NOT having care for older siblings at HB - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 02-26-2008, 08:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My advice to newbie homebirthers with older children is to always, always have someone there to care for their older child/children when they're in labor. Not just for the "just in case" factor, but because it's someone who can get them something to eat, play with them and keep them otherwise occupied if it's a long labor. I still feel this way.

We've always had someone to fill this role with our 3 previous homebirths. This is our 4th.

This time, there isn't an obvious person. I have a few possibilities, but not one person I feel really comfortable with.

The more and more I think about it, the more and more I think I want a quieter affair this time. Previously, I've never minded a bunch of people - last labor, I had 2 employees working in the lower level during the entire labor/birth! When finished, they stayed to help out with taking photos, grocery store run, playing with the kids, etc, and it was wonderful, but....

This time, I'm thinking dh, my MW and her assistant, and our kids will be just fine. My oldest will be 12 and I know she's perfectly capable of attending to the food/care needs of her siblings (9, 6 and 3) during a normal labor/birth. If there's a "just in case" scenario, I have a close neighbor, my parents or my MIL who could be here in 1-30 minutes. I just think I'd feel better having people "in the wings" vs. "in my face" this time.

Am I crazy to put this responsibility on my 12 year old who's not very comfortable with birth? Am I going to miss photos? I've always liked them in the past. What about hiring a professional who's not really involved instead? If the MW's aren't busy, I'm sure they'd snap some shots, but I want shots of the actual birth when everyone will be busy.

WWYD?
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#2 of 8 Old 02-26-2008, 09:07 PM
 
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I tend to want the least amount of people as I can get away with. Maybe you could talk with your 12 year old about how she feels about it. As for pics, I am debating pics with this birth. I never had them before and I think it would be cool, but at the same time i struggle with that meaning another person in the room.
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#3 of 8 Old 02-26-2008, 09:10 PM
 
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If your 12 year old is comfortable taking care of the littler ones I see no problem with your situation. Maybe you could arrange that if she is really uncomfortable she can take the little ones to the neighbours for a bit?

Do you have a tripod and a camera that does delay settings? You can set our camera to take a pic every 10 minutes....that might solve your pic issue. I don't think I would personally want an unknown photographer at my birth.

Vanessa belly.gif, wife to Kev , mama to Byron (5) wild.gif and Billie (2) and  due in June
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#4 of 8 Old 02-26-2008, 09:46 PM
 
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Yeah, that's a tough one...

I'm feeling an increasingly strong urge to birth entirely alone this time. I know that, for me, that isn't actually realistic, but I'm really struggling with the desire. It just feels so right.

I second the idea about having the camera in the corner... I want to *see* myself birth this time, so I'm planning on recording the birth that way.

If your dd is uncomfortable with birth, maybe focusing on taking care of the sibs will actually help her out. She'd still be close enough to be part of the process, but she won't have that deer-in-the-headlights, don't know where to look or what to do thing going on, if YKWIM?

Let us know how you work this out!
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#5 of 8 Old 02-26-2008, 09:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BlueMoonBean View Post
If your dd is uncomfortable with birth, maybe focusing on taking care of the sibs will actually help her out. She'd still be close enough to be part of the process, but she won't have that deer-in-the-headlights, don't know where to look or what to do thing going on, if YKWIM?

Let us know how you work this out!
This is actually a really good point! I seriously need to sit down and discuss this with dh. This has all been coming to me slowly the last several weeks and I think it's time we talked.

I also have a good friend who loves to take pics. She's one of the people who could watch the kids, but I think having her come just to take pics and only if it works out will be good. We've always had birth photos. I can't imagine not doing them, but I'd like it to be a fly on the wall this time! We do have a tripod (always videoed the birth with it) - not sure if my camera will take staggered photos, but I'm going to check!
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#6 of 8 Old 02-26-2008, 11:18 PM
 
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I'm the same way. I really don't want anyone else at the birth. LOL Except hubby , midwife, and birth assistant(and kids if they want!). But having no family or anyone really that close around, I feel like we should have SOMEONE here in case of an emergency transfer. I have two friends who want to come who I told have to help with the kids and/or take pictures but now I'm kinda wishing I hadn't told anyone they can come. LOL BUt I'm super paranoid about what in the world we'd do in a transfer situation. I'd hate to have no one to help with the kids!!

I wish I still lived near family and close friends. Last time my sister and best friend were there.... I wish they could be here again but we live 6 hours away now.
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#7 of 8 Old 02-27-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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I have no plans for anyone to watch my kids, they will be as follows at the birth: 8.5, 4.5, and 2.5. I am kind of counting on this birth to be fast (our last one was 2.5 hours). And at the worst, we can turn on the television for the kids. And my oldest can grab fruit, cheese and crackers for them. I just am not concerned about it. I guess where it would be problematic, is if we had to transfer.

My husband is soooo against having a doula. Last time our doula was only there for about 15 minutes of the birth. It was not her fault at all but just the reality of an unexpected fast birth. Also, he is awesome labor support -- I don't really need one for labor support. But I am trying to convince him.
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#8 of 8 Old 02-27-2008, 01:27 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by JustVanessa View Post
If your 12 year old is comfortable taking care of the littler ones I see no problem with your situation. Maybe you could arrange that if she is really uncomfortable she can take the little ones to the neighbours for a bit?
Great suggestion.
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