Oprah today 10/01/08 - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 70 Old 10-01-2008, 08:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Anyone watch???

NO KIDS LEFT IN CARS EVER!!!!!!!! NO KIDS LEFT IN CARS EVER!!!!!!!!

NO KIDS LEFT IN CARS EVER!!!!!!!!

NO KIDS LEFT IN CARS EVER!!!!!!!!

I can not tell you how upset I am for this mother. A simple break in routine & it happens. So sad. She even admitted to leaving her child in the car for a quick run-in to get her older child from pre-school.

But just this weekend, while picking up food I saw a Mother leave her 2 kids in the car while she waited in line. Oh it made me so frustrated!! I understand what I think her reasoning was, but you just do not do it. EVER!!!NEVER!!! EVER!! Cars are not toys for children to be left in.

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#2 of 70 Old 10-01-2008, 08:54 PM
 
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I'm from that area so we were innundated with coverage of it last August. I couldn't even watch today. It's beyond heartbreaking and even though I would never have left Anna alone in the car before, now I'LL NEVER EVER EVER leave Anna alone in the car. Just your subject line brought back that pit of the stomach feeling. Never... it's not worth it.

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#3 of 70 Old 10-01-2008, 08:57 PM
 
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I can't even think about this without tearing up. How terrible and difficult it must be for that mom. As someone who is constantly sleep deprived, I can so understand how it could happen to someone.

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#4 of 70 Old 10-01-2008, 09:14 PM
 
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I wish I could have seen the show now since I see it posted now on 2 of my mothering forums, would likely be on my 3rd if I checked. From what I've read a young child passed away in a car from spending the day in sweltering heat, the mother was horribly sleep deprived? She was forgotten to be dropped off at daycare?

I can only think of how incredibly blessed I was to have my DH at home for the first year of my twins' lives as I was very sleep deprived and I didn't drive either. I can't imagine what to say but how aweful for a child to lose their life in that way.

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#5 of 70 Old 10-01-2008, 09:16 PM
 
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I am from cincinnati where this happened and most people were very angry at this woman. People just couldn't understand how you could do this. I was one of these people BUT the media here never told us that this was a change in her routine and now I get it. I feel so bad for her and her family. And I promise myself I will never judge another mother again. But the sad thing is another mother just did the same thing right here in cincinnati and lost her 8 month old child. Please do not leave your children in a car its not a risk anyone should take.
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#6 of 70 Old 10-01-2008, 09:20 PM
 
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I still don't get it. No matter what my routine, or non-routine, I would never leave my child alone in a car to die. Never.
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#7 of 70 Old 10-01-2008, 09:26 PM
 
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Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first 18 mos of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.

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#8 of 70 Old 10-01-2008, 09:34 PM
 
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Some people are more scatterbrained than others. I could forget. I established this little routine where the last thing I'd do before I closed the car door was double check the back seat. I had another routine where the last thing I'd do immediately after starting the engine and before taking the car out of park was to double check to make sure the carseat was buckled, because without a routine I could forget that too.
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#9 of 70 Old 10-01-2008, 11:07 PM
 
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Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first 18 mos of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.
As someone with only one child, no PPD issues, and very little sleep deprivation, I could forget. I have a tiny car and a loud child, so that makes it harder, but if she were to fall asleep in the back of a larger car, while I was driving somewhere that i don't usually take her.... I could see it. Scares the living crap out of me, and I don't think it's likely to happen, but it's far from impossible.

And my heart goes out to any mama it has happened to, without a second of judgment.

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#10 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 01:10 PM
 
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This show just broke my heart, and I don't remember the story from last year. The whole situation was just a horrible, terrible, incredibly sad thing. I'm still crying about it.
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#11 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 01:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KayleeZoo View Post
Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first 18 mos of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.
me either.

prolly wouldn't condemn her or anything. but i don't get it either.

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#12 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 01:43 PM
 
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I still don't get it. No matter what my routine, or non-routine, I would never leave my child alone in a car to die. Never.
I don't get it either I have been known to forget my purse in the car and not lock the doors but ummmm my kid? heck no.

We had a similar story here in FL and you can imagine the heat in the car. It only took a couple hours for th child to die BUT it was the grandma who forgot the child, not the mother. She was babysitting.
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#13 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 01:51 PM
 
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Is this the mother that was an assistant principal? I did not see yesterday but I remember from last year. What I don't get is that she had admitted to previously leaving the girl in the car, including other times when she went to drop things at her school and had been warned by school officials not to do it again. Also, the survielence video shows her backing in to a space near the school door, how did she not see the child when she backed up? then she got out and opened the back of her suv to remove donuts twice, how did she not see the child or the car seat?
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#14 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 02:37 PM
 
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I am a new mother and can only take this story as a lesson.

My one thought is wouldn't the daycare call if you didn't show up? I know my daycare will call by 9:30 if I don't drop off or call.

Just a thought of a protocol that could be in place to prevent these things. It is always good to have safety measures that assume anything can happen.
We implement stuff like this all the time in manufacturing facilities- every incident is preventable.

I couldn't watch the whole show- too heartbreaking.

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#15 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 03:11 PM
 
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My one thought is wouldn't the daycare call if you didn't show up? I know my daycare will call by 9:30 if I don't drop off or call.
I work in a daycare. No, we don't call when kids don't show up. Not every kid comes every day so it would be tedious (for us and the parents) to have to call every kids who doesn't show up every day.

I've heard people say that they will put their purse/briefcase/whatever right next to the carseat so they HAVE to go to the back seat, or at least look back there, before going in to work/run errands/whatever. It's a good idea for those who know they are scatterbrained. Actually, it's a good idea for everyone.

I'm in the camp of "I don't understand how it could happen", but only because I was a single mom for most of ds's life. I took him everywhere with me (including to work as a nanny) so I always take him out of the car wherever I am. He's 5 now and I still find myself opening up the back door on the rare times he's not with me. LOL!

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#16 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 06:37 PM
 
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I also watched the show. I was thinking "I hope there's an MDC discussion about this."
I remember hearing about this incident, as well as others, and being astonished. I am one mother who can't imagine forgetting my child. I can't pass judgment on this mother. I am lucky enough to be a stay at home mom so I spend 24/7 vigilant and focused on my child. However, I can imagine how easy it is to become distracted when sleep-deprived, and out of your element.
It's shocking though. I'm thankful that she was willing to share her story because I definitely agree that we are a too fast paced society and we should all slow down and be more present and focused. I hope that many parents watched and that her telling of her story will prevent other tragic accidents from happening.
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#17 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 06:41 PM
 
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That is just so sad.

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#18 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 07:28 PM
 
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Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first 18 mos of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.
I don't get it either. I feel bad for the mom, but I do not understand. I have never had PPD, but I work 40 plus hours while attending school and never have a consistent schedule. Even when I was a SAH student mom and DH and I switched cars constantly with DH in the back seat I never forgot about him.

I really want to understand, I am a true scatterbrain at time, but I can't. It is a baby, not a sack of groceries or a cellphone.

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#19 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 08:06 PM
 
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I don't get it either. I feel bad for the mom, but I do not understand. I have never had PPD, but I work 40 plus hours while attending school and never have a consistent schedule. Even when I was a SAH student mom and DH and I switched cars constantly with DH in the back seat I never forgot about him.

I really want to understand, I am a true scatterbrain at time, but I can't. It is a baby, not a sack of groceries or a cellphone.

Me too. I just don't understand how it can happen....especially for a long period of time. I can somewhat see maybe 5 minutes, but hours?
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#20 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 08:19 PM
 
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I could totally see that happening and feel for the family to which this tragedy happened.
I am a SAHM to one fairly manageable child.
I can hardly remember what I had for breakfast.
It was a change in routine for her and I guess she goes about her days perfectly safe in the knowledge that her child is in DC.
That little tidbit about her taking her child to the DCP probably got lost in the hectic-ness of her day.
It's such a sad, sad situation.
I feel blessed that I have the luxury of SAH and my DH checks up on us during the day.
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#21 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 08:52 PM
 
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I still don't get it. No matter what my routine, or non-routine, I would never leave my child alone in a car to die. Never.
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I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die.
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Also, the survielence video shows her backing in to a space near the school door, how did she not see the child when she backed up? then she got out and opened the back of her suv to remove donuts twice, how did she not see the child or the car seat?
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I really want to understand, I am a true scatterbrain at time, but I can't. It is a baby, not a sack of groceries or a cellphone.

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#22 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 08:55 PM
 
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This story is just tragic. I can not imagine going through what this woman is going through. She will live with this guilt for the rest of her life. She made a terrible, terrible mistake that morning. Her poor daughter.

While I can not imagine this happening in my life, I can see how it happens. So many people are totally unfocused in their lives because they are pulled in so many different directions. I see it all the time around me. They are not present. These mistakes happen when you live your life that way. I mean, this kind of thing happens far too often for it to be something others look at with simple condemnation for the mother. It should serve as a reminder to focus, focus, focus on what you need to be doing, especially when your children are around.

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#23 of 70 Old 10-02-2008, 09:50 PM
 
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I can't even think about this without tearing up. How terrible and difficult it must be for that mom. As someone who is constantly sleep deprived, I can so understand how it could happen to someone.
: I didn't have a chance to see this episode and I'm not even sure of the story, so I'm not exactly "defending" her per se. I don't know that specific story. I just wanted to throw my 2 cents into the mix about mistakes mothers (and fathers) make.

I have 3 under 3. I've given birth to 2. When my baby was just 9 months old, an old friend of mine lost custody of her 1 month old baby. As such, we ended up with an "unexpected" baby...one who has severe colic. I have spent many days making many stupid mistakes. Most of them are really minor, harmless.

About a week and a half ago, after our scheduled supervised visitation for our foster daughter with her parents, I took the 3 babies to the store to buy some groceries. They were hungry, crabby, and in extreme need of a nap. On the way out, they all cried. As I changed diapers in the car and gave my foster baby a bottle, they cried. I loaded them up, exhausted and overwhelmed, and off we went on our 1 hour long ride home.

When we pulled into our garage, I went to take them out of the car. As I got to my 3 year old son who had been the quietest of the bunch back at the store, I realized I'd made a grave mistake: he had clipped the top clip of his Britax car seat up anticipating me finishing the bottom. But I forgot and when I glanced over at him, the top clip was done...I overlooked the rest. We drove the entire one hour ride home without his crotch clip of the 5 point done up.

Now I consider myself a good mom. I breastfeed and wash their hands all the time. I am a freak about safety. They have Britax car seats, and I won't let anyone else clip them in...I'm too worried it won't be tight enough or safe enough.

But I goofed. I thank God every time I think about it that my little boy is safe. I know how unbelievable serious this could have been and regret it every minute. I'm a good mom. I was stressed. I was overwhelmed. Sometimes, these things happen.

Before that happened, I was one of those moms who said I "never" did anything seriously wrong like that. Funny how life has a way of humbling you...

My heart breaks for that mom. She will suffer every minute of every day she's alive. She knows she made a mistake. She didn't intentionally kill her child. She made a bad judgement call. So did I. I'm human.

 

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#24 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 02:15 AM
 
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When DS was still an infant and I was even more sleep-deprived and scatterbrained than I currently am, I forgot to belt his bucket seat into the car on two separate occasions. I didn't drive far, and it was in a residential area, but it still freaked me out when I noticed. I had belted him into the seat, then forgotten the rest. I had been used to using the adapter portion that you just click the bucket into. I have definitely made stupid mistakes and strive daily to be more focused and present.
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#25 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 02:24 AM
 
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There is a very big difference between leaving part of a carseat unfastened for a short period of time and leaving your child in a car for eight hours to die.

I can't bring myself to feel compassion for this woman; I'm reserving my sympathy for her daughter, who died a horrible, horrible death as a direct result of her negligence.
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#26 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 02:25 AM
 
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I didn't see the show, but the friend who was telling me about it said the woman stopped by her daycare provider to drop the baby off, couldn't drop the baby off because it was too early, so she went to get donuts first meaning to drop the baby off (again) after that. But she forgot to go back to the DCP. It's horrible, but I get that. I've never left a child somewhere and I don't have a car, but I worry that I'll forget if it's my day or the sitters to pick DD up at preschool. I think it's a common parental worry. That's good worry, it helps us focus on our kids.

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#27 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 04:56 AM
 
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I once left our then under a year old DD with DH and went on an afternoon of errend running. I was getting over the flu the weather was hot and icky and I had way too many stops to make.. At some point in the afternoon I was driving and glanced in the rear view mirror and saw DD empty car seat... and totally panicked. I pulled over my heart was going soo fast thinking OMG I left my DD at the store! I honestly just sat there in total shock got back on the road headed back towards the last store went throug hat least 3 lights before it occured to me.. Umm DUH shes at home with DH!

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#28 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 05:33 AM
 
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Here's what I don't understand in all of this: This tragedy gets played out multiple times every year-- HOW is it that there isn't some sort of safety device/ alarm that alerts parents if they leave their child in the car?

Now that I asked that question, I googled it and apparently there is something already on the market:

http://www.emaxhealth.com/20/23649.html


Perhaps devices like this should be more widely promoted and used.
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#29 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 08:41 AM
 
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Coming from someone who slept a total of 3 hours per 24 hr period for the first 18 mos of my 3rd child's life (while also battling PPD and caring for 2 other very small children), I cannot see how a mother could forget that she had her child with her and leave that child alone in a car to die. Seriously. Forget to go to the grocery store? Sure. Forget to take a shower? Absolutely. Forget my own address? Yep. But forget my children? Never. I have to agree with the PP who said she just doesn't get it. I don't, either.
Thank you. I swear I say this to dh every time one of these stories comes up. I just don't get it.
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#30 of 70 Old 10-03-2008, 10:30 AM
 
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Yea.. I dont get it either. It is a horrible tragedy, and I get emotional just thinking about it. But wow.. I just, do not understand how that is done.
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