Protecting the Gift - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-06-2008, 01:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ch 1 & 2 thread http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1020434

Chapter 3 discussion thread: http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1024016

Ch. 5 thread:
http://www.mothering.com/discussions....php?t=1031806
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Does anyone want to have a thread discussing Protecting the Gift by Gavin DeBecker? I thought maybe we could start in January and go through it chapter by chapter if there's enough interest.

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Old 12-06-2008, 02:15 PM
 
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Oh I'ld love to be involved!! I need to get the book first though It's been on my mind alot lately with dd and ds#1 getting older.

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Old 12-06-2008, 02:55 PM
 
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Yes! I've been wanting to read it. This would be perfect. I don't know how active I'd be in the discussion though, because ds2 is due in Jan.

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Old 12-06-2008, 02:58 PM
 
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Sure, I'd be interested. I read it a while back.

I actually provide home childcare, so was interested in the chapter on babysitters and daycare from a slightly different perspective....
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Old 12-06-2008, 03:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Aubergine68 View Post
Sure, I'd be interested. I read it a while back.

I actually provide home childcare, so was interested in the chapter on babysitters and daycare from a slightly different perspective....
What did you think from that perspective?
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Old 12-06-2008, 03:34 PM
 
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Well, I'd have to reread it to be more specific, but it was good.

I had my dd in daycares from 18 mo through 3 yrs and we were very happy with them. I chose not to look for home childcare because I was afraid of the idea of one caregiver looking after my child with no supervision and no one else around to stop them from doing something wrong. THis is the #1 concern parents have with home childcare, according to my agency head.

There are safety issues with daycares too, though, the biggest being that in a centre with a lot of kids and multiple caregivers (and high turnover of caregivers) children can get lost in the shuffle and important instructions can get lost, no matter how many notes are put in files. The most dangerous times imo are when a child just starts in a daycare, when they are adapting (and being adapted to) the routines..

I provided care for a child who was abducted from a local daycare and taken on the run by a drug-addicted non-custodial parent, because a staff member didn't realize that that parent wasn't meant to pick up the child. The custodial parent gave up on daycares after getting the child back and came to me instead. There have also been daycares closed down in my area because a toddler was left outside in the play area and a baby was left sleeping in a crib when the staff went home (!)

Some of the interview questions PTG suggests are a bit unusual. I've heard other caregivers saying "I can't believe the parents asked me X. WTF?" when it was a question from Protecting the Gift. Again, I don't have a copy here, have to get it back from the library. I'll discuss that more when it comes to that chapter.

I see it as a HUGE big part of my job to help parents be comfortable with the care I provide, that their children are safe. I am with an agency, so a lot of the precautions it suggests are things I already have in place. And I am in Canada, so there are subtle differences in childcare practices here.

I have heard bad childcare stories from parents interviewing with me, but never a horror story (ETA -- well, except for the child abduction story) Most of the issues are more communication problems between parent and provider, differing expectations about money, hours of care, tv time, etc. A caregiving situation can be a bad fit, and not be unsafe, ykwim? The vast majority of caregivers in daycares and in dayhomes (what we call home daycares) love children and would give their own lives to keep their charges safe.

Also, I have clients that find me through my website, and I found PTG helpful in planning safe interview strategies. I mean, I have children in my home and have people I have never met who found me on the internet who want to come to my home, right? How do I know my children and I will be safe from them? So now I only do a first interview after hours when dh is home and am very very careful about giving my address out to anyone for any reason....
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Old 12-06-2008, 10:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, it looks like there is some interest.

Would starting the thread for the first chapter on Jan 3rd give everyone enough time to get a copy?

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Old 12-06-2008, 11:37 PM
 
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I read this a few years ago, and would love to do it again!

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Old 12-07-2008, 12:18 AM
 
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I've heard of the book here around MDC, but don't know much about it.... Can someone give a synopsis?

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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Old 12-07-2008, 12:20 AM
 
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Oooh, I would love to take part in this! Off to see if the library has a copy!

Formerly single Mama to the zaniest boy on the block, born on my birthday on 3/28/07. Soon to be Mama to a new little and can't wait to bfinfant.gif and femalesling.GIF and familybed1.gif again! 
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Old 12-07-2008, 12:24 AM
 
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I purchased the book about a month ago after hearing it recommended on MDC. I haven't yet read it though, so this will be great to work through together.

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Old 12-07-2008, 12:31 AM
 
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Subbing.

I read it about 6+ months ago and have been meaning to pull it back out and read in more detail.

I'm certainly interested.

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Old 12-07-2008, 01:04 AM
 
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I love this book. I bought it on e-bay a few years ago and a friend urged me to read it while preg with DS2. I did and it taught me a valuable lesson about honoring my intuition. It helped me to sense that something was "off" with DS2 and that ultimately saved his life Great book!

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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Old 12-07-2008, 01:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by amandaleigh37 View Post
I've heard of the book here around MDC, but don't know much about it.... Can someone give a synopsis?
I enjoyed it, except for the gun chapter. I would like to read it again.

It is a lot of common sense stuff and also paying attention to your intuition. It's got good ideas and things to look for/ask, etc.

Oh, may I recommend this link, not related at all, but similar in being aware of what's around you.

Mama to 2 year old and :: June 14th!
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Old 12-07-2008, 05:15 AM
 
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Good book, nak, interested.

Mama to Thing 1 and Thing 2.
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Old 12-08-2008, 01:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've heard of the book here around MDC, but don't know much about it.... Can someone give a synopsis?
This is from a review on amazon.com:

"In this valuable, even necessary, book, he shatters many myths about the typical profiles of regular offenders and the prevalence of such problems as sexual abuse and kidnapping. He also deconstructs the wisdom of traditional maxims such as "Never talk to strangers" and "If you are ever lost, go to a policeman." Without offering a compendium of every conceivable danger, he identifies warning signals and real risks that are often easy to spot once you know what to look for. He offers practical advice on recognizing signs of sexual abuse, choosing a baby sitter or nanny, how to prepare kids for walking to school alone, and how to teach children about potential risks without making them afraid to venture out of the house. "

In short, it's a book about keeping your children safe and teaching them to keep themselves safe when they're ready.

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Old 12-10-2008, 03:53 PM
 
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Protecting the Gift is my go-to book and my main reference source for parents. I am a trained sexual abuse awareness facilitator and have found no other book yet that conveys the message in quite the same gravity and language that Gavin de Becker does.

One of the best places to get the book is Amazon's used books. It is currently available there for less than $5.00 and half.com for less than $4.00.

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Old 12-10-2008, 09:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I ordered mine from amazon today (I'd given it away). I'll plan to start the first discussion thread on 1/3.

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Old 12-10-2008, 10:00 PM
 
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I am ALWAYS up for a book thread!!!

How are we going to do this? Like, a chapter a week and discuss while reading the next? (read ch1 and discuss it the next week while reading ch2) or how does this work?

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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Old 12-11-2008, 12:32 AM
 
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I read it years ago and have been meaning to read it again, so count me in.
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Old 12-11-2008, 12:32 AM
 
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I'm in, I would like to re-read this (I read it before I had kids while I was in my MSW program).

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Old 12-12-2008, 01:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How are we going to do this? Like, a chapter a week and discuss while reading the next? (read ch1 and discuss it the next week while reading ch2) or how does this work?
That's what I'm thinking. I'll start the thread for the first chapter on 1/3.

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Old 12-12-2008, 05:48 PM
 
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That's what I'm thinking. I'll start the thread for the first chapter on 1/3.

Kas (24), Helpmeet to Stefan (25), Mom to Franklin Gaudelio 4/15/09, Jonathan Boswell 1/2/11
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Old 12-12-2008, 07:22 PM
 
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subbing - i was just talking to some friends of mine about needing to make reading this book a priority. i bought it like a year ago and have only skimmed. so count me in!

oh, and FYI, for those who prefer audio - it's available through audible.com
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Old 12-12-2008, 08:14 PM
 
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I just read chapter one last night. I definitely think a chapter a week is doable. It took me about a half hour to read the first chapter, and I forced myself to put it down so I can participate in the discussion without getting mixed up. I am going to re-read the first chapter again on the 2nd to have it fresh in my mind. What a great discussion this should be!

Formerly single Mama to the zaniest boy on the block, born on my birthday on 3/28/07. Soon to be Mama to a new little and can't wait to bfinfant.gif and femalesling.GIF and familybed1.gif again! 
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Old 12-13-2008, 03:25 AM
 
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Subbing.

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Old 12-13-2008, 04:59 PM
 
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i'll join. i have it, and have read it, and will gladly re-read and discuss. thanks!

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Old 12-18-2008, 12:47 PM
 
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I'll join too. I've been meaning to read it. I just got "the gift of fear" from the library and have a hold on "protecting the gift" so I'll hopefully have it in time to start with you.

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Old 12-18-2008, 12:51 PM
 
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I wouldl like to participate. I will order it today.

Mom to DS, born fall 05 after ,,, wife/best friend to DH We have
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Old 12-18-2008, 02:01 PM
 
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I read "The Gift of Fear" and saw lots of recommendations on MDC for "Protecting the Gift" so I read it a few months ago and LOVED it!! My mom loved it too and we are now sharing it with parents we know...if I can get it back soon, I am in..if not, I will go from my(flawed)memory.
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