How to make yourself feel incompetent - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 16 Old 06-17-2008, 08:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just need some mamalove on this one...really.

We're still battling low supply, we know I'm not going to have a full supply, it is what it is. So she gets what she can from me, we've hunted up milk donors, we're supplementing reluctantly when we have to. One of the donors I found happens to be about ten minutes from me, so today I went over to meet her, and to pick up a stash of milk from her. I had Naomi with me and she was hungry, so A. my donor nursed Naomi.

I don't mind seeing someone else give a bottle. It's a bottle, anyone can do that. But watching someone else nurse your baby-what a crushing thing to see. It's the most incompetent, most disappointed, saddest moment of my 68 day parenting career. I did it because it was good for A. and good for Naomi, but I ached the whole time.
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#2 of 16 Old 06-17-2008, 09:09 PM
 
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Aww, that must be so hard.

Mom to DD ('06) and DS ('08)
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#3 of 16 Old 06-17-2008, 09:14 PM
 
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You are a strong mama.
Sometimes it really does take a village. You are doing everything perfectly.

Mama to twin girls Adele and Nadia, born 5/2008
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#4 of 16 Old 06-17-2008, 09:58 PM
 
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lurking here to ofer you a Your daughter really is blessed to have you for her mama.
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#5 of 16 Old 06-17-2008, 11:10 PM
 
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You are not incompetent; you are doing everything in your power to ensure that your dd gets the best start in life. Your dd is lucky to have such a wonderful mama!!
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#6 of 16 Old 06-17-2008, 11:20 PM
 
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Huge hugs to you! That must have been hard. You are doing all you can for your little one, and going above and beyond what many others might do. A. might have given Naomi some milk, which is wonderful - but only you can give her the most wonderful, fantastic, fulfilling thing in her little world - and that is YOU!
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#7 of 16 Old 06-18-2008, 12:35 AM
 
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You are a great mother

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#8 of 16 Old 06-18-2008, 03:47 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by treehuggermama View Post
You are not incompetent; you are doing everything in your power to ensure that your dd gets the best start in life. Your dd is lucky to have such a wonderful mama!!
:
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#9 of 16 Old 06-18-2008, 05:52 PM
 
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that brought tears to my eyes, mama. i can only imagine how it must feel to be in your shoes.

but do you truly realize how exceptional you are?! do you know what a small fraction of moms work *that* hard to get breastmilk into their babies?! i'm in such awe of mamas like you.
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#10 of 16 Old 06-18-2008, 08:00 PM
 
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Oh my dear, Im so sorry. But you are the most amazing mama! Mourn if you must but don't forget to celebrate yourself!
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#11 of 16 Old 06-19-2008, 03:33 PM
 
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I know very well the place you're at. I try and tell myself every day that this is such a short time in their lives, we'll have a chance to be there for them and nourish them in every other way. We do the very best we can - YOU are doing the very best - and we still love our children just as much as those who can breastfeed them full-time.

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#12 of 16 Old 06-20-2008, 04:39 PM
 
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Oh that made me tear up! I had low supply with DS and it was horrible. My baby is 8 weeks and I still question daily if I have enough even though she has gained well. Basically my experience with DS still haunts me...it is just hard. Although DS nursed until he was 3, during his first year I was never able to provide more than half of his nutrition from breastmilk. I tried literally everything, as I'm sure you have. The things that worked best for me were hand expression, the Whittlestone Expresser, and Domperidone. This time around I seem to have enough, but I did have a dip in supply at two weeks and we supplemented with a few ounces with formula. It was a devastating day...not only did I feel like a failure with DS but to go through it twice? ugh! Fortunately things bounced back when I increased my water intake and went back to the Brewer diet/much more protein and good nutrition. I'm not bothering with the pumps this time. I'd rather spend my time learning to express more milk quickly, than pumping then expressing and then cleaning the pump. I'm sorry you're going through this. It sucks. You're doing a great job PM me if you want to talk...I've been on this emotional roller coaster for sure!

Laura
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#13 of 16 Old 06-20-2008, 08:37 PM
 
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#14 of 16 Old 06-22-2008, 07:47 AM
 
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Oh, that would be rough. But you are so doing the right thing. I had horrendous low supply issues for the first 3 months with DS1 and had to formula supplement, I simply couldn't find a donor. It really is heartbreaking when they're hungry and you can't just put them to the breast and fix everything. But part of being a mama is doing the right thing for them even when it's painful to you, and you're doing that. :
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#15 of 16 Old 06-22-2008, 08:51 AM
 
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Erika, I first must say how amazing you were searching for a supply for your daughter. Unlike myself, I gave up and switched to formula because my son was literally starving.

You are absolutely amazing and to watch your daughter get fed prooves you are and even more so! As kjoy said, sometimes it takes a village and in this case, you and the donor are awesome!!
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#16 of 16 Old 06-22-2008, 03:28 PM
 
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I've been thinking a lot about you mama. many many hugs!!! i can't begin to imagine.
you are competent
you are loving and nurturing your baby the way she needs it - though it may be a bit different than how the rest of us are going about it.
you are a wonderful mama!!!
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