WEEKLY UPDATE/CHAT THREAD *Aug 20-27* Come say HI! - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-23-2007, 05:05 PM
 
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Here is my crazy update...

Finally got to chat with the baby's father about this pregnancy. He decided to let me know last night for the first time that he is married, has been for a year. His wife is in the air force and has been overseas so this is why I knew nothing about her or even suspected anything. She is back now and he is moving 2000 miles away in a few days to go be with her. Then I got to chat with her where she informed me neither of them want anything to do with this baby, they don't believe it's his and that I better leave them alone. They just want to get on with their lives and they don't need me to "butt in". She claims the father has been telling me over and over to just leave him alone (he has not..until yesterday he was telling me he'd be moving to WI with me soon). In reality he hasn't said anything other then he can't handle being a dad now but I should "keep in touch". Now he is going to disappear and I will have no way to contact him or find him.....

Anyone know how I can find out if he's really married? A lot of this sounds made up to me which I wouldn't put past him.

Ally
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Old 08-23-2007, 05:49 PM
 
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Didn't you say he was living with his parents? Maybe you could talk to them. I'm sorry you're having so much trouble with the father. Stay strong!

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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Old 08-23-2007, 05:56 PM
 
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Hi paphia and thank you Yes he is currently living with them although supposedly leaving in a few days. I did email his mom last night but no response yet. In reality, it is unlikely she will take my side over his...I can only imagine what lies he's told her about me. For all I know she thinks I am a crazed monster out to get her son. When we met in person she seemed to like me but I know she was somewhat disturbed by our age difference (I am 9 years older).

Ally
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Old 08-23-2007, 05:56 PM
 
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Holy crap, Ally...

...I have no idea what to say... Im so sorry he's being a.. jerk.
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Old 08-23-2007, 06:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by PixieAlly View Post
In reality, it is unlikely she will take my side over his...I can only imagine what lies he's told her about me. For all I know she thinks I am a crazed monster out to get her son. When we met in person she seemed to like me but I know she was somewhat disturbed by our age difference (I am 9 years older).

Ally
I agree she may not be a support network, but if she knows it is her grandchild you're carrying and that you want this baby to know his or her entire family, she might be willing to "work" with you. That is, giving you honest information, perhaps being a liason between you and her son.

You should probably start looking into court procedures for paternity claims and child support. Also start documenting ALL contact with him or anyone connected to him - take notes during phone calls, print out emails, etc. He sounds ... not right... in his reaction to this news and I would worry he would try to manipulate you through custody/kidnapping down the road. So if you have to, get in touch with a lawyer and find out your rights and his in this matter.

Try and get involved with your community as well. You might find someone who you'd be comfortable rooming with so you could save on expenses. I hope all goes well for you and your baby.

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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Old 08-23-2007, 06:24 PM
 
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PixieAlly, I'm sorry you're going through such difficulty. However, I think paphia has given you excellent advice. You need to contact a lawyer and make sure that he doesn't make himself un-findable.

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Jen, I'm in Central Illinois, too! I'm in Springfield, where are you?

And I thought I knew all the MDC moms from Central Illinois--it's easy when there aren't too many of us.
I'm about 20 miles southeast of Decatur, kind of out in the middle of nowhere. I know there are some central Illinois pockets of AP in Springfield, Champaign-Urbana, and Bloomington, but I'm 75-90 minutes from them.
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Old 08-23-2007, 06:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by PixieAlly View Post
Here is my crazy update...

Finally got to chat with the baby's father about this pregnancy. He decided to let me know last night for the first time that he is married, has been for a year. His wife is in the air force and has been overseas so this is why I knew nothing about her or even suspected anything. She is back now and he is moving 2000 miles away in a few days to go be with her. Then I got to chat with her where she informed me neither of them want anything to do with this baby, they don't believe it's his and that I better leave them alone. They just want to get on with their lives and they don't need me to "butt in". She claims the father has been telling me over and over to just leave him alone (he has not..until yesterday he was telling me he'd be moving to WI with me soon). In reality he hasn't said anything other then he can't handle being a dad now but I should "keep in touch". Now he is going to disappear and I will have no way to contact him or find him.....

Anyone know how I can find out if he's really married? A lot of this sounds made up to me which I wouldn't put past him.

Ally
Oh my gosh, Ally. I am so sorry you're going through this.
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Old 08-23-2007, 06:33 PM
 
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[QUOTE=Jennisee;8979266]PixieAlly, I'm sorry you're going through such difficulty. However, I think paphia has given you excellent advice. You need to contact a lawyer and make sure that he doesn't make himself un-findable.



Thanks everyone. I know I need a lawyer the problem is I can not afford one and because I make (slightly) over $25000 (gross) in a year, I do not qualify for any kind of help...at least so far as I have researched. So, I don't know how to go about this....

Ally
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Old 08-23-2007, 06:51 PM
 
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Have you looked for a local Legal Aid office? Your local Social Services office should know of one, or any lawyers doing pro bono work. (Even if you don't get any social aid, they should still be able to answer the question.) Are you near a law school? They should be able to help you find free or low-cost aid as well.
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Old 08-24-2007, 06:36 AM
 
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FWIW, I'd let him go. I have a truly lousy alcoholic of an ex-husband who is the father of my first, and his continued presence in my life and my DD's life has been a source of great frustration for 15 years now. He was horrible and very scary when we first separated, though he's gotten better and better over the years, but he is and apparently always will be lazy, lying, and alcoholic. (Which is not to say he's evil--not at all. He's just a loser.) He still drags my DD into his arguments with me and lies to her about me. Trust me, some fathers you are better off without!

That said, I think it is a good idea to put things in place so that this man cannot come back later and haunt you. Sure, he doesn't want anything to do with this baby right now, but what about a couple years from now if his wife leaves him and he has no one?

Maybe you can get him to sign some kind of release now, voluntarily relinquishing his claim to the baby. Or at the very least giving you sole custody. He may be willing to do all that right now--and I mean before the baby is even born--to appease his wife. So the sooner the better.
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Old 08-24-2007, 06:48 AM
 
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Holy smokes Ally. Good luck, we're hear to listen!!! Keep us up to date.




Hobbies:

I like to read and make crafty stuff. I'm trying to learn how to make a certian type of journal but I can't get the time to just sit down and work on it kwim.

I don't have time for a whole lot more than that.

Lori, mom to Elise 6/06, Ivy 4/08 and pos.gif 12/11
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Old 08-24-2007, 02:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ally I'm so sorry for this added stress you are being put through. Just focus on taking care of yourself and growing that sweet little baby. You can do this, you don't have to figure all the details right away.

~Rebecca~
mama to a sweet girl , & 4 silly boys

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Old 08-24-2007, 07:07 PM
 
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wow ally! sorry you're having to deal with all this craziness right now. i don't have any advice other than what has already been posted. take care of yourself and your baby
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Old 08-25-2007, 12:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by counterGOPI View Post
yeah really!!!

i need to start my prenatal yoga..if only m/s wasnt kicking my butt!!

yoga really helps m/s though! i went in feeling nauseus (i CANT spell that word!!!!) and 1/2 into was so hungry i thought my stomach was devouring itself. next time i will bring a banana to sneak out and eat


so preg hormones have turned me into a raving bee-otch and my dh is out of town today...i feel like a yucky mama! so i am going to eat a billion french fries and hope it helps. and only 1 hour and 15 minutes until kids' bedtime--woo-hoo!
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Old 08-25-2007, 03:22 PM
 
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Just joining! Hobbies... I'm not sure. I knit, but often don't finish stuff. I like to cook, but that's more a survival skill. I have the attention span of a fruit fly when it comes to projects.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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Old 08-25-2007, 07:37 PM
 
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I just wanted to vent a little, but not start a new thread. I barely feel pregnant. I get uterine twinges now and then, thirsty and hungry, fatigued.. no AF... Last time I had so much m/s there was no forgetting. I get the what-ifs running through my head about ectopic pregnancy or a genetic defect that causes a m/c. I don't get emotional about these possibilities, I figure I'll wait and see. I am doing my own PNC, since I don't feel tests or scans affect the outcome.

I guess I just am wondering if these thoughts are a result of my intuition trying to tell me something. Or it might just be so early that I'm not feeling the pg yet... Or maybe I am just so relaxed about my decision to UP/UC that I am not making myself sick with stress and worry.

I hope the next 6 weeks don't drag on and I hope I start showing soon so that I can feel a bit more of a connection to this baby.

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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Old 08-25-2007, 10:46 PM
 
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it can be very hard to get excited this early. i have never m/c and i was pretty terrified all of last week, every little twinge and cramp and i thought was bad, bad, bad--and i worried that the lack of nausea was a bad sign too. that is wearing off this week (i am just week week ahead of you). every pregnancy is different. and like it says in your siggy, you're an attached mama, and you concern shows you have a lot of love in you for your children. the first trimester is hard, no big belly, no flutters and kicks......but that moment will happen for you, whether next week or those first flutters.....hang in there mama. hopefully by next week you'll be postin' here with your saltines and gingerale
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Old 08-25-2007, 11:25 PM
 
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paphia - I'm feeling the same way. I have a few small indications (I'm eating like a horse, OCCASIONALLY get a little nauseous, and am PMS-emotional), but I'm feeling very... normal.

And normal is weirding me out. I want CONCRETE PHYSICAL INDICATIONS that something is changing...

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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Old 08-26-2007, 12:34 AM
 
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Mamas, give it time... I hit 6 weeks yesterday and right on schedule I started hating food. I, too, felt pretty normal until about 5 and 1/2 weeks... that was when my boobs started growing and hurting, followed by the food aversions (my form of m/s).

Hang in there, symptoms are just around the corner...

Katherine, mama to Emma Kate (7) and Griffin (3)

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Old 08-26-2007, 03:16 AM
 
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I had hardly any symptoms with the baby I lost, so this thought is constantly on my mind. Tomorrow I hit 5 weeks. (I get to more my little heart-I'm such a dork to be excited about that) I didn't have any m/s with my healthy boy until around 6-7 weeks. So I think it's us gals at the end of the month who feel behind hearing about all this m/s talk from our earlier ddc pals. A week or two from now we'll all be sharing stories of :Puke and all will be well. (sort-of)
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Old 08-26-2007, 03:53 AM
 
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Yeah just hit 7 wks today and I was sooo hoping for super strong symptoms this pregnancy to let me know things would be ok. They got a little stronger this week but they are intermittent and the waiting is so hard. I don't have an ultrasound for two weeks yet which will be about the same time I knew I was going to mc last time. Its also my dd's first week of kindergarten that week and I sooo don't want to be unable to be there for her because of another mc. Stick baby stick!
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Old 08-26-2007, 12:20 PM
 
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Yeah just hit 7 wks today and I was sooo hoping for super strong symptoms this pregnancy to let me know things would be ok. They got a little stronger this week but they are intermittent and the waiting is so hard. I don't have an ultrasound for two weeks yet which will be about the same time I knew I was going to mc last time. Its also my dd's first week of kindergarten that week and I sooo don't want to be unable to be there for her because of another mc. Stick baby stick!
I love your siggy by the way. I hope my April flower is here to stay too.
Here's to sticky babies.
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Old 08-26-2007, 02:55 PM
 
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I'm here too with very little in the way of pregnancy symptoms. And also hoping for a sticky April baby! My m/s usually starts at 6 weeks, so I have one more week to do everything I was planning on doing for the next four months. Because once I start puking I can't do anything other than barely survive each day. Unfortunately for me feeling sick won't reassure me at all. I had just as much m/s during the pregnancy I lost as I did with the sucessful ones.
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Old 08-26-2007, 05:43 PM
 
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Ugh red spotting here today. I know several have just gone through this. I am 7 wks. Sigh. I still feel like I have some symptoms. Will I ever be able to "enjoy" a pregnancy again? :
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Old 08-26-2007, 05:55 PM
 
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, Mamato2. I'm sorry this is happening. Hopefully it's nothing serious.
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Old 08-26-2007, 07:19 PM
 
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Ugh red spotting here today. I know several have just gone through this. I am 7 wks. Sigh. I still feel like I have some symptoms. Will I ever be able to "enjoy" a pregnancy again? :
I'm so sorry. Is it possible to move up your u/s date a bit? For me seeing the heartbeat will hopefully help me breathe.
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Old 08-26-2007, 07:23 PM
 
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Well here (Canada) you have to go to a radiology clinic to get an ultrasound, and they are so backed up and overbooked. The first place I called wouldn't get me in until the end of sept, the second place was mid sept, and the third place put me in right before 9 wks. So I have two more weeks to wait. I'm assuming if I have a *real* emergency they would squeeze that in. Its definitely frustrating and its never been that bad before. If there was a private clinic that did ultrasounds I would totally pay for one right now!
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Old 08-26-2007, 07:41 PM
 
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Dumb question... when are we "supposed" to go in for our first appointment?

I'm calling the midwife I'd like to go with tomorrow... I guess she'll tell me, but if someone else wants to clue me in first, go right ahead.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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Old 08-26-2007, 08:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Dumb question... when are we "supposed" to go in for our first appointment?

I'm calling the midwife I'd like to go with tomorrow... I guess she'll tell me, but if someone else wants to clue me in first, go right ahead.
It really depends on the practice. I'm meeting with the MW I will probably decide to go with at 9 weeks and I will probably schedule an appt for 12 weeks. If you feel more comfortable going in between 8-10 weeks some practices encourage that. This is my 3rd baby so I'm fine with waiting until 12 weeks.

~Rebecca~
mama to a sweet girl , & 4 silly boys

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Old 08-26-2007, 08:45 PM
 
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Mamato2, hope everything is OK. Has your spotting stopped? I had it again today, . I did some very easy running this morning for the first time since getting the BFP and this afternoon I had mucus w/ a few red streaks. This makes the third time I have spotted and I'm 6w2d. I wasn't planning to see my OB this pregnancy (midwife instead) but am getting tempted to call and see if I can get an u/s tomorrow.

Hang in there...

Katherine, mama to Emma Kate (7) and Griffin (3)

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