anybody else a little paranoid? - Mothering Forums

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Old 10-17-2007, 08:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The internet is a fabulous thing, but I also think it is contributing to my paranoia. See, I'm very active on a different forum where I know a bunch of women who have had miscarriages. I myself have never had one, thank God. But knowing so many people who do just increases my worry that I will, you know? I'll be fine for most of the day, but then something will set me off worrying and I'll worry for a few hours until I am secure again. Today my issue is that I seem to have a lot of milk again, whereas yesterday I seemed very dry; I have a friend who had two early losses, and both of them were preceded by a sudden increase in milk supply. But she says it was sort of like returning to newborn engorgement, and she was able to pump 16 oz. in one sitting! Plus I know very well that DS was nursing like a fiend yesterday and the night before last, and I went way out of my way to eat and drink more today to keep my supply up, so those things should be reassuring to me. My supply basically seems to be back to normal, or maybe even a little more (but of course, DS nursed me dry yesterday, it would make sense to have a bit extra).

Anyway, it's just this paranoia. I wish I could just have faith in my body and in the world. I do, later in pregnancy and for birth, just early pregnancy is hard in this way for me. I was even worried with DS, and with him I'd been seeing an RE so we had the whole 48-hour hcg draws, then a 6 week and a 9 week ultrasound, followed by hearing the heartbeat at 12 weeks via doppler (and then I felt him move at 14/15 weeks). This time around it's more just taking things on faith, knowing that I had positive tests (I took one HPT with DS and have already taken maybe 6 this time!?), and the fact that I actually feel totally pregnant with food aversions and queasiness lol

so am I just crazy, or is this normal? And do y'all agree that "knowing" more people via the internet could contribute to this paranoia?
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Old 10-17-2007, 09:03 PM
 
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YES, it contributes and YES, it's normal.

If I could do every other day Hcg draws just to ease my mind, I would!!

And I was just thinking today, "gee, my milk supply seems a little better like Ellie's!" - eh... now you freaked me out about that!! And my back is hurting so bad I swear I'd take medicine if I did. (Though maybe it's my yoga over-zealousness with my bound positions - I don't think I should do those for a while, they always wreak havoic the days after! I think I just put 2 and 2 together.

So yes, I hear you. I wish there was some guarantee...

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Old 10-17-2007, 09:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh I'm so sorry I freaked you out!! aren't we due the same day? maybe we're just on the same pattern

I'll tell you this, I've always had menstrual cramps in my back (never in my front, not once in my life), but I had so many cramps in my back for probably the first 6-9 weeks of my pregnancy with DS. Especially if I stood for a long time, which I did at work. So I really think cramping like that is totally normal in early pg. Of course, over-zealous yoga could do it too
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Old 10-17-2007, 09:07 PM
 
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count me in on the paranoia wagon, too.

I've had a MC .. was my first PG, at 8-10 wks, and to this day, I think it was because I didn't wait long enough before TTC after I stopped the Pill. I think that stuff is toxic ... my 2 cents.
I was very paranoid with Abby ... since she was right after the MC. I don't think I truly relaxed until I saw her on the 2nd u/s.

With Rachel .... not paranoid at all .... probably because my mind was occupied with other things. I woke up, actually before my period was late, and said, "Oh boy ... I'm PG" My (now) DH and I had only been dating a few months. I had an excellent PG, probably because I was in the best shape of my life!

Now .. with this new bean .... PHEW! I'm worried about being "older" when I deliver (I'll be 35 when the baby comes). I worry about money, about where we're going to put all these babes, how I'm going to pay for Abby's Catholic HS education, all the sick people I deal with at work, etc. I think the bottom line is, for me .. I am totally in love with my DH, and my kids, and I'd be devastated if ANYTHING happened to any of them. I think the other thing is ... I am so happy, and have exactly what I want in life ... I worry that something will happen.

Time to hop off the hormone wagon, now ....

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Old 10-17-2007, 09:08 PM
 
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The internet is a dangerous place, IMHO. Not that there's not wonderful information out there, but it can definitely increase your paranoia, especially if you're prone to paranoia. I would give anything for a guarantee on this baby. I'm going crazy waiting until Tuesday so I can have my u/s. I'm also on and off terrified that we won't see the hb. Of course, I feel like crap, so that pretty much confirms that things are ok, but I have moments (even days) where I feel fine and the next day I'll worry. And then my night sickness kicks in and I'm comforted. And even that doesn't take all the pressure off because then we start the IC/PTL guessing game to try and figure out what caused the problem last time so it doesn't happen again. : Everything will be fine. Keep telling yourself that. I do - it does work.

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Old 10-17-2007, 09:09 PM
 
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Yeah Ellie we're due the same day... so yeah, maybe that's it.
Ugh, the paranoia for me gets worse each pg.

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Old 10-17-2007, 11:13 PM
 
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I'm in the same boat. I am so sick with worry! I keep questioning if I feel nauseated because I'm pg or becasue I want to feel pg.

This is a hard won pg. It took me and DH 29 cycles - the last 7 of which were injectable hormones and the whole bit. Finally on the 7th cycle and our 3rd IUI, we did it and are pg!

I'm SO afraid it won't stick. I'm terrified of my 2nd blood test on Friday. I hope I get good news!
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Old 10-18-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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i came online in HOPES i would find someone who feels this same way! for me, i think it's because it's my third pregnancy. my two others were great,and i figure i just "rolled the dice" again, kwim?
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Old 10-18-2007, 04:23 AM
 
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Old 10-18-2007, 10:57 AM
 
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I just want you to know that you're not alone.....early pregnancy is anxiety-producing!!! With or without the internet. Am I? Maybe I'm not? What I find particularly disturbing (and now I'm going to put everyone on the ceiling) is that you can 'miscarry' and not know for weeks....
We can all hold our breath together....
I made an apppointment for 9wks. I don't know if we'll hear the heartbeat but I'm going to have her try anyway!!
Also: I hate "lying" to people or keeping it from them....especially when I'm seeing them in person (last time I was across the country so it was easy). I'm not keen on spreading the news until I hear/see a heartbeat....that's just me though!
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Old 10-18-2007, 11:42 AM
 
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I'm with you on that, we are not telling anyone either. Except mostly b/c they'll be like, "Oh, another baby - uh... yay??"

I realized as I was driving to yoga class last night that I can have peace about that "witch au lait" - I felt the peace and realized I'll just not be able to control a single thing here no matter HOW much I want someone to stay - so I'm just going to pray, be wise and wait. I can either enjoy the time I have or worry it away and be anxious. Being anxious wears on me a lot...

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Old 10-18-2007, 12:04 PM
 
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Oh yeah, we aren't telling anyone for a good long time. I haven't even put it in my sig yet because I know some people here IRL and don't want it getting out - and I doubt they read every DDC looking for me. LOL I am not THAT paranoid!

I also know there will be quite a few rude comments.. After all I am having #5 and #4 is only 8 months old and I am 40, etc.....

The good thing is that I still have a lot of baby weight to lose from last time. I was actually just starting to take it off..Oh well.. But I already look about 4-5 months pregnant before I even got pg so I should be able to hide it pretty well for quite a while! LOL
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Old 10-18-2007, 03:56 PM
 
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I'm also feelnig a little paranoid. Mostly because I don't FEEL pregnant. Not tired. Not nauseaus, not even sore boobs like last time. I think I'd gained a few lbs at this point last time too but not now. I'm still nursing, which makes me more paranoid. I actually took my temp the other morning to make sure it was still up (it is). So I'm going to stop worrying about it.

We went ahead and told everyone (except work - I'll wait until after we detect a heartbeat so that if I m/c it doesnt' cause administrative confusion) figuring that even if things go bad we might as well celebrate for now.

Mom to James (ribboncesarean.gif 5/2006), Claire (vbac.gif 6/2008), furry kitties Calvin and Bob, and wife to Dennis. 

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