I dont know what to do! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 09:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I post this on the main due date forum, crying so hard i could nt really see where I was putting it

I dont even know the best way to say all this except to just say it.My dh has a BAD drinking problem,it has gotten way worse the past few months.He is 22 and has drank daily, mainly beer,for the 6 months.
Friday night he went out and didnt come home till 2 am, saturday night it was 4 am,sunday nigh he came home from work and feel alseep at 8 pm and started drinking yesterday,his day off, at noon.Then last night he had a friend have, drank beer and when his friend left he wanted to leave and go to his other friends house. We got in a huge fight and he said he didnt care what i thought he was going to his friends, i would nt tell him where the keyts were, he was way to drunk to drive.He stared walking.
When dh is drunk he says really awfull things to me,it breaks my heart. I cant stand this anymore.It is EVERY night.I leave for work three mornings a week at 6:30,i only work till11 and he keeps V till I get off then he goes to work.Lately i havent been able to leave her with him cause he is still drunk at 6am.
I dont know what to do, i really dont.He still isnt home. I talked to my mom, my brother and my sister last night.They think i should move back in with mom and dad for awhile.My dh's sister and her two kids moved in with my parents this weekend,she is homeless.My brother says i should think about moving into mom and dads and letting Leslie(SIL) and her kids move in with dh.I dont know what to do.I like my little house but Mine, V's and the new babys safety is more important.My dh has never laid a hand on me but my brother thinks it could lead to that.
I have tried talking to dh, his sister has tried talking to him.Their own dad is a major alcoholic and heroin user. I just dont know what to do.
What i feel worse about is not feeling the same way about this new little baby that i felt when i was PG with V.
Thanks everybody,
Kaitlin
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#2 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 09:39 AM
 
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Oh mama, I don't know what to say! I couldn't read and not respond though. I'm so sorry you're going through all this.

From what I read, it sounds like it might be good for you to go stay with family for a while and get some support from them.
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#3 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 09:46 AM
 
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Moving in with your parents dosnt have to be permanant. It may be the wake up call your dh needs. I would refuse him all contact with your dc unless he is 100% sober as well. He may get the message and decide that his family is important enough to get help.

I know it worked for my mom when my dad saw that she was serious about leaving him he never took another drink.

 
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#4 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 09:52 AM
 
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Oh, I'm so sorry you are going through this. But yes, you need to get away!!!! please go stay with your parents for your sanity and your child! It is not good for hi/her to grow up in that environment. Good luck!!!!

Dalila, mom to two boys, 7 and 5

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#5 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 11:19 AM
 
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I read a lot of posts everyday and only respond in my head. I, like the pp couldn't let this one go.

Please go to your family. If they will take you and help you, you are a very lucky girl! Some women have no out that they can see. Yours is asking you to come home!

I am a strong believer in marriage vows, but he is breaking his. Please take care of yourself, your DD and your new babe inside. Perhaps he will take care of himself when your gone.

I am so sorry you are going through this! My sister went through something similar, except without the children. She finally came back home and let us take care of her.

I wish you peace and love and, eventually, joy!
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#6 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 11:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you so much, I am going ot move in with my mom and dad. I just feel bad for my SIL 's little girl who has moved in with mom and dad. SHe has been homeless a long time and LOVES being at my folks house. If I move i there, they will have to move in with my DH, there is only one available room at my folks house.
I am so mad at dh, he is still not home. My heart breaks.
Kaitlin
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#7 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 01:21 PM
 
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Oh mama. I am so sorry and am sending a huge hug. I am glad you're going to be with your family.

You might also call your local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous and ask them for guidance on what to do.

A very dear friend of mine is over a year and a half into her own recovery in AA. It is a fantastic organization.
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#8 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 01:51 PM
 
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So hard. Yeah, move home. You've got a safe place to go.

Do you think your dh would be willing to go to counseling with you? Does he *want* to change?

Best of luck. Alcoholism is so difficult for everyone.

-Angela
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#9 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 02:25 PM
 
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Couldn't read and not give a . I'm glad you're moving in with your parents. and I hope he gets help and things get better.
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#10 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 02:53 PM
 
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I think it would be best to move in with family. Your DD should be in a safe environment.

I think you've gotten some great advice. I'm so sorry that you're dealing with this at such a difficult time.

Mommy to THREE sweet boys & ONE sweet girl + a newb due in February!  I need a nap. 
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#11 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 03:56 PM
 
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So sorry to hear you are going through a rough time. Once apon a time I was in a similar position...except that I kicked my DH at the time out. he went without much fight and we ended up divorcing. Now I am in a happy and loving relationship and finally (after 12 years of wanting) having a second baby. Nobody can tell you what is right for you or what you should do. Follow your heart and your head and be strong for your little girl. Unfortunately, addicts have to really want to change before the do it. Sometimes you can give them a wake up call and sometimes it doesn't work. Whatever the outcome, you will be okay. You just have to keep thinking about giving your DD the best life possible and taking care of yourself. My heart goes out to you.
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#12 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 04:02 PM
 
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Have you checked into Alanon? I have been in a similar situation - was for many years. Thankfully my DH is sober member of AA for just over a year now. I have also been going to Alanon for just over a year as well. It has really saved my life and sanity.

Best of luck to you. Look within and trust what your heart tells you to do. I will say a prayer for you.

Hugs and Blessings.

Christi
DS1(12), DD(7)blessed with T21, DS2(2), and DD2 - newly arrived 1/28/11
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#13 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 04:32 PM
 
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I've never been in your position, so I feel awkward offering advice, but I couldn't pass this thread by without a hug.

Me+DH+DS1+DS2+Dog=me and a house full of guys, which is really just peachy, thanks.
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#14 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 05:09 PM
 
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Wanted to pop in and give you a My dp is also an alcoholic. She was sober for 10 years before we met and started drinking again after her father passed away. We've been together for 4 years now, and have had some really difficult and trying times. Seems like it goes in phases, ya know? We'll go months and months where she'll drink "socially" and "responsibly," and then it starts to increase. We're in that increasing mode right now, and being 9 1/2 weeks pregnant doesn't make it any easier.

So I feel for you. My situation is currently not as scary as yours, but I truly do know how you feel. I would also recommend going to an Al Anon meeting. I know they have a website where you can find local meetings. Though I should be taking my own advice... I've stood outside the door two or three times, but I've never had the guts to go in.

I think moving out is the right choice for you and your little girl. Good Luck.
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#15 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 09:48 PM
 
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No further advice to add ... just s.

Mama to M (7/05) and S (5/08) my surprise !!!
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#16 of 17 Old 10-02-2007, 10:13 PM
 
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i'm so sorry.

you've gotten some great advice here. good luck, i'll pray for you and your family.
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#17 of 17 Old 10-03-2007, 11:09 AM
 
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Wanted to offer you a hug. I'll be back to post more later...

He who can no longer pause to wonder and stand rapt in awe is as good as dead; his eyes are closed.  ~Albert Einstein
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