Free Play Daycare Issues - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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Family Safety > Free Play Daycare Issues
nextcommercial's Avatar nextcommercial 06:36 PM 04-13-2010
Originally Posted by chickabiddy View Post
I am less concerned about actual damage from taking a bath with a daycare baby than the very clear evidence that the care providers do not have appropriate boundaries.

Bathing WITH a daycare child??? I didn't realize that when you said bathing. I thought you meant she gave the baby a bath. No... no no. I didn't see where you live, but I can nearly PROMISE you that licensing would be completely flipped out about sharing a tub with a child.

Not to mention smoking a joint while in the tub with a toddler. OH, PAH-LEAZE please, please look for other care. I don't care if the most important doctor in the entire world brings their kids there. I bet they don't know about the baths.

I don't think this is sexual abuse at all. I bet it's innocent. Sexual abuse hasn't even crossed my mind. But, this is a bad idea. They are crossing boundaries and making poor choices while your kids are there.

Maybe nothing will ever happen. Or maybe nothing will ever happen while your kids are there. But, why even take a chance? Why risk having the police come in and arrest them in front if your kids?

I said before, the bumps and bruises are part of childhood. The backyard sound amazing. I don't think kids should be hovered over either. I like that the kids can go in and out without being followed around. I notice that my daycare kids play much more freely when they think I can't see or hear them. They enjoy play more if they think I am inside. But, that doesn't mean I'm not watching them. I'm just not always in sight of them. I can ALWAYS hear them, and usually see them. I assume your provider is doing the same. I love that.

But, pot smoking and bathing are not ever ok. Especially if there are 13 other kids running around the center. One teacher shouldn't be in a bathtub with just one child while the other teachers are left to manage the group.

waiting2bemommy's Avatar waiting2bemommy 07:00 PM 04-13-2010
I just wanted to come back and add something, as someone who was investigated by CPS (and was eventually cleared of all the concerns as being unwarranted and untrue, but not without plenty of headache and stress on me and my child). If you know that the provider is doing this (bathing with your child or any other, willfully ignoring safety hazards, using an illegal substance in the presence of any child) and you ignore it and ANYTHING happens and it is discovered that you knew and kept your mouth shut, it can go very, very badly for you. I am very serious. By your knowledge of the situation and your choice not to report it to licensing (not to mention leaving your kids there), you are implying that you are in agreement with these practices. And the fact that you posted about it here can be used against you as well. Please be careful
alfabetsoup's Avatar alfabetsoup 08:03 PM 04-13-2010
SHE SMOKED POT WHILE YOUR BABY WAS IN THE BATH. Your BABY was in the BATH, in the WATER, and she was SMOKING POT. While your baby was in the bath. Pot. Bath. I kind of wish I knew where this daycare was so I could report them and hopefully get them shut down, because they have no idea how to look after children.
Purple*Lotus's Avatar Purple*Lotus 08:59 PM 04-13-2010
I sincerly doubt this place is licensed. And if they are, should the inspector show up at the wrong time, I am certain they would be closed down I feel so bad for the kids who are going there, I am sure it is fun, but at what cost?
StephandOwen's Avatar StephandOwen 12:36 AM 04-14-2010
Originally Posted by sandcastle View Post
giving the child a bath (uhhh....that's just weird; no that wouldn't be OK with me unless the person watching my children was a relative)
I think that giving a child a bath WHILE naked and in the bathtub is wrong and I would never allow anyone to do that with my child (heck, nobody but myself and dp ever give ds a bath, except one time when dp's mom did without my permission but she got an earful and won't be doing that again). However, I have given children in my daycare a bath (in the sink) before, and I will again. Unfortunately there are some parents who are less than stellar with their children. There have been a few babies in our care who go weeks without a bath if I/my coworkers don't step in and give them sponge baths You can't imagine the joy on these babies faces when they finally get clean and aren't itchy anymore.

Originally Posted by Minaret View Post
She begged me to keep them there
That's just.... weird. I'm sorry, but it is. I care very much about the children in my care. Some of the kids have been in my care since I started here, almost 2 1/2 years ago. I love these children. But I would never beg a parent to keep their child here.

Originally Posted by Minaret View Post
I went Friday to another daycare that was really great and has the more learning type of schedule, and all of these kids where so mellow. They weren't running amok like my kid. His behavior was really embarrassing. It always seems like other kids are better behaved, maybe because they have more structure in their daycare.
I can tell you from someone on the other side (the daycare worker side) that we can do amazing things with the children for short bursts of time. But once a visitor is gone all bets are off and they have much the same "free play" as you describe.... just a lot more supervised and in a safer environment
Rosi G.'s Avatar Rosi G. 06:08 PM 04-14-2010
Please get off the internet and go find your children a new daycare. Or, if you insist on being online, please use the time WISELY to research a new SAFE daycare for your kids.
Fuamami's Avatar Fuamami 06:28 PM 04-14-2010
You know, OP, I don't think the bathing with the baby thing is that big of a deal. She's only 1, right? Not even 18 months?

I disagree with the pps who said it was pedophilia or boundary crossing. I used to watch a 1 yo and often had her overnight or for even two nights in a row, and I changed and dressed in front of her. She was a baby, I am a woman, I just thought it was no big deal.

HOWEVER, I do think it's inappropriate to be intoxicated or impaired while providing licensed childcare, no matter how you feel about marijuana usage, and I wonder how one care provider found the time to bathe your baby and herself while there are 14 children there.

I get that they are your friends and your kids love them, but that doesn't mean they are taking very good care of them. It sounds really, really dangerous. Your description of the water feature gave me the willies.
StoriesInTheSoil's Avatar StoriesInTheSoil 07:28 PM 04-14-2010
I really feel like this thread can't possibly be real. It's just too wild and out-there for me to wrap my head around.

On the off chance that this thread is in fact real, PLEASE GET YOUR KIDS OUT OF THERE. There are other options. Please. It is NOT a safe place for them!
Minaret's Avatar Minaret 09:32 PM 04-14-2010
Ok, some more explanation, because this seems to have gotten out of hand.

I agree with the previous post about bathing. My DD is only 12 months, she has some sensory issues, and because of her disability, has cataracts that need to be removed soon. I didn't want her to slip up in the tub, I would rather have someone with her. And I ASKED if the provider could give her a bath. This bath was also not at the daycare (which some of you will probably think was worse), but at her home behind the daycare. So perhaps that will clear some things up about caregivers running around a daycare naked with a baby in the tub with them. This was not the case. This is the only situation with my child, and she did have permission from me. for some of you that may be creepy, but I've known this person for several years. Also, I did my own "background" checks through a friend of mine on all the people there, before going to this daycare.

I also found out I could have been quite wrong about the illegal substance (long story) but in any case, it wasn't in the daycare where this occured. I have never seen any of the caregivers stoned will taking care of the kids there. They are sometimes very forgetful, and not always as "watchful" as I'd always like them to be, but then I do tend to be a very worrying parent.

I also agree with a previous poster who said that babies were thrilled to be bathed by caregivers because parents didn't bath them for weeks. Sometimes, being busy parents ourselves and working long hours, we have been known to go a week with out giving our kids a bath. The baths were truly a joy for her.

The carseat thing, the kids who have occasionally escaped in the past are the things that scare me the most. We talked extensively about that. I feel we have resolved most of those issues, but I realize that some folks would never go back, some parents I know won't even go back to a daycare after one bad diaper change. I thought I was like that.

But all this doesn't matter now because my DH just got laid off and will be staying home with the kids.

Thanks to all of you for your posts and concern. They will be in safe hands.

Fuamami's Avatar Fuamami 02:03 AM 04-15-2010
Originally Posted by Minaret View Post

But all this doesn't matter now because my DH just got laid off and will be staying home with the kids.

Thanks to all of you for your posts and concern. They will be in safe hands.


Sorry to hear that; I hope everything works out for the best.
MCatLvrMom2A&X's Avatar MCatLvrMom2A&X 09:11 AM 04-15-2010

sapphire_chan's Avatar sapphire_chan 05:47 PM 04-15-2010
Ugh, I'm sorry your dh got laid off.
readytobedone's Avatar readytobedone 06:07 PM 04-15-2010
Originally Posted by D_McG View Post
It is not OK and not normal for a child care provider to take baths with your child. Seriously. sometimes I read stories like this and just wonder what your own past is that you would think that is a normal thing.

Why does a grown woman want to be naked with your child? Hello?
Yeah, I'm not a judgy, moralistic person by any stretch--but there's virtually no one that I would be comfortable taking a bath/shower with my daughter. DH. Me. That's it--not even my own mom, really.

And I'm not anti-pot either, but it certainly isn't something I would want my child's daycare provider doing while watching 14 kids. I certainly wouldn't smoke pot while in charge of 14 kids. Think about it--would you have 4 drinks while in charge of kids? I wouldn't.
childsplay's Avatar childsplay 01:09 PM 04-16-2010
I have a home daycare simaler to what you describe. Only without the pot smoking, unsupervised play and improper carseat usage.

Our yard is unfenced woodland, small rock cliffs, streams, interesting swings, slides, ropes, treeforts, etc. I couldn't imagine NOT supervising - because of all this!

Even with supervision I still get the usual array of skinned knees,elbows, and hands, bonked heads, thrown rocks, swinging (and connecting) sticks, etc....I couldn't even imagine the carnage if I wasn't out there with them.
A few days ago one of my daycare boys was on the swing and another one darted in front of him, anyway swinging boy got an elbow in the nose - which just exploded with blood. It was everywhere, all over the boy, all over me, the ground, the swing. Luckiliy I was only a few paces away and was able to quickly scoop him up and comfort him and clean him up. I shudder to think of this happening if I were indoors somewhere and they were out on their own.

Heck if I want them outdoors but need to make lunch or prep a craft then they're on the enclosed deck - where I can see and hear them.

The carseat thing and the pot smoking really bother me, but the lack of supervision just churns my stomach, I KNOW how much damage/trouble/danger kids can get themselves into even with a sharp eye on them.

I'd pull them. Hopefully you can eventually find a happy medium?
WingonWing's Avatar WingonWing 01:35 PM 04-16-2010
Well, I read it all, and now I'm REALLY confused. I was under the impression that you and your husband absolutely HAD to work or it would be disastrous. But now your DH has been laid off and it seems like no big deal--now he can stay home with the kids.

I just don't get that--why didn't you guys do that in the first place instead of paying someone else (who you seemed to have concerns about) more than $900/month?
MaryJaneLouise's Avatar MaryJaneLouise 02:59 PM 04-19-2010
Originally Posted by WingonWing View Post
Well, I read it all, and now I'm REALLY confused. I was under the impression that you and your husband absolutely HAD to work or it would be disastrous. But now your DH has been laid off and it seems like no big deal--now he can stay home with the kids.

I just don't get that--why didn't you guys do that in the first place instead of paying someone else (who you seemed to have concerns about) more than $900/month?
Well, for one thing, people who are laid off general get unemployment, which makes being a SAHP temporarily much more affordable.
jeliphish's Avatar jeliphish 03:14 PM 04-19-2010
Originally Posted by Liquesce View Post
Alphabets don't kill children. Street access, stoned care providers with, by the rest of the description, plausibly badly supervised children in open water, and improper car seat use all do. Honestly I'm not seeing anything but a no brainer here.
Uh yeah.... ITA. It's not like the other daycare's are strapping the children to their desks and forcing the abc's. Children love learning and especially learning songs. I haven't read all the replies but I am quite frankly stunned that you would send your LO's back especially after the pot concern. Your dd could have drowned.

There is a huge difference between free play/ ap values and carelessness, lazyness, and lack of supervision.
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