I SO want to say something. (Bumbo on table) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 02:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I was just looking at pictures on my friend's facebook. She has a 3 month old. They have her in her bumbo on the table in more than one picture. At camping and at their own house...
I'm sure they know of the warning lable.. so why do they do it?! UGH. I'm scared to say something and have them just say "oh we're always right there anyways." But honestly. There was a reason these things were recalled. It only takes a second for them to flip backwards onto the floor.

They are very responsible parents in every other way.. I don't know what to do. I had the PM window open, and then decided against it. I DUNNO!!

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#2 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 03:12 AM
 
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i would just say something like "she looks so cute in her little bumbo, did you hear they were recalled though?" it's hard and puts both of you in an uncomfortable situation. but maybe they don't know about the recall and will be thankful you mentioned it? you never know...

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#3 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 03:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for your response. When they were recalled all they did was slap a warning lable on it, saying not to use them on elevated surfaces, and now they are back on the market.
Which you'd think would be a common sense thing, so that's why I'm suprised they're doing it, and posting pics of it on facebook, no less... I dunno. Maybe they aren't aware. Sometimes people just don't realize the risk, I guess.

I hope more people reply to this thread. If everyone thinks I should say something I will. But I'd hate to stick my nose in if not. It's a tough call.

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#4 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 03:36 AM
 
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I think everyone has different ideas on what's dangerous & what's not, & most of us probably do something regularly that other would consider dangerous (e.g. cosleeping).

For me it's not offensive if someone tells me their own experience, for instance "I could never sleep with my baby, I'd be so afraid I'd roll over on them! Did you hear about that story in xyz?" doesn't bother me at all! It's clearly a true statement. That person feels the way they feel & they clearly heard something that convinced them they had a right to feel that way.

"You know the AAP says cosleeping increases the risk of SIDS?" has a different feel to it, KWIM? It's more of an absolute... it seems like a judgement... "I'm an authority; this is dangerous; you're doing it anyway."

That said, sometimes there's just no pleasing people. I've seen people post on MDC completely annoyed by people's "I'm afraid to sleep with my baby" comments. Who knows.

You know your friends. There are ways to bring something up in a way that doesn't "sound" like you're bringing it up. If you feel you must, do it that way instead

We don't have the same friends, but I'd assume my friends put their kid up there to take some pictures

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#5 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 03:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Very good points. Well the one camping picture they were up there for a while, I'm sure. It was a cute picture of her in her bumbo beside her friend who was in a travel system carrier, and they were sharing a bug net. lol. Seemed like an effective system, I just don't see why they had to be up on teh table. Why not the ground on a blanket? I know they are kind of out of the conversation that way, but...

I've been trying to think of ways to word it but it always comes out sounding all high and mighty....

Ack. I'm gonna sleep on it. Keep the comments coming, girls

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#6 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 07:31 AM
 
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I don't know: we only used the bumbo for about a month, maybe less while ds was intent on sitting but couldn't do it yet himself & we almost exclusively used it on the table. I also did all our tummy time on the table as well. Everyone needs to find their own comfort level with things & I honestly did NOT feel it was a risk with my ds & his level of mobility at the time.

I wouldn't say a thing. I see my friends post pics of things on fb all. the. time. that I would not do 'cause I think it's just plain wrong or unsafe - but they're smart, educated people who can make their own decisions.

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#7 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 09:53 AM
 
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Hi,

Could it be that they only put it on the table to take the photos?

When my DD was a newborn, I would sometimes put her carrier seat on the table to take a photo, esp. a close up of her face because it was more comfortable than squatting on the floor so soon after her birth, but I never left her in the seat unattended.
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#8 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 11:38 AM
 
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Honestly, I wouldn't say anything. I've been in very similar situations (it was a napping newborn in a bucket seat up on a high ledge for hours the last time I was dying to say something). I realized that if I said anything they would immediatly be on the defensive and tell me why it was ok, or that they were right there the whole time. Ultimately it was their decision and my saying anything wasn't really going to make a difference. That said, I wish there was a way (maybe there is and I don't know about it) to say things to parents without putting them on the defensive. I know I would appreciate if someone said something to me to increase the safety of my child HOWEVER as a mom (and a first time mom at that) I know I'm very sensitive to people telling me what to do. It's a fine line and unless you know the person VERY well (which might negate the whole thing anyhow) and know how they would take your comment I think it's not worthwhile to say anything. It's sad though, becuase you might be able to prevent an injury. This is actually something I struggle with a lot and I'm not sure I'm doing the right thing by saying nothing but I haven't yet figured out a way to say something and actually have the person listen, and change their behavior.

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#9 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 12:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lifeguard View Post
Everyone needs to find their own comfort level with things & I honestly did NOT feel it was a risk with my ds & his level of mobility at the time.

.
I would agree with this. I have a wide island in my kitchen where this new babe will spend a lot of time while I make dinner. I plan on putting the new bjorn seat up there so I can be right there. I know that label says not to but I feel it's sturdy and I'll be "right there". It's just a risk I'm okay with. When the babe gets bigger, I will have to re-evaluate.

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#10 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 12:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone! Well lets put it this way. The dad was best man in our wedding. That said, they do have a slight tendancy towards "better-than-you-ism." and like Lifeguard said, they are smart people that can make their own decisions. But I'd just hate if they didn't actualy realize the falling risk, and no one told them for fear of offending them.

Areia, The kitchen table one, maybe. But the camping one, probably not.

Mom to angel baby, grew wings at 5 weeks in May '07, William, born Dec '08, and another angel who grew wings at 8w4d (lost at 11w) in Oct '10. Rachel born Feb 2012, Another angel Lost Sept '13. New bean due Nov '14!
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#11 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 12:16 PM
 
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I wouldn't say anything. If you MUST say something, the "did you know the bumbo was recalled" thing would work. If they asked you about it you could tell them it was because it was unsafe to have on raised surfaces, and if they didn't ask, then just let it go again.

I did once move a baby in an infant seat that was set on a couch and the mother left the room. The kid was rocking back and forth and I just feared the little thing was going to rock face-first off the couch. I'm still glad I did it, but the mom was a bit miffed when she came back.

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#12 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 12:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm still glad I did it, but the mom was a bit miffed when she came back.

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Yea because it's almost like you're implying they are a bad parent. Which isn't the case at all, some people are just a little more paranoid than others. William has fallen off teh couch so now I'm paranoid about that. I never leave him on it even if im RIGHT there. I always have my leg up as like a seatbelt for him. lol. Had you asked me a couple months ago I probably would have told you a diff story....

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#13 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 01:05 PM
 
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I personally don't care if it puts the mom on the defensive, I'll tell her if something is very clearly unsafe. Now if it's just something that I don't do/let my kids do then I keep my mouth shut but for this I think I'd bring up the recall and the raised surface thing. Then if something happens at least you told her. I just can't imagine a mom crying to me that she "had no idea it was unsafe" after her baby got hurt and I knew but hadn't told her for fear of her getting defensive.

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#14 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 01:11 PM
 
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Yeah, I did my best to explain it right away "I moved her down because she was really rocking the chair and I don't know if she was strong enough to move it or not" and the mom was like "oh, she isn't. She would have been fine". And we left it at that, but she was miffed.

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#15 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 01:12 PM
 
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I put the bumbo on the counter or table. I didn't use it often, but when I did, it was so they could be interacting with me instead of on my back while cooking or doing dishes. It's not like I sat them up there and then just went around the house doing other things--I was within arms reach at all times.
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#16 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 01:13 PM
 
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Maybe it was on the table just to take a picture, you don't really know the situation.

Either way I wouldn't say anything. if she really is leaving the baby on teh counter, and you say something, do you really think she is going to change? Probably not, she will just get defensive. Unless she specifically asks you, or unless it has come up naturally in the conversation, it is pointless. People are not interested in hearing how you think what they are doing is unsafe, true or not.
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#17 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Good save. lol. I would have said something similar, like, "I don't know her strength so it was making me uncomfortable." Which would imply that the mom does, and that's why she IS comfortable with it.. Hopefully she's forgotten about it already.

That being said, I was comfortable with my baby on the couch when he fell off. lol. They get stronger!

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#18 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 01:17 PM
 
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I think if you said it like, oh I see you have the bumbo on the table, My friend so-and-so used to put her baby in there on the table til she flipped herself off of the table. It was so scary for them, yada yada yada.
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#19 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 01:18 PM
 
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I tried to be gentle once when I saw a baby in a bumbo on a coffee table picture on Facebook, but it backfired and the mother freaked out about my daring to tell her about the recall and why.

I say don't say anything.

On the other hand, it would hurt to post the recall info link on your page and assume that she will see it.
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#20 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 01:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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People are not interested in hearing how you think what they are doing is unsafe, true or not.
This is true, and this is why I'm leaning against saying anything. Her baby is also currently so small her shoulders barely come above the backrest lol.

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#21 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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On the other hand, it would hurt to post the recall info link on your page and assume that she will see it.
LOL she'd notice it was too coincidental. Days after she posts the pics, I post a recall that's over a year old? lol. I'd be safer telling her. Sneaky though! lol.

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#22 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 02:08 PM
 
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This is true, and this is why I'm leaning against saying anything. Her baby is also currently so small her shoulders barely come above the backrest lol.
I also would not say anything. I also was one of those moms who used a bumbo. We would put her on the kitchen table and DD (3 months) was always within arms reach. Or I'd put her in the Bumbo on top of the kitchen counter as I prepared for dinner. Again, within arms reach. I was comfortable with this because she was not strong enough to even sit up completely straight and her feet did not even come close to touching the floor.

We all have different comfort levels when it comes to the safety of our babies. In my opinion, formula feeding is not healthy, and at times, can be dangerous, but I don't make a habit of making comments like that to parents who formula feed. It's their choice as an educated parent, and they have the right to do as they please.

On the other hand, I did have a few friends make comments to me about the Bumbo, and it was easily brushed off after I explained that I wasn't worried about it. So in the end, it might depend on how sensitive the parent is.

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#23 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 02:39 PM
 
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We all have different comfort levels when it comes to the safety of our babies. I don't make a habit of making comments like that to parents who formula feed. It's their choice as an educated parent, and they have the right to do as they please.

Totally. People don't like to be judged period, but especially as a parent. Parents judging other parents is definitely "Casting Stones in Glass Houses" territory, KWIM? We all have different ideas.

Since your friends are "better-than-you-ist," saying something almost guarrantees you wont be invited over to any bbq's any time soon

Also, unless your friends are total idiots, I'm sure they know that by placing their child on a table there is a risk of them falling. They're probably just comfortable with that risk & feel it's minimal considering their circumstances.

I don't know how many times my kid has fallen off our bed. She napped in our bed alone as a baby & still sleeps in it on occassion (she's 3). I'm comfortable with the risk I'd be pretty amazed if someone thought perhaps I hadn't considered it was a risk If I had a serious kind of ego going, I'd assume they thought I was an idiot!

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#24 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 03:05 PM
 
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Everyone always thinks it won't happen to them, hence the reason they are doing it in the first place. My DD2 fell off the counter and broke her clavicle with 2 parents within arms reach, no one could catch her fast enough. It only took a second.


DS flipped his bouncy all the way over yesterday, he is only 4 months, non mobile, can't sit, etc... yet he managed to do that! He was on the floor on the rug, but I did have a friend with a 2 month who ended up in the ER because he knocked his bouncy off the kitchen counter. Things happen.



If it was me, I'd just say something about how a "friend's" baby fell out of a Bumbo on a table and you are so glad they weren't injured.

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#25 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 03:12 PM
 
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I think that as long as the warning is in a language the family reads so that they have the capacity to understand it its right there on the bumbo. They are, for intents and purposes, making an informed decsion. Yes it could be unsafe. Yes the baby could fall off the table. But they have weighed the risks and benefits and made a parenting decision. So unless you want to hear about how you dangerours, cosleeping, not vaxing, homeschooling, etc etc is from them, I would myob.

Now if you are in the room with the baby on the table then you can say "oh that's freaking *me* out and *I'm* afraid she will fall" which makes if about *you* and that seems fine to me. But to post on Facebook so everyone can see how much more concerned and informed you are than the parents eh? it would rub me the wrong way as the parent.
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#26 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 03:23 PM
 
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Everyone always thinks it won't happen to them, hence the reason they are doing it in the first place. My DD2 fell off the counter and broke her clavicle with 2 parents within arms reach, no one could catch her fast enough. It only took a second.

Did you really not know there was a risk of your child falling off the counter when you put her up there? Would someone giving you the Public Service Announcement of "You know, she could fall off the counter" made a difference in your risk assesment?

I mean seriously - I cannot imagine anyone putting their child anywhere but the floor and not realizing there is some chance they will fall down. That would deserve a true idiot's license.

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#27 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 03:39 PM
 
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I mean seriously - I cannot imagine anyone putting their child anywhere but the floor and not realizing there is some chance they will fall down. That would deserve a true idiot's license.
That's a bit harsh. We all take risks. We weigh the options and make a choice. I don't think that makes the pp an idiot. She obviously learned a lesson because of the accident. I'm sure she feels bad enough.

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#28 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 05:29 PM
 
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I wouldn't say anything because I put my infants on the table a fair bit. With DS1 it was to keep him out of reach of the dog, with DS2 it was to keep him out of reach of DS1 lol!
I was always within arms reach but they spent a fair bit of tummy time, time in the bumbo and in the bouncy chair.

It's a calculated risk thing to me.

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#29 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 06:02 PM
 
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I would probably do the sneaky approach and post the link to the recall. In fact, I just posted a link to a car safety seat website on my facebook a couple minutes ago after seeing a pic of an old playgroup friend's DD in her car seat. The straps were twisted and so loose she would need an extra head coming out of her chest to fill the gap. The chest clip was all the way down to the base clip. I was tempted to email her too, but I have a feeling she won't fix it anyway. Ugh. The picture will haunt me. Maybe I should email her after all...

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#30 of 46 Old 09-22-2009, 06:13 PM
 
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I used to put DD in her bumbo but after a while, every time I turned around, she was on the floor behind it looking very confused (I would set the bumbo on the carpeted floor). She would just kindof "stand up" and arch backwards and out she went ... a little backflip. I, personally, would tell someone that experience. Just like "OH yeah, those are great. My daughter totally learned how to back-flip herself out while we weren't looking though so we had to move on" You can pretend I'm your IRL friend and say "Oh my friends baby kept doing backflips out of that when her mom turned around". LOL (funny because she was always fine -- just really bewildered)!
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