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DH refuses to keep OTC and prescription drugs out of DS reach

4K views 66 replies 44 participants last post by  tinybutterfly 
#1 ·
They are sitting on the bathroom counter where DS can easily reach. The other night DS picked up the blood pressure pills and opened it. Yes, he knows how to open the caps where you have to push down and turn at the same time. I did not teach him to do that. I do not know how to get through to H. I asked him to put where DS cannot reach and he said 'that is not acceptable'. I replied 'it's not acceptable if he swallows a pill' but he does not care. Help!

(an aside but related - his mother stays with us sometimes over a weekend and takes about 20 perscription pills a day. He was obviously upset when we keep finding her dropped pills all over and claimed he was going to do something about it, but never did)
 
#28 ·
Quote:
Would he leave guns, knives etc out? Does he not make the connection or is he mentally unstable?
No... and sometimes I do wonder. It just seems such a common sense thing.
I do have a small, very heavy lockable fireproof safe. I will empty the contents tonight and put it in the bathroom then tell him where the key is and that it's a temp solution until we find a permanent one.
 
#29 ·
My DH used to be a butt about meds, not out of meanness, just out of spacey ness. I finally emptied out an ice cream tub (those gallon things) and said, your meds go in here, no where but in here. If I find them lying around I'm throwing them away, quite frankly if I have to choose between YOU dying and my CHILD dying I'm going to pick you every single time.
 
#32 ·
Okay this might be reading a lot into this.

Sounds to me like he felt really guilty that DC got into his meds, got worried, scared, anxious, most of all guilty, and many people (men esp) seem to have trouble just dealing with those feelings, so he instead got stubborn and pigheaded about the whole thing, insisting he is totally reasonable.

I say this only because he didn't think his own mother leaving pills around was okay. I know he didn't follow through on it, but he knows it's wrong.

I like the high shelf thing in the bathroom. Something at his eye level would be far enough away from DC.

As far as talking to DH about this... I wish I knew what to say. Maybe "how did you feel when I said we have to move your meds?" and try to get him to say how he felt, not that he didn't want to move them.
 
#34 ·
If the problem is that he thinks he needs to leave them out so he remembers, would an alarm on his phone or watch help? I had the same problem. I started with just leaving the pills where I would see them and then DD2 started to get to them. DH suggested I set alarms and it helped.
 
#36 ·
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Originally Posted by pumpkin View Post
My DH does the same thing. He won't even put things in a drawer and he even keeps empty blister packs scattered about. The mess drives me crazy. It helps him to follow his very complicated and critical med schedule. He absolutely must stay on schedule or his life is in serious danger.
My aunt in law handled this (transplant meds.) by making up little cups of pills in the morning. The cups were lined up in the cupboard by the time to take them with the bottles of medicine.

Then whatever method he uses to remember that he has to go take pill A at 8, 12, 4 and 8 and pill B at 6, 9, 12, 3, 6, 9 can be used to go to the cupboard at 6, 8, 9, 12, 3, 4, 6, 8, 9 and take the next little cup of pills.
 
#37 ·
I agree that your dh might have gotten into that groove of defending an indefensible position out of guilt. It happens to all of us - too bad it's happening right now about something so very non-negotiable.

Anyhow. I second the idea of a high-up shelf in your bathroom, and then you just have to play the passive-aggressive game until you win. Every single time he goes in there to take his pills, you call out "please put your pills back up, baby!" Every single time he leaves them down, you put them up.
 
#38 ·
He does not wear a watch and doesn't keep his phone by him, so alarms won't work, sorry.

He could put them on the TOP of the small cupboard in the bathroom but I do not know if he will go for that.

Quote:
Every single time he goes in there to take his pills, you call out "please put your pills back up, baby!" Every single time he leaves them down, you put them up.
Sorry, this will not work either. He is the most stubborn person I have ever encountered and this would go on for-e-ver, plus he would just put them back on the counter where DS can get at them. He will do things just to spite me and this would probably be considered some kind of 'game' so there would probably be a 'repercussion' (he threatens also).
 
#39 ·
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Originally Posted by Ophelia View Post
Sorry, this will not work either. He is the most stubborn person I have ever encountered and this would go on for-e-ver, plus he would just put them back on the counter where DS can get at them. He will do things just to spite me and this would probably be considered some kind of 'game' so there would probably be a 'repercussion' (he threatens also).
I'm trying not to overreact here since you've only asked for help on the medicine issue, but your post is raising some major red flags with me.

Playing 'games' about 'repercussions' isn't being stubborn, it's being abusive.

Doing things to spite you for-e-ver isn't a personality quirk, it's abuse.

Making you life in fear of his reactions is abuse.

Risking your child's life to be 'right' is not the action of a rational adult.

At the very least if I were in your place I'd have a secret separate bank account and would tuck as much money in there as possible.

(ETA: and yes, that is the not-overreacting version. the over-reacting version was to tell you to run, but I don't think you're in immediate danger from him)
 
#40 ·
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Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
I'm trying not to overreact here since you've only asked for help on the medicine issue, but your post is raising some major red flags with me.

Playing 'games' about 'repercussions' isn't being stubborn, it's being abusive.

Doing things to spite you for-e-ver isn't a personality quirk, it's abuse.

Making you life in fear of his reactions is abuse.

Risking your child's life to be 'right' is not the action of a rational adult.

At the very least if I were in your place I'd have a secret separate bank account and would tuck as much money in there as possible.

(ETA: and yes, that is the not-overreacting version. the over-reacting version was to tell you to run, but I don't think you're in immediate danger from him)
This
 
#41 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by sapphire_chan View Post
I'm trying not to overreact here since you've only asked for help on the medicine issue, but your post is raising some major red flags with me.

Playing 'games' about 'repercussions' isn't being stubborn, it's being abusive.

Doing things to spite you for-e-ver isn't a personality quirk, it's abuse.

Making you life in fear of his reactions is abuse.

Risking your child's life to be 'right' is not the action of a rational adult.

At the very least if I were in your place I'd have a secret separate bank account and would tuck as much money in there as possible.

(ETA: and yes, that is the not-overreacting version. the over-reacting version was to tell you to run, but I don't think you're in immediate danger from him)
I agree with this.

I just can't wrap my head around your dh's reasoning.
:

The fireproof safe thing sounds like it's at least a good temporary solution. I think that if I were in this situation I would have to give an ultimatum. I would either threaten to call CPS myself or leave, I guess. I don't really have any advice other than some kind of lock-box or a shelf that's up high.

I mean, you can't just leave without getting the authorities involved since he'd probably get visitation and you wouldn't be there to keep your child safe. IDK?? What would he do if you told him that the issue is serious enough that you'd consider calling CPS? Would he suddenly get how dangerous it is or would it just get worse?

This whole thing is truly unbelievable. I'm sorry you have to even consider this at all.


Oh, I just thought of something that could at least be a solution if he'd go along with it. I have an alarm clock that you set and it will stay set even after you hit the off button. So everyday at the same time it goes off unless you actually turn off a switch on the side of it. Pressing the button only turns it off for that day. It plays CD's so maybe you could get something like that that you could set for a specific time and then make your own CD that says something like "Take your meds" over and over again???
 
#43 ·
This seems timely; it's from last month.

http://www.kait8.com/global/story.asp?s=9997800

Quote:
According to the Annals of Emergency Medicine, more than 9000 children under the age of six became sick after taking prescription drugs between 2003 and 2006, and eight of those children died.

Research also shows most children poisoned accidentally took medicine that belonged to an adult.

....
So far his father does not face any charges.
This is not a personal parenting decision. The law requires that you take all reasonable precautions to protect children, and keeping prescription meds out of their reach is a no-brainer with not a lot of "perspectives."

Your DH needs to wear a watch or wear his phone to set an alarm. Parenting is full of annoying inconveniences that are to the benefit of your children. If DH can't see past the annoyance factor, perhaps he'll consider the risk to himself, as if there's a habit of not taking precautions, despite warnings, charges and CPS are more likely.

I'm with Saphire Chan and I hope you can find a way that works better for all of you. Can you seek counsel from a physician or clergy?
 
#44 ·
Just for the heck of it, here's another from last June:
http://www.kcbd.com/Global/story.asp?S=8522394

A mom gave her 2 year old an Rx meant for another child...

Quote:
It's very dangerous and honestly it's not very smart," Lubbock Police Sergeant Ross Hester said. has her mother facing a charge of child endangerment.
...
Investigators are still trying to determine if this was a criminal act.
...
Fortunately, the little girl recovered. Her mother...now faces a charge of endangering a child....
Police tell us the little girl and a sibling are in protective custody pending the outcome of this investigation.
 
#45 ·
I'll be honest with you-- this would be a deal-breaker for me. That's reckless endangerment, to leave prescription drugs within a child's reach. That level of disregard for a child's safety and life is horrifying and I would NOT just try to solve the problem. I would put my foot down and DEMAND that HE solve the problem, and if he didn't do it immediately, I'd leave, and take the child with me. And if he did correct the situation, I'd still not ever leave the child alone with him unsupervised. Maybe I'm being drastic about this, but I would take it extremely seriously.
 
#46 ·
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Originally Posted by Ophelia View Post
I asked him to put where DS cannot reach and he said 'that is not acceptable'. I replied 'it's not acceptable if he swallows a pill' but he does not care.


I....I can't actually say anything here because the user agreement would burst into flames and burn to cinders if I did.

I mean, I....yeah. Uh. Wow.

Okay- here. If anyone else (say a babysitter, MIL, auntie, etc), did something like that and insisted on continuing a situation that is actively life-threatening to a child, would you allow them to be anywhere near your child? It really is like leaving a loaded gun on the counter. *Maybe* your baby won't pick it up. *Maybe* he won't play with it. *Maybe* he won't eat it. But if he does he's going to the hospital, and if you're LUCKY he'll come back out.
 
#47 ·
In addition to the separate bank account, I'd also have a bag packed with a change of clothes for you and DS, a bit of cash, the things you feel are most important. Keep it somewhere safe that you can get to when you do leave. The prescription thing could just be annoying, but the threats are uncalled for abuse.
 
#48 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Llyra View Post
I'll be honest with you-- this would be a deal-breaker for me. That's reckless endangerment, to leave prescription drugs within a child's reach. That level of disregard for a child's safety and life is horrifying and I would NOT just try to solve the problem. I would put my foot down and DEMAND that HE solve the problem, and if he didn't do it immediately, I'd leave, and take the child with me. And if he did correct the situation, I'd still not ever leave the child alone with him unsupervised. Maybe I'm being drastic about this, but I would take it extremely seriously.
I TOTALLY agree with this. Deal Breaker. Totally.
 
#49 ·
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Originally Posted by MariesMama View Post
I agree with MommytoTwo - I'd throw them away or hide them and say something like "well I don't know where they are, maybe DS did something with them". I'm not saying to blame your son, but to make your husband realize that it is totally possible for your son to do whatever he wants with the medication if it's in his reach.
: This was my first thought. If the pills are on the counter for convenience and as a reminder to take them, there is nothing LESS convenient about having your child walk off with something you need. Ask my right shoe practically every morning. Difference: my shoes are NOT potentially lethal to my children.

I don't have any personal or professional experience with abusive situations, but I tend to think the posters who have spoken on that point may know whereof they speak.

Also, there are reminder alarms made specifically for medications. I used to have one that could be set for up to four times a day; I had it going off three times, to help me take my two Wellbutrin doses and my extremely time-sensitive BCPs. It had two audible modes (a chime/beep or a voice signal) and a visual mode (flashing light). It came with a ginormous grid-style pill case that it could attach to, but I carried just the alarm in my purse; by itself it was about the size of a pack of gum. He could keep it in his pocket, or on the darned bathroom counter for that matter. (Not that your DS wouldn't walk off with it, too... but at least it would be harder for him to hurt himself with it.) I got mine at CVS, or Sav-On I think they were back then.
 
#50 ·
Quote:

Originally Posted by Ophelia View Post
I do not know how to get through to H. I asked him to put where DS cannot reach and he said 'that is not acceptable'.
Throw it away. He's a grown man and knows how to dial 911 when he has blood pressure problems. His young son, on the other hand, does not.
 
#51 ·
Thanks!

Quote:
What would he do if you told him that the issue is serious enough that you'd consider calling CPS? Would he suddenly get how dangerous it is or would it just get worse?
I don't think he would care because he wouldn't think I would do it (and if there is a chance of them taking DS for unsafe environment, I wouldn't risk it). So, it would just make things worse.

joensally, thanks for the links I will check them out.
 
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