, and Harper Lucinda Amelie, 26 September 11 and someone new, coming at the end of September 2013.

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#41 of 41 Old 08-26-2008, 08:31 AM
 
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This book was pretty good, but I was looking for something more practical at the time.
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