How to let people know where you are registered Gracefully? - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-05-2008, 05:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So there are very few things I need for this little on, but from my last two kids I have learned that people will give you the most useless things. So how do I tactfully let people know where we are registered? I have a main stream registry with a few crunchy things on it (target) and one with more things but not mainstream so probably hard to find (papoosebaby.com) Any ideas would be appreciated.

: mom of Gavin Rhain and Grant, Doula
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Old 06-05-2008, 05:06 PM
 
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*barge from another DDC*

Honestly, especially given that this isn't your first kid, I don't think it would be polite to actively tell anyone about your registry. I think gifts and a registry are only assumed for a first kid...not everyone does it for subsequent kids.

If anyone asks *you* what you want, you could tell them then, "I'm registered at XY and Z." But if they don't ask, I wouldn't say anything. You can always return unwanted gifts.

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Old 06-05-2008, 05:09 PM
 
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I agree with the PP - but wanted to add that you should let your immediate family (including your parents and possibly your in-laws) know that if anyone asks THEM what you and/or baby might need or want, that would also be an appropriate time to spread the word that you have a few things you're registered for at X Y and Z stores.

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Old 06-05-2008, 05:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Katielady View Post
*barge from another DDC*

Honestly, especially given that this isn't your first kid, I don't think it would be polite to actively tell anyone about your registry. I think gifts and a registry are only assumed for a first kid...not everyone does it for subsequent kids.

If anyone asks *you* what you want, you could tell them then, "I'm registered at XY and Z." But if they don't ask, I wouldn't say anything. You can always return unwanted gifts.
I would absolutely not ask for gifts from anyone, but with #2 I did not ask and did not tell anyone what kind of things we wanted. People still gave gifts minus the tags, so no way to return them. and unfortunately they were never used and it felt horribly wasteful.

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Old 06-05-2008, 06:33 PM
 
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Why is it that people can't ask for gifts with a second child?? I don't see the problem, especially since the second child is its own person and deserves to be celebrated as much as the first. Our neighbors are throwing us a shower and we told people that no gifts are required BUT if they do want to give us gifts we asked for a frozen meal for the post partum time OR a week's worth of diaper service. I don't see any problem with telling people what you want, but maybe that is just me.

Jacqueline
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Old 06-05-2008, 06:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamatosaskia View Post
Why is it that people can't ask for gifts with a second child?? I don't see the problem, especially since the second child is its own person and deserves to be celebrated as much as the first. Our neighbors are throwing us a shower and we told people that no gifts are required BUT if they do want to give us gifts we asked for a frozen meal for the post partum time OR a week's worth of diaper service. I don't see any problem with telling people what you want, but maybe that is just me.

Jacqueline

You can absolutely ask people for gifts with a second child -- but just be aware that you likely will receive a lot of negative reactions. I believe the rationale for a shower is to give a new mom the material things she will need in order to welcome her first child. People usually don't need new strollers, clothes, bottles, etc. every time they have a kid. That's why to most people, asking for more gifts just looks tacky. Sorry!

All that being said, there is nothing to stop you from throwing a party to celebrate your 2nd child. Just make it crystal clear that no gifts are expected and I think you're in the clear.
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Old 06-05-2008, 07:41 PM
 
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Heh, well, I didn't bother registering this time because the last three times I've tried it, it was a miserable failure. One wedding, two baby. Who needs bed sheets when you can have a crystal chess set? Or who needs a baby car seat when you can get an entire cart of lotions and tiny receiving blankets that are useless for swaddling? *sigh* So we've been firmly put in our place that hubby and I are on our own with every single thing.

Other people don't seem to have that experience though. Who knows.

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Old 06-05-2008, 08:07 PM
 
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I've NEVER had a registry... I don't have any strong convictions about it on the whole...but I've never been one to ask for things... When people did ask and insisted I let them know what I needed, but always made sure it was something affordable.

I've had two baby showers (baby 1 & 2) but they were both thrown for me, the second being a total surprise.

In my honest opinion I think its faux pas to offer your registry details unless asked, also I think its bad etiquitte to include the information in baby shower announcements.

I think baby gifts are just that...gifts, not requirements.
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Old 06-05-2008, 08:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by RainRaven View Post
I would absolutely not ask for gifts from anyone, but with #2 I did not ask and did not tell anyone what kind of things we wanted. People still gave gifts minus the tags, so no way to return them. and unfortunately they were never used and it felt horribly wasteful.
I hear ya. I always feel badly when I get gifts I can't return and can't use.

I think it's more that if you tell people about your registry, it sets up this assumption that they're going to get you a gift at all, when maybe they weren't planning to. That's all. So you don't want to call up Aunt Sally and say "hey by the way, if you want to know what to get us we're registered at BRU!" because maybe she wasn't planning on getting anything, or just sending a cute onesie or something. But if Aunt Sally calls and says "what do you need for the new baby?" you could tell her about the registry then.

Eh, people are pretty much going to get what they're going to get, regardless of what you do. You'd be surprised what the big box stores will take though, even without a gift receipt. If they carry it at all, they'll often take it from you and just give you a store credit.

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Old 06-05-2008, 10:42 PM
 
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If they carry it at all, they'll often take it from you and just give you a store credit.
Not anymore! We went through this at Christmas with Target and Toys 'R Us -- our kids were sent some things by clueless relatives (not being ungrateful, but they really are...these are people close enough that they should 'know' our kids better than that and send things some years and not others, etc...always strings attached and we'd prefer they just stay away, quite honestly)... And BRU even gave my DH a horrible time about a warranted return (WITH a receipt) not too long ago -- well, the nasty manager on call that day did anyway.

Nobody ever threw me a baby shower while pregnant until, surprise, our new"er" church insisted this time (we just moved here last year and this is baby #5). I didn't ask for anything, but was really humbled at the outcome. I did receive several things I don't need without gift receipts. That's where ebay or 'paying it forward' comes in handy. IMO, nothing was expected, so I dealt with it. I know where some of the things came from, but, alas, no receipt = not so easy anymore...and they're fully packaged and perfectly new and everything. I spent a looooooong time writing up all of the thank-you notes - wow! The graciousness was overwhelming. I agree that every child should be celebrated; however, my DH and I (even through some very tough times) have handled most of the big needs one way or the other. That's fine; we're the parents. It was hurtful over the years seeing literally everyone else in my family have amazing baby showers thrown for them though - first or not. Oh well...
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Old 06-05-2008, 11:08 PM
 
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I would tell someone if I was asked. Other than that, no.

I don't really need to worry about it though....no one threw me a shower last time and no one will this time. My family who lives here isn't into that kind of thing and my friends all don't know each other excpet through me. Eh....don't really need anything anyways, except CD which I wouldn't get because you can't buy them here at all.

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Old 06-05-2008, 11:58 PM
 
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We are on baby 2. I thought an Amazon wishlist was a good way to go - the ILs already go there for b-day and x-mas presents. I just mentioned in a "family update" email that we didn't need much for the baby but that I did have a couple things on a wishlist for the baby. We'll see if it worked. I really hate asking for things too, but I've learned what happens when I'm not specific about what we need....
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