Addict coming for a visit - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 6 Old 06-19-2012, 08:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We live with my parents while our house is being built. My mom invited my brother to come stay  for a few days because he is going through a rough time. He recently became estranged from his kids and wife after apparently assaulting his wife. Restraining order against him.  He is adopted and has FAE  (the more functional FAS) and has always struggled with addictions. Currently using alcohol although denies hes had cocaine for a month.

 

My mom is more concerned with property being stolen. I am more concerned with our physical well-being.  I don't want the kids around an active addict- even for four days. I worry about him getting into situations with drug dealers (my parents have bailed him out at least once before from drug debt when his safety was threatened) and his own unpredictability. I told my mom she needs to have a plan in place for when he comes home drunk and she agreed to tell him he would have to go if this happens.

 

I am freaking out a little. So is my husband. Just wondering if you would be too. Maybe we should stay somewhere else for a few days.

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#2 of 6 Old 06-19-2012, 09:55 AM
 
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If at all possible, I would find someplace else to stay while he visits.  As a child, I remember witnessing upsetting addict behavior within my family and it was very upsetting and sometimes, with the voilent drunks, absolutely terrifying.  Add to that your worry about physical safety and I would be staying elsewhere.   Is there any possibility that "a few days" could turn into an extended stay?  If so, you might want to plan for that scenario too.


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#3 of 6 Old 06-19-2012, 11:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the response. Strange sometimes how the right decision is so clear but so clouded. I  called an addictions counselor to get further feedback and she was agreeing with my concerns. We are going to camp out at our unfinished house for a few days. The kids are going to love it :)

Thanks again for taking time to respond. It helps makes things clear. It's hard because I know the good side of my brother but an active addict is a whole different person.

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#4 of 6 Old 06-19-2012, 11:33 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dandelionkid View Post

Thanks for the response. Strange sometimes how the right decision is so clear but so clouded. I  called an addictions counselor to get further feedback and she was agreeing with my concerns. We are going to camp out at our unfinished house for a few days. The kids are going to love it :)

Thanks again for taking time to respond. It helps makes things clear. It's hard because I know the good side of my brother but an active addict is a whole different person.

 

My mother used to say the same thing about her brother, a person who hit rock bottom and never came back up.   I continue to be perplexed when people speak fondly of my bio-father because my memories are very different from those who knew him before booze took over.

 

Glad to hear you got a professional opinion that you are comfortable with. 


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#5 of 6 Old 06-19-2012, 12:48 PM
 
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I would not stay there with my kids. Frankly I am surprised your Mom would allow him to stay while your family is there if he has a history of assult. What is the plan for him leaving? What will be different after a few days that he can leave? Your Mom needs to have firm plan in place that he knows about, for her own sake if nothing else. I would say start looking into more permanant solutions if you don't think she will be able to get him out soon.

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#6 of 6 Old 06-19-2012, 03:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yeah I know- she has a pattern of enabling. One thing I do know is he won't be staying here past Saturday. There is a restraining order against him by his wife and she is coming for a visit after him. I am pretty angry that he is coming over. He will either be going through withdrawal or seeking his old contacts for drugs. He won't go into withdrawal voluntarily (and why would I want that around my kids anyway??) so he will go find his old contacts to prevent that from happening.

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