dh and hypnobabies - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 05-09-2008, 02:10 PM - Thread Starter
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so... i have been doing my hypno babies rather diligently, listening to it daily trying to practice eyes open hypnosis etc... my concern is that dh has been so busy that he hasn't had a chance to read up on or learn what his role in it is. i know he intends to help me but my concern is that he won't have the needed tools when the time comes. at this point i could have this baby any time (soon i hope) and i am worried that he won't be prepared...

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#2 of 4 Old 05-09-2008, 02:32 PM
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I think this is pretty common; it's been the story for me anyway. A few weeks ago I finally convinced DH to at least read through the partner script with me a few times, and then that petered out. There's one thing I can get him to do, and that is to practice putting his hand on my shoulder and saying "relax" so we do that once or twice a week now, and that's it.

I think I've come to terms with it. I figure Hypnobabies is one comfort tool and DH is another, separate tool, and as long as they don't work against each other it'll be okay.

So maybe try that? Pick one thing that seems most important to you (relax cue, having him remind you to go to your special safe place, etc.) and have him support you in a way that works for him. Otherwise, if you're anything like me, you'll just keep stressing about it .
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#3 of 4 Old 05-09-2008, 02:46 PM
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I got a cheat sheet from one of the other HB mamas that I printed out to give to my doulas, midwife and DH. I quit trying to get DH to practice with me because he does not *get it* and I know it can be used with or without him. I did not write this, however I did edit it a bit because she used yoga breathing and I honestly did not know what it was referring to so I just took it out. Oh, you will need to edit it because it talks about my special place, and I need to edit it too since I am not having a hospital birth... however it is a great template.

Deepening Cues:
•Peace – this will strengthen my hypno-anesthesia and is a good thing to say during pressure waves and/or if I am feeling any discomfort.
•Relax – say this while pressing gently on my forehead or firmly on my shoulder. This helps to deepen my relaxation and hypnosis.
•Counting Down from 5 to 1 – Brings me deeper into hypnosis, great for refocusing.
•Special Place – Remind me to go to my special safe place (in a hammock on the beach in Hawaii).
•Open, open, open – Saying this can help the cervix to open.
•Bubble of Peace - This is a good thing to say when things are going on around me that are not conducive to the hypnosis process (when entering the hospital, if a nurse has a negative attitude, etc)

Other (non-hypnosis) things that might help:
•Tell me often that I am doing a good job.
•Remind me that this is a new baby and a new birthing
•Remind me that the pressure is a good thing that it is coming from the baby and my own body.
•Remind me to trust my instincts; ultimately, I am the only one who really knows the right thing to do be-cause I am the one having the baby.

To Refocus (If I lose the hypnosis completely):
Get me into a fully supported position and say “Release”. Then use one or more of the deepening cues.

If Something Unexpected Happens:
Change of Plan Script: Quick Reference Guide p33-34

If I am having back labor:
•Remind me to do the “Belly Lift” technique.
•See p15-16 in the Quick Reference Guide. There are verbal prompts on p16.

While I’m pushing:
•Remind me that anesthesia is coming out ahead of the baby’s head
•Remind me to “breathe the baby out” and to breathe naturally
•If anyone starts counting or otherwise “coaching”, you can go ahead and tell them to stop, because I’m not going to be paying any attention to them anyway
•keep an eye out for scissors - if necessary, remind the midwife that I’d prefer a natural tear

Remember to NEVER:
•mention “pain” or “hard work”
•tell me “this is going to be hard” or “this might hurt” or “this is the hardest part” or anything to that effect
•expect me to talk or respond to questions during a pressure wave
•do or say anything to remind me of any past negative or traumatic event
•imply that I am being selfish or doing things “wrong”
•let me become aware of any conflict between you and the hospital staff
•use negative language (for example, don’t say “don’t tense up” - say “relax”)

Heather: Mama to my amazing boys A-14.5, C-13, & M-5.5, and my sweet girl S-2.5 and introducing our little surprise Liam Michael, born 12/28!
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#4 of 4 Old 05-09-2008, 03:50 PM
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I took a hypnobirthing class with my first pregnancy with my dh and we did the work together and interestingly when I was in labor, I didn't want him to touch me or talk to me. I think he was so prepared to "help" and be fully present but my body just couldn't tolerate the contact or intrusion of being spoken to. I felt bad that he was left out but I was ok knowing what i needed and going with that. He was ok with it as well. His role became simply to hold my hand.

I had a similar experience with my second birth and he was prepared for that and was near me at all times and able to do anything I needed but I was in my "zone" and pretty self sufficient again.

So, be open to the fact that you may not need your guy to do anything than to be present.....or you may wish him to be very physically and verbally there. You just won't know til you get there!

"To err is human, to forgive, canine." - Unknown
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