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#1 of 14 Old 08-27-2007, 12:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi just feeling a bit overwhelmed and couldn't find the PAL thread here.

I just want to list some of my paranoid behaviors I had at of late.

-checking tissue EVERY time I pee. Once I check and their was only 1 tiny layer of tissue over my finger and for a second in looked like the tissue was pink (until I move my finger)

-my one sign when I lost my baby was I lost the hair you gain while pregnant. I was hoping it had something to due with weaning, but no such luck. So now I count every little hair that falls of my head.

-I also get a sinking feeling when someone else pregnant has problem-like I'm next.

I also was told to wait 3 cycles after my D &C but got pregnant right away.- I swear we were not trying. Not even a really active BDing.

Okay I had to let this all out. Better than pretending I'm relaxed. I'll try to envision myself holding a baby next spring...
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#2 of 14 Old 08-27-2007, 12:41 AM
 
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I'm slowly starting to relax on the inspect-the-paper thing, but really slowly. I hate the finger-pink thing lmao

I also feel like I'm next when people have problems. I just feel SO bad. Last time I was pregnant I was terrified so the only way I could deal was to process it in a "better you than me" way, and I still feel so guilty for that I feel like I've jynxed myself for an eternity, like I will always be the one who has to leave. And I don't want to leave.

For some reason this time around I am scared of late-term loss. The hair on the back of my neck stands up when I hear about someone losing their baby. I know nothing is certain... but man... it just scared the pants off of me.

I guess I feel that way because I feel like the baby is secure for now.
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#3 of 14 Old 08-27-2007, 02:29 AM
 
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I was missing the pal thread too. I don't want to overwhelm other mamas to be all the time.

Also paranoid tissue checker - constant! I was super cold with the pregnancy I lost and I've been really warm most of this one, but it is summer... I swear I notice every single pregnant woman out there and I can't wait for winter so I don't see them as much. Although when I get a bump too I probably won't care so much.

I so want to be able to tell my family about this pregnancy and give them good news! Yesterday at gymboree they had their new infant line out which is little peas in a pod and the sleeper had three peas in the pod so I bought it to symbolize my children and the third one on the way which will likely be a spitting image of its blonde, blue eyed siblings. It is my symbol of hope I guess.

Because my loss was an empty sac I never felt truly connected with it as a child, just an idea of a child if that makes sense. This time I feel more connected and really try to visualize the stage its at now and what's happening etc. Anyways that's my novel for tonight. Time to nod off I guess.
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#4 of 14 Old 08-27-2007, 02:31 AM
 
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I notice that difference with this babe too, more communication. I had none with my blighted ovum.
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#5 of 14 Old 08-27-2007, 08:51 AM
 
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*WOW* no kidding, it's like listening to my own thoughts reading these posts-i do the avid toilet paper thing and have set myself into trauma mode when I've gotten a glimpse of pink and it's only my finger! I also lost my last pregnancy and it was pretty awful so I have these fears that it'll be a repeat this time around-I've been poking my boobs to see if they are still sore, taking a moment to see if I am still nauseated...*sigh* Some days are better than others but the fear is still there.

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#6 of 14 Old 08-27-2007, 09:32 AM
 
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I'm trying to be calm about it. I know at this point there is nothing I can do either way. I do check every wipe, but I didn't have any bleeding with my m/c so that doesn't reassure me that much. I actually poas last night just to check, even though I KNOW that doesn't mean anything! I continued to test positvie for weeks after my d&c. I'm actually hoping I'll start feeling sick soon, although that won't reassure me either because I was sick as a dog right up until the end last time (15 weeks). And my baby died before it really began. The midwife said it died so early on it was reabsorbed. So I had all the normal pregnancy symptoms because of a placenta that didn't know the baby was no longer there. : I'm so scared that there's no baby there again this time. I'm really trying to NOT get excited about this pregnancy until I have confirmation of a good strong hb.

I do feel bad whenever I mention the m/c on the "normal" ddc threads. I don't want to harp on it and scare the other mommas. They don't need that. But the m/c and the fear is such an overwhelming part of the pregnancy experience this time that I can't talk about this pregnancy without my fears of another m/c coming up. I'm sorry you all are going through this too. But I'm so glad that there are others who understand!
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#7 of 14 Old 08-27-2007, 09:49 AM
 
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and more for everyone that posts here. I've been a paranoid tp checker since before I finally took a hpt at around 25 dpo. I was so scared of another m/c that I wouldn't take a test prior to that in fear that I would test and start bleeding soon after. So far I have yet to tell anyone irl other then my dh because I am still so scared. What is really odd is I know my mom would understand and might even be able to be a big help as she has been through this, but I can't bring myself to tell her. For now I over analyze every little twinge and feeling that I get. I know most people around mdc are against us, but I think in some of our cases they are worth the risk. I had a terrifying experience with my ds at 14 weeks. The midwife tried and tried for at least 10 minutes to find his heart beat. She could see the terror growing on my face and took me over the us room that the ob she works with had just gotten. I doubt most people could understand the relief I felt on seeing that tiny baby with a strong heart beat on the screen. Since we had no problem hearing dd's heart beat at 12 weeks I will have another us if things happen the same with a tilted uterus.

Kristina mom to A 1/12 J 11/05 D 4/08 and tiny dude in late April 2010
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#8 of 14 Old 08-27-2007, 01:47 PM
 
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I have a week and a bit before my ultrasound and I can't wait. I started spotting at 8 wks last time and lost my symptoms that week and knew it was over so it will be a really critical week for me. I just sooooo want to see a strong little heartbeat or know either way. I just want to know.

With my first two pregnancies I had barely any interventions, only essential blood work (no hcg beta), one us at 20 wks, and doppler at appts. This time I am doing a lot more even though it won't change anything, just for the extra reassurance.

Definitely obsessive about symptoms - I'm sorry jeosmom you had to experience ms for so long. My friend had that happen as well. :
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#9 of 14 Old 08-29-2007, 02:08 PM
 
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I posted this on the main PAL list but I haven't had a response yet. So I thought I'd ask you all. What do you think?

How early is too early for u/s?

I'm hoping someone can help me with this decision. I have an opportunity to have a free ultrasound tomorrow at the local crisis pregnancy center to help their new techs learn to read u/s. At first I jumped at the chance because my OB won't even see me until I'm 8 weeks. And an u/s would probably be at least a week after that. BUT, I'm only 5 wks and 5 days now. Would there really be any point to getting an ultrasound now? I want an early u/s this time around, but at 5 weeks I don't think it would offer much information or comfort. What do you all think? Would I be wasting my time and causing myself even more worry? (It would be an abdominal scan, btw.)
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#10 of 14 Old 08-29-2007, 02:25 PM
 
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An abdominal scan hasnt worked for me or two girlfriends of mine who were past 6w (I was so surprised because I just dropped my pants for the tech LMFAO, figuring I would get a transvaginal, and she gooped up my belly and I was so embarrassed sitting there naked from the waist down), so I'm not sure if you would see anything
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#11 of 14 Old 08-29-2007, 02:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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at 5 w 5 d you'd probably would Not see a heartbeat, but you would see a gest. sac. So it's up to you. A week from then you'd see the heartbeat and it would be really would it. Can't beat the price though, huh?


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Originally Posted by jeomom3 View Post
I posted this on the main PAL list but I haven't had a response yet. So I thought I'd ask you all. What do you think?

How early is too early for u/s?

I'm hoping someone can help me with this decision. I have an opportunity to have a free ultrasound tomorrow at the local crisis pregnancy center to help their new techs learn to read u/s. At first I jumped at the chance because my OB won't even see me until I'm 8 weeks. And an u/s would probably be at least a week after that. BUT, I'm only 5 wks and 5 days now. Would there really be any point to getting an ultrasound now? I want an early u/s this time around, but at 5 weeks I don't think it would offer much information or comfort. What do you all think? Would I be wasting my time and causing myself even more worry? (It would be an abdominal scan, btw.)
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#12 of 14 Old 08-29-2007, 08:24 PM
 
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Thanks for the responses. I've decided to go ahead and have it done. It's really more of a favor for them. I'm hoping that if I help them out tomorrow they might be more inclined to re-scan me in a few weeks. I'm just trying to prepare myself for the likelyhood that I won't see anything of value. I'm worried that not seeing a hb will cause me more worry even though I know that we really should not be able to see one yet, kwim? Anyway, I'll update you all after I have it done. Wish me strength to not cry when I get there!
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#13 of 14 Old 08-30-2007, 06:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've had some real m/s over the last two days. Not 'what am I gona do this is so horrible' more like I've just been eating plan toast and strong waves of nausia at times. I'm so excited. This baby just might stick!
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#14 of 14 Old 08-31-2007, 12:46 AM
 
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I had my free u/s today at 5 weeks 5 days. I saw a little bean-shaped thing WITH A HEARTBEAT!!!!! : I'm so relieved! I'm trying to not get too excited since it's still so early and I know I've still got a ways to go before I will feel safe. But still, my last pregnancy I never got to see or hear a heartbeat so this is just wonderful! I didn't think they had the equipment for a vaginal scan so I wasn't really expecting to see much of anything, but it turns out they did. They were so appreciative of me coming in to help them out with their training, but I was thrilled to be there. I felt like they were doing me a favor. It was a really great day. I haven't had one of those in a long time!
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