Sad Thing I See All the Time - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-23-2008, 09:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The other day, I was at the grocery store. I was in the parking lot, and a car pulled up next to me. They had a little baby, I imagine no more than 3 months old. He was strapped in to a car seat, but the car seat was sideways so he was facing the door, without a seatbelt on it, not rear facing or anything. It made me so sad. I see that situation over and over here, from young children as young as 18-ish months sitting in the front seat not in a carseat, not wearing a seatbelt, going down the highway that goes through our town, little *little* children moving between the front seats/back seats while the car is moving, etc. It makes me so sad.

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Old 11-23-2008, 10:00 PM
 
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Yeah, it is sad. I saw (this was a while ago) a woman in a minivan, one of those ones with the very large windshield, holding an infant on her lap in the passenger seat. I don't get it.
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Old 11-23-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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What got me was the other day I saw a woman leaving the store I work at, put her daughter in the installed seat, and not bother to buckle it before she closed the door and drove away. I just didn't understand. She's already in the seat, how long does it take to buckle her?

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Old 11-23-2008, 10:32 PM
 
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I am lucky to say that I have never seen that.

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Old 11-23-2008, 10:40 PM
 
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I see it all the time over here. With the local culture (I live in Okinawa, Japan) its their custom. They believe that the safest place for a child is in the mothers arms. I never see young kids buckled in if its a local person. What I don't get is when I see Americans not buckle in their kids. Its not part of our culture (not that Im saying its a good reason not to buckle but its hard to fight against at times) and we know the risks.

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Old 11-23-2008, 10:57 PM
 
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Yikes! People still do that?
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Old 11-23-2008, 11:03 PM
 
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I really haven't seen unbuckled babies, or kids climbing back and forth between seats, but what I have heard about, almost weekly during the summer, is people leaving their children in cars while they run in the store for "just a second." It's ended tragically in way to many situations .

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Old 11-23-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Sk8ermaiden View Post
What got me was the other day I saw a woman leaving the store I work at, put her daughter in the installed seat, and not bother to buckle it before she closed the door and drove away. I just didn't understand. She's already in the seat, how long does it take to buckle her?
I have done this before by accident. I'll set dd down and then completely forget to buckle her. I'll gett half way down the road and realize she was never buckled in.
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Old 11-23-2008, 11:27 PM
 
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I have done this before by accident. I'll set dd down and then completely forget to buckle her. I'll gett half way down the road and realize she was never buckled in.
I have done the same thing! We were out for dinner and my brother put my son in his baby seat in the van. Only about 5km into our trip did I realize. I immediately strapped the seat in. About 5km from there a drunk driver hit us and my son would have been severely injured or dead had I not realized! Thank God!

In South Africa I saw MANY parents doing that, or kids just not strapped in at ALL. Here in Canada I haven't noticed it!
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Old 11-24-2008, 12:23 AM
 
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I see stuff like that around here too. I've seen people turn the "bucket" car seats around to face forwards, big toddlers in bucket seats that only go up to 20 lbs, unbuckled kids, etc.

One time, my son (who was maybe 6 at the time) came home and told me that the neighbor girl said she gets to ride in the front seat and her mom doesn't make her wear her seat belt. I said something like "Oh, she might be exaggerating." Then the next day, the neighbor drives by with her 6 yo in the front with no seat belt on. That just really blew me away because I guess I had assumed that the people doing this were uneducated about car seats, or couldn't afford a car seat, etc. But the neighbor woman is in general a smart lady, knew about boosters, and I even remember her once telling me that she was very cautious about car seats.

I think some people do this out of ignorance but there must be a group that just does it because they think it's just a short trip, what could happen? or whatever.
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Old 11-24-2008, 12:27 AM
 
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I will call the police. I think it's worth the 75 cent fee to call 411 for whatever juristiction I happen to be in. I called once on the interstate - the kids were in a smaller car, bouncing around on the backseat, and one was lying down in the back window.

Is it ambivalence? I can't believe that people believe that that is OK.
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Old 11-24-2008, 12:49 AM
 
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i feel the same way about carseats, however i must admit one time on a long car trip my 4yo son got soooo car sick he was clawing at the windows screaming LET ME OUT OF HERE!! like it was extreme torture. he was throwing up and we were too far to turn back. we were closer to our destination than home, so we needed to get there and let him calm down. the only thing that helps me when i am carsick is being up front. so i made the decision to hold him on my lap in the front seat. i felt guilty and worried the whole time, but it worked, he feel asleep and luckily we made it there.

the things pp'ers decribed are just mindleess and risky, but i did it out of what i consider, necessity.
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Old 11-24-2008, 12:57 AM
 
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I always call the police.

A few years ago, a friend of mine lost a grandchild to a car accident as she was buckled in a carseat in the front seat.

I would rather someone hate me for a ticket, than turn away and ignore it.
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Old 11-24-2008, 01:15 AM
 
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Wow!! I can honestly say I have never seen this. People are very cautious around here. My 9yo just recently came out of a booster. That is the norm here.

If I ever did see it, it would really really bother me.
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Old 11-24-2008, 01:35 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Sk8ermaiden View Post
What got me was the other day I saw a woman leaving the store I work at, put her daughter in the installed seat, and not bother to buckle it before she closed the door and drove away. I just didn't understand. She's already in the seat, how long does it take to buckle her?

I don't know, my daughter buckles herself, and has since she was 3...and at 3 she was 21lbs and under 30"...and rear facing, so she could be buckling herself! Though, not likely, it is possible!

The one I saw last week, and I so wished I hadn't forgotten my phone, a woman left her 4 kids, the oldest being 4, in the car alone for at LEAST 15 minutes, cause that's how long I waited by the car for her to return...and she had an entire cart of groceries when she came back. The one kid was crying, and the 4 year old was yelling trying to get every single complete stranger who walked by to stop and talk to her, which was the scariest part of it...

Jillian wife to Ryan and mommy to Janelle Ashlynn (9/09/2002), Kincaid Chance (3/29/2004), Travis Neil (8/13/2007) and River Anderson (5/02/2009).
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Old 11-24-2008, 03:53 AM
 
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I'm going to stir the pot a bit...

I have held my crying baby in my arms in a moving car, and I do not see my self as a bad parent.

I think that each parent needs to make safety decisions for themselves. If someone chooses to do something other than what popular opinion has decided to be the right thing it does not make them ignorant, stupid, careless, or a bad person.

Why is it OK to be so judgmental on this topic?

Those of us that do not vaccinate or co sleep are seen by many mainstreamers as ignorant parents needlessly endangering our kids lives. But that does not mean that we are.

FTR: My kids are buckled in 99.9% of the time. DD is 5 and has a car seat still. She buckles herself. DS is 15 months and rear facing still. Both have been held by me and nursed on the rare occasion that they needed it NOW and stopping was not an option.

Let the flaming begin.

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Old 11-24-2008, 05:25 AM
 
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I'm going to stir the pot a bit...

I have held my crying baby in my arms in a moving car, and I do not see my self as a bad parent.

I think that each parent needs to make safety decisions for themselves. If someone chooses to do something other than what popular opinion has decided to be the right thing it does not make them ignorant, stupid, careless, or a bad person.

Why is it OK to be so judgmental on this topic?

Those of us that do not vaccinate or co sleep are seen by many mainstreamers as ignorant parents needlessly endangering our kids lives. But that does not mean that we are.

FTR: My kids are buckled in 99.9% of the time. DD is 5 and has a car seat still. She buckles herself. DS is 15 months and rear facing still. Both have been held by me and nursed on the rare occasion that they needed it NOW and stopping was not an option.

Let the flaming begin.
Well, I don't want to flame you, or judge you. Do whatever you are comfortable with.

For me, 22 years ago I was in a car accident where the car rolled. Had I not been buckled in I would be dead. It still haunts me to this day. Last January my husband was in a car accident that totalled his 3/4 ton Dodge Ram. He walked away, but is still in pain daily and goes for physio and chiro regularly. He was buckled. My cousin was killed in a car accident, he was not buckled, my neighbor can't walk from hitting a deer on the highway on his motorcycle. Accidents happen in a split second and they are life changing. If anything happened to my child in a vehicle due to my negligence I would kill myself.

My kids cried when they needed to be nursed. We pulled over where we could and took care of their needs. It took a few minutes and we were on our way again.

I don't consider myself a "good" mother because I do these things. I also don't buckle my child because "it's the law", or because it's "popular opinion". I would do it anyway. I do it because I know that it takes a split second and life can change.

I do it because that is what I am comfortable with. My children are precious to me. Everyone else can do whatever they are comfortable with, too. It doesn't make any sense to me that anyone would be comfortable risking their child's life, but obviously some people are.
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Old 11-24-2008, 05:37 AM
 
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I'm appalled!

Ok, I asked hubby, (who is an officer!) if they can do anything about this, and he said CALL!!!! its child endangerment and the police will do something! possibly even arrest, if the situation is very bad.
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Old 11-24-2008, 05:39 AM
 
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I have seen this a lot too. I have actually seen someone get pulled over for this. I was really happy about that. I wonder why these people risk the lives of their children like this?
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Old 11-24-2008, 05:45 AM
 
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Why is it OK to be so judgmental on this topic?

Those of us that do not vaccinate or co sleep are seen by many mainstreamers as ignorant parents needlessly endangering our kids lives. But that does not mean that we are.
Co-sleeping and not vaccinating are NOT the same as not buckling a child in a moving vehicle. Motor vehicle accidents are the #1 killer of children, whereas co-sleeping and not vaccinating are not dangerous to children. Even if some people think they are, that is opinion where there is no opinion needed for whether or not MV accidents are dangerous. It's proven that MV accidents injure/kill and proven that not being restrained increases the risk of injury or death.

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Old 11-24-2008, 09:39 AM
 
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Co-sleeping and not vaccinating are NOT the same as not buckling a child in a moving vehicle. Motor vehicle accidents are the #1 killer of children, whereas co-sleeping and not vaccinating are not dangerous to children. Even if some people think they are, that is opinion where there is no opinion needed for whether or not MV accidents are dangerous. It's proven that MV accidents injure/kill and proven that not being restrained increases the risk of injury or death.
:

Not to mention the fact that you could be the world's best driver or riding with the world's best driver and still get into an accident due to some one else. Ummm large heavy vehicles + high speeds = very painful and often fatal crashes when they screw up. Not a chance I would be willing to take.

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Old 11-24-2008, 10:58 AM
 
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We see it ALL the time down here. And scarier still are the people who bring their children& eve young babies on their motorcycles with no helmets.

But what living here & seeing the absolute huge difference in opinions/practice regarding vehicle safety is that somewhere there is a happy medium between the total disregard we see here & what is imho over the top vigilance back home.

Surviving sleep deprivation one day at a time with dd (Oct '11) & ds (Oct '08).

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Old 11-24-2008, 12:59 PM
 
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Unfortunately I see situations like the OP's quite a bit where I live. It seems to be more of a problem with other kids, like a 3 year old in a seat belt only, that type of thing.

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Old 11-24-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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Putting your child in a car seat is a very easy to keep them safe. I just don't get people who don't do it. I see this every morning and afternoon at the bus stop. My son is the only one who sits in the backseat with his booster seat. And he's only 6! Most of the kids, who are all 5-7, sit in the front seat or sometimes the backseat with no seat belts.

I just don't get it.
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Old 11-24-2008, 01:29 PM
 
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Both have been held by me and nursed on the rare occasion that they needed it NOW and stopping was not an option.
Not flaming you, but asking this sincerely: What would a situation be where stopping is "not an option"? The only thing I can think of where I'd take my baby out of the car seat would be if he were choking or somehow in immediate danger & we were on a highway with no shoulder to pull over on? But I don't think that's the kind of situation you're talking about.

I do realize that people's perception of these risks varies, and it does not mean they are bad parents or don't care about safety. My MIL unbuckled my 2 month old baby in the car because he was crying. She was in the backseat and I was looking for somewhere to pull over, but she did not wait and unbuckled him without asking or telling me. I was furious. She had no idea why I would be upset. It boggled my mind...

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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Old 11-24-2008, 01:50 PM
 
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My dc are always in thier seats and belted (OK so I've forgotten to strap them in on occasion, but I was usually suffering from overtired at the time) Except this ONE time in hurricane traffic in Montgomery (or was ait Burmingham? I always get those two mixed up) Alabama. There was NO option to pull over on the crammed highway and #1 son had monster diarhea and a very very bad rash; it was about this time that we discovered he was alergic to Talcum powder. So of course he had a major blowout. Poor thing was in terrible pain. I was yelling at DH to pull over, but like I said... there was nowhere to go. So I unbuckled myself, hopped over the console and changed his diaper in the footwell. I've never done it before or since. At any rate, the kids should always be buckled in. It's just safer.

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Old 11-24-2008, 02:09 PM
 
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I think judging peole in other countries and cultures by American standards/laws is wrong.

I suspect many of us have failed to buckle seat belts or put the seat down sideways for a second to do something and then forgotten to turn it correctly and buckle it. Sleep deprivation can make the best memories into sieves. And many children can buckle their own seats. There are situations where people are making poor choices, but its really hard to tell about the exact situation you are looking at many times. I might consider a call for someone that I see frequently who I know is routinely making poor car safety decisions. But other than that, IMHO, you don't know the situation and its not anyone's business.
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Old 11-24-2008, 02:32 PM
 
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My BF does not wear a seatbelt because he has been in two accidents where he would have died if he had been buckled in and unable to get out of his seat FAST..

However seatbelts are generally a good idea. Most accidents aren't the type where you need to get out of your seat; they're the type where you need to not smack your head on the wind shield.

This is one topic I feel comfortable being pretty judgemental about. A loose child in a car accident is almost sure to die - their tiny bodies become missiles. A small fender-bender could instantly kill an infant. To me even a few miles without a secure car seat are an unacceptable risk. It makes me feel sick with fear when I see loose children in a car..

I hesitate to call anyone a 'bad' parent, but it's very sad to me when people don't understand risks and take appropriate steps to protect their children.

So many people die (many more are injured) in car accidents every year, but people still don't see cars as dangerous. They really are. The number one cause of accidental death, by a very large margin.
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Old 11-24-2008, 02:47 PM
 
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i feel the same way about carseats, however i must admit one time on a long car trip my 4yo son got soooo car sick he was clawing at the windows screaming LET ME OUT OF HERE!! like it was extreme torture. he was throwing up and we were too far to turn back. we were closer to our destination than home, so we needed to get there and let him calm down. the only thing that helps me when i am carsick is being up front. so i made the decision to hold him on my lap in the front seat. i felt guilty and worried the whole time, but it worked, he feel asleep and luckily we made it there.

the things pp'ers decribed are just mindleess and risky, but i did it out of what i consider, necessity.
I'm sorry you were in this situation. However, pulling over and giving the child a break would be better than risking your child's life. If you were in an accident, your arms couldn't keep your child from flying through the windshield as effectively as the car seat could.
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Old 11-24-2008, 02:48 PM
 
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Not flaming you, but asking this sincerely: What would a situation be where stopping is "not an option"?
Well, in my case, it's because I don't have a car & my mom refuses to stop. She gets pissy just stopping long enough to rescue a baby from the seat & get back into the front with them. I'd rather hold my baby & nurse him/calm him, then put him back in the seat than leave him to scream his heart out until he passes out for the 2 hour drive to my mom's place. When we had to go 8 hours away to bury my grandmother when ds2 was 6 weeks old, I had to pump before the drive & sit in the back (it was just the baby & I so I could sit in back with him) and nurse with him in the seat when I ran out of pumped milk.

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