Nerves about turning her ffing - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 06:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD's 2 and a half and getting rather long (not to mention the mounting family pressure) so its inevitable that we'll be turning her ffing fairly soon. I've just got massive nerves about it. I know she'll be very safe and all but it still doesn't make me feel any better. Wish I could put this day off a while longer but, alas, no dice. I know I'll get over it but its just making me go all wibbly right now.
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#2 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 07:01 PM
 
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Is there any reason you have to switch her? At 2.5, she is definitely much safer rear-facing. When you say she is getting too tall, do you mean her head is nearing the top of the shell? Long legs don't matter - and kids are flexible.

As long as she fits the car seat (under the RF'ing weight limit and has at least an inch of hard shell above her head), there's no reason you have to switch her.

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#3 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 07:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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She's 32 inches tall at last count. Her legs go up the back of the seat which MIL is definitely NOT pleased about and has told me that this is just "esoteric" stuff that I'm worrying about w/keeping her rfing. I've done pretty good thus far keeping her rfing, I think, but I know its going to happen sooner or later with the higher probability of sooner.

I'm a worrywart so I know a lot of this fretting is just stuff in my head but it doesn't make me feel any better about it.
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#4 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 07:48 PM
 
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My kid was 36" quite awhile ago and will be RF for a long time yet. Her legs bend, and she loves it. I turned her FF for a flight last month and she hated it. Her legs were uncomfortable (dangling), and she kept dropping her toys because they weren't contained by the seat. Also she was so upright she found it hard to sleep.

I wouldn't turn a 2.5 yo who still fits RF in her seat because of family pressure. She is MORE likely to break her legs FF than RF (not to mention her neck)

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#5 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 08:09 PM
 
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Don't turn her because of family pressure. The leg thing is not uncomfortable for them my 3.5 year old is in a convertable without much legroom and never once complained. If she nearing the weight or height limit (head is within 1 inch from top of hard shell) then turn her otherwise don't let family pressure you. Send them youtube links ; )

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#6 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 08:36 PM
 
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I would not turn a child before 4 unless their seat was outgrown.

Dd was rf until 3.5 and was perfectly comfortable.

Family pressure is not a reason to make your child less safe for every car ride.

-Angela
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#7 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 08:37 PM
 
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Is she too heavy to be backwards yet?

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
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#8 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 08:53 PM
 
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If you want to keep her RF, and she has no problems RF, and still fits the limits of her seat RF... keep her rear-facing!

You are responsible for her safety. Not your MIL, not your family. Why would you let them convince you to do something that you *know* is against your child's best interest?
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#9 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 08:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Phatui, I think she's 25lbs but I wouldn't know since we're still fighting to get her Medicaid so we can get her to a WBV.

Alegna, I've already had many of my parenting choices called into question and so I have to tread very carefully since we're living on my MIL's sufferance. Its a case of I'm screwed if I do and screwed if I don't.
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#10 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prothyraia View Post
If you want to keep her RF, and she has no problems RF, and still fits the limits of her seat RF... keep her rear-facing!

You are responsible for her safety. Not your MIL, not your family. Why would you let them convince you to do something that you *know* is against your child's best interest?
Because I've been threatened with losing custody of my child because of not having a coat on her while in her car seat in the winter, keeping the straps tight, and my own personal mental health issues. So I'm in a situation of being between a rock and a hard place.
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#11 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 09:05 PM
 
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I don't think you're being a worrywart - you're right to keep her rearfacing.
She's pretty tiny yet and at that size, not nearly as safe FF as RF. Have you seen joel's story? If not - google it. Or do a search on youtube, his grandpa made a video and website.

She's little enough she's got plenty of time RF'ing yet, in many seats.
My son's still RF in my car (primary vehicle) - he's 40 mos old, 38.5" tall, and 35 lbs.


I wouldn't give in to pressure from others, not on that one. Many other things are negotiable ... car seats, not at all.

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#12 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 09:42 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
Because I've been threatened with losing custody of my child because of not having a coat on her while in her car seat in the winter, keeping the straps tight, and my own personal mental health issues. So I'm in a situation of being between a rock and a hard place.
Put the coat on backwards after she's buckled. Or keep a blanket in the car to cover her. (or put one in the dryer for a minute before you leave so it's warm....we've left a largish baby blanket in the car since DS was tiny, but then, it's not ever seriously cold here...but even a blanket left in the car in winter weather will warm up quickly once it's put on the child. I grew up in Michigan so I understand....somewhat anyway)
The straps need to be tight. That's not any sort of custody issue.

Don't know about the mental health stuff, but keeping your daughter safer in the car is proof that you are capable of making good decisions for her.
Again, definitely not something that could be used against you.

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#13 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 11:06 PM
 
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I think you should call a local hospital and ask if they can tell you where to have your car seat professionally installed. When I did this they told me if the seat was in right, if the straps were tight enough, they looked at how my dd sat in the seat, told me how it should face and when I should switch her to a different seat, they told me when I needed to switch the straps up higher, and they told me to never put her in her car seat with anything the seat didn't come with because kids tend to fly out in car crashes. You shouldn't even use the cute car seat covers unless they came with the car seat and you especially shouldn't put a kid in the carseat with a coat on because the air is deflated in a crash and kids fly out of the straps and die. Going to someone who has the training in this will give you the leverage you need to keep you child safe.
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#14 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 11:25 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KurumiSophia View Post
Because I've been threatened with losing custody of my child because of not having a coat on her while in her car seat in the winter, keeping the straps tight, and my own personal mental health issues. So I'm in a situation of being between a rock and a hard place.
Following manufacturer's instructions on how to use a car seat would be a positive for you in ANY custody hearing. You know what you are doing - following the instructions. If MIL or anyone else questions it, hand them the instruction manual and ask them to find their information in there (they won't).

Use the seat RFing until she hits the weight limit, then turn her. You will be a bundle of nerves when you do but at least you will be using the seat correctly to keep her in the safest position the longest time possible.

I was totally freaked out after turning my son and the nerves subsided substantially after about 6 months of him FFing.

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#15 of 24 Old 04-02-2010, 11:34 PM
 
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When did car seat safety ever become "controversial?" It is ridiculous! My family gives me a hard time too, but mostly in the form of innocent jabs. My DD is almost 4, and only 30 pounds so she will be rear-facing for a long time. I agree- stick to the manual- no court of law would say you were wrong. Sorry you are in this position, but if you don't advocate for your baby nobody else will, and pretty much the biggest risk of death and serious injuries to children is car accidents

Amy, mommy to Ava, 6, Gavin, 4, Lila, 2, and Baby #4 due in early November! joy.gif
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#16 of 24 Old 04-03-2010, 01:15 AM
 
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dont know your exact situation but i'll venture to guess that MIL has some sort of legal custody...

find the info online to back up your very responsible decision to ERF, print it, put it somewhere safe and easy to reach for a quick handover to the case worker, and then tell MIL to stick it.

better two broken legs than one broken neck, no?

Bring back the old MDC
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#17 of 24 Old 04-03-2010, 01:22 AM
 
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I agree with all pp. As for the legs - there have been no reported cases of broken legs from rfing - but there have been from ffing. Check out carseat.org, and youtube for some pretty convincing videos.

Kelly , mama to 4yo and 1yo ,
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#18 of 24 Old 04-03-2010, 02:55 AM
 
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32" and 25 lbs is still really tiny. Can't you just say that you are using the seat according to the directions and current recommendations and leave it at that? Why do they even care?

 

 

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#19 of 24 Old 04-03-2010, 03:19 AM
 
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That's like the size of my 16 month old...she simply folds her legs. No discomfort whatsoever.

You are worried b/c it sounds as if someone is holding loss of custody over your head. Well the AAP says it is safest to keep children rearfacing to the limits of the carseat. This time, "they" are on your side.

And no, you don't know that she will be safe. Over 250,000 children were severely injured in car accidents in 2008. On average, 40,000 people die every year in car accidents. Rearfacing is a huge risk reduction for toddlers. Don't smother your mothering instincts b/c someone is bullying you. I wish you luck.

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#20 of 24 Old 04-03-2010, 08:14 AM
 
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Thanks for posting the link to Joel's story.

Deb, Mom to Madeleine 8/2005 and Maia 11/2009 Nick: and Chris
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#21 of 24 Old 04-03-2010, 09:49 AM
 
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Mama! I'm sorry you are being pressured into doing something that is not recommened for your child. The facts are clearly on your side, the AAP recomends rear-facing to the maximum weight limit of your seat. Could you find a good CPST and take your DD in to see them, with your MIL, so that she can hear someone in authority explain why your DD should still be rear facing? I would call ahead though, honestly, there are many CPST's that would just say, "Oh, 2 1/2, she's fine, just turn her!"And you don't want to add fuel to that fire! You could use the list on car seat.org to find a CPST that is practicing according to the guidelines (ie- advocating extended rear-facing). In the end though, although we would all love to see her rear-faing still, and she is unequivocaly safer, she is 2 1/2 and not 10 months. You have done great keeping her rear-facing this long. So if you have custody issues and other big sticks being swung at you, take heart that you have done well getting her this far.

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#22 of 24 Old 04-03-2010, 01:48 PM
 
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I got lots of comments from my in-laws too for keeping my DD RF as long as I did (4y3m). I just recently turned her so that we could get a better install for 3 across the back seat as we just had a new baby in January, plus she had already made it to age 4 (the critical age for the bones to be strong enough), and was within about 3-4 lb of the weight limit, so I felt okay to turn her. If she had been 2.5 though, I definitely would have waited longer. My DD could not even LEGALLY FF till past 2 as she was only 19 lb at age 2.

BTW, tell your MIL there is nothing "esoteric" about trying to avoid a broken neck!

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#23 of 24 Old 04-03-2010, 02:00 PM
 
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I wouldn't turn my dc around because of the pressure of others opinions. My MIL constantly told me I should turn my DS around because he was to old to be rfing. I ignored her (I gave her my speel though) and he rf until he maxed out his seat weight wise and I HAD to turn him. He was 3 1/2yo then.

So I would keep her rfing until her head is one inch from the top of the shell or she hits the weight limit for rfing in her seat.

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#24 of 24 Old 04-03-2010, 05:47 PM
 
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FYI - not sure what seat you have, but all Dorel seats require children to be 34" before riding FF. ALL Dorel seats, no exception. So depending on your seat, you can't turn her yet anyway!

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