thank you all so much for your concern. i apologize for not updating. i know i like to know what happens in situations like this, even when the outcome is not so great, as in this case. unfortunately, i had a mc on monday. i suppose i knew it was coming, and to be honest, i was glad to know something, one way or another. i know that sounds awful, but the NOT knowing was eating me up. should i keep hoping? or be prepared for the worst? that sort of thing. anyway, i had my hcg done last thursday and they were 17, 847. and again on monday, before i mc. that one came back at 14,xxx. my mw wants me to get the levels checked weekly until they are less than 5 and then go in for a 'bi-manual' exam to check that my cervix is closed.
this was a surprise pg, and although the timing was not great, we were getting excited about having a baby. i was scared, i have to admit, but i believe things work out. we haven't talked about whether or not we are going to ttc anytime soon. my original plan (though i hadn't actually talked to dh about it
) was to ttc when the boys were closer to 2.5. they will be 2 in oct. im thinking (again, haven't talked to dh
) that maybe in a few months we'll revisit the idea of having a baby.
one thing i am happy about (since im rambling and spilling my guts here anyway
) is that i at least know my body works now. i had to have a lap (for endo) and do injectable fertility meds and IUI for the boys. i was really hoping not to have to do that again, as the prospect of having another set of twins is a bit... yikes!! though i would do so many things differently if it happened. blah blah blah.
thank you so much for the support and concern. it really means a lot to me, and i hate to leave you all. i was really looking forward to getting to know all of you and participating in the swaps (especially the birth beads!!). i know i hated seeing mamas drop out of ddc. it always made me scared i would be next. i hope and pray i am the last one to leave. may you all go on to have happy, healthy and empowering pregnancies and births.