Doubting myself - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 02-09-2008, 03:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is completely and totally a pregnancy & exhaustion induced whine, you can skip it if you want.

I am completely and totally doubting my ability to do this motherhood thing. I know I've been doing it for 12.5 years, I know I did it as a single parent with a 1, 2.5 and 3.5 year old, I know I've done it with older kids & a new baby. But I don't know if I can do it anymore!
Last night ds (23 months) was in pain. I don't know WHAT it was. He cried and screamed from 11:30pm until 3:00am while I held him and tried everything I could to make him feel better. NOTHING helped. HOW in the world do I do this when the new baby is here and I'll be up nursing? The older kids are all grumpy today because they are tired from being woken up by ds's screaming. I'm exhausted and want to cry and run away. But ds needs attention, the older ones need me for stuff today, there isn't a single clean dish in the kitchen and when it comes down to it I'm in too much pain to run away because I can barely walk.

I just want to cry.

mama to the Girls (15, 14, 13) and the Littles (5, 3) 
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#2 of 5 Old 02-09-2008, 03:40 PM
 
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I don't know how you do it either, but you must have something figured out pretty well if you've been doing it for so long!

I'm sorry your ds is not feeling well. 4 hours in the middle of the night with a screaming kiddo sounds excruciating. Of course you're tired!

Hopefully you'll get a little time for rest today, and lots of sleep tonight. Maybe tomorrow will be better...

I wish I had something very encouraging to say...

Katie
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#3 of 5 Old 02-09-2008, 03:46 PM
 
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I don't know how i'm going to do it either. I just know that somehow, eveything always works out in some way or another. It's refreshing to hear someone voice my own concerns/fears/anxieties because it always *seems* that everyone I know has got it all together, all planned etc. When I feel overwhelmed and at the end of my rope and I share how I feel they all look at me like I'm a wimp and I just need to grow up and/or suck it up. Or they give me that look like, well, if you'd sleep train your babies or not be such a pushover and CIO, then you'd have a better frame of reference for how to run your days and your life/house/family etc.

Anyway, it'll get better. Eventually and will get replaced with other circumstances. Maybe it's not just being a mother that is overwhelming you, it's having to sacrifice everything about **YOU** for that baby in the for such a long time (I feel like I'm shackled for at least 18 months after baby is born) and you are ready to have some *me* space. KWIM???
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#4 of 5 Old 02-09-2008, 04:30 PM
 
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It's not just you. We all have days like that. I think one of the reasons I'm not impatient right now, is because I slightly freak out at the idea of having a baby again on top of all of the other things I have here...

You'll be fine, you just need some love and some rest!
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#5 of 5 Old 02-09-2008, 04:58 PM
 
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I think I know what you mean!

I have a very high need 3 1/2 y/o DD who still insists on holding my arm all night long (we're slowly weaning her from that and introducing Daddy as a comfort person).

I really fear being able to meet the needs of my newborn and my DD.

When the thought of it overwhelms me I rely on my spiritual faith and trust that I won't be given more than I can handle. So far in my life I've been tested to my limits, but never beyond what I can truly adapt to and have to trust that will continue to be the case.

I'm also planning to *not* try to do it all myself. I'm already prepping my older son (16 y/o) and my DH to learn how to meet the needs of our 3 1/2 y/o so that she can go to other people for help and assistance in addition to me. I've been teaching my DS to cook, so he can help out in the early months when it's so hard to cook with a newborn. (good prep for when he lives on his own anyway)
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