OMG I am freaking out, shaking, scared- what would you do in this situation??? *UPDATE in OP* - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 09:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Deep breath. I am safe now and my husband is home, but I had a seriously weird encounter about an hour ago. Tell me what you would do in this situation. I am FREAKED.

We have a neighbor who is a 45ish year old male, lives with his brother. They are both kind of weird- don't work, keep to themselves, mow the grass, sit out on the lawnchair...the few enounters DH and I have had have been with the one brother who is home all the time- we say hi, I think Dh helped him move something once- he came to our FRONT door 2 times when our cat got out...generally seems nice, but something is definitely OFF. Dh and I have always thought so. We've barely talked to this guy the 2 years we lived here.

Anyway, Dh is working late, I am in the kitchen chopping up garlic, baby is in the highchair, DD is watching Caillou, I get a knock at my kitchen door (not the one we usually use). I look out the curtain, see it is him. Ok, I open the door, but stand in front of it. He says THIS:

Him: "Hi, I am sorry to bother you, but I really hurt my back, I think I threw it out, would you WALK ON IT FOR ME?" (emphasis mine)

Me: (flabbergasted and not knowing what to say, but my intuition is screaming at me) "Um, I wouldn't feel comfortable with that. Sorry."

Him: "Ok, I'm sorry to bother you-(shakes my hand) I just really hurt it, I can barely walk, I just really want someone to step on it for me and thought I would ask you."

Me: "I'm just not comfortable with that- I hope it feels better." He is just standing there! "I'm sorry- I have dinner going and the baby needs me..."

Him: "Ok, sorry to bother you" (shakes my hand again).

He had this crazed look in his eye, and I couldn't see his left hand. The thoughts that were flying through my head were that he had a gun or a knife...omg I was terrified. As soon as I shut the door DD hugged my leg and cried "I'm scared momma!" The windows in our kitchen are only partially covered by curtains so you can see in them at night- maybe that why he came to that door?

I freaked out and called DH who was on an estimate- he didn't answer his phone, so I figured he was with a customer and left his phone in the car and that he would call me as soon as he saw my crazy texts and voicemails.

A few minutes later I head someone trying to get in the door- the lock was being jiggled. I was so freaking scared!!!! It was DH His phone was off and he never got my messages- I never in a million years thought he would be home before he called...ahhhhhhhhhhhh

My dad keeps bugging me to get a gun, but I don't know...should DH have a talk with this man? He isn't on the sex offender list, not that that means anything. My momma intuition was SCREAMING at me that something wasn't right, and apparantly so was DD's.

Thoughts??? was this a guy who is just weird and off and doesn't understand what is appropriate and what isn't? Or did he have bad intentions????

***UPDATE***

Talked with elderly neighbor who we know and like, and she basically said she does NOT like the guy, apparantly he has threatened to kill her! He yells at people, call out racial slurs, is a big drinker, and she has caught him looking in her window. All because she asked him not to park on her side of the street. She was so happy I didn't let him in, and said that his face was probably all red because he was drunk last night.....I am so scared! I mean, this is a GREAT neighborhood! We don'e even lock our doors (until now obviously). I love where I live, and why the hell do I have to find out I live next door to a psycho. I think i want to file somethig with the police just so its on record, but I don't want him to find out...and she also said he knows cops in our town :

ETA: DH talked with the neighbor right next door, and he said HIS wife was weirded out because he saw this man walking up and down the block right around the same time last night, looking in windows. And my neighbor's aunt went to school with this man and said he was in the special needs classes.

What do I do??? I did look up his address and get his name, and I can't find any dirt on him or his brother. Maybe I should have my cop friend run their plates? Ackkkkkk!

Should I get a home security system? A gun? Move?

Amy, mommy to Ava, 6, Gavin, 4, Lila, 2, and Baby #4 due in early November! joy.gif
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#2 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:04 PM
 
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How unnerving!
My guess is that he's just a weird guy who doesn't understand what's appropriate and what's not. Your daughter could have sensed your fear and reacted to that.

That being said, go with your instincts and keep your distance. I wouldn't have your dh talk to the guy, though - he didn't do anything wrong. If he keeps doing things like that, then talk to him. But I'm guessing this guy's back was killing him, his brother wasn't home, and he knew you had been kind to him in the past.
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#3 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:08 PM
 
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I know you're scared...but my first thought was that the guy DID throw out his back and needed you to walk on it.

I dont know if you've ever hurt your back , but if you have you'll know you'd pretty much do anything to stop the pain, and if he knows "walking on it" would help...maybe he was just desperate and had no one else to ask?

It seems to me that if he had ill intentions he could have come up with something better than *that* to get into your house, yknow?

That being said...it really WAS a strange request, so i dont blame you for being freaked out. But i wouldnt just assume he wanted to come in and hurt you or something yknow?

But yeah....weird. Good for you for going with your gut and saying you wouldnt be comfortable with that....


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#4 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:18 PM
 
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I would've been scared out of my mind too. Keep your distance, he didn't do anything wrong but don't give him the chance to either. I'm sorry you and your daughter got so scared, but I'm sure everything will be fine.
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#5 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jjawm View Post
How unnerving!
My guess is that he's just a weird guy who doesn't understand what's appropriate and what's not. Your daughter could have sensed your fear and reacted to that.

That being said, go with your instincts and keep your distance. I wouldn't have your dh talk to the guy, though - he didn't do anything wrong. If he keeps doing things like that, then talk to him. But I'm guessing this guy's back was killing him, his brother wasn't home, and he knew you had been kind to him in the past.
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#6 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:32 PM
 
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I live next door to a single man on one side and a couple on the other side and if either of the men from either house (who I don't know very well) came over at night as wanted to come in for anything, I would totally freak out. My heart is pounding for you. That's just weird...take some freaking advil man--he should have known better...I think he knew you were home alone because if your husband was home he should have asked for him to walk on him.

ugh. make dh carry that phone with him.
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#7 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:41 PM
 
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i would be scared too. When I was a kid we had a termite control man who was like that...he would ask to use the bathroom, or for a glass of water...the first couple times my mom actually let him in, until she noticed that he never flushed the toilet when he was "using the bathroom." Well, about a month after she called to complain, he got fired and broke into our house on thanksgiving night.

Scary. I WOULD have your dh talk to him, if for no other reason tahtn to let him know you are aware of what is going on. if he is up to no good, he will know that your dh is watching him.

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#8 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:43 PM
 
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I wouldn't have been very freaked out, honestly. He just sounds like someone who has no idea what's appropriate and poor social skills. I don't think talking to him or having your DH talk to him would be appropriate or necessary.

If you really are worried, maybe you should think about taking some self-defense courses or learning martial arts. Having a gun in the house with small children isn't really safe, and if someone did mean to hurt you it's highly unlikely you would be able to get to the gun fast enough. Actual defense skills are completely safe for your family, and something you never have to worry about being caught without.

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#9 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by waiting2bemommy View Post
Scary. I WOULD have your dh talk to him, if for no other reason tahtn to let him know you are aware of what is going on. if he is up to no good, he will know that your dh is watching him.
Good suggestion!

Scary stuff like this makes you just want to pack up and MOVE!!! But, that isn't really practical I think you handled it perfectly.
Guns are trouble waiting to happen. Especially if you don't use them regularly.
A nice big dog can be a great deterrent. Doesn't even have to be a 'guard dog' to make people think twice.

and
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#10 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:51 PM
 
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Your instincts are important! Please don't ignore them! They served you well turning him away when he requested to enter.

I have a distinct feeling that this man had other intentions if he was able to gain entry into your home. Is it possible to bump up the security in your home - extra locks/deadbolts, blinds on the windows so no one can see in?

What is your DH's take on all of this?

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#11 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:52 PM
 
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I don't answer the door except to people I know very well. And I have a sign saying that on the door. I know this was your neighbor so you probably thought you could trust him. Eek! How scary!

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#12 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 10:54 PM
 
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it sounds like it was very scary for you.

I don't freak out very easily and really nothing about that would have alarmed me in anyway. You probably couldn't see his hand because he had it on his back if he did just hurt it. I think you handled it very well though and was smart not to let him in your house. I don't let anyone i don't know very well in my house when I'm alone.
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#13 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 11:02 PM
 
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what did your husband think of the encounter?

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#14 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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He thinks the guy is definitely weird, and off. He said though that if he was going to do something, he would have- he could have easily forced his way in. But he is a little freaked too. Neither of us get good vibes from that guy.

There is this other guy who is a single guy that lives above a garage up the road, with his dog- walks everywhere, does odd jobs, cuts our grass. We have talked to him a lot in passing. Hes really nice. Both my husband and I said that if it had been him at the door, we wouldn't have thought twice about letting him in. Even though some people might find him strange. Its all about the intuition I think. Ughhh.

Amy, mommy to Ava, 6, Gavin, 4, Lila, 2, and Baby #4 due in early November! joy.gif
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#15 of 92 Old 03-09-2009, 11:37 PM
 
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I would have been really weirded out too. Go with your instinct because that is almost 100% accurate in my experience. In every single situation I've had like the one you're describing where I've ignored my gut, it's totally bit me in the ass.

Just the other day I went to the grocery store by myself and I normally park on the side near the back of the store where it's pretty secluded and poorly lit. For some reason I felt weird parking there so I parked in the front of the store where it was very well lit and there were lots of people coming and going. The whole time I was in the store there was this really weird guy (older, greasy and dirty) shopping and he was always in the same section that I was in. When I went to check out he was right there in the other line buying his stuff too. When I left and I was walking to my car I noticed that he was walking behind me and when I got to my car and started to put my groceries in the trunk he slowed way down (almost stopping) and walked by me staring the whole time. I was so freaked out. What would've happened if I'd parked on the side of the store, you know. Ugh.

Anyway, I really think that it was a weird request. I think your neighbor was checking out the situation. You know, would you trust him enough to let him in? How comfortable were you around him, that sort of thing. Make sure that your doors are always locked when you're home alone and it couldn't hurt to have your dh say something to him. It doesn't have to be accusatory either. He could just go over and talk to him and give him the name and number of your chiropractor if you have one. It would maybe show him that your dh knows he was there and he's aware that the guy made you uncomfortable. It might keep your neighbor from doing anything else.
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#16 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 12:11 AM
 
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If you want to be able to tell someone at your door to go away without having to open the door to them, get a chain for your door. That way you can open it far enough to have the conversation without them being able to force their way into the room with you.
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#17 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 12:14 AM
 
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If you want to be able to tell someone at your door to go away without having to open the door to them, get a chain for your door. That way you can open it far enough to have the conversation without them being able to force their way into the room with you.
Very good idea.
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#18 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 12:25 AM
 
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That is very odd and I would have been scared too.

I would get better curtains and only open the door to people you know.

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#19 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 12:41 AM
 
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I would get better curtains and STRONG chain for the door.

However, I think his can you walk on my back request is so, um, out of the ordinary that it may be the truth. I think if he wanted in to harm you, he would have come up with something ordinary, like, I ran out of sugar, can I borrow some?

Also, you were talking about the nice person who walks their dog and cuts your grass...those are the guys I watch out for. The crazy sociopath serial killers are the guy-next-door-types who look/act "nice".

Creepy. Still go with your gut.

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#20 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 12:49 AM
 
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I would get better curtains and STRONG chain for the door.

However, I think his can you walk on my back request is so, um, out of the ordinary that it may be the truth. I think if he wanted in to harm you, he would have come up with something ordinary, like, I ran out of sugar, can I borrow some?

Also, you were talking about the nice person who walks their dog and cuts your grass...those are the guys I watch out for. The crazy sociopath serial killers are the guy-next-door-types who look/act "nice".

Creepy. Still go with your gut.
i agree, or "i got locked out and my phone's inside, can i use yours?". it's an odd request, regardless. i also don't open my door for anyone unless i really, really know them. while i think maybe he didn't have bad intentions, i'd also follow gut instinct.

also, my back has gone out before, too, and as bad as that can hurt i'd never think of walking in utter pain to a neighbors house to have an almost complete stranger walk on it.
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#21 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 12:52 AM
 
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I used to walk on my sister's back all the time when it was out. It was the only thing that helped her.

It could have been a perfectly innocuous request, but if your instincts were warning you, it's good you listened to them.

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#22 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 01:07 AM
 
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Thoughts??? was this a guy who is just weird and off and doesn't understand what is appropriate and what isn't? Or did he have bad intentions????
Frankly, it doesn't matter. You weren't comfortable with it, you were freaked out, you acted on that feeling, you're safe now. The worst case scenario is his back still hurts and he wonders why the nice neighbor lady wouldn't help him. If you'd let him in, the worst case scenario is a LOT worse.

Glad you're safe.
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#23 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 04:18 AM
 
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Don't discount your instincts.
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Anyway, I really think that it was a weird request. I think your neighbor was checking out the situation. You know, would you trust him enough to let him in? How comfortable were you around him, that sort of thing. Make sure that your doors are always locked when you're home alone and it couldn't hurt to have your dh say something to him. It doesn't have to be accusatory either. He could just go over and talk to him and give him the name and number of your chiropractor if you have one. It would maybe show him that your dh knows he was there and he's aware that the guy made you uncomfortable. It might keep your neighbor from doing anything else.
I agree with all of this.
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#24 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 04:53 AM
 
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My sister's dh asked me to walk on his back once. I thought it was fairly innocent till he started hitting on me.

Go with your instinct. He made you feel afraid and unsafe, do whatever it takes to secure your home.

Quote:
Frankly, it doesn't matter. You weren't comfortable with it, you were freaked out, you acted on that feeling, you're safe now. The worst case scenario is his back still hurts and he wonders why the nice neighbor lady wouldn't help him. If you'd let him in, the worst case scenario is a LOT worse.
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#25 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 01:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Updated in OP.

Amy, mommy to Ava, 6, Gavin, 4, Lila, 2, and Baby #4 due in early November! joy.gif
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#26 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 02:07 PM
 
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I would keep your house locked, draw your blinds at night, and not answer the door when your dh isn't home. Just basic percautions.

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#27 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 02:25 PM
 
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s

i would have been seriously freaked too.

one thought, though... if you already had a gun when this situation occurred, what would you have done differently?
guns in the home can create a false sense of security. think you'd be much safer keeping your doors locked, and getting chains like PP's have suggested, rather than brining a gun into your home.
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#28 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 02:28 PM
 
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***UPDATE***

Talked with elderly neighbor who we know and like, and she basically said she does NOT like the guy, apparantly he has threatened to kill her! He yells at people, call out racial slurs, is a big drinker, and she has caught him looking in her window. All because she asked him not to park on her side of the street. She was so happy I didn't let him in, and said that his face was probably all red because he was drunk last night.....I am so scared! I mean, this is a GREAT neighborhood! We don'e even lock our doors (until now obviously). I love where I live, and why the hell do I have to find out I live next door to a psycho. I think i want to file somethig with the police just so its on record, but I don't want him to find out...and she also said he knows cops in our town :

ETA: DH talked with the neighbor right next door, and he said HIS wife was weirded out because he saw this man walking up and down the block right around the same time last night, looking in windows. And my neighbor's aunt went to school with this man and said he was in the "slow" classes.

What do I do??? I did look up his address and get his name, and I can't find any dirt on him or his brother. Maybe I should have my cop friend run their plates? Ackkkkkk!

Should I get a home security system? A gun? Move?
I think that you should talk to your neighbors and all of you should keep an eye out for this guy. Setup a neighborhood watch type thing. If he's going around looking in people's windows and acting that weird when he's drunk then you all need to be careful. It's weird behavior and not good.
I would exchange phone numbers with the neighbors and then if any of you see him acting weird make a few calls to let everyone know. At least that way you all will be aware that he's out and you'll be able to take precautions. Yuck. Did your neighbor call the police when he threatened to kill her?? If he's threatening her and looking in her windows isn't that harassment? Be careful around him for sure.
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#29 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 02:31 PM
 
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That does sound freaky! so sorry!
Get a big dog that barks ferociously whenever someone steps foot on your lawn or knocks on the door. But one that is friendly as can be with your children.
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#30 of 92 Old 03-10-2009, 02:54 PM
 
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i can't imagine that owning a gun would do anything differently except for having someone end up getting seriously hurt. i think that if he is acting strangely y'all should call the cops on him when his behavior is threatening. it sounds like he has an untreated mental illness of some kind. do they have any other family in the area that a neighbor knows of and can contact?

i'd also like to say that him having been in a "slow class" as you so kindly put it doesn't necessarily mean anything and is frankly pretty insensitive to mothers on here with kids with special needs.
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