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Old 08-03-2010, 05:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've always been a huge proponent of ERFing. I've posted vids on my facebook page etc. Our plan was to RF DD until he maxed out her seat that fit in our car (Evenflo Triumph Advance).

When our new baby came along we bought a seat that allowed us to keep her RFing (we have a small car).

DD is now 22 mths and we switched her FFing 2 weeks ago. We went on a road trip which we had to do in one day and we wanted to be able to drive on the baby's schedule, not her's. I'm explaining/justifying it badly but basically we wanted to be able to hand her things more easily and hoped that she would be more entertained in the car (being able to see out the window etc). She was never particularly unhappy RFing - she didn't know there was another option. It's also easier to tighten her harness because of the design of the EFTA (when RFing the tightening handle is hard to turn). We live in a fairly crunchy area and even so, I was the last one to turn my kid.

I feel terribly guilty to having turned her for such pathetic reasons, yet I love that she can now look out the window and tell me "red car! bus!". So I am reluctant to turn her back again even though I know it's the best thing, safety wise.

We don't drive much, but I know this is moot given that most accidents happen near home etc.

So I am torn. What should I do?

Leila, mama to Eleanor (10/08) and Emmett (4/10)

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Old 08-03-2010, 05:26 PM
 
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I think you need to let the guilt go, she is 22 months old, perfectly okay to have her ffing. Sure you wanted to leave her rfcing longer, but eventually they do get turned around and you don't need an excuse to do it, you don't need to justify your decision to anyone including yourself.

Enjoy your trip, you left her rfacing a lot longer than most people and just relinquish the guilt!
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Old 08-03-2010, 05:28 PM
 
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Well, at 22 months FF is safe, but RF is much safeR. I wouldn't FF a 1 year old for any reason

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Old 08-03-2010, 05:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, I feel better now. Ugh. I just can't bear to turn her back again (and doubt she would tolerate it now that she has seen the dark side).

Leila, mama to Eleanor (10/08) and Emmett (4/10)

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Old 08-03-2010, 06:07 PM
 
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Try it, you might be surprised. I didn't think DD1 would go back RF'ing again, since she had been FF since 11.5 months. She never made a peep.

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Old 08-03-2010, 06:59 PM
 
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My 2.5yo can see out the windows just fine rfing. We can also hand her stuff quite easily. I think you should reconsider.

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Old 08-03-2010, 07:11 PM
 
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If you feel uneasy about it, you can switch her back RF'ing. You might be surprised at how she reacts. Some kids are more comfy RF'ing b/c they are more reclined.

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Old 08-03-2010, 08:14 PM
 
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My RF 2yo regularly points out all the things she sees "mama, what a blue sign with yellow letters" "that's the video store baby" "oh" "mama, i see red car!!" "yeah, and do you see the green one?" "no, no, it white one!!" and so on for hours. Also I hand her stuff over the top of her seat. She knows to reach up if she wants it.

I have a mirror and she sees some stuff in that, or out the side window or out the rear windshield. She's quite upright in her seat, which helps.

I vote for get a mirror and install the seat at a 30 degree angle RF and see how it goes. I really do consider 2yo to be my absolute minimum for FF.

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Old 08-03-2010, 08:35 PM
 
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my 3-1/2-year-old can see everything out the windows and he is RFing. All I ever hear is commentary on the other cars, the signs, etc. He knows where we are going too and if he sees us go a different way we hear all about it. I never have a problem handing him stuff either?

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Old 08-03-2010, 10:16 PM
 
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I'd flip her back. In a few years ff before 2 will be seen like ff before 1 is now.

No way I could live with the guilt if she were seriously injured because she was ff. Unlikely you'll have an accident, but could be deadly.

Dd was rf until 3.5 and I expect ds to be rf until at least 4.

-Angela
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Old 08-04-2010, 12:24 AM
 
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I would never FF my kid before 2, heck before 3 if I can help it. Right now 3 is my minimum and I'd like to get to 3 1/2 if possible.

Turn her back, her life is worth it.

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Old 08-04-2010, 12:37 AM
 
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I would turn her back around personally. I turned DS around when he turned 2yo because I didn't know any better and from the moment I did It I regretted it. So I researched it and then I "knew" why I had felt so uneasy. I flipped him back around less than a month later and he happily rear faced until he maxed out his seat by weight at 3 1/2yo. He didn't care that he was flipped rfing again and I felt much more at ease.

~Katie~ married to J, mom to DD- A 13 yrs ,DS- L 7yrs , and my little nursling DD2- R 5yrs.

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Old 08-04-2010, 09:54 AM
 
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Turn her back. She'll readjust.

A side funny- I turned ds around at about 2.5 (my back issues were making it nearly impossible to lift him up that high anymore). We live in a mountainous area. Going down hill scared the bejeezus out of him, lol! He adjusted, eventually.

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Old 08-04-2010, 09:58 AM
 
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My son was turned FF at 2 - because that's as long as dh would keep him RF Later we bought a new vehicle and put him RF, no protest at all.

Right now I'm freaking out about turning him FF and he's 4 years 5 months. He has packed on the pounds this summer and is 37lbs now.

mama to the Girls (15, 14, 13) and the Littles (5, 3) 
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Old 08-04-2010, 10:23 AM
 
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I have an acquaintence who could care less about car safety, but when she had her 5th baby almost 2 yrs ago, I told her about the "new law" that says babies need to RF until age 2. He's still RF at 20mos. However, she's 37wks pg and will need to move him out of the bucket (he's very small weight-wise, so that's ok, but he is too tall, so this switch to FF is safer in his case) and into the FF harnessed seat her 4.5yo was using (4.5yo will go to a booster). I sort of consider it a small victory that I convinced a clueless person to RF past 12 mos.

In your case, you already knew better. If you are having guilt, it's because you know your child will be safer RFing. I think you should turn your LO back around. JMHO

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Old 08-04-2010, 11:08 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by alegna View Post
In a few years ff before 2 will be seen like ff before 1 is now.
I'm not as optimistic that it will happen that soon if ever. I live in an area with lots of educated progressive parents. Babywearing is huge. Breastfeeding is the norm. Midwives and homebirth are all the rage. Parents have to go out of their way to get their sons circumcised at the hospital and it's explained that there's no medical reason to do it. But since becoming aware of the RF issue about four years ago, I only recall seeing one person RFing a child who was clearly over 12 months. It was a stranger in a parking lot. I don't personally know anyone who does it. I often get double takes when I'm taking my son in and out of the car and occasionally people even ask why he's still RF or inform me he can be FF now. My kid's pediatrician said nada about it at his one year visit. Since the new AAP recommendation, I was hoping he or the nurse might start mentioning something about it.

Anyway, OP, I can see both sides to some extent. On one hand, yeah, FF rocks. I love being able to see my oldest and that she can see me and that we have the same view. Makes "I spy" much easier. And while it's still possible to hand stuff to a kid who is RF (do it all the time with my son), it is easier when they're FF. And putting a toddler in a RF seat and tightening it can be a PITA in some seats (like the one I have of course ). Honestly that issue alone has gotten me daydreaming about turning my son FF. However, I don't think those are good enough reasons to actually turn a kid FF. It's so much safer to RF, and your LO is still very fragile. And she's voiced no complaints about RF and hasn't outgrown her seat RF. I'd turn her back.
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Old 08-04-2010, 03:43 PM
 
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Well since you're torn, I'd turn her back. She'll get over it, you'll feel better, and you can reevaluate at 24, 30 months, or whatever you decide. I look at it like breastfeeding. One day at a time; the longer the better. Of course you made it further than most, so, like breastfeeding, if it's time for you to stop, you can't beat yourself up too much.

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Old 08-04-2010, 04:23 PM
 
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I'd flip her back too - she probalby won't care. DS1 rode FF from 15-29 months when I turned him back around right before ds2 was born (or maybe right after. Somewhere in there!)... he's still RFing in my car, at 41 months and doing so happily. Though DH does have him FF in his car 'so he can see him' - but as he's hardly ever in there, it doesn't bug me too much. I plan on keeping him RFing till 4 and then flipping him around. We'll see though
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Old 08-04-2010, 05:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by blessedwithboys View Post
I told her about the "new law" that says babies need to RF until age 2.
Is there an actual law where you live or do the quotes mean you lied?
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Old 08-04-2010, 05:48 PM
 
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Haha - I thought you were talking about formula feeding (FF) especially with all the breastfeeding info for awareness week.

I wanted to share that my 40ish lb 35month old would love to be RFing if I could get the Radian seat installed in my Prius. He wants to be like his little brother. Kids can surprise you.

The one thing that is always true about being a mama - trust your instincts, even when others don't. If you are uneasy about her being forward facing, then turn her back.
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Old 08-04-2010, 08:53 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ThisCat View Post
I'm not as optimistic that it will happen that soon if ever. I live in an area with lots of educated progressive parents. Babywearing is huge. Breastfeeding is the norm. Midwives and homebirth are all the rage. Parents have to go out of their way to get their sons circumcised at the hospital and it's explained that there's no medical reason to do it. But since becoming aware of the RF issue about four years ago, I only recall seeing one person RFing a child who was clearly over 12 months.
Yup. Same here.

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Old 08-04-2010, 09:04 PM
 
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I think it will be a decade before laws are changed to prohibit FF before 2.

But you know better- flip her back.

Mother to R- 2/09, & C- 5/11

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Old 08-04-2010, 09:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by purplepaperclip View Post
Is there an actual law where you live or do the quotes mean you lied?
There is no law anywhere in the US requiring RF until age 2.

(Many states do have proper use clauses, however, requiring seats to be used in accordance with manufacturer specifications. If this child is still small enough to fit in an infant bucket, it's *possible* that he's below the weight and/or height minimums of certain seats to forward-face, so this child may have legally needed to stay rear-facing. But there is no law anywhere requiring RFing to age 2. And I think we advocates lose lots of credibility when we say things that aren't verifiably true.)

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Old 08-04-2010, 09:32 PM
 
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If you *knew* you were going to be in an accident the next time she is in the car, what would you do?

Wife to DH (06/10) and Mummy to DD (07/08).

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Old 08-05-2010, 12:22 AM
 
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If you *knew* you were going to be in an accident the next time she is in the car, what would you do?
Very good question!

~Katie~ married to J, mom to DD- A 13 yrs ,DS- L 7yrs , and my little nursling DD2- R 5yrs.

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Old 08-05-2010, 12:33 AM
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I have to say, I am having this guilt with a much younger child. My DD is 17mo, big for her age. She gets so miserable car sick that I turned her FF just to see if SOMETHING would help. Poor girl would barf up her entire stomach contents (even if it was just BF) whenever we drove more than 20 min. Now I know why she hated the infant seat so much....her poor tummy .

She's only been that way two weeks and we've been all over the place and I can tell she feels much better. But I am still contemplating turning her back.
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Old 08-05-2010, 12:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If you *knew* you were going to be in an accident the next time she is in the car, what would you do?
Great point. I think I will switch it back and see what happens. I knew I should never have done it in the first place.

Leila, mama to Eleanor (10/08) and Emmett (4/10)

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Old 08-05-2010, 01:16 PM
 
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I've turned my Dd2 to FF and back to RFing a couple of times... she was totally fine about it.

She's now FFing permanently because of the logistics of fitting 3 carseats in our little car + no cheap carseats with RFing weight limits higher than 35lbs... but I wish that I could RF her for much longer!

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Old 08-05-2010, 01:44 PM
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We had to do FF before for a long drive, special circumstances in the car, DD was over 2-- she was fine going back. The only time she complained was the one time RFing on a plane, but that's a totally different sensation.
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Old 08-05-2010, 03:05 PM
 
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My dd always hated her bucket; she was tiny but people still recommended turning her ffing at 10mos. She was 18lbs at 18mos. Anyway, we took her out of the infant seat, put her in a radian rearfacing, and she has been happy as a clam ever since. Sometimes older kids don't like the recline of the bucket, so going to a more upright install of a rfing convertible is a great option. DD will be 4 in December and she is still rfing. And in our van, it is much easier to pass things to her rfing than ffing for sure!

Quote:
Originally Posted by InMediasRes View Post
I have to say, I am having this guilt with a much younger child. My DD is 17mo, big for her age. She gets so miserable car sick that I turned her FF just to see if SOMETHING would help. Poor girl would barf up her entire stomach contents (even if it was just BF) whenever we drove more than 20 min. Now I know why she hated the infant seat so much....her poor tummy .

She's only been that way two weeks and we've been all over the place and I can tell she feels much better. But I am still contemplating turning her back.

Kelly , mama to 4yo and 1yo ,
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