Letting the cat out of the bag - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 18 Old 08-16-2007, 07:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've told some friends, and my mom that I'm pregnant, but we want to wait a little while to tell the kids and the rest of the family...

How did you/will you tell your other kids and family? And when?
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#2 of 18 Old 08-16-2007, 08:01 PM
 
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We've been thinking about this too. Our plan is to tell our DS first, since he's part of our immediate family and also because anyone else we tell will inevitably say, "Oh, you're going to be a big brother!" to him. I don't think we'll do any cute reveals with anyone (although I love hearing about all the creative ideas that other people come up with), we'll just tell them the good news, probably the next time we see everyone!

I'm not one for waiting -- I figure that with everyone that I'd tell about my pregnancy this early, I'd want their support if something were to go wrong, so there's no reason for me to wait.

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#3 of 18 Old 08-16-2007, 09:06 PM
 
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Well, we haven't done anything very fancy, but here's how we've told the people we've told:

DH and DS: were both there when I took the test. ;-) So they knew right away. We just explained it as best we could to DS (age 3); we've talked about it with him before, too, and he seems generally positive on the idea of having a baby and being a brother.

Grandparents: We were all having brunch together at my mom's house before taking Donovan to his first baseball game. Since my due date is six days before my mom's birthday, I asked if she was planning anything special for her birthday. She said she hadn't made any specific plans, but yeah, huh, 65 is a big year... and I said, "Well, you might want to keep it pretty low-key, as we may all be fairly preoccupied at that time..."

Friend who is six months pregnant: Took my copy of "Siblings Without Rivalry" with me when we met up for some trains and ponies for our kids (her daughter is 4 months younger than my son; our next two will be 5 months apart!). Asked her if she has a copy or wanted to borrow mine when I'm done with it. Her friend who was also there said, "Are you trying to tell me something?" I said "Well, I'm trying to tell S something, but that's hard sometimes isn't it?" ;-) She finally twigs. (Other friend assumed she already knew, and this was just a way of letting everyone else in on the news.)

Still trying to get ahold of my best friend, who was in England until the other day and hasn't returned my message yet. ;-)
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#4 of 18 Old 08-16-2007, 10:16 PM
 
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So far only my husband knows and of course all of you online but we want to wait until I am about 12 weeks to tell the kids just to make sure nothing goes wrong.
I want to tell my mom, sister, MIL, dad and those sort of people soon but I have no idea how to tell them. None of them wanted us to have another baby and I know that they are not going to be excited like we are. It actually makes me sad about thinking of having to tell them so I am really hoping their reaction is different than what I'm thinking and they are happy for us.
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#5 of 18 Old 08-16-2007, 10:25 PM
 
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So far only the DH knows and one of my oldest friend who is an OB/Gyn (very helpful). I really want to tell my Mum & sister but am unsure how long to wait, or how to tell them or what. DH & I are going to Ireland for 3 weeks in September and I will be just starting my 12th week when we return (or there abouts) and plan on telling his family then - but figure since anything can go wrong in the first trimester we don't want to tell people too soon. Also, this is our first and his Mum will lose her mind (even though she has other grandchildren) and start shopping like mad (which we don't want) which is another reason he doesn't want to tell them too early.

Also, I would kind of like to do something fun when I tell my Mum. I'm the youngest and Mum has been waiting a while for me to have kids and didn't think we would start trying yet (which...er...we weren't).

Anyway, that's my story.

Melanie, Mum to DD1 (April 2008), DD2 (August 2010) and excepting #3 Feb 2012.

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#6 of 18 Old 08-16-2007, 10:42 PM
 
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I told my dh as soon as the line showed up on the test. DD is only 13 months old, so we will just be casual about it. Told my sister (who is living with us for now) because we are very close and she is the only other to know of our ttc plans. She is very supportive & non-judgmental. No one else knows and those who do are sworn to secrecy.

I want to go as long as possible before telling anyone else because I am the only one on my side or Dh's side who is giving them any grandkids and they are so excited about everything and want to be so involved in every little detail that it really stresses me out. Part of me wonders if my very severe m/s throughout pregnancy was related to stress.

My mom absolutely does not support my UP/UC choices, and the rest of them would be scared and I don't want that energy around me if I can avoid it. My dad was freaking out for a week before my due date last time if I failed to answer the phone cuz I was napping, or, you know, going to the bathroom.

The nice thing is that they are all very welcoming to the idea of another grandchild. My IL's are just counting the days until it happens, my parents will no doubt be happy (unless they catch wind of my birthing plans). When I do tell them, they're all going to hear that I'm due in May and hopefully I will be able to avoid the twenty calls the day I'm due, just to see if I'm "still around".

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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#7 of 18 Old 08-17-2007, 05:04 AM
 
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DH already knows, of course (it was pretty much the focus of things after our oops on cycle day 10). And I've told my 8yo DS, who of the three kids is the one who can keep a secret. We had a nice long walk together, just the two of us, a couple days ago and I told him. It was my way of rewarding him, so to speak, for being the way he is. (I don't know if this makes any sense.) He's very excited.

We've been waffling on when to tell the other kids and DH's parents. (The eldest has memory issues and will probably remember the big news, but not remember she shouldn't tell her dad and stepmom, etc when they call; the youngest, well, she's a total blabbermouth, so we know that once we tell her, we've told the world . So we won't even ask them to keep it a secret.)

I don't much mind friends, acquaintances, and total strangers knowing about the pregnancy, though I have no interest at all in sharing this part of our lives with my ex-husband and his wife, or with my parents. My parents, especially my mother, have been miserable grandparents to the youngest two, my mother to the point that I'm scared to leave my youngest two alone with her (long story), and frankly, I really don't want them to know. I have zero interest in having any input from them on it. The only way to accomplish that, though, is to say nothing to the kids, which means we say nothing to anyone else.

DH's parents, on the other hand, have been the world's best grandparents, always there for the kids, fun, happy, just all around great. We want to tell them very soon.

Last night we decided to go ahead and tell our other two kids tonight at dinner, then call DH's parents (I'm 5w5d today). Yes, this means people I want to exclude will know very early, but I'll just have to live with that. We don't want DS to have to keep a secret too long, and once my m/s ramps completely up it'll be hard to hide from the kids anyway. Plus my belly is doing some amazing stretching and I honestly don't think I'm going to be able to hide this pregnancy for more than another month.
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#8 of 18 Old 08-17-2007, 08:51 AM
 
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I told my doula friend first then one set of playgroup friends since we have an online board, so its easy to share. I plan to start telling my older (college) friends as I speak with them. I did tell my best friend in CA yesterday. My neighborhood playgroup and LLL girls, I will probably wait a month or so.

I would like to wait to tell DS since its still early and I do feel like it would be hard to deal with a loss with him. SO I figured we would wait til the odds are in our favor - 12w or until we hear a HB. But I figured with friends, I would tell anyone that I would be comfortable sharing a loss with, since it is still early.

But 12 weeks is so far away!

Oh and we'll probably tell the ILs next time we see them (a couple weeks). I was going to tell MIL this week but she was acting like an idiot and I didnt want to share with her.

Jenn, perpetually tired mom to DS(9): DD(4.5): DD(2) :
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#9 of 18 Old 08-17-2007, 11:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by BensMom View Post
Oh and we'll probably tell the ILs next time we see them (a couple weeks). I was going to tell MIL this week but she was acting like an idiot and I didnt want to share with her.
Yeah, that's kind of how I felt yesterday! I was all set to cave and then the in-laws showed up oh, 18 hours early, so I was a bit peeved and decided, no, we're waiting! :

Only one of my best-friends knows besides DH, and I'd like her to be at the birth, so I wanted to share it with her first. I think she's even more excited than I am! I have no clue how I want to tell the parents, but I think in general everyone else is going to find out when I hit 12 weeks or so with the exception of a couple more close friends. Unless I cave. Which is entirely possible.

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#10 of 18 Old 08-17-2007, 06:12 PM
 
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Well...DS was the 2nd person I told (DH was the first). I just told him I was pregnant and that he'll have another sibling in April.

We officially started discussing the pregnancy and what that means to DD (she's nearly 3) last week. I didn't want to get too far into it earlier.
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#11 of 18 Old 08-18-2007, 04:36 AM
 
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Well, we told the kids and DH's parents last night. The kids were all very psyched, and DH's parents were happy for us (they are really so great!).

Turns out DH did ask the kids not to tell anyone (eldest DD may tell her best friend) until we're out of the first trimester. We'll see how that goes. I think it just adds stress, because I don't see how either DD is going to make it another 7 weeks without spilling the beans; I'd rather they didn't feel awful for doing so. But we'll see.

DH still thinks we've told the kids too early, but I'm very glad not to be walking around with a secret anymore.
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#12 of 18 Old 08-18-2007, 05:10 AM
 
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Originally Posted by sadiejane08 View Post
Well, we told the kids and DH's parents last night. The kids were all very psyched, and DH's parents were happy for us (they are really so great!).
Was everyone totally shocked? I assume that they all thought you were finished. Did your DS have to pretend to be surprised?

Sarah, mother to Eloïse (5/2005), Lucas (3/2008) and Ilias (7/2011), and due with #4 (March 1, 2014)

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#13 of 18 Old 08-18-2007, 05:33 AM
 
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Was everyone totally shocked? I assume that they all thought you were finished. Did your DS have to pretend to be surprised?
Yes, DH's parents were pretty surprised. When they said "what a surprise," we just said, "yeah, for us too!"

We didn't announce the fact we'd told DS already, but we didn't hide it, either. Neither girl noticed his reaction (which was very smiley). I'm glad all the kids are happy about it. I was concerned that eldest DD might not be too happy, but she can't stop saying "This is so great!"
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#14 of 18 Old 08-18-2007, 11:55 AM
 
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I told my Mum & sister last night. I really don't want to tell anyone else though - my Mum & sister aren't in the same city so hopefully they won't blab too much - especially Mum! We are waiting until week 12 to tell the DH's family. My Mum & sister really want me to tell my brother but he & I live in the same city and I don't know how well he can keep this secret. I mostly told my Mum & sister since this is my first and I want people to discuss it with - if we lose the baby I would tell them anyway, but no one else. It's kind of frustrating. I will have to call my Mum later and REMIND her not to start calling all her friends (who live in the same city as I do - Mum actually lives here but is gone until October).

Melanie, Mum to DD1 (April 2008), DD2 (August 2010) and excepting #3 Feb 2012.

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#15 of 18 Old 08-19-2007, 02:17 PM
 
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I can't wait to tell dh's family. They will be so excited, my dh is one of 11 so they have a huge family and LOVE kids. My family is great and all, but my parents drive me : : crazy and I don't want to listen to there crap I just wish they would be excited and non-judgmental, and keep there comments about money to themselves. Don't spoil our excitement ya know? But Im sure I can't count on that from the,m :
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#16 of 18 Old 08-19-2007, 09:28 PM
 
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i told my local parenting group friends the day i found out. they knew we'd been ttc for a little while. of course, dh was with me in the bathroom when i peed & we watched the line develop together. i told his mom a week later, some people from my church after that. then i sent an email of the picture of the positive pregnancy test to my mom & brother. it took my mom a freakishly long time to figure out what it was, lol! my brother couldn't open the pic b/c of their firewall, so i just told him instead. that was about 3 weeks ago. i told my dad last week & he was a jackass as expected. at my friend's blessingway 2 weeks ago, she told everyone that i had an announcement to make, so i told that group then. now i'm at 7 weeks, but have become very comfortable that this is sticky, so i'm telling anyone. particularly if i'm having a "fat" (i mean bloated!!) day & want some consolation, ha!

i originally wanted to wear my friend's "knocked up" tshirt to church, but she was still pg when i wanted to. but now, maybe... (she just had the most beautiful baby girl last wednesday!)

~Rae
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#17 of 18 Old 08-19-2007, 10:31 PM
 
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Well we told DH's parents yesterday, they have always known that I wanted 4 kids so it wasn't really a shock to them when we told them. The thing that makes me a little sad though was that there was no joy in their voices just kinda like "again?" and no congratulations at all. I know it will take time to sink in and then they will be happier. I'm still completely paranoid about telling my family, I think my mom has known that I've wanted another one but she's still going to freak out! lol
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#18 of 18 Old 08-19-2007, 11:44 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BensMom View Post
But I figured with friends, I would tell anyone that I would be comfortable sharing a loss with, since it is still early.
That's been one of my big criteria. I am not close enough with either my parents or my in-laws to share a loss with them. Plus, I live in a gossipy small town, and I am definitely not comfortable sharing a loss with the entire town. I've told some friends, and I'm considering telling my brothers, but that's it. It is killing me to not tell my DD, but she's too young to keep a secret, so we wait.

When we do tell, I figure we'll just put a "Big Sister" shirt on DD and send her in to the room. Last time, we "told" by handing people a print-out of the ultrasound, but pretty much anyone over 50 had no clue what they were looking at.
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