Oprah today 10/01/08 - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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#61 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 07:36 PM
 
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As one who WOH I rarely think about my kids during the day…Even not sleep deprived I forget kid related things all the time -- took me a week to remember to call the doctor for an appointment for my DS and he has been begging me every night because his eyes hurt so bad. Once I'm at work, they aren't top of mind.

Half-marathon running Mommy to 3 spunky girls and 1 sweet boy. Spending my days and nights where my kids need me most- at home with them!!

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#62 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 08:01 PM
 
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So hard to watch and to think about...I have really struggled with this since I watched the show! I keep thinking about this mom, and the situation. I guess I get what Evan&Anna'smom is saying, but honestly - I personally can't imagine it, but that's because I don't live in the world of WOHM. My life has been 24/7 my kids since ds was born 5 years ago. I know what it's like to be sleep deprived, and mild PPD has happened to me too, and that's when weird things start to happen for me. So i guess - in a way i can't judge her, because I don't know - but it seems impossible.
It's just so sad and horrible to forget your child like that.
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#63 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 08:04 PM
 
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*preparing to be flamed* I've often put the carseat in the front seat (I dont have an airbag) just because I really feel the need to be able to see my babies and for them to see me. Plus I felt like it was much more unsafe to have a crying baby in the back distracting me while driving then a baby that's happy because they can see me. Having the baby within easy eyesight makes it so made it so much easier for me to stay tuned into them (without taking my mind or eyes off the road.) When I first heard about this case, I couldnt help but think this would not have happened if the baby was in the front seat. Not saying babies should start riding in the front seat, but wouldnt it be nicer if it were safer for them to do that. I've seen parents reaching into the back seat while driving trying to comfort the baby or find a lost pacifier, I just dont think that's safe, of course it can happen in the front seat too, just seems more likely if the kids in the back. With all the money spent on cars and improving cars, why can't we make the front seat safer? Or even have more options for built in mirrors where you can see the baby easier from the back, but dont have to worry about them flying off during a crash.
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#64 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 08:11 PM
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Originally Posted by mischievium View Post
Here's what I don't understand in all of this: This tragedy gets played out multiple times every year-- HOW is it that there isn't some sort of safety device/ alarm that alerts parents if they leave their child in the car?

Now that I asked that question, I googled it and apparently there is something already on the market:

http://www.emaxhealth.com/20/23649.html


Perhaps devices like this should be more widely promoted and used.
Seriously-- we have devices that ding ding ding if you leave your lights on, and if you aren't buckled up, so you'd think something like this would be worthwhile to parents!

Tragic, tragic, tragic. I thank God when I know I make mindless mistakes that COULD have been deadly but turn out okay (like not realizing a left turn was unprotected until the last second, almost running a red light for no good reason... probably all sleep exhaustion looking back on when they happened). I don't know how leaving a child would compare to that, but I assume she is punishing herself plenty. That poor baby.
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#65 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 08:18 PM
 
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Posting w/o reading the whole thread: I've forgotten mine in the car before. I had PPD, was extremely sleep deprived and was dealing with a high needs infant.

In my case, my dh realized I'd forgotten dd in the car and went out to get her. Thankfully, when I just about had a nervous breakdown he was a little more compassionate to me than some of the responses I read here.

And at the time I was a SAHM. It had nothing to do with work or daycare.

I'm glad other people feel so safe to judge this situation. I'm not religious, but what's that saying? 'But for the grace of God(dess) there go I'.

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#66 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 08:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KayleeZoo View Post
This sums it up perfectly. All the feeling bad in the world doesn't change the fact that she was neglectful and a child died because of it.
I understand that as mothers/parents we're really affected emotionally and viscerally by this sort of story.

But why, oh why are we so harsh? I can feel just as much agony for the mother as for the baby.

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#67 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 09:52 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kangaroomum25 View Post
Not saying babies should start riding in the front seat, but wouldnt it be nicer if it were safer for them to do that. I've seen parents reaching into the back seat while driving trying to comfort the baby or find a lost pacifier, I just dont think that's safe, of course it can happen in the front seat too, just seems more likely if the kids in the back. With all the money spent on cars and improving cars, why can't we make the front seat safer? Or even have more options for built in mirrors where you can see the baby easier from the back, but dont have to worry about them flying off during a crash.
Thats the interesting thing...its often posted here in the safety forum how awful those mirrors are (that allow you to see the baby in the back), so dangerous, and extended rear facing is highly encouraged...but for those saying "how could she not SEE her child??"...if you dont have a mirror and the baby is rf behind the driver seat...how DO you see your child? You dont. I put a lightweight cloth and plastic mirror back there, because i couldnt stand the idea of not being able to see my child (esp for long trips). My minivan has not only tinted windows in the back but pretty good soundproofing too...i could be standing a foot away from the back door and not be able to see nor hear my child.

There was a case awhile back where a father (who rarely dropped his baby off at daycare) had to do the daycare run that day....but he went on autopilot, ended up driving to work (like he did 99 percent of previous mornings) and it wasnt until hours later someone yelled at him "your baby!" that he remembered he never dropped him off at daycare (baby died )

The reason the mom (and the dad in my example) forgot their kids, was that there was a change in routine, and their brain didnt catch up. The mom had already BEEN to the babysitter, so her mind was thinking she dropped off the child (who, from reading the article, was probably asleep at this point)...she got busy with what she was doing, and knew she'd already driven to daycare, so her mind probably checked that off the list. Its really sad, and yes neglectful, but its one of those things that i dont think you can really prepare for, other than maybe forcing yourself to do a seat check everytime you leave the car or something.

Katherine

Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#68 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 09:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by CanidFL View Post
Wow like that isn’t a little offensive to some of us. I WOH full time because I don’t have a choice. There is no “if you just made some sacrifices you could do it”. I go to school and yes DS is in daycare. Just because I wasn’t lucky enough to SAH does not mean that I have lost my mother instinct. I am focused on my son. That is pretty darn hurtful
WOW. That is so NOT what I meant. I am terribly sorry that that is what you got from that- that wasn't my point at all. Not only was that not my point, but I don't feel that way at all. I didn't mean sacrifice your job. Now that I re-read what I wrote I see how someone might think that that is what I was implying but its NOT. You can change/slow down your life, have your family as a priority, and work- in fact, most of us don't have a choice not to work. One of the best mothers that I know, my SIL, works outside the home. My point was that IMO we need to step back and take a look at our lives when we become mamas and reprioritise or slow down. That can mean making choices/sacrifices that we wouldn't have made if we didn't have children...when I said that otherwise we loose the "motherly instinct" I'm referring to what I have seen with some moms-that trying to be wonder woman and doing it all and more, plus having kids can lead to total burn out, and they aren't listening to there own bodies and signals, let alone their childrens. In retrospect, I feel I shouldn't have phrased it that way.
I'm sorry if I offended you, as a sahm i have a lot of respect for mothers that work and/or go to school - it can't be easy at all. I'm sure you are a wonderful mother to your ds.
I just feel like too much is expected of us sometimes, and i wish our culture as a whole would be more respectful of our role as mothers.

" The first time her laughter unfurled its wings in the wind, we knew that the world would never be the same." Greta 2/07 and Tallulah 12/09
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#69 of 70 Old 10-07-2008, 08:41 PM
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I have removed several posts here that were against our UA.

Let's keep it on topic please.

Thanks.

winner.jpg Adina knit.gifmama to B hearts.gif 4/06  and E baby.gif  8/13/12 (on her due date!) homebirth.jpg waterbirth.jpg

 

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#70 of 70 Old 10-07-2008, 09:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by queenjane View Post
Thats the interesting thing...its often posted here in the safety forum how awful those mirrors are (that allow you to see the baby in the back), so dangerous, and extended rear facing is highly encouraged...but for those saying "how could she not SEE her child??"...if you dont have a mirror and the baby is rf behind the driver seat...how DO you see your child? You dont. I put a lightweight cloth and plastic mirror back there, because i couldnt stand the idea of not being able to see my child (esp for long trips). My minivan has not only tinted windows in the back but pretty good soundproofing too...i could be standing a foot away from the back door and not be able to see nor hear my child.

There was a case awhile back where a father (who rarely dropped his baby off at daycare) had to do the daycare run that day....but he went on autopilot, ended up driving to work (like he did 99 percent of previous mornings) and it wasnt until hours later someone yelled at him "your baby!" that he remembered he never dropped him off at daycare (baby died )

The reason the mom (and the dad in my example) forgot their kids, was that there was a change in routine, and their brain didnt catch up. The mom had already BEEN to the babysitter, so her mind was thinking she dropped off the child (who, from reading the article, was probably asleep at this point)...she got busy with what she was doing, and knew she'd already driven to daycare, so her mind probably checked that off the list. Its really sad, and yes neglectful, but its one of those things that i dont think you can really prepare for, other than maybe forcing yourself to do a seat check everytime you leave the car or something.

Katherine
Exactly.

I also saw a statistic at some point where moms are much more likely to be found guilty of negligent homicide or whatever they're charged with than dads. People seem more understanding when the dad forgets the baby.

I talked about this at one point with my dh and he said he couldn't imagine how someone could forget, but I immediately could see. I'm a SAHM and I could forget. As I said earlier in the thread, I made myself establish rituals to double-check so I don't forget because I could so see myself doing it. And when my daughter was old enough, I taught her how to get out of the car just in case. My mind sometimes gets focused on what I have to do and I have to force myself to slow down and get out of that.

People say it isn't like leaving a sack of groceries, but memory doesn't work that way. Forgetfulness doesn't just happen to trivial things. It just happens, regardless of how important things are. That's why parents need to be very careful, establish rituals, make lists, put a Post-It note on the dashboard, whatever. I wish people would hear about this and talk about ways to keep it from happening again rather than simply lash out at the parent.
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