Spin-Off... are you going to find out the gender before the kiddo is born? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 37 Old 08-26-2007, 07:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH really wants to (he's the kind of person who can't NOT read spoilers if they're available online), and since I don't really have a strong feeling either way, I'll let him have his way on this one. He has control over SO LITTLE of the pregnancy process (after his initial contribution, of course )...

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#2 of 37 Old 08-26-2007, 07:20 PM
 
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I think a surprise would be fun, but I know if I get an ultrasound I woun't be able resist looking over and seeing what it is.
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#3 of 37 Old 08-26-2007, 07:21 PM
 
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We both wanted to find out with #1

I didn't really want to find out with #2, but let DH decide. We found out at an u/s.

This time we are not sure if we will be having a 20 week u/s. If we do we will NOT be finding out the sex and make sure to make that very clear to the tech. I really am looking forward to being surprised at the birth

~Rebecca~
mama to a sweet girl , & 4 silly boys

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#4 of 37 Old 08-26-2007, 07:37 PM
 
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We found out with our first and were surprised with our second...and I would never again find out. I cannot even explain how amazing it was to have DH catch the baby and tell everyone it was a boy!

I thought it was all hype- how great it is finding out at birth- but boy was I wrong!

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#5 of 37 Old 08-26-2007, 07:39 PM
 
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Nope, we found out with the other 3 and since this is our last baby I want to make sure this is a surprise.
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#6 of 37 Old 08-26-2007, 07:49 PM
 
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If we can we will, but if this one is uncooperative then we won't work too hard at it. We always have 20ish week u/s to check for heart problems. There are heart problems in my family and if goddess forbid there was an issue it would mean a huge change in plans for birth and immediately after.

Kristina mom to A 1/12 J 11/05 D 4/08 and tiny dude in late April 2010
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#7 of 37 Old 08-26-2007, 08:37 PM
 
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Nope, not having a US unless a real need arises.

~Marie : Mom to DS(11), DS(10), DD(8), DD(4), DD(2), & Happily Married to DH 12 yrs.!
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#8 of 37 Old 08-26-2007, 10:10 PM
 
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Dh really wanted to find out with #1, so we did. I got my way the the next two and we waited until the birth with both of my daughters. I really enjoyed waiting, but dh didn't. We will most likely try to find out with this one since it will be our last and I want to give all my boy clothes to my sister (due in Jan with a boy) if we won't need them. Although I suppose she would be finished with them by the time I would need them, so.... hmm, maybe we will wait!
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#9 of 37 Old 08-26-2007, 10:14 PM
 
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Didn't find out before, not finding out this time. (I think there's a thread back a few pages with a poll on this, too.)
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#10 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 01:35 AM
 
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I'm kind of tempted this time but I probably won't! We didn't find out with the first two and I had no idea either way what they would be. Well we thought my dd was a boy for sure for some reason but I wanted a little girl first so bad so I was pretty excited when she was born. It was kind of funny too because my midwives don't yell out its a... they wait for you to check. So I was all excited holding the baby and I was like "What is is? What is it? Its a girl!!" Its so exciting telling everyone too because no one has any idea. When people already know the sex and the name and all that the response isn't quite the same.

I have heard some funny stories from people who "found out" but it was wrong. My sis in laws friends were expecting a girl and bought everything and were super excited. When the baby was born the dad started hyperventilating "My daughter has a penis, omg she has a penis!" before letting it sink in that it was actually a boy.
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#11 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 02:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Mamato2 View Post
When the baby was born the dad started hyperventilating "My daughter has a penis, omg she has a penis!" before letting it sink in that it was actually a boy.
: laughup : laughup That poor father!

I was actually a "boy" for the first minute or so of my life. I was butt-first breech, natural delivery, and the doctor apparently saw my labia, which were apparently swollen from the birth, from behind, and thought them to be... well... testicles.

As my mom tells it:

"IT'S A BOY!"

*everyone continues doing regular newborn stuff*

"Wait, no. It's a girl."

My maternal grandmother, may she rest in peace, found this quite amusing and offered the doctor a lesson in girl-boy identification.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#12 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 03:24 AM
 
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Nope. We're hoping for a surprise-even though it will take some work to get one. My ob's office will be good about not telling-they ask about it at your first appointment and mark it in your chart whether or not you want to know, but the perinatologist's office may not be as good about telling.

My sister wants to know, and we'll have the OB nurse who does our u/s write it down, staple it, and we'll drop it in an envelope for her. We'll make the same offer to the grandparents and other siblings, but we've also made a "no blue or pink before the baby arrives" rule.

Why allow gender stereotypes to be applied this early on? We'll spend the rest of our lives fighting them, so what's the point of starting to apply them now?
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#13 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 09:27 AM
 
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Originally Posted by carriebft View Post
We found out with our first and were surprised with our second...and I would never again find out. I cannot even explain how amazing it was to have DH catch the baby and tell everyone it was a boy!

I thought it was all hype- how great it is finding out at birth- but boy was I wrong!

I LOVED this!!! How sweet, but when I mentioned it to DH he said no. He wants to know.

Lori, mom to Elise 6/06, Ivy 4/08 and pos.gif 12/11
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#14 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 09:42 AM
 
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I LOVED this!!! How sweet, but when I mentioned it to DH he said no. He wants to know.
It will be sweet either way! With our first when we found out, the U/S tech told Dh because he wanted to *surprise me* with the gender in his own way. The next day, he had bought our future daughter a little pink soccer jersey from his favorite team. and he got a little soccer ball that said "it's a girl!"

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#15 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 10:28 AM
 
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I'll have dh muscle test me for the gender of the baby whenever I start on the diapers and knitting. He was right the other two times but I didn't want to know until they were born. This time I want to know but we don't do ultrasound so I'll rely on that .
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#16 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 11:02 AM
 
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we will find out for sure...we have 2 girls and 1 boy so they are super excited to know what this one is...
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#17 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 11:05 AM
 
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Sex. Not gender.

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#18 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 11:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by talk de jour View Post
Sex. Not gender.
sorry but I am not sure what you meant...could you explaine?
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#19 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 11:25 AM
 
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She means that "sex" refers to the physical nature of the baby (male or female). In some (academic) circles, "gender" refers (only) to the cultural acclimatization of the person in question, or to that person's sense of him- or herself (so a person with XY chromosomes who felt like a woman would be of the male sex, but female gender). Merriam-Webster, however, considers the two words synonyms. Her distinction is thus incorrect (at least in the world at large).

Talk de jour, are you a member of this DDC?

Here's the main entry for gender:

Main Entry: 1gen·der Pronunciation Guide
Pronunciation: primarystressjendschwa(r)
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): -s
Etymology: Middle English gendre, from Middle French gendre, genre, from Latin gener-, genus birth, race, kind, class -- more at KIN
1 a archaic : KIND, SORT b : SEX <black divinities of the feminine gender -- Charles Dickens>
2 linguistics a : any of two or more subclasses within a grammatical class of a language (such as noun, pronoun, adjective, verb) that are partly arbitrary but also partly based on distinguishable characteristics such as shape, social rank, manner of existence (as animate or inanimate), or sex (as masculine, feminine, or neuter) and that determine agreement with and selection of other words or grammatical forms <Latin has three genders, masculine, feminine, and neuter> <French has two genders, masculine and feminine> b : membership of a word or a grammatical form in such a subclass <a Latin noun has gender, number, and case> <an English noun has, strictly speaking, no gender> c : an inflectional form showing membership in such a subclass <a Latin adjective agrees in gender with the noun it modifies>

Citation format for this entry:

"gender." Webster's Third New International Dictionary, Unabridged. Merriam-Webster, 2002. http://unabridged.merriam-webster.com (27 Aug. 2007).

And here's a secondary entry, not included in the main definition:

Main Entry: gender Pronunciation Guide
Function: noun
: the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex
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#20 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 01:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by talk de jour View Post
Sex. Not gender.
wow, I doubt she was tryingto start something over it. why are you?


either way, we want to find out, I feel closer to the baby when I can visulize it by the name we have picked out for either boy/girl
and we have 1 boy, so we are totally hoping for a girl!

2 kids. 1 more on the way. Cloth diapers, home birth, and boojuu is how I roll.

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#21 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 01:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow, didn't realize I was committing a faux pas. Guess I've been out in the bush for too long. Sorry.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#22 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 01:49 PM
 
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That's just it: you're not. And frankly, what difference does it make if you were? We all understood the question. Talk de jour's post definitely rubbed me the wrong way, I admit. Here's someone who pops into a forum she's never posted in before and leaves behind a terse, three-word correction of someone else's language usage *that doesn't add to the discussion*, without so much as a "mind if I pop in to point out something?".

Perhaps I was too snippy in my earlier post, but this kind of pedantry irritates me. Apparently especially when I'm in the first trimester.
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#23 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 01:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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LOL... I must be on an hormonal upswing, because I'm just shrugging everything off right now. Last night I may have burst into irrational tears. Right now I'm giddy and devil-may-care about a good many things.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#24 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 02:10 PM
 
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sadie jane - I appreciated your explanation. Frankly I didn't get the three word comment either and you explained the difference between sex and gender well. I have always used them interchangeably and probably wouldn't now that I know. Thanks!
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#25 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 02:20 PM
 
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sadie jane - I appreciated your explanation. Frankly I didn't get the three word comment either and you explained the difference between sex and gender well. I have always used them interchangeably and probably wouldn't now that I know. Thanks!
Yeah, me too. I used to be so particular about how I expressed myself but since I've had kids it's all I can do to form a coherent sentence, much less try to be politically correct with all the possible nuances of a word or phrase.

sadiejane, tdj rubbed me the wrong way too. I took a long break from MDC because I got all sorts of snippy comments like that from lurkers who would come out just to say what a horrible parent I was for even thinking, much less posting, about some of my mothering struggles etc. I got so flamed when I was just looking for support. I guess cyber space gives people the opportunity to be really rude without having to really face the consequences they would IRL.
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#26 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 02:48 PM
 
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We are finding out We are both quite.. impatient shall we say?

Rachel, proud Army wife to my superhero.gif and SAHM to my crazy boys jumpers.gif... Trevor 4/08, Trenton 6/09 and Travis 10/10
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#27 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 03:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by willemsmamma View Post
I guess cyber space gives people the opportunity to be really rude without having to really face the consequences they would IRL.
Yup... I follow the rule that if I wouldn't say something to someone in person, I won't say it online. It's so easy to forget that behind every username is a living, breathing, (in our cases) baby-harboring, hormone-laden, person.

Usually, it comes down not to what people say, but how they say it. I don't know if it's just the "casual" form of internet conversation, but people can be short, abrupt, terse, blunt, etc., when they might not otherwise be.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#28 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 04:24 PM
 
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Forgive me for attempting to hint that maybe you might want to use a more tolerant term, especially here on MDC.

You have no way of knowing what the gender of your child will be until they are old enough to determine that for themselves. All you can know is their sex -- what they have between their legs. :/

:

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#29 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 05:19 PM
 
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I would recommend that next time just talk about why you feel "gender" is an intolerant or less tolerant term. I think the briskness and - I dunno- somewhat intrusive nature of the post is what got people going.

I have no problem with non DDC members posting now and then (hey, Ive done it too when I see moms asking questions about circumcision!) but I think making it more informative would be helpful.

"Parents are simply trustees; they do not own the bodies of their children"-Norm Cohen  Martial arts instructor intactlact.gifhomebirth.jpgnak.gif and mom to 4: DD1 (1/05) DS (7/06) DD2 (5/08) DD3 (2/11)
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#30 of 37 Old 08-27-2007, 05:20 PM
 
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we started a thread about this already but liek i said in that thread we are not finding out the sex. we arent doing an unneccesary ultrasounds

Waldorf mama to Autumn DD 9/05 and my Spring DD 4/08 Winter baby due 2/11
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