I lost my baby boy on March 6. I felt something was wrong, something was off, and I went into my 36 week appointment feeling a little nervous that I was in premature labor. Nothing prepared me for what happened next... they said there was no heartbeat. My little boy was gone.
I got my natural labor... well, almost. I decided to be induced that day rather than wait. They used cytotec, which I didn't realize at the time - I really didn't care at that point about anything. Apparently my body knew it was time, as it went into full labor right away. It wasn't that bad at all. I kept waiting for real labor to start (I had intended to get an epidural due to the circumstances, but I wanted to just wait until things got really painful before getting it). By the time I realized I really WAS in full labor I was hitting transition and the next contraction I was pushing.
Devin Alin was born still on March 6 at 6:58pm. He weighed 4lbs 10oz and was 17" long. He was perfect, precious.
My husband and I have been coping. I write a lot. We miss him so, so much. I have never felt as lost as I did those first weeks without my baby.
Devin was an IVF-conceived baby... and we really don't know what we're going to do now. We're "trying" again, but that didn't work too well last time. I'm hoping for the best, preparing for the worst.
Love and peace to all of you. Thank you for the birth beads. They're one more thing to put in Devin's memory box... one more thing to remind me that he really was here.
I saw this on new posts, and I just wanted to suggest the Pregnancy Loss forum here. I know that there are some wise mama's there.
Texmati-- Knitter, Hindu, vegetarian, WOHM. Wife to superdad and mom to DS 24 months, and DD 8 months! .
always missing our (11/04, 4/07, 8/07, 5/10)
Mama to 9 so far:Mother of Joey (20), Dominick (13), Abigail (11), Angelo (8), Mylee (6), Delainey (3), Colton (2) and Baby 8 and Baby 9 coming sometime in July 2013. If evolution were true, mothers would have three arms!
Love and healing wishes to you and your husband. I hope you get to give Devin a little brother or sister someday soon.
Peace devin...as you are in heaven...
Mama to Eleanore Rae, born April 6, 2008 & Adelaide Jane, born December 16, 2010, Cautiously expecting #3 September 10, 2013
I blog! Check my profile for the link