My Brother would get them. He's single and he's older than me and still a kid. However the night I called crying to him and the rest of my family about our daycare situation was the night he quit his job and drove cross country to help us... and he stayed for a year. He knew nothing about infants but he learned quickly and he certainly fell in love with DD1. Since we are the only ones in either of our families with kids, theres a bit of contention about this and it was never brought up by us. However when asked I say my brother. DH is on board, he and my brother get along well.
Believe me there are some pissed of grannies and aunts out there thinking we're idiots for picking him. But when we needed someone he gave it all up for us. And I'll forever be greatful for what he did.
I think it's just one of those things. Make a choice. If, over time, someone better seems apparent, draw up new papers.
Our primary is my mom - who is very loving but also in poor health. Not exactly an ideal choice.
Secondary is SIL - also in poor health, and has proved to be rather, well, un-nuturing.
But what can we do? Thankfully, this is a very unlikely situation. And if it comes up, better my mom than rolling the dice with foster care. Life will be hard for DD if she loses both of her parents, there's no way around that. We can only do the best we can do. And, believe me, if we develop a really good friendship with a family that would be better than our current choices, we'll make the change accordingly.
Don't have time to read the posts, but we are in the process of considering some very close family friends and doing the paperwork. SIL and BIL aren't options for a variety of reasons, ILs are in their 70s, and I don't have family.
It is a hard decision and no choice is ever "perfect."
We have no one. My mother is completely out of the question. She's disabled & getting worse. She can barely take care of herself. Just having the kids around for a few days exhausts her, even with me there. She can't handle the toddler at all. She can't pick him up & wouldn't be able to care for a baby.
My sister & her husband have 2 kids. I hate their discipline, I think my BIL is borderline abusive. He's constantly changing jobs & wasting money. They often seem to barely have enough for themselves & it's not like we have the money to afford life insurance, so we wouldn't be able to leave anything to help.
And that is literally it. We have no friends, we have no other family. I hate not having someone we could trust with them.