Pity party, table of one - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 05-19-2008, 03:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I haven't said much here but I want to vent and I want to do it somewhere that my normal circle of people won't see it. I also get the impression you ladies will be rather sympathetic and picking your audience is important.

So I'm 39 weeks and 1 day. My due date is next Sunday. Next Sunday is the wedding of one of my husband's best friends from college. It's going to be in a town about two hours south. We've been going back and forth through the pregnancy about whether or not we should try to go at all. He finally confessed that he would really like to go even if I can't--whether that be because I am just not up for it at that stage of pregnancy or whether I have had the baby. I told him that I feel really crappy about being abandoned for this wedding. Especially because the guy getting married hasn't ever made much of an effort to be friendly with me even though I try pretty hard in his direction.

Now today there was another announcement of a bachelor party on Friday. My husband of course wants to go down. His best friend is in town for this wedding and he doesn't see him much and he really wants to go.

On one hand I know it would be pretty reasonable of me to say, "I'm sorry honey, it's just not ok for you to take off on a three hour round trip day long outing when I'm about 40 weeks pregnant" I just can't bring myself to do it. My husband asks me to do very little and he has so little access to his friends that it feels completely unfair to tell him that he can't go see them.

But dude, I'm going to be 40 weeks pregnant. Everything hurts. I'm really not up for walking around all day bird watching and looking at tide pools (I'm telling you--the bachelor party will be wild *snort* freakin geeks.) My feet have finally swollen up to a rather impressive degree. Shoes hurt. I feel like a beached whale. I can't sleep for more than three hours at a stretch because I have to go to the bathroom. Getting up to go to the bathroom hurts. I'm not friends with any of the people there so even if I did want to suck it up and go I would be sitting off by myself the whole time while watching other people have fun. I'm really not up for "putting myself out there" with new people right now.

So I told him that whereas I'm not up for the trip it's fine if he goes. And so I sit here and cry. I feel like I either need to suck it up and be cheerful or I need to tell him to not go and I don't know how to do either right now.

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#2 of 5 Old 05-19-2008, 03:46 PM
 
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I understand you're trying to be respectful of his wishes, BUT, I think he deserves for you to be honest as well.

Does he know how much you don't want him to go? If so, is he a poop-head for wanting to go anyway? (right about now, I'd think so... but I'm 41+ weeks... )

-Angela
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#3 of 5 Old 05-19-2008, 05:45 PM
 
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I wouldn't want him to go either. I could understand at 37....38....maybe even 39 weeks but I think you are completely right to want him to be there for you at 40 weeks!! On the other hand, you could go to 42 weeks : and then you might feel bad for him missing out??????

It's a tough situation, hang in there mama.
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#4 of 5 Old 05-19-2008, 06:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I told him at 36 weeks when we seriously discussed the wedding last that if he pushed things at the end I would probably do my martyr thing. (Which is: tell him to go because he wants to go but sit at home and cry.) I hate being the bad guy and telling him he can't do things, but sometimes I don't want him to go to things.

I don't think he is a poo poo head. I think this is a difficult situation for us cause we don't know when I will go into labor and he is incredibly supportive 99.999% of the time. I want to be supportive of him seeing his best friend (dude, the guy lives 2500 miles away and they hardly ever see one another) but at the same time...

WAH!!!!!

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#5 of 5 Old 05-19-2008, 08:32 PM
 
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i think you should ask him if he would be upset missing the birth? i mean that is a big possibilty. i would be furious with hubby too if he went and would cry all day in fear that i would go into labor and have to wait for him to get home. my hubby knows he can never be more than half an hour away from me in the last month. but he worries he would miss the birth since i won't believe i am in labor till transition.
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